Friday, August 26

Wood Paneling Conservatory.

First, the bad news.

The Missus is hurting. She's been suffering from one massive headache for over a week now, presumably stemming from the fact that she has me as a husband. On Monday, I spent my day off taking her to the doctor, and again on Thursday. This culminated with me taking her to the hospital for a CT scan, and being handed a large bottle of Vicodin. She's sleeping everything off as we speak.

Things are slowly (very slowly) getting better. We plan on spending the weekend in a silent house, drawing the blinds and turning the television down to sub-audio levels. I'm also keeping close tabs on the pills, as I'd rather not have an addict on my hands. If Vicodin can take down the NFL's only 3-time MVP (that's Brett Favre, fool), they can sure as hell bench the Missus. She's in a lot of pain, but I'll make sure that she gets better. My life depends on it.

So, what this means is that I'm pretty much back in control of the house. This is a dangerous thing. The litter boxes are filling up, there's not a scrap of food in the house and I'm watching ESPN 16 hours a day because she's constantly asleep. I feel like a really bad house sitter. What I do correctly, however, is take care of the Missus. I make sure that she's at the correct temperature level, that she's never more than an arms-length from a glass of water, and administer brief-but-effective massages when necessary.

With her out of commission, I'm forced to find things to occupy my time. Luckily for me, there's plenty of preseason football on TV, and the Simpsons Season 6 DVD is out. That being said, I've noticed that I spend a lot of my free time trying to avoid myself. Instead of daydreaming, I play Mario Golf on the GBA. Instead of working on several writing projects, I watch the same episodes of the same TV shows over and over again, because she's not around to tell me that I've already seen it. Somewhere along the way, I think the Missus harvested my brain, and now that she's not pulling the strings, I've realized that it's gone.

Crap. I've got to fix her, fast.

Here's the good news.

Come next week, yours truly will have not one, but TWO published articles on the streets. My interview with Of Montreal frontman Kevin Barnes, along with my review of Menos El Oso. I've been working my ass off this week, that's for sure. When I'm not spending dozens of hours working on drafts, I'm spending 40+ hours a week at my real job, and using the remaining time to drive the Missus the hospital. This weekend will give us both what we really need. Silence and an oil change.

More good news? Well, let's see. The Packers are playing tonight, so that's always nice. We'll be going to the zoo on Sunday if said wife is feeling better. I got that new jorb I was telling you about, so I'll have a little more money to blow on Olive Garden ravioli and $11 shirts from Target.

My new job is working in the Office of Examinations here at the Department of Regulation and Licensing. Do you want to be a Doctor? Chiropractor? Engineer? Nurse? You're going to have to go through me first, and pass the test that I've prepared just for you. It sounds exciting (hell, maybe it doesn't, I don't care), and it might be, but I'm too whacked out on Vicodin nowadays to know for sure. I just go where the kiz-ash is, yo'.

New Albums Purchased In The Last Week Or So:

The Shout Out Louds - Howl Howl Gaff Gaff
(Referred to as "the emo Strokes". Swedish 5 piece that brings the catchy indie-pop.)

Architecture In Helsinki - In Case We Die
(The Arcade Fire + Of Montreal - a bit of talent = Pretty good stuff.)

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - S/T
(Woah.)

The Good Life - Album Of The Year
(Tim Kasher needs to be frozen and cloned for future generations of alcoholic relationship killers. He's brilliant, and everything that Conor Oberst wished he could have been.)

I buy anything that Pitchfork tells me to.

That's it, kids. Can you believe that neither Ben nor Sherry had anything to say about the nice wedding post I gave them? I guess I'll have to go back the embarrassing photos again. And to think, I left out all of the really bad wedding photos, too.

Fo' shizzle, commu-nizzle.

Comments:
I recommend the dvd set of Undeclared as excellent sick-at-home viewing material. This was Judd Apatow's (Freaks and Geeks co-creator) show that Fox screwed over for a season before canceling. I had the flu on Tuesday, and this served as excellent entertainment between vomiting and other flu-related activities. It's also a very funny show.

Also, for the price of shipping ($3) you can order a normal new box for that Simpsons S6 in case you want to put it on a shelf next to other DVDs or something. simpsonsbox.com
 
I was wondering about that Simpsons box. You know me, I was very concerned that it didn't look like the other sets. Freaked me 'oot.

Sorry about the flu.I bet you caught it in Nebraska.
 
Actually, yeah, I did get it in Nebraska. My sister and her family from MN had it about a week before they came to Omaha to visit, then my parents each got it. My mom got over it a day before I arrived. I'm surprised I got back to AR before it kicked in.

It tore up my throat so I lost my voice. Which is why I haven't commented much this week, because I have to sound out the words while I type.
 
Well, that makes sense. If you had tried, it would've just been gibberish.

"Aaacckhhaccchhkkk."
 
Yeah, but I don't think anyone would have noticed anything different.
 
(Rimshot)

Yeah, you might still be sick for all I know. We should take this comedy team thing on the road. I bet Omaha would love it.

Speaking of sick, the Missus is feeling a bit better, although she spent most of today in bed. I'm doing my best to accompany her by not bothering her, and supplying her with generous amounts of take-out food.

Today, it was spinach & mushroom lasagna from the nearest Italian deli, Deli Roma. (For the sake of full disclosure, I had the Portabello mushroom ravioli.)

Nobody cares but me.
 
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