Tuesday, April 18

It Ain't Fiction.

Screw you, Roger Rabbit.

In February of 1990, the pop music world was shaken, or at the very least, uncomfortably altered, when 'Opposites Attract' by Paula Abdul rocketed to the top the charts for three straight glorious weeks. 'Opposites Attract' was Abdul's 4th top 10 hit from her debut album, solidifying her as a pop music sensation for the remainder of the 1990's and to this very day. She has since won 18 Grammys, been nominated for 3 Oscars, donated over 100 million dollars to the ASPCA and once delivered a baby in a taxi cab.

Perhaps more importantly, 'Opposites Attract' was remembered mostly due to its groundbreaking and trendsetting music video, where Abdul dances and interacts with an animated MC Skat Kat. Not at all ripping off Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, one of the greatest movies ever made, the Gene Kelly-esque number wowed the MTV generation and set couches ablaze with the obvious sexual tension between Abdul and Mr. Kat.

More like MC Sex Cat.

Rumors surrounding their relationship reached a fever pitch when Kat was spotted engaged in a fistfight with John Stamos outside of the Viper Room in June of '91. After photographers snapped the two in combat, Stamos was suspended from the set of Full House for three days without pay. From that episode of Full House forward, Paula Abdul's poster was no longer displayed in the bedroom of Stephanie and DJ Tanner.

Everywhere you look!

As we all know, Abdul went on to release two more hit albums, before landing her current gig on American Idol. MC Skat Kat, however, started hitting the inhalants pretty hard, and can now be seen working the door for a Chuck-E-Cheese in downtown Beverton, Oregon. John Stamos went on to marry Rebecca Romijn, only to have her leave him for the fat kid from Stand By Me.

Here then, the reason for this post.

As a bit of a wordsmith and a stickler for consistency, I've always had a problem with the famous chorus to 'Opposites Attract.' Particularly, the following lines:

Ms. Abdul - 'I take two steps forward,'
Mr. Kat - 'I take two steps back,'
Both - 'We come together, 'cuz opposites attract.'

Think about that for a second. Assuming that they were facing each other, if person A (Abdul) steps forward and person B (Kat) steps back, how do they come together? In reality, they would end up the same distance apart from where they started. Let's go to the chart for this one, shall we?

It's all coming together now.

Now, the only way these chorus lines could be correct, is if MC Skat Kat wasn't facing Paula, essentially stepping backwards into her arms. This is not only a ridiculous concept, but it's far too gay and submissive to even be considered by someone as egomaniacal and misogynistic as Mr. Kat.

That way, after taking their aforementioned steps forward and back, they would indeed end up together. They really should have thought about this more when her and Mr. Kat were writing the song together.

After 16 years, I'm finally able to speak my case about this and let it go. I hope you're singing this song to yourself for the rest of the day.

Comments:
Paula Abdul acts like a drugged up idiot on American Idol. She is constantly hitting Simon and swaying back and forth like she is going to fall out of her chair at any moment. I cannot believe they renewed her contract.
 
I prefer the term 'Klonopin'ed-up, drunken clap monkey,' but hey, I'm not here to argue.

I like how Seacrest has grown increasingly more and more annoyed with the jugdes and their uselessness in the later rounds. They should bring back the celebrity judges like back in the day.

Sure, Quentin Tarantino isn't really an expert on pop music, but like Simon, it was funny to watch him bust on the contestants, mainly because they're always right.
 
Paula Abdul was my first celebrity obsession too. I had posters and everything.
It's funny how embarrassed I am by that now. My wife makes fun of me constantly. I blame Paula for it though. She could have just faded off into anonymity like so many hundreds of marginally talented people and we all would have been fine with it. But Noooo! She has to be a judge on an American Phenomenon and reveal what a mess her life is in front of millions of people. Damn it! Now the perfectly innocent crush from my youth has been tainted! Damn you Paula!


ps. I can't stay mad at you though. Paula you're still the best (at whatever it is that you do on a daily basis. What do you do? forget it, doesen't matter.)
 
I agree wholeheartedly.

Granted, I was into Vanilla Ice at the same time, so I had bigger problems than this.
 
Stop, collaborate and listen. CDP's back witha whole new edition.


It's funny how some celebrity's get away with abhorrent behavior and others get crucified for it. Look at the difference between Hugh Grant and PeeWee Herman.
 
You should have seen my Vanilla Ice haircut. To The Extreme!

