Monday, September 5

Talk Nerdy To Me.

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(This is what I have to wear to make money. It's humiliating.)

Very, very soon from now, you will be treated to a massively entertaining and lengthy post about my extended Labor Day weekend. There will be pictures and stories to share concerning the Architects show on Saturday, the Of Montreal show on Monday and everything in between. No doubt, I'll also be wetting my pants in delight over the release of Lost: Season 1. I'm actually looking forward to reading that post myself.

Until then, to tide you over, here are some phone pictures that you've never seen before. They have recently been discovered deep in the CDP photo vault, and are being unearthed for the first time right here.

Or, I was having problems with my phone, and I couldn't get them to you until now. Either way, it is specifically designed as filler, and fill it will. Enjoy these hunks of blurry goodness for the next day or two.

"The Motel."

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I think this photo, shot in January of this year, captures the stifling depression of a Wisconsin winter. Motels like this don't exist too much any more, and for a good reason. I'd like to know how many people killed themselves in one of those rooms. For the record, this particular establishment greets me every morning on my way to work. It's much less depressing in the summer.

"The Blur."

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A few months ago, I had long hair. I also took shaky pictures of myself at work. Those days are behind us now. I was getting sick of clogging my shower drain with 8-inch long strands of black hair, and having my immovable curls laugh in the face of even the most hardcore of straighteners. A change was in order.

"The Trim."

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The Missus shot this photo of my final follicle resting place. You can tell that I go to a very high-class salon by the capri pants and flip-flops that my stylist is wearing. I think she was 18, and wouldn't stop talking to me for any reason.

I soon realized that when getting a haircut, you can't really end a conversation early and leave the premises. If you were to do so, you'd be toddling down the corridors of the mall with half a haircut, leaving a trail of clippings and wearing that foolish cape. Nope. You have to listen to every angstrom of what this woman wants to say to you, no matter how inane the topic. If you decide to tell her that you'd rather not engage in conversation, she may stab you in the brain stem and pour barbicide into the gaping wound. No thank you. Give me the boring conversation any day of the week.

"The Flight."

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This is what an airport looks like in the middle of the night. We were there to pick up a friend who was coming in from Minnesota, and the flight was running a bit behind. Something like, 8 days behind.

For my money, nothing is more depressing than an airport. Everyone there is either saying hello of goodbye to someone, they're always crying and are usually holding a sad novelty mylar balloon. Worse yet, some people have nobody to say hello or goodbye to, which is in another league altogether. There's absolutely nothing to do but sit and wait (there's no arcade at an airport), the bar's never open when I'm there, and there aren't enough people around to play a game of "spot the terrorist". It's a game I invented where you look at the people around you and determine how they would take down an airplane. For legal reasons, I cannot share with you how I would do it.

"The Rory."

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Here's a shot of Rory from the Communique show a month or so ago. As you may remember, I was still reeling from the interview I had written before the show, more so concerning how the editors sort of chopped it up (read it in the writings section!). I tracked down Rory after the (fantastic) show, and asked him if he got a chance to read it. He told me that he had and enjoyed it, which made me happy enough, regardless of if he was lying to me or not.

So, there you have it. Another dip into my very soul. Again, the Labor Day weekend post will be here in record time, and don't forget to check out the new articles in the "Writings" section. They are the only things on this page that pay my bills, so support is always appreciated.

What did you do this weekend? The conversation continues in the comments section.

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My blog rules I do not have a weight issue, I'm sure I'm not interested in appetite suppressant purchasing appetite suppressant.

Just to let you all know, if the Blog spam (or "BLAM!", as I like to call it) keeps up, I'm going to make it so only registered users can comment. About 95% of my normal visitors already have this taken care of, but you should really register if you haven't already. It will make the CDP a better place.

God, I'm so fat.
I had to switch to registered users only also to avoid blam. It's a shame because really it's the children that hurt the most.

I shaved my head specifically so I don't have to talk to a barber. I'm trying to eliminate all forms of human contact in my day to day life. I am loving the self-checkout at Walmart.

That is a depressing winter motel picture. Speaking of segues, I just posted some motel-related pictures on my blog.
Eliminating human contact is a great goal, because the journey is as great as the reward. I need to become a writer or start a private business, because then I could become a recluse, which is my dream. Seriously, it is.

