Friday, November 5Post #100.
No earth-shattering problems, no ugly messes and no lawyers. No fist fights in voter lines, no fires, no tear gas, no civil war and not a single protest. No hanging chads, no effigy, no duels to the death and again, no recount. We all expected a disaster on November 2. We got much worse.
So what happened?
Well, a lot of things. First off, the ballot intimidation happened in the cases of both parties, and octogenarians can't figure out a touch-screen ballot regardless of their political affiliation. I'll call that excuse a wash. People waited in line for up to 10 hours in Ohio, and it wasn't just Liberals who decided they were better off at home with a bottle of Killian's Red. I will also call that a draw. In fact, the result was almost identical to the result of the 2000 election, only this time Bush was more of a clear winner. Buh?
Here's where we went wrong. Once again, I will squarely blame my generation. Didn't P. Diddy tell you he would kill you if you didn't vote? Weren't you afraid of what Puffy was going to do to you? Haven't you seen his faux-hawk?
20 Million Loud! Rock the Vote! Choose or Lose! This was supposed to be the year that the youth decided the election. Not only did the numbers for the "youth" remain unchanged since 2000, the votes went the exact same way as well. The Christian, tie-wearing Republican youth showed up in droves. They waited patiently in line, quoting scripture and having many children. The Secular, hoodie-wearing Democratic youth must have thought that Puffy was going to vote 20 million times FOR them. It's a common misconception. Way to go. I lost faith in my generation years ago, but I decided to put some stock into them this year. Well, we all decided to put stock in them, and any chance they had to make their voiced heard went up in a cloud of pot smoke. Of course, I'm being very stereotypical and downright wrong, but who else are you going to blame? The truth is that we all did what we were supposed to do, and there just weren't enough of us at the polls. We still might be the majority, but the majority doesn't mean anything when you don't do your job. I've picked apart these stats for days now, and I don't know how else to say it. The year of the revolution turned out to be the year of more of the same.
Let's move on, because we have a lot to talk about. I could parade around my new catchphrase, "The Youth Sucks!", but we honestly tried and there weren't enough of us to swing the polls. I prefer the tried and true catchphrase, "The South Sucks!", because it's 100 percent true and I can't say it enough. As the projections kept coming in, I was praying out loud that the entire center of the United States would be sucked into a fiery abyss, leaving only the blue-colored crust behind. Of course, this never happened. Then again, I was watching Fox News for some of the night, so if it did happen I wouldn't have known. The "Heartland" again decided another election, while the "Communists" and the "Purveyors of Evil" slinked back into their trendy condos and glittery abortion clinics. We should have known better than to mess with people who have gun racks bolted in their trucks.
I used to live in the "Heartland". I used to work at a gas station so deep in the middle of red territory, that slavery was openly discussed over coffee and cigarettes. "Personally, I think everyone should be able to own 1 or 2 of 'em", one would say. The other would nod somberly, as if they were born just a few centuries too late. I am by no means proud of this, in fact, it's deeply saddening. The best part about living in Larsen was that there were homosexuals, transvestites and folks with AIDS living right next to the gas station that nobody seemed to care about. To call all Republicans hypocrites would be a dangerous generalization, but hey, I just said it. The farmers and religious right will proclaim this victory as jubilantly as they would cheer the second coming, and some believe that Bush IS the second coming. Sadly, the farmers will lose more money and land as the years roll on, wondering why this is happening, and never stopping to question their leader. My hypothesis is that farmers know damn well that Bush is terrible for them, but they like to complain so much that voting for change might kill them. Spending the majority of my life around farmers, I know for a fact that they are the biggest group of babies on the planet. For how hard they work, and how humble our projections of them are, they will all but have a tantrum at the drop of a straw hat. You know how much Republicans value tradition, though. Good old American values, like lynching niggers and faggots, and beating women for speaking out of turn. Who are we to change what this country was built on? How dare we interrupt the steady downward slope of history? But I digress.
To unite or to divide further? That's the big question now. I've been talking to hoards of co-workers and friends about this topic, and they remain certain that they will never attempt to unite with the kinds of people who would put this guy into office. I'm prone to agree, but for what outcome? After September 11, we had never been as united as we were then. 3 years later, this place is taking sides and looking for an ass to kick. If you don't think we could start a war within our own country, with our own people, then you have no concept of reality or history. It can happen again, and the flames are only getting hotter.
People asked me if I was angry when I saw Bush win. I wasn't angry, I was terrified. I was instantly terrified for my friends and (most of) my family, because it meant that what we believed was in jeopardy. We have a chance to go backwards in history in a very short amount of time. The Senate gained a lot of Republicans, and Democratic rights and freedoms hang in the air. This may sound great to a number of people who are against women's rights, civil liberties, decent health care and overall peace, but it's pretty grim for the rest of us.
Oh, that's another thing. I don't want to get drafted. I don't feel like dying or deserting for something hardly anyone believes in. I swear to Christ (or George Bush, if you prefer), if I get killed as a direct result of this fictional war, I'll stop at nothing to see to it that my corpse is mailed in pieces to the Oval Office. The same goes for anyone I know. I'd be happy to fight in a war that I believe in, and if he reinstates the draft due to poor planning, I'll certainly fight to overthrow his entire cabinet. Thanks to the Patriot Act, I'll be visited by the Secret Service for that previous remark. Don't you feel safer?
Let's get positive for a second here, because a few good things did come out of this election. First off, Wisconsin went to Kerry. This means that if you live in Wisconsin and voted for Bush, it mattered none. It's a small victory, but I'll take it. Secondly, Dane county went 100% for Kerry, and that was the reason he won the state. I love it here, and I'm not moving anytime soon. Also, Tammy Baldwin and Russ Feingold took care of their challengers, and will continue to make Wisconsin an amazing state to live in. Sure, the taxes are high, but we don't have tollways and our streetlights work. Russ should run for President, because he's a wonderful senator. I loved the way he dispatched Tim (I ran a construction company) Michels during the debates, reducing him to the likes of a whimpering child. Come to think of it, that's what John Kerry did to Bush 3 times. In fact, the entire Northeast voted for Kerry. I was very proud to see that little cluster of blue in amongst the sweaty, inbred filth of the red. (People from the south cannot read, and refuse to bathe.)
(The following fact was taken from MichaelMoore.com without permission:)
Most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the candidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the total number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore. Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for a trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for the first time since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has always been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news. What IS news is that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact, that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the mainstream media, the ones who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November 2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they don't. We'll need the element of surprise in 2008.
Some people say that you get what you deserve. I tell them to get the hell out of my house, because I never asked for any of this. I mean, how much does it take before the beaten finally rise up and do something. That's what was supposed to happen this year! Instead, the religious right came out and solidified their stranglehold on progress. When people tell me that there's nothing that can be done now, and we should stand together and unite, I cannot believe what I'm hearing.
You know what I say?
This is my 100th post at the CDP. That, coupled with my newfound rage, has inspired me to do something I should've done a long time ago. As of today, I'm launching Boycott Unity. This is an outlet for what we are feeling and what we feel should be done about it. I want this page to go back to what it once was, primarily a humor, essay and satire site. Boycott Unity will be where you go when you want to vent about what's happening around you. Once again, to clarify:
The best part about the new page is that it's 100% interactive. Say whatever you want, share news you've found, or ideas you want to discuss. Post in the comments, or e-mail them to me, and I'll post it. I want it to be a voice for everyone who wants to speak. A collective against the "majority", refusing to accept what has and will happen to this great country. Please go there, give me suggestions, and start ranting! With that, this is the last political post the CDP will ever see.
It's never over, people.
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