Thursday, June 16

Mountie vs. Fishing Guide.

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My Toronto checklist is almost completely finished. Come Friday evening, me and the Missus will be fully prepared and ready to leave the country. The bills are paid, the checkbook is balanced, the goods are almost packed and the identification has been filed. The itinerary is all planned out, the directions have been printed and checked, the camera has a new memory card and CD’s are being carefully selected. The cats have been assigned a nanny so they don’t starve. I’m getting someone to tape “Lost” while I’m gone. I’m ready to roll.

This week of work has been nothing short of a crawl. Employers use the week before a vacation to spring all sorts of new stuff on you, because they know you’ll be in a gruntled mood. They figure you won’t shoot the place up just hours before you set sail.

Well, they’ve never met me.

I’m just joking (for legal reasons), but it does frustrate me a bit. I’d talk more about my job and whatnot, but I’ve seen people get fired for saying a lot less than what I say, so I’m zipping my lip until I get fired for other reasons (it’s unavoidable and really only a matter of time).

Moving on, I want you all to take care of the CDP while I’m away. Make sure you lock the door behind you, keep the carpets clean, remove your shoes and help yourself to anything in the fridge. I think there’s some honey mustard and cheese spread in there, so dig in before it expires. I’ll be back before you know it with hundreds of pictures and a handful of stories, provided I don’t get arrested or deported early. I’m planning on putting up all of the pictures in an external photo album, to eliminate lag time and make things easier to access. That being said, we’ll see how much ambition I have once I return.

When we get back, we have an appointment with the fine thieves and shameless hucksters over at Charter Communications to install our new DVR. I’m sick of giving them my money, but it’s only an extra ten bucks a month, and I can tape things while I’m watching other things. I’m sold.

My latest album review will be all sparkly and pretty looking in next week’s Core Weekly. Check it ‘oot. See, I’m learning the language already.

Share well-wishes and somber hugs in the comment section. Talk amongst yourselves until I return. I don't want my spectacular hit count dropping just because there won't be any new material for a week. Don't make me come back home sad. If I were you, I'd use this time to browse the 16+ months of archives to catch up on all the hilarious and uplifting things I've said over the years.

Goodbye, then!

Comments:
I'm probably going to commit a heinous crime so that I can stay in Canada for good, even if it is just prison. Oh wait, they'll probably send me back to the US prison! Dagnabbit, that won't do. Well, no matter what don't be surprised if we just mysteriously don't return...I'm going to be like that girl (not dead) in Aruba and just vanish. That's gonna be cool!
 
If I were to mysteriously vanish though, assume that the Missus killed me.

Also assume that I probably deserved it.
 
Done and done.
 
Oh yeah, Sherry and Ben; I was thinking we should try to bring along at least one nice outfit to wear because that one Italian restaurant we were going to go to is pretty upscale. We don't want to look like a bunch of yankee doodle dandies going into the place...
 
All of my outfits are nice outfits. Even my tank-tops have collars.

Was that funny, or just stupid?
 
We are planning on bringing at least one outfit for the nice restaurant. I haven't even started packing yet; but, I do have a list! I have to pack Ben's stuff too because he worked a double today and has to work at Kmart tomorrow! What a butthole!
 
Yeah, I gotta make a list so I don't forget anything. I told Ryan the big 3 are money, camera/accessories, and birth certificates/marriage license. Everything else I can buy if I need to, you know?

Ryan, I actually do have a tank top with a collar. Well, it's not really a tanktop but it is a sleeveless shirt... I think Sherry has the same one, it's a striped Mudd shirt.
 
My list rocks. It has things on it that I don't even own.

Do they have EZ-Cheeze in Canada? Better bring some with.
 
tank tops have collars = funny

I like to shop at the duty-free shop.
 
You kids have fun now. I'll be sure to drunk-dial each of you at least 10 times.
 
We won't be using our cell phones in Canada, so we might not get 'em.

However, you could "drunk-postcard" us if you're feeling industrious.
 
I don't think I could handle writing AND mailing a postcard when I'm drunk. But I might have to give it a try some time.

No cell phones? That means you won't be answering and I'll be free to leave messages at all hours of the night without waking anyone up. Sweet.
 
Yep, we're going to be incommunicado when we're in Canada, that's totally awesome.

We got a phone card that will last us 12 mins max, so we'll be calling the parents to let them know we're alive and that's it!
 
have a blast and i'll try to remember not to piss in the corner here
 
Okay, it's about 6:45am here, and we're heading out for real this time. (Will he EVER leave?)
 
It's 3:04 PM here. Are you there yet?
 
They arrived safely in Canada!
 
For Sherry-
I've been asked to track down your sister... need to know how to get ahold of her. Let Aaron know, or get my number from him and call me. K? Thanks!
Hope you guys are having fun up north there now, eh?
 
Sorry about the lack of drunk phone messages...Believe it or not, I was only drunk once in the time you were gone. And that was mostly because I took way too much DayQuil. I'll make up for that soon.

So how was the trip? Hurry up with the new post...I need something to distract me from working.
 

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