I think that coining the term "BLAM!" may be the only chance I get to becoming an internet phenomenon. Spread the good feeling, people.
You should probably lower-case it and drop the exclamation point and quotes. You have to act like it's already a word, maybe even misspell it sometimes.
Please don't hack into my computer.
I don't know how to hack. I can barely read.

I do know one thing, though. I'm picking up the "Lost" DVD right after work. It's $40 at Best Buy, and $0 if you're a cheap-ass pirate.
(Cheap-ass pirate impression.)

"Yee-arrgh! What's ten percent of this dinner bill? I'm leavin' me tip!"

Woah, that was pretty funny. I'm going to make this guy a permanent fixture here at the CDP.
Oh, I forgot that came out today. I had pirated it a couple months ago, but I might have to purchase it. The new Entertainment Weekly has a big article on the new season of Lost.

I do appreciate the dash linking the "cheap" to "ass," that clears up a lot of things.
The dash makes it funnier, and less offensive to pirates.
You gotta be careful these days. You don't want to go and get yourself keelhauled.
I'll be kidnapped by the Others.
That Super Diamond put on a great show, you should have went.

Ok, so they sucked. But the Faint was a good time, as always. Dancin' like crazy is fun.
Oh, I was going to axe you aboot that. Super Diamond really sucked? That's kind of a shame, I figured they would at least be entertaining.

I'm glad the Faint put on (another) good show. I'll see them someday.
There were scantily clad women dancing all around though. The whole "Vegas" thing. And the MC was this crazy old dude with a sparkly suit. He did a lounge-style version of "Hey Ya".

That guy was pretty funny, actually. We saw him walking into the building when we were sitting outside waiting for someone. My friend Amanda yelled "Nice suit!" and he yelled back "You're gorgeous!" They would probably get along.
As it turns out, the scantily clad women were actually the guys from the Faint. I told you they weren't very manly.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. The Faint is the ugliest bunch of guys I've ever seen. They make me dance, though.

Maybe the MC was that guy who fronts "Lounge Against the Machine", a lounge cover band of current music.

Did they play any new stuff?

Does Amanda ever not yell at strangers on the street?
She randomly yells at me, too. She was also yelling at a homeless guy a few blocks down after the show. He asked for 40 cents, but didn't need it. And had only had 4 beers. Wooo!!! Then he tripped over the curb.
40 cents? If you're asking for money, just round up and ask for an even 50.

When I was on State Street in the 8th grade, I saw a homeless guy fall off of a big, blue mailbox that he was sitting atop of. He didn't even try to stop himself or anything, just right off the side, head first onto the pavement.

An ambulance showed up a couple minutes later. I swore he was dead, but I'd bet he's still down there today.

By the by, I changed my screen name to "the CDP".
The idea of yelling at homeless people really scares me...mostly because I deal with them every day, and the majority of them are armed. Probably not the brightest idea to go provoking them.

The Faint also takes the prize for "Worst Attempt at Writing Sexy Lyrics" and "Best Attempt at Writing Sexy Lyrics but Just Sounding Really Sad As An End Result."
I don't know, they have some sexxxy songs. "Your Retro Career Melted" makes me dance in my car, if such things are possible.

They're not nearly as sexy as DFA1979, but they also have thick beards and elephant trunks for noses.

It was so funny when DFA won the Much Music award in Toronto, because they were like, in amongst the Black Eyed Peas and the Backstreet Boys. Much rules.
Who ever said that the Faint were sexy, good looking people?

They win the prize for "Making Me Shake My Ass the Most at a Concert, Ever."
There's a reason I keep my expandable baton next to the driver seat when I'm in Milwaukee. We've had people try to sell us crack after shows there. Maybe I should have bought it... could have given it to Dan and gotten on his good side. If such a thing exists in a 40 year old mustachio'd coke addict that can, and would, rip your head off if provoked.
also note that I have registered, even if I don't have a blog. This is to be safe during the oncoming "blam apocalypse", sure to arrive soon.

The end is near! Blammers, repent!
The Missus only listens to attractive people. She's deaf to me.

You should have seen me white-boy half-dancing at the Of Montreal show. It was very sad.

The Blam apocalypse is upon us. I will emerge as your new leader.

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