Saturday, July 9

Toronto Diary - Day Six.

Thursday, June 23

Here's the day in eight more easy steps:

1. We had breakfast at Perkins. It took forever, we complained and almost walked out. The waiter was less than happy. He got a bad tip.

2. We went to the African Lion Safari, where you drive through the habitat and animals attack your car. You have to promise not to roll down your window, or they have no responsibility for your impending death by lion attack. Idiots still rolled their windows down, but they'll go to hell someday, so I'm not worried.

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(This was known as the "elephant swim", where the elephants all came out and dove into the lake at once. I was secretly hoping for a bit of an elephant rampage, especially directed towards the kid who wiped dirt on my jeans. Listen parents, pay attention to your kids, or next time I'll throw them over the fence.)

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(These are lions. They were right outside our car.)

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(These are kinds of monkeys. They were everywhere.)

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(This monkey got on top of our car, and signaled us to stop. Sherry, notorious for her hard-braking, sent the monkey tumbling down the road. That is all true, except for the tumbling part.)

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(We drove through this for an hour. We were careful not to run anything over.)

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(This zebra needs to get herself an ab isolator.)

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(I love this shot, especially the Ostrich peeking in on the right. They were about a foot away from me.)

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(This giraffe loomed right over the top of our car. Personally, I think I took a brilliant photo here. The contrast of the grass with the horizon, the distancing of the giraffes, etc. I'm sick of people telling me that I can't take a picture.)

3. After the safari, we went into the city for dinner at "Le' Comensal". In reality, it was more like "Le' Cafeteria". You filled up your tray, and paid by the gram. On the bright side, it was an all-vegetarian/vegan place, so we could eat anything and everything we wanted, provided it wasn't heavy (expensive).

4. After leaving the cafeteria and relaxing at the hotel, we went across the street for drinks and dessert. It was then that I realized we spent about 80% of our cash on food and parking. We were seriously beginning to wonder if we'd have enough money to get back home.

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(Litres or not, this is an expensive tank of gas. We did this several times over the course of eight days.)

5. During an argument in the car, I coined the phrase "brake light colorblind", in reference to Ben and Sherry's combined refusal to pay attention to the cars in front of them on the highway. Every single time we had to brake, we had to brake hard. The brakes will need to be replaced as soon as we get home.

6. During yet another argument in the car, this time concerning where we were, Benjamin furiously pointed at the map and shouted, "here are we!". Any seriousness he was going for went completely out the window after that ridiculous exclamation. Perhaps you had to be there.

7. Right outside of the airport, there was a strip club called "The Landing Strip". This marks the first time I have ever seen a triple entendre used for the name of a business. I tip my hat to the brilliance of the name, but I'm also embarrassed and sad.

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(This marks the first time in history that someone took their own picture in a bathroom mirror, and used it on a Blog. I'm paving the way, here.)

8. Before we went to sleep, I went to the candy machine for a Nestle's Crunch. Of course, the bar got stuck in the coils, so I tried to shake the machine to knock it loose. I thought the machine would be bolted to the ground, but it wasn't. Completely overcompensating, I lifted the machine right off the ground, bringing it down with a deafening crash. I got my Nestle's Crunch bar, along with a corkscrew from the top row. Good for me.


(Questions, comments or concerns about day six? Sound off in the comments section.)

You should photoshop in some telephone lines going from one giraffe's mouth to the next and so on. Then tell people that in Africa, giraffes are actually cheaper than telephone poles so that's what they use.
That's the weirdest thing I've heard all week.

How's your back?
"Here are we!" That made me laugh just now to the point of tears. I have worked at IHOP and Rock Garden for 13 hours a day the past three days. I'm slowly going crazy... 123456 switch....

Anyway, I hate it at IHOP and almost walked out today because my co-workers are bullies. They bully me all day long. They say, "Get out of the way; you are so slow!" "Move it skinny!" "I was going to yell at you for something; just stand there a minute, so I can remember what it was." And they are not kidding. They have no respect towards any of their co-workers or customers and especially absolutely no respect for me. But they will get what's coming to them, because I'm going to have to talk with my manager Alla tomorrow. Those fuckers will get exactly what they deserve! Fuckers! Sorry... I got carried away.
Uh oh, Sherry needs a swear jar. Don't you know that I have a large fan base of children aged 3-7?

Anyways, I'm sorry about the double-duties wearing down on you. I would think that co-workers usually stick together in opposition to superiors or "the man". When co-workers aren't capable of looking out for one another (or when they just hassle the new girl into oblivion), it transcends hazing, and just becomes a bunch of jerks who clearly hate their job. That's their fault, not yours.

Unless you've been doing something to irk them, in which case, serves you right. Good luck talking with the manager. What Niagara picture did you decide on?
It's too bad you guys don't have Wafflehouse up north. Everyone's happy at the Wafflehouse.

I just got reminded I might have an Ihop story to make a blog post about. It involves the band Pavement, but not actually.

I'm stealing internet from the apartments across the street from the Motel 6 in Springfield Ill.
A Wafflehouse is not a wafflehome.

Any stories that are even slightly about Pavement are worth reading. I'm looking forward to it, along with your soon-to-be Chicago Diary.
I'll pretend you didn't just say something negative about Wafflehouse.

I'm not very good at vacationing, so I'm not sure my Chicago diary will be very interesting. We'll see.
I've never been to a Wafflehouse, so I'm not permitted to criticize.

If I were headed somewhere to vacation on my own, I'd just sleep a lot and rack up a huge room service bill.
Ben and I decided on the one where he has a semi-smirk on his face with the American falls in the background. The invitations will be sent out soon! Thank god!

IHOP has been better. Maybe they realized that they were being total jerks, and they felt sorry for me or something. I ended up not talking to my manager because I figured that it would make things worse.

Wafflehouses are pretty cool! I am amazed that their cooks can remember all the orders that come in because the waitresses don't write it down for them; they just call it out. Quite amazing.

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