Wednesday, June 8

I Don't Dream Good.

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Having to sleep in the blistering heat lends itself to memorable, bizarre dreams. The constant waking and nodding off keeps you from entering the deepest stages of sleep, allowing you to dream lucidly and remember most of them come morning.

Sometimes, that's not a good thing. Here's a peek into what I was dreaming about last night.

I was sitting at a bar that I couldn't quite recognize. In reality, I seldom go to bars due to the fact that I was raised in them. As an adult, I know that nothing good can come from them but a headache and the sudden loss of all your money. Bars suck, but there I was, sipping brew with my elbows on the rail. I had taken a stool next to two older women who were conversing with each other, pausing every few seconds to look over in my direction. As I shot long glances towards every angle of the dive, desperately trying to figure out where I was or how I got here, I noticed them.

My eyes locked onto one of them, who started talking to me. They launched into this story about how they kept getting constantly harassed by a regular patron. Apparently this person would show up and give them a hard time, drunkenly hitting on them and making everyone feel generally dirty and uncomfortable. Having been raised in a town full of people like that, I understood what they were talking about. I told them I would stick around in case this greeze-ball showed up. Their eyes lit up with glee, and I started to get a little more confident.

Puffing out my chest like a Peacock, I took a deep sip from my bottle of unnamed, dream-beer. I was feeling pretty good about myself, playing the role of bodyguard (Minus Kevin Costner. Rent Tin Cup, it's great.), and scoring points with the 40-somethings. If I played my cards right, maybe they'd return the favor to me. Like, paying my bills or changing my cat's litter boxes. I waited patiently for this sexist jackass to show up, so I could show him a thing or two about what it's like to be a gentleman.

"There he is!", one of the ladies whispered loudly into my ear. I heard the tavern door squeak open behind me as I slowly turned around, brew in hand, to see who was responsible for bothering these ladies.

In walks my Dad.

Now, if I may step away from the dream for a minute, there's a few things you need to know about my Dad. We get along the way that a construction worker gets along with a foreman. We're acquaintances who get along in the same room with each other, share the same sense of humor, and talk about two times a year. Neither of us have too big a problem with this, so it's no big deal. However, in recent weeks I've been having a lot of dreams where I beat him up, so maybe I DO have a problem with it. Time will tell, but until then, let's get back to my dream.

So in strolls my Dad, and I'm instantly furious. How dare he bother these women? I never would have imagined my own Father for a classless pig, so I could barely contain myself when he took a seat next to me, not even noticing that I was there.

Here's the twist. Those women were playing me.

Those evil women were playing a mean trick on poor, bright-eyed Ryan. They made the story up, and waited for the next guy to walk into the bar to be the "jerk" in question. I was being set up for an ass-whoopin', but I had no idea. The double-twist is that they had no idea that the next person to walk in would be my own Dad, who was now also an unwilling participant in their cruel setup. Are you still with me? Good.

Back to the action. I'm staring down my Dad, just waiting for him to make a pass at these women (he never had and he never will, but I don't know that). My rage was building up, my hands clenched into fists, looking at a person who had turned out to be a liar and a fraud (he wasn't).

My Dad looked up at the bartender and politely said, "Can I get a beer?"

"That's it." I said, slapping my hands to my thighs. "Step outside, I'm gunna kick your ass."

My Dad looked at me like I was insane. Turns out I was just an idiot. (See what women do to you?) Shrugging his shoulders, he slowly crept to his feet and headed for the door with me following closely behind. This is funny, because this is exactly what my Dad would do. Even though he knows that I'm about to uncork on him, he'll tag along for the ride. Nothing bothers him (Except maybe child support payments. ZING!). I looked over to the ladies, who were laughing and pointing for some reason. I figured it was because they knew that this pig was finally going to get his.

As the tavern door shut behind the two of us, I knew there was no way that I could beat up my old man. I mean, the guy smokes like the Challenger Space Shuttle and drinks like Dan Rather during the Election, but I still think he could take me. I knew I was in trouble. That's when I realized that I was still holding my beer bottle.

The second I got out of sight of the ladies, I cracked him on the back of the head.

The bottle didn't break, and he turned around and looked at me, cocking his head and still wondering what the hell I was up to.

"You better fall down, old man!" I said to him.

He continued to look at me funny.

This time, I broke the bottle clean over his melon, and he went down, presumably because he felt bad for me. I went back into the bar to realize that I had been had by the ladies. I woke up feeling ashamed, used and laughing like crazy.

So, what's to learn from this?

