Thursday, November 10

CDP Wayback Machine - Sexy Results.

A simply amazing LOST FRIDAY is being assembled and will arrive tomorrow, sharply dressed and pleasant smelling.

Until then, let's all take a trip in the CDP Wayback Machine, for a look at what was going on here one year ago today.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004 - Violence Good! Sex Bad!

Here, we discuss sex and violence, which is always a great topic for Sweeps Month. Coincidentally enough, I recall an incident where I was nearly mugged at gunpoint while in England.

We took Gabe to the vet again today, as he has taken to whizzing blood on the carpet (seriously?). The vet said that this was normal (seriously?), and he should straighten right out in a few days. We bought the cats a third litter box for variety, as was the suggestion of the vet (seriously?). I'm keeping a close eye on him, but I have no idea what I'm looking for.

Enjoy!

Comments:
Was that a BLAM! at the end of the comment section way back then?

I want a movie review site that keeps a log of what cliches I'll see in a movie so I can decide if it's safe for my superior indie sensibilities. Though there will not be enough server space on this planet if they make a sequel to Independence Day.

That quote about how movies will one day have generic titles like "Romantic Comedy," you posted that on a previous best-of quote post once, didn't you? Still funny the second time, I almost had Awesome Blossom coming out of my nose.
 
Yes, that was an early BLAM! at the end of that post. Even then, they knew I was an easy target; probably due to my innocent midwestern charm.

It's true, movies will cease to have titles in the future. People will just walk into a theatre and pick the mood they would like to be in.

"Hmmm...suspense drama sounds good, doesn't it, honey?"

"Well...I really had my heart set on romantic comedy starring Jennifer Aniston and Ashton Kutcher."

"I want a divorce."

The "Cliche Review" site makes perfect sense.

"Independence day gets 9 thumbs down due to the following:

1. Gratuitous use of Bill Pullman.

2. Excessive Will Smith one-liners.

3. Randy Quaid as a hick.
 
ID was like nine different cliche movies all wrapped up into one. Seriously, you could do like nine different trailers and you'd think each one was for a different movie, and each one would look terrible and hacky.

The other day over lunch, a friend and I were for some reason thinking of ridiculous ways of pitching movies, using the "It's like ___ meets ___!" formula. It was very fun thinking of terrible movies that were either completely unrelated, or else movies that were very similar... i.e. "It's like Turner & Hooch meets K-9!"
 
I hate it when bands market themselves that way.

"If you like ___ and ___, then you'll love ___!"

Usually, it's just a rip-off band that doesn't even come close to matching the talent of ___.

What a bunch of ___.
 
How is sweeps month going? Have your ratings gone through the roof? I've been hitting refresh like crazy.

Incidentally, the date on your wayback link should read 2004. I hope this doesn't affect your rankings.

I almost wish I would get mugged, just to have something to blog about. Unfortunately, the only crime we have happening here in the South is too much hospitality. And meth labs, lots of meth labs.
 
I changed the date to 2004. I'm an idiot, and I appreciate your watchful eye.

Sweeps Month is going quite swimmingly. I've been very content with the hits I've been getting. I think that by the end of the month, we'll see out biggest total yet by far. The LOST stuff has really helped me out. I went from 80 to 300 hits a day very fast. (Lost Friday is tomorrow, and man, what an episode.)

"It's like Hospitality meets Meth! Get Adam Sandler on the horn, we're makin' pictures here!"

Getting mugged is no fun. I may have had a gun pulled on me, but at least I didn't get beat up like Ben and Aaron. I just attempted to outrun the bullets, and I made it out just fine.
 
At my work I learned all the common signs to look for in case you think you've spotted a meth lab. I have yet to figure out what meth labs have to do with where I work seeing as I work in an office and do not do homevisits, but maybe my cubicle-neighbors have a meth lab going or something. That might explain the herd of cantaloupe.
 
Hey, I'd rather have a herd of cantaloupe than a can of herdaloupe.

Well, goodnight then.
 
Ha ha, I'm going to start using that all the time now. "I'd rather outrun the bullets than bullrun the outlets!"
 
What are the common signs for a meth lab, anyway?
 
Oh, you know. If Mickey Rourke is hanging around someone's garage, stuff like that.

It's inside-out talk! It's fun!
 
Now you, too, can recognize a meth lab...

Houses and other structures containing meth labs may exhibit one or more of the following characteristics:

APPEARANCE AND CLEANLINESS OF THE STRUCTURE – Houses and other structures hosting meth labs vary enormously in their appearance. It may be immediately apparent that meth is being manufactured and used in the structure. A structure hosting a meth lab may be unkempt, unsanitary, and full of chemical odors. On the other hand, the structure may also appear very normal and orderly. The appearance of the structure depends on the care that the meth manufacturer takes to hide his or her unlawful activities.

PRESENCE OF METH INGREDIENTS – The best indicators of meth production are the presence of the ingredients used to make the drug. Homes containing a meth lab may have either (1) a large amount of a single meth ingredient, such as Sudafed, or, alternatively (2) a significant number of ingredients and supplies used to make meth. Here are some typical meth-making ingredients and supplies:

• cold medications containing ephedrine or pseudoephedrine

• lithium batteries

• ether and/or camping fuels

• anhydrous ammonia

• hydrogen peroxide

• Red Devil lye

• sulfuric, muriatic, and/or hydrochloric acid

• coffee filters

• funnels and turkey basters

• improvised glassware

While many of these ingredients and equipment are common, the amounts and the form of the ingredients needed to manufacture meth are different than what the average person would possess. For example, multiple boxes of cold medicine, or cold medication removed from blister packs, may indicate the presence of a meth lab. The same is true for coffee filters covered with strange stains or powders.

