Wednesday, March 22

Stupid Libs, Ruining Everything.

Here now, the very first CDP Mad-Lib. Here’s how you can play along; it’s fun!

Make a list of answers to the following 20 questions. For example, if I ask you for a PLURAL NOUN, you’d say something like BLENDERS or GRAPEFRUITS. Do this for each of the 20 words I ask of you.

When you’re finished, plug your answers into the correct places in my following trademark rant. They’ll be in order, so it’s easy. Ready?

Write down the first thing that comes to your mind for the following:

1. PLURAL NOUN (I already used blenders and grapefruits, jerk.)
2. ADJECTIVE (Descriptive word, in case you were wondering.)
3. TOURIST ATTRACTION
4. HISTORICAL PERSON
5. PLURAL DRINK
6. PLURAL SNACK
7. WORST MOVIE EVER
8. ADJECTIVE (Make sure it’s different from your first adjective!)
9. MEDIA MEDIUM
10. DISEASE
11. CRIME-RIDDLED CITY
12. ANIMAL
13. VEHICLE BRAND
14. ANIMAL (Make it different from the first animal!)
15. BODY PART
16. COLOGNE
17. CELEBRITY YOU HATE
18. BODY PART (Make it different from the first body part!)
19. ARTICLE OF CLOTHING
20. GAY CELEBRITY

Now, take those 20 answers, and get ready to plug them into one of my numerous hilarious rants.

'Hilarious Trademark Rant'
By: The CDP.

So, here’s three reasons why I absolutely despise PLURAL NOUN.

1. They’re ADJECTIVE.

You can’t even go to the TOURIST ATTRACTION anymore without drowning in their bull rip. Why, me and FAMOUS PERSON were just discussing their annoyance over PLURAL DRINK and PLURAL SNACK. We came to the conclusion that we hate them more than WORST MOVIE EVER.

2. They think they’re so ADJECTIVE.

I’m sick of seeing them on the MEDIA MEDIUM all the time, rattling on about their DISEASE. Listen, I grew up in CRIME-RIDDLED CITY too, but I don’t go around blaming it for the time I hit that ANIMAL with my VEHICLE BRAND.

3. They smell like an ANIMAL’s BODY PART.

I shouldn't have to walk around with a can of COLOGNE just because I’m afraid they’ll show up reeking like CELEBRITY wiped their BODY PART on their ARTICLE OF CLOTHING. I swear to you, the next time I see them coming, I’ll run faster than GAY CELEBRITY to the Bravo channel.

Did it work for you? What were your words? Share the laughter and love in the comments section, and praise me for all the hard work I do for you.

There's a new Lost on tonight, along with someone other than Katharine McPhee getting booted off American Idol; so don't be calling me. I put up new links and updates in almost every section of the sidebar, so check 'em out if you get the chance. Sons & Daughters is the best show on TV that you're not watching; the two episodes last night were brilliant.


My tastes are better than your tastes:
P.O.S. - Audition

Comments:
Pretty good, I laughed at:

but I don’t go around blaming it for the time I hit that HYENA with my HYUNDAI.

the next time I see them coming, I’ll run faster than RYAN SEACREST to the Bravo channel.


I just heard the most depressing thing this morning. Adam Vinatieri has accepted the offer from the Colts. My world is crashing down around my ears. The team I love is being butchered and sold piece by piece. Kick me in the groin and be done with it.
 
The dynasty is over dude, you're just going to have to deal with it. I had to go through the same thing with the Packers 5 years ago; decades of heartbreak is just a natural part of being a football fan.

I'm shocked that the Colts cut Vanderjagt, the most accurate kicker in NFL history. That guy was automatic until the playoffs last year.

Also, if things go according to pattern, the Red Sox should win the series again in 2082, so it's pretty cool I got to see it in my lifetime. It's like Haley's comet.
 
Yes, life was good in Titletown. This is one of the reasons i love football so much. The NFL is organized to prevent teams from becoming superpowers (i.e. Yankees/RedSox) That's why there have been so many new teams winning the Bowl and so few multi-winners.

It still stings though, when a cinderella team like the Pats takes the inevitable plunge.

I'm also a little bummed Labonte is still having trouble finishing a race.
 
This is why the NFL is superior to all other sports. The Pats will continue to make the playoffs for a few years, dwindle out of the spotlight for a while and emerge 15 years from now as a new dynasty. Ta-Da!

The entire state of Wisconsin is waiting to see if Favre is retiring or not. We cannot make any rational decisions until we find 'oot.

Man, did anyone else do the Mad Lib? I've been hearing nothing but crickets on this page all day.
 
So, here’s three reasons why I absolutely despise BILLIARD BALLS.

1. They’re AWKWARD.

You can’t even go to the SPACE NEEDLE anymore without drowning in their bull rip. Why, me and THOMAS JEFFERSON were just discussing their annoyance over TEQUILLAS and CHEESE PUFFS. We came to the conclusion that we hate them more than THE PHANTOM MENACE.

2. They think they’re so SILENT.

I’m sick of seeing them on the MOVIE SCREEN all the time, rattling on about their GONOREA. Listen, I grew up in DETROIT too, but I don’t go around blaming it for the time I hit that GREAT HORNED OWL with my TOYOTA.

3. They smell like a GIRAFFE’s PINKY TOE.

I shouldn't have to walk around with a can of OLD SPICE just because I’m afraid they’ll show up reeking like CHRISTOPHER REEVES wiped their EAR LOBE on their SWEATER. I swear to you, the next time I see them coming, I’ll run faster than EMILIO ESTEVAS to the Bravo channel.
 
Pure hilarity! Thanks, Ben!

See? I knew this was a good idea. The Missus laughed when I pitched it to her, so I knew it was a winner.
 
Because her tastes are always exactly what everyone else likes. Now you KNOW that's not true. And she doesn't even comment on here anymore anyway.
 
Wow... So I started reading at "Hilarious CDP Rant," and I had no idea what was going on. "Why I hate Plural Nouns?" "Because they're Adjectives!!"

?

Now I understand.

I feel [adjective]. [Adjective]? More like [adjective].
 
Ben and I had seven of the same answers, that is strange....we probably would have had eight, but Christopher Reeve is not gay!
 
He might not be gay, but he is dead.
 
Was Paula drunk again last night?
 
Ben didn't say Christopher Reeve was gay; he said Emilio Estevez was. In either case, it got a laugh out of me.

Paula blamed her drunk behavior on Simon today, but I think she's just Xanex'ed out of her mind every Tuesday.

Todd, I plan on writing all my posts from here on out in Mad Lib form.

[Chuck Norris TV Ranger] told me I have [Fatal STD].
 
That could work!

[Conrad Bain] told me I have [rickets].





Ok, so neither fatal nor STD, but I couldn't think one. I'm sheltered like that.
 
First CDP Conrad Bain reference. Good work!
 
I do what I can. It was a tough choice between him and Mindy Cohn.
 
"They smell like a liger's puss"
 

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