Wednesday, November 30

I Don't Know Where Everything Is.

Sweeps Month 2005 is officially over. So, how did we do this year?

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Well, that should pretty much explain it all. In page views and hits, we increased traffic by at least half across the boards. By the end of the day today, the CDP will have amassed over 10,000 hits for the month of November. Pretty good, considering I had about 25 a month when I started in February of 2004. On average, I'm getting anywhere from 100-500 hits a day.

So, where did they all come from? Well, as you would assume, about 2,000 of them came from the standard crew of regulars. Several thousand came on the heels of the Lost Friday posts, and another few thousand just decided to pop in and never left. Good for them, they deserve me.

As far as constant totals are concerned, the CDP has about 17,000 total hits and almost 54,000 page views. About 10% of our total traffic arrived this month alone. You can't see me, but I'm making the metal sign right now. Not just the regular one, either. I'm doing the one with both hands.

I'll be surprised if I ever get this much traffic in a single month again. Certainly, December will dwindle, even though it's when I do (what I consider) my most interesting stuff. Before the year is over, expect to see many year-end lists and countdowns, the CDP year in review and a handful of Lost Fridays before 2005 is 'oot. If you want to be reminded of how mind-blowing December 2004 was, get all caught up right here.

All right, enough of this ego-stroking. I've got the long-awaited best comments of 2005 on the way, along with a brand new Lost Friday, leading into the last month of 2005. Now you know. Let's move on, so I can tell you a story.

Last night, me and the Missus were forcing ourselves to bed earlier than usual. After five days of vacation, our sleep schedules were thrown off balance. We desperately needed to get to bed at a reasonable hour in order to function properly at work the next day.

We tossed and turned until about midnight, when we drifted off to a troubled slumber. At about 2:30am, I opened my eyes quickly, jarred awake by the Missus tossing around feverishly. After about 10 seconds of said tossing, she got out of bed and headed for the door.

I thought that she was going to get up to go to the bathroom. However, she got about an equal distance between the bed and the door, spun herself around and got right back into bed. I asked her if she was okay, she said "yes," and that was that. We went back to sleep and spoke no more of the matter.

Fast forward to this evening. The Missus is heading off to bed early, and I'm saying goodnight to her. This was the dialogue that followed:

ME: "Hey, do you remember what you did last night?"

MISSUS: "Hmmm?"

ME: "You got up at 2:30, headed for the door, spun around and got right back into bed."

MISSUS: "Oh yeah, that's right. I thought you were a spider."

ME: "Excuse me?"

MISSUS: "Yeah, I looked over at you, and you had a fang-thing coming out of your head. I got up to leave, but then I woke up more and saw that you were normal."

ME: (Head explodes.)

You have to love this woman. She thought that I turned into some sort of half man-half spider, a sleeping one at that, and her only inclination is to leave the premises without trying to get to the bottom of things. It's good to know that if I ever become a possessed arachnid-person, she's got my back. When your nightmares are so bad that you come up with an evacuation plan, you really need to consider talking to someone about it.

So, there you have it. If you have anything to say about Sweeps Month, the Missus' sleeping habits or the upcoming year-end lists, sound off in the comments section. Thanks a lot for spending quality time here, I really appreciate it. I'll do what I can to keep you here, even if that means eventually killing you someday.

Comments:
Jokes on her though...you actually are half spider. That cloaking device works wonders, but apparently it has some flaws.
 
It's a good thing you don't keep a gigantic shoe in your apartment. And if I get married, I'm getting rid of mine.
 
One of my favorite Simpsons Halloween shorts was their take on "The Fly," where Bart turns into a gnat. It was gnawesome.

The Missus never would have squashed me, because apart from her crippling fear of spiders, she's incapable of harming them.

So when a spider crosses her path, she just freaks the hell out and does nothing to remedy the situation. Exactly what she did when she thought her husband had metamorphasized.
 
By the way, Lost is on tonight, and it's going to be gnamazing.
 
I wish there were more words I could gnaticize, but I think you used all of them.
 
Gnah, there's plenty more.
 
I don't think you gnow what you're talking aboot.
 
I'm starting my own sort of weird net speak here.

Canadian, inside-out fly talk. Sounds aboot right.
 
Cagnadian
 
I've created a monster.

I blame the Missus. She thought I was a spider. Just wanted to point that out again.

Collecting all the 2005 comments is hard work. There's a gold mine of funny there. Just like this little chunk of history we're creating here. It's surprising that we haven't all received some sort of award yet.
 
This place really does deserve some official recognition. Can't wait to see the best comments post, there's been some pretty funny-weird exchanges at this place that will be even funnier out of context.
 
I'll be working on Lost Friday today, so the best comments will be here this weekend. I've been slacking a tad. I blame O.J. for some reason.

Man...Lost.

I can't believe that this is was the last new episode of the year. Maybe I'll use this time to watch every episode over again.
 
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I shall explain what I explained to ryan last night. I didn't think HE was a spider, I just thought there WAS a spider. I didn't even think he was in bed. The reason I got up was b/c I thought I saw a spider scuttling so I was going to go get Ryan so he could take care of it for me. After I got a few steps away from the bed, I woke up completely and realized that ryan was the thing that was in the bed and I could go back to sleep.

I'm a funny sleeper.
 
I must look horrible when I sleep.
 
To overcome the spider's curse, simply quote a Bible verse.
 
http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/12/01/gorilla.suit.ap/index.html

Gorilla nipple fetish?
 
Hear that, Missus? You can overcome this!

I, on the other hand, will continue to turn more and more into an arachnid. That's what you get when you eat spiders from the crawl space.

Koko rules. I'd do whatever I could to make him happy.

Wait...Koko's a woman? This changes everything.
 
Koko had a little kitten that she liked to pet. Cats have a lot of nipples, so that seems to validate the idea of the fetish.
 
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 
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