Monday, October 3

This Is Just Mean.

"I'm illiterate", Fantasia reveals in memoir.

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From Associated Press - October 2, 2005

NEW YORK -- American Idol winner Fantasia Barrino(1) reveals in her memoirs that she is functionally illiterate and had to fake her way through some scripted portions(2) of the televised U.S. talent show, which she won in 2004.

"You're illiterate to just about everything. You don't want to misspell(3)," Fantasia told ABC's 20/20. "So that, for me, kept me in a box and I didn't, wouldn't come out."

The 21-year-old R&B singer says she's signed record deals and contracts that she didn't read and couldn't understand(4). But the hardest part, she said, is not being able to read to Zion, her four-year-old daughter(5).

"That hurts really bad," she said, adding that she is now learning to read with tutors(6).

Thanks, Fantasia. Allow me to interject.

(1) - Fantasia should have never won American Idol 2004. With LaToya London and Jennifer Hudson in that cast, Fantasia winning was nothing short of an American tragedy. She sounds like a mouse with emphysema, and looks worse. From the first time I saw her audition, I knew she would probably win regardless of talent, due to the fact that the voting public consists of a bunch of idiots. (See Presidential election for more clarification).

(2) - It must have been hard to fake your way through the Shakespearean nightmare that was American Idol. How hard is it to memorize "Drive Ford! Drink Coke!" every week for 8 months? She stumbled over her cues week after week, and nobody seemed to care. What did she do to bamboozle the audience like that? Nerve gas? I think it was her hypnotic mouth, which was capable of un-hinging its jaw and swallowing an entire 747 in a single gulp.

(3) - That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. That quote just made me want to be illiterate.

(4) - Like she would have understood them had she known how to read. Don't lie to me, Barrino. You dropped out of school when you were 17. How you made it that far being illiterate should have earned you an award in ignorance. I'll give you that. I went to school for music production, and I could barely understand those contracts. That's why you have lawyers who read them for you.

(5) - At the very least, Zion will be able to read her Mother's memoirs...back to her Mother.

(6) - Run, don't walk to Barnes and Noble to pick up an autobiography written by someone who won't even be able to read it. She needs money, because her album didn't even draw flies.

This is a mean rant, plain and simple. From a purely superficial and celebrity-based viewpoint, I can't stand this woman. It has nothing to do with race or gender, she just makes me dislike my generation all the more (which is getting harder and harder to do). The fact that I put so much stock in reality television to make a fool like Fantasia freaking Barrino ruin my day, proves that I'm a bigger loser than her, hands down.

It reminds me of the episode of the Simpsons when Krusty the Klown quits show business. Bart and Lisa are trying to convince him to return to the small screen:

Bart: But, Krusty, what about all the kids who depend on you to brighten up their afternoon. Are you gonna turn your back on them?

Krusty: Yes!

Lisa: What about the great feeling you get from knowing you're better than regular people?

Bart: What about being an illiterate clown who's still more respected than all the educators in the country put together!

[Krusty drops his anchor.]

I couldn't have said it better myself.
(Send hate mail to communistdance@yahoo.com.)

(PS- The CDP will be attending a television test screening tomorrow evening. Reviews will follow.)

Comments:
Everyone knows it was all about JPL that year. RAR!!!!
 
mean and yet it all comes together in the end with a well placed Simpsons quote
 
Seems like maybe it's a last attempt to get in the headlines.

And you shouldn't feel bad about being mean; it's not like she's going to read your blog. Or read anything, for that matter.
 
1. I gave John Peter Lewis a nickel to wash my windshield at a red light yesterday.

2. Leave it to the Simpsons to tie everything together. It's just so true.

3. It's all aboot the headlines. When you can't sell records, squeal like a pig to make the news. Of course, squealing like a pig got her this far.

4. Yeah, I shouldn't have to apologize so much. It's just that it's been so long since I was overtly mean on here, I forgot how much fun it was to pick on people who can't defend themselves. Feels good.
 
At first I thought there might not be anything for me on this post, since I don't watch American Idol. But then it came there at the end... BOO YAH! A Simpsons quote.

"Are you a big William Hung fan?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that!"
 
All of my posts have a little something for everyone. The CDP is like the Club Sandwich of the Internet.

That quote was hilarious. Remember, Bob Loblaw is on Arrested Development tonight.
 
I gave JPL a nickel for something, too, but I won't tell you what.

HA!
 
Great blog, keep up the good work. Glad to see sites like this.

Here is another good site I said I would pass along.
Domain Sale
Thanks
 
BLAM!
 
Yeah, keep up the good work! Thanks admin!
 
Blamity calamity!

You can tell it's BLAM! because it was positive reinforcement. That sort of stuff simply does not fly around here.

Go Red Sox!
 

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