Sunday, June 5

Why Can't I Have One For Myself?

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(Quoted directly from the Mystery Science Theater official website:)

What's the worst movie ever made? The subject is open to debate, but for over a decade, many Mystery Science Theater 3000 fans have agreed on one answer: MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE. Now, Entertainment Weekly joins that consensus with a four-page article highlighting Torgo, the Master and other denizens of Hal Warren's infamous creation. Oh, and it quotes a certain Michael J. Nelson, too. Look for the June 10, 2005 issue in a mailbox or magazine rack near you.

Here's the funny part: This comes exactly ONE week after I cancelled my Entertainment Weekly subscription. I swear to you, I've waited three years for them to talk about something I'd care about, and now they give Manos four pages worth now that I've given them the boot. The closer you get to me, the more things like this will happen to you. I understand that I can purchase the issue at the newsstand, but I think you're really missing the point.

If you haven't had the chance to see Manos (from MST3K or otherwise), you really should do so. You'll try to remember what life was like before you saw it. Food will taste worse, nightmares will be rampant and you'll start to resent your reflection in the mirror. It's quite the creation. I'm in complete agreement that this is the worst movie ever made, and I have a collection of hundreds of the worst movies ever made. When it comes to crap smeared onto film, I'm your man.

So, what am I up to? Nothing much. I've more or less had the phone shut off for a week now, so I've got that going for me. We also bought a new fan for the bedroom, so I can sleep without having to install a sweat-drain in my floor. My first anniversary/Toronto trip is just around the corner, and I'll have a lot to share with you concerning that coming up. So stop back often this next couple weeks, because I finally have some things that I want to share with you.

I'm going to go and pack my lunch for work tomorrow.

Comments:
I read and enjoyed this very article in EW (as I like to call it) yesterday afternoon. And I was thinking I should send it to you, and then I realized that I just put it out with the trash tonight and it's probably got diet coke residue or something all over it. Plus, I don't think either of us wants me rummaging through my own garbage.
 
I appreciate the sentiment, I really do, but this is a good excuse for me to go to Barnes & Noble and pick up more things that I don't need. How was the article? Did it inspire you to experience Manos, or have you already seen it?

Here's a quick "garbage rummaging" story for you. Once, I threw away something pretty important (like a bill or a check, I can't remember), and tossed the bag into the dumpster outside. I had to get into the dumpster, find my bag, open THAT up and dig out the goods. It was awful.

But not as bad as Manos.
 
Have not seen it. I was thinking maybe I should check out the MST3k version. I've not had much exposure to MST3k anyway, so it'd probably be good for me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for dumpster diving. It's just different when it's your own trash, since you already know you didn't want anything that's in it (unless you threw away a check or something, as your story relates).
 
A word of warning concerning MST3K and Manos, coming from a big fan:

If you're thinking about getting into MST3K, DO NOT WATCH MANOS FIRST! It'll instantly ruin the show for you. I recommend watching at least 10 different episodes before watching Manos. MST3K is the funniest show I've ever seen, but not even they could make Manos watchable.

If you're looking for a good starting point, buy the DVD collections that Rhino puts out. They do a good job with them, and they have a varied selection from all over the 10 seasons the show ran.

If you have any MST3K questions, comments and concerns, just call my helpdesk. Enjoy!
 
Let's not get carried away with the whole "funniest thing I've ever seen" business...
 
MST3K is my favorite non-animated show of all time. If Arrested Development can keep this up for 7 more seasons, then we'll talk.

It's not always fall-down funny, but considering the volume of the jokes and the fact that it was a 2-hour long show more than makes up for itself. If 9 straight jokes fall flat, the 10th one will make you forget about them.

Paste, I'd initially recommend "The Legend Of Boggy Creek 2", because not only are the jokes pretty solid, it's based in Arkansas!
 
You had me at "Arkansas."

I may have to netflix this. I was about to cancel netflix, but then I recently noticed that Season 2 of Home Movies is out, and then you've renewed my interest in Mystery Science Theater. I will try out your beloved MST3k, though I fear it may not live up to the hype I've witnessed lo these many years.
 
It probably won't. In the later seasons the jokes became a bit more dated, so they don't hold up very well now. That being said, I know you can spot a clever show when you see it, and I know you'll appreciate MST3K, even if you don't devote a large chunk of your life to it, as I have done.