Is there something I need to work out with my Dad? Am I having trust issues with people? Do I think that most women exist to screw you over? Why am I so violent when I sleep?

It's the heat, that's what it is.

And the humidity.

My newest album review will be published in tomorrow's issue of Core Weekly, check it out if you can.

You should probably get an air conditioner.
Here's the thing about our apartment. We have a unit in the living room that heats and cools the enitre place. However, our apartment is 2 floors and of decent size, so it can only do so much. The decision not to put a thermostat or vents in this place was quite poor, in my opinion.

We sleep in the bedroom with the door shut to keep the cats out. This also keeps the cool air out. Fan or no fan, it's always toasty in that bedroom, even though it's 40 degrees in the rest of the place. We'd sleep with the door open or in the living room, but the cats bother the Missus.

So the dreams rage on.
Oooh, it should be mentioned that we're getting all caught up on "Lost" during the summer. We saw the first two episodes ("Pilot"), and episode 3 is re-airing next Wednesday. It's so hard to avoid looking ahead to what's going to happen, but I refuse to ruin it for myself.

That being said, the wait is already tearing me up. I want the DVD out NOW so I can buy it and watch every episode tonight. I'm instantly hooked.

It's like taping a football game and trying to avoid any mention of it all day until you get home to watch it. It really sucks out loud.
Your dream would be more comical if the two middle aged ladies in the bar were Aunt Patty and Aunt Selma and Homer was your dad.

Lost is great, it just gets weirder and weirder with each episode. I read somewhere that they won't get through the whole season in reruns, probably on purpose so people will have to buy the dvd to see what happens.

24 is a similarly addictive show... If you've never watched it, try renting the first disc of Season 1, it's best in order.
"I've been through a trauma here"...worst...line....ever.

If you think women exist solely to screw men over, just look at who does most of the crying in a relationship and you'll see who likes to screw over whom.
Similarily, the "I've been through a trauma" lady is the most annyoing character so far. I don't want any spoilers here, but I'm really hoping she gets offed soon.

If they don't air all of the episodes, or if they decide to skip some of them, I'll stop watching and get the DVD post haste. I'm a sucker for linear viewing.

I can't remember what the two dream woman at the bar looked like, but I suppose they COULD've been Patty and Selma. Did you see that the Simpsons Movie is a go?

I gave 24 a try when it first aired, but I gave up on it because it just wasn't for me. I heard it's coming back for a couple more seasons, so that's good for the fans.

Women don't exist to screw guys over, but some of them are downright mean. Guys, on the other hand, are just downright stupid.
See, the problem is that women are from Mars, and men are from Earth.

Who said the trauma line? I don't recognize it. If it was said in a sarcastic stating the obvious "Umm, hello!? I've just been through a trauma here." way, I think it's not great but passable. Otherwise it is in fact the worst line ever.

Simpsons movie... I'd not heard that news yet. This is exactly the reason I read your blog.
The "trauma" line was delivered by Shannon in the pilot episode. She's the college student who had gone to Paris for a year.

As for the Simpsons movie, I'll have a post up about that within the hour. I'm here to inform first, THEN entertain.
Have you watched the BBC version of The Office?

"I’ve created an atmosphere where I’m a friend first, boss second. Probably entertainer third."

You guys would dig it the most.
I've seen a bit of it, but it's always on at a weird time on BBC America.

That reminds me. Me and the Missus were talking about it, and there may be a TiVo in our near future. She also brought up the idea of a PS2. SHE did. On her OWN! I love this woman!

Simpsons news is up!
Tivo saved my life.

Not really, but I like it a lot.

You should sell your cats and buy The Office dvd's. Solves two problems at once.
If I sold my cats, I'd have nobody around to explain to me the subtle nature of British humor. Because you know the cats love that stuff. At least mine do.
Hmm. I'm allergic to cats. But, most of the cats I've been around think the Blue Collar Comedy Tour is hilarious... So maybe it was the sense of humor that bothered me, and not the dander.
Our cats are never more entertained than when Animal Cops is on TV...I think they like to revel in the sadness of less fortunate animals. Snooty bastards!

We tried to watch the Office on BBC, but we never could figure out when it was on. I think the new American one is really funny; I thought they'd take away the humor and replace it with something more slapsticky and NBC-sexy, but they really didn't.