PRESENCE OF EQUIPMENT OR APPARATUS USED TO MAKE METH – In addition, there may be strange types of equipment or apparatus in the house used to manufacture meth. For example, soft drink bottles with hoses attached or cans of camping fuel with holes punched through the sides or bottom indicate the presence of a meth lab.

WHAT TO LOOK FOR – APPEARANCE OF THE STRUCTURE

A house or other structure containing a meth lab usually has one or more of the following characteristics:

UNUSUAL ODORS – Making meth produces powerful odors that may smell like ammonia or ether. These odors have been compared to the smell of cat urine or rotten eggs.

COVERED WINDOWS – Meth makers often blacken or cover windows to prevent outsiders from seeing in.

STRANGE VENTILATION – Meth makers often employ unusual ventilation practices to rid themselves of toxic fumes produced by the meth-making process. They may open windows on cold days or at other seemingly inappropriate times, and they may set up fans, furnace blowers, and other unusual ventilation systems.

ELABORATE SECURITY – Meth makers often set up elaborate security measures, including, for example, "Keep Out" signs, guard dogs, video cameras, or baby monitors placed outside to warn of persons approaching the premises.

DEAD VEGETATION – Meth makers sometimes dump toxic substances in their yards, leaving burn pits, "dead spots" in the grass or vegetation, or other evidence of chemical dumping.

EXCESSIVE OR UNUSUAL TRASH – Meth makers produce large quantities of unusual waste that may contain, for example:

packaging from cold tablets

lithium batteries that have been torn apart

used coffee filters with colored stains or powdery residue

empty containers – often with puncture holes – of antifreeze, white gas, ether, starting fluids, Freon, lye, drain opener, paint thinner, acetone, alcohol, or other chemicals

plastic soda bottles with holes near the top, often with tubes coming out of the holes

plastic or rubber hoses, duct tape, rubber gloves, or respiratory masks.


WHAT TO LOOK FOR – BEHAVIOR OF THE OCCUPANTS

Some "telltale signs" of a house containing a meth lab relate not to the appearance of the structure but rather to the behavior of its occupants. You should look for:

PARANOID BEHAVIOR – Meth makers tend to act in a manner that is extremely paranoid and secretive. For example, they may monitor passing cars, show great suspicion toward strangers, and – as noted above – construct elaborate security systems around their homes.

STAYING INSIDE – Residents of houses containing meth labs may remain inside their homes for extended periods of time. Many meth addicts and meth makers are not only paranoid and secretive, but also unemployed.

SMOKING OUTSIDE – By the same token, residents of houses and other structures containing meth labs often go outside to smoke. They do this to avoid igniting a fire or explosion when matches, lighters, or cigarettes come into contact with the highly combustible chemicals and fumes found in a meth lab.

FREQUENT VISITORS – Although residents of a house or other structure containing a meth lab may stay in or near their homes, they often receive a large number of visitors, especially at night. These visitors may be bringing supplies, taking away meth, using meth, hanging out, or any combination of these activities.

MOBILE GARBAGE – To avoid detection of their illegal activities, meth makers may burn their trash, place it in the trash collection area of another house or building, or cart it away and dump it elsewhere.
 
Getting mugged sure boosted my ratings. My hits were doubled yesterday compared to any other day. I wish I got mugged every day.

Wait, no I don't.
 
Wow, that was very informative. I can't believe people would mix all of that crap together and actually ingest it.

Why can't people just swallow a balloon full of heroin and call it a night? What is wrong with this generation?
 
Aaron, I noticed that you got a lot of hits yesterday. It's personal stories and hard-hitting journalism that really rake the traffic in. Sadly, I do neither of those things.

You don't have to get mugged every day to get higher traffic, just pretend you get mugged every day. 85% of my material is bull plop, and nobody will ever know.

Crap.
 
I prefer to get high on life. And by "life" I mean "superglue fumes."

Anyway, thanks for the informative post. That explains why the cops keep hassling my Homemade Cough Medicine Makers Club (HCMMC).

Violence is where it's at as far as ratings go.
 
Yup. Violence and censored urinal photos.

Why does the man always have to hassle the homebrewers? They not hurtin' nobody!

www.HCMMC.com
 
According to time magazine, somewhere around 75% of the state of Washington uses this drug known by the street name of "crystal meth". It's a sobering reality. Everytime I wander around outside the chain-link fences of Naval Base Kitsap, Bremerton I see "tweakers" or one who is under the influence of the aforementioned meth.

Mugging, eh? What is this world coming to. Atleast you guys are safe.
 
I just read Aaron and Ben's story about Milwaukee. It's insane, but not suprising. Riverwest is so creepy. Anthony goes there quite a bit and everytime I go with I am freaked out, especially at night. I've heard so many stories from people in Milwaukee about getting mugged, even on the East Side, that I don't walk anywhere by myself at night anymore. I'm glad no one was hurt too badly though.

Why am I still in Milwaukee?
 
Yeah, there's a lot of tweakers on the west coast. I suppose there's none of that going on inside the bases, right? Right?

Lindsay, why are you still in Milwaukee?

Yeah, you know a lot more about that city than I do, but yeah, don't ever walk around by yourself in your neighborhood. I wouldn't walk around by myself even if I was armed.

I totally worry about you, Lindsay. Be safe out there, because if two complete badasses like Aaron and Ben can get jumped, it can happen to anyone.
 
In Madison, you just have to watch out for roving roller-skate gangs in baseball uniforms. They own this city.
 
The Baseball Furies rule the school.
 
i was just browsing through the blog world searching for the keyword posters and it brought me to your site. You have a great site however it is not exactly what i was looking for. Good luck on your site.
 

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