It's been way too long since I've watched Home Movies.
 
Even if it was 100 years, that wouldn't be too long that I hadn't watched Home Movies.
 
You know, I get paid to be a critic, and you hand out armloads of it for free every day. You're ruining the business! I'll be out of a jorb! JAAEERB!

On the other hand, your new haircut looks wonderful.
 
Well, tell us how you REALLY feel, Hathery.

Kidding, that's my favorite online discussion/forum cliche, and the worst use of sarcasm ever.

If you say anything bad about Dr Katz, though, I will be forced to voice a strongly worded dissenting opinion.
 
Dissing Dr. Katz is blasphemy. That was one of the first shows that I can remember which used uncomfortable silence as a punchline.

No laugh tracks, squiggle/seizure-vision and some really funny comics. Groundbreaking stuff.
 
I didn't think Dr. Katz was very funny...but probably because I couldn't hear anything, as I was too busy rolling on the floor and frothing from the mouth due to the animation. Same goes for Home Movies...I tend not to like things that make my pupils dilate at different speeds.
 
See...now THAT was funny!

"We now return to Japanese Seizure Robots!"
 
That's tough but fair.
 
My wife has a brilliant sense of humor, although it's a bit hard to follow.

Only the very miniscule and very over-the-top make her chuckle, with nothing in between. Prime example: she thinks that small, round things are funny (roma tomatoes), but she also thinks monkeys and poop are hilarious.

It's really something special.
 
But never monkeys and poop in combination, like the "Monkeys throwing poop at celebrities" skit with Jason Bateman on SNL.

Only time I've ever found monkeys and poop funny together is that clip on Celebrity AFV where that monkey puts his finger in his butt, smells it, and falls off the log he's on. That was only funny because Coolio thought it was the funniest thing ever. So I guess that it wasn't the monkey that was funny, but Coolio thinking that a monkey sticking it's finger up its can is funny.
 
Well, yeah, but Coolio's funny no matter what he thinks.

Subtle humor is the tops for sure, but I'm still a sucker for seeing someone get racked.
 
Isn't that the truth. I've watched AFV for 16 years now, and it's still one of the few shows that makes me laugh really hard. The only difference between AFV and something like "The World's Wildest Videos" is the amount of injury sustained. I can watch people being scared awake for the rest of my life, and I'd never tire of it.

I can appreciate and enjoy high-brow humor, but when I want Ben & Jerry's to come out of my nose, give me a sledding accident any day of the week.

If Coolio finds something funny, it must be funny. That guy lived in a Gangsta's Paradise, for crying out loud.
 
I take it back...that monkey WAS pretty funny on his own. The way his arms flailed up and he just fell over backwards. Definitely funny.
 
I first saw the "monkey" clip on the internet several years ago. Right around the same time I saw the infamous clip of the guy going off on his computer in his cubicle. That's still one of the funniest things I've ever seen, staged or not.
 
It was funnier when the guy went to the Gateway store in Appleton and annihilated that computer with a sledgehammer in the middle of the room.
 
That was hilarious. It took thought, determination and an extreme amount of testicular girth. Bravo!
 
You guys have such pedestrian senses of humor.

Have you seen the one with the guy with the nunchucks that does the backflip?
 
Heh heh. It's been a long time since I checked out the "funny" videos circulating the interweb. The last one I can remember is the Austrailian pizza commercial that looks like the guy's getting hit by a car.

It's probably better this way. No, it definately is.

Mythbusters should be good tonight. They're going to try to build a jetpack.
 
Everything I need to know about jetpacks, I learned from Lee Majors in The Fall Guy. He never meant spent much time in school, but he taught ladies plenty.
 
I don't like those internet circulating videos very much...usually because on the webpage, if it isn't porn it's a bunch of videos with people hurting animals or themselves and thinking it's really funny. NO GOOD.

"Pedestrian sense of humor." That's funny! I don't know what it means though...I shall go look it up.
 
Agreed, I don't peruse those sites, usually friends will forward links to the direct page so I don't have to sort through the hamster smashers.

I was being a faux comedy snob. Even though I would imagine that we are all actually comedy snobs.
 

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