Simpsons movie....psht. Are they purposely trying to sabotage themselves at this point? Oh wait, yeah...they totally are.
I liked the USA version of The Office, I'm glad (and surprised) that it was picked up for another season. It's not very hip to like it, though, amongst fans of the original, since the USA version was supposed to suck.
Have you ever considered getting a child's gate to put across your door so the air can get in and the cats can stay out? Just a thought. Also, I am not a psycologist by any means, but maybe your dream is telling you that recently you said something really awful to someone close to you regarding your dad, and in your subconscience you feel really, really bad about it. Especially since this person didn't deserve. Just another thought.
You're allergic to the senses of humor of Arkansas felines. That's funny.

Our cats love Animal Cops. It makes sense, because I love regular "Cops".

Yeah, I thought for sure that the US "Office" would be a disaster, but if they stick to the formula, it may rank with Arrested Development next season.

The funny thing about the Simpsons movie was that last week I said I would never dress up for a movie premiere unless it was the Simpsons, assuming that it would never happen. Hank Scorpio, here I come!

The cats would jump over the baby gate, and I only feel bad about what I said because it hurt someone.
You should install a screen door on your bedroom door, ala that one Seinfeld episode where Kramer did that to the door to his apt.
I thought about putting in a baby gate, but I know if the cats can see us they'll just sit on the other side of the gate and cry and butt there head up against the gate until we let them in. As far as they're concerned, once we close the door on them we no longer exist--unless they can hear us talking, then they want in on the conversation.

I have dreams constantly that I'm beating the living hell out of Ryan. I keep hitting him, kicking him, all that stuff but it just doesn't seem to hurt him! I have like 1 or 2 of those dreams per month at the very least. But that's because I really do want to beat the shit out of him...haha.
"Anytown, USA." My goodness, was that a funny episode. I seriously need to bust out my Seinfeld DVDs this weekend.

That's the thing about the cats. If they can see us, they'll cry all night. When we close the door, they think we went out or something. If they weren't the two greatest cats in the world, I would have sawed their tender heads off a long time ago.

Ironically, when the Missus dreams about hurting me, she usually punches and kicks in her sleep, hereby hurting me in reality.
One of my favorite lines from the show Ed on NBC a few years ago - Mike:"Last night I had a dream that I was eating a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up, my giant marshmallow was gone."

I have a dvd player & tv up in my "shop" room where I work on guitar stuff, and I've had Seinfeld, The Office, and Arrested Development in regular rotation the last couple weeks. I like to have comedy constantly happening in my house.
Tears you away from the sad reality of making guitars in a room all by yourself, I suppose.

Just kidding...I wish I could make a guitar. Better yet, I wish I could just play a guitar. That would be good enough for me.
Some people work well with music, some people work well with comedy.

Personally, I like both. So when I work, I listen to Limp Bizkit.

I check your guitar making page every day, praying that I won't see a picture of a severed limb. Seriously, what you're doing is absolutely amazing, but I'm worried for your safety. Do you have neighbors that know what you're doing in there?
I used to try to listen to Limp Bizkit while I worked on guitars, but it just made me want to break things. And that was even before I got to the song where he talks about breaking stuff.

Don't worry, I'm a safety engineering professional. For real, the engineering place I work for specializes in that stuff. I'm scared to death of getting on ladders and using table saws, so I'm pretty safety conscious. Plus, if I cut off my fingers then I can't play the guitars I build. So I'm super-anal-retentive with the power tools. I appreciate the concern for my well-being.

I'm an official working stiff again, too. I'm back fulltime at the place that has laid me off twice. Normally I might not do that, but the place is three minutes from my house, and I have my own office and can listen to music all day long.
That sounds great, though. You get to use your education and do relatively what you want to do for a living.

When I was younger, I heard that Brian May from Queen built his own guitars, and I thought he was some sort of superhero.

It should also be said that I took two years of mechanical drafting in High School, and I would've paid someone chop my fingers off. We used primitive AutoCAD on the old Apple computers, but mostly it was just drafting tables and tools. I'm glad that people like you actually enjoy that stuff, because I really sucked at it.
I mostly hate my job, but I like to eat and I gotta pay for Tivo somehow.
That should be a motto for life.
I LOVED AutoCad...I totally ruled at that. But I sucked at the paper drafting; I'd have to erase things 50,000 times in a row and my paper was all ripped and smudgy by the time I had to hand it in.

Maybe people who make guitars really ARE superheroes...did you ever think of that? Then you'd have a superhero frequenting your blog! That would be the coolest thing. Only thing cooler would be if the superhero was Artie: the strongest man in the world!!!!
I liked drawing for real with pencils, T-squares, triangles, etc... That was fun stuff. I used to take study hall in the drafting room in high school. Autocad was cool, too, till I did it fulltime for several years.

I really consider myself more of a pioneer than a hero. There are some friends of a friend that call me The Draftsman, though, and that's pretty fun.
Everything I needed to know about drafting I learned from LogoWriter.

(HT=Hide Turtle)

My Superhero's license is...well, you know.
My logowriter project was sooooo awesome. It was a reenactment of the incident in Jakarta Indonesia when Hanson was almost crushed by a mob of fans. My project ruled! I even programmed it to play MMMBop during the presentation. It was 3 stick figures with long hair! ha!
LogoWriter? I'm out of my element now.

I'd probably write more on my blog if I just had you do the initial posts and then I'll just respond a lot in the comment sections.
What's the record for number of comments on a post on the CDP?
We're making history, sir.

I had almost 300 hits yesterday, which is pretty good considering only 3 of us were here.
Actually, about 100 of those hits were probably me...I just never had a snappy comment to make my presence known.
...Until now! ZING!
A bunch were probably me, too. You can tell when I'm really busy finishing up a project at work, cause I'm on the internet way too much. Seems backwards.
Well, it's good to know that your job won't keep you away from the CDP. I was worried that I'd have to shut the place down. I'm pretty sure that you're the primary stockholder.
No, I'll actually work less now that I'm fulltime. That's why I've gotten so much guitar blog stuff done in the last week.

A good blog is hard to find. When you find it, you just have to grab it by the points and you don't let go no matter what your mom says. :hits top of table for emphasis:
Yeah... I was here yesterday too. Like Aaron, I just couldn't think of anything to say.
LogoWriter was so fun! I did a haunted house theme for my project and had a ghost and a haunted house in the background. I composed my own music for it. The best part was when the ghost scared this little stick figure man away, and he went running with his arms flailing (sp?). Anyway, I'm very easily amused by that program.
Yeah, my logo writer was about the same general idea...people running with their arms flailing. That seems to be a common theme in just about everything Sherry and I do :)

I can't believe I haven't said this yet! Ryan, I HATE that picture you put up on this post!
"It was a darkish area...with points."

Yeah, you've been gee-tar Blogging out of your mind recently. Here's hoping you win that contest, and then you write a song about making the guitar.

Have you given it a name yet?

For those not in the know, Logo Writer was a primitive, late 80's computer drawing program that allowed you to...well, I couldn't do a damn thing on it, so maybe the Missus could explain it better. I was too busy playing Number Munchers and The Oregon Trail (both of which we have on our computer now).

Concerning the picture of the guy getting nailed, I can't believe I made it this far without someone voicing their displeasure of it. I just thought it was fitting concerning the dream and all. Plus, I made it look like a CD cover, in case we ever start a Blog-based band.
I guess in honor of your last comment, I should call the guitar "Lucille."

Dang it, already taken.
Yeah, everyone names their guitar "Lucille". Or their gun, depending on where your interests may be.

I'm emploring anyone who frequents this page to give Mr. Paste some suggestions on naming his yet-to-be-completed rock axe.

Looking back through your Blog, I think we decided that your "Cosmetics Case" would hereby be titled "Old Thundertrain", so our track record is pretty solid, if you ask me.
Good Old Thundertrain ain't never let me down yet.

I will trust you and your faithful blog readers to name my guitar.
What sort of music do you plan to play on this thing? That might help the suggestions a bit.

Or you could just name it "Baron Von Strums-a-lot" and be done with it.
Guitars are supposed to have female names, right? Maybe something that implies that it's sole purpose is to screw men over.

It'll be a small acoustic guitar, "parlor" guitars they sometimes call them. The backs and sides will be made of cocobolo.
I want Oregon Trail and Number Munchers on my computer too! Did you guys ever play that detective game? It was only on one computer, and I could only play it during recess or lunch, until teachers discovered where I was during those times. Then, I couldn't play it anymore! I miss that game...
I assume that you're referring to "Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego?" Not to be confused with "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?", the award-winning PBS children's game show that eventually morphed into "Where in Time in Carmen Sandiego?"

Top Grunge was my favorite villan.

Ooh! You could name your guitar "Top Grunge"! You'd have to do a lot of Nirvana "unplugged" stuff, but...oh, forget it.
Sweet grunge. Grunge will never ever go out of style. Again.
I have a storage unit full of flannel that says grunge comes back someday.

That's in the past anyways. New-New Wave is where it's at now! Disco-punk will never go out of style.
New new wave is here to stay, just like big band. Big band is so money.
You would think that I'd learn by now. In my CD collection, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy is nestled right next to Beep Beep. I follow trends like they're going out of style.

That's a good bumper sticker, right there.
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