Hugh Grant:

1. Caught with prostitute that may or may not be a real woman.

2. In the process, is unfaithful to Liz Hurley, one of the most beautiful women to ever grace the planet.

3. Shows up on Leno, turns on the British charm and everyone loves him again. Stars in romantic comedies until the rapture.

Pee-Wee Herman:

1. Well...we all know what he was up to. He shouldn't have been doing that in public, but whatever.

2. Wasn't hurting anybody and certainly wasn't being unfaithful to anybody.

3. Branded as twisted pervert. Public outcry and shame for the rest of his life.

Now, I understand that this had to do with the fact that Mr. Wee-Herman was doing a children's show at the time, but for crying out loud.

New rule: You cheat on Liz Hurley with a tranny, you get shot in the face. End of rant.
 
Not at all ripping off Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, one of the greatest movies ever made, the Gene Kelly-esque number wowed the MTV generation and set couches ablaze with the obvious sexual tension between Abdul and Mr. Kat.
I think there was an error in there...I think you meant "worst", not "greatest".

P.S. 13 is way too old to have been attracted to Paula Abdul.
 
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 
May I add that this was easily the stupidest and most pointless thing I have ever seen you post. Next time, you'd be further ahead posting nothing than this. Sorry.
 
It was all a joke, but duly noted.
 
I removed those 2 other posts to sum this up in one post. There is a BIG difference between Hugh Grant and Pee Wee Herman. Hugh Grant has a fondness for she-male prostitutes. Who cares? Liz Hurley is absolutely nuts from what I know of her. Maybe she's just not INTERESTING to be around. Pee Wee Herman had the single largest collection of child pornography ever confiscated in history. THIS is a problem. Somehow I think that makes him a little more perverted than someone who just didn't find someone else interesting. The end. This post is stupid. The end.
 
It was all a joke, but duly noted.

A joke that solidifies you as being an oversexed, uninteresting male just like the majority of them. Yeeha.
 
True, Pee-Wee wasn't that great of a guy, but the press basically ruined his career. I think your facts on the confiscation are a bit skewed, though.

I guess I just don't like Hugh Grant.
 
NO, they are not skewed. He had a collection of "art" prints which were actually male child pornography from the 50's. Contrary to what YOU might think, just because something is black and white does not make it art. It's still porn, and he's still a pervert. He deserves what he got.
 
Man, the Missus takes two steps forward and you take two steps back. How did you guys ever get together?
 
I think he tripped.
 
I didn't know about peewee and the nono pictures. I just googled it. It looks like that happened in 2001. Well after his career had been thrashed by the movie theater incident. So while on the subject. Rob Lowe didn't make out too bad after his statutory rape video and what about Pete Townshend and his nono pictures.
 
...And Clinton got impeached for what?

The CDP was almost shut down by the feds for my photo collection of underage cats in various stages of repose. I didn't even know that was illegal.

It's my cats' fault for being so awesome.
 
Wow! I didn't even notice Kitty porn was gone!
 
I didn't realize that the ASPCA had a Division of Homeland Security.
 
you know... A thing like that could really ruin your career.
 
Wow...for a couple of posts there, I felt like we were at a dinner party and the hosts started going at each other whilst all of the guests awkwardly poked at their mashed potatoes acting like they couldn't hear them...

In other news, the "Opposites Attract" video didn't hold a candle to the "Cold Hearted Snake" video. Just look into his eyes. Oh, oh...he's been telling lies. All while crawling and undulating on scaffolding.
 
The Missus gets a free pass this week because she's got whiplash and a totaled car. Let us never speak of the shortcut again.
 
Let me make it clear -- I totally understand where the Missus is coming from. To be the meat of a crash sandwich, and then having the Hubby blog about it, and then dealing with the pain and medication and fallout -- that, my friend is free pass-ville. In fact, shouldn't you be giving the Missus a shoulder and neck rub right now and not thinking about Paula Abdul?

(*trying to score points with the Missus*)
 
Yup, yup and yup. She's getting a whiplash rubdown of epic proportions this evening during Idol.

We're not fighting.

To update everyone, her neck is still sore but she's going to work today. Because this injury is well...an injury, there's a chance that lawyers and whatnot might get involved. That's off in the distance, however.

In the meantime, we're waiting to see the fate of her car, and what insurance is going to do. Either they fix the car, or write us a check that will pay it off and we have to buy a new one. Trust me, if we could afford a new car, we would have bought one by now. We really just want this one fixed.
 
Wow...for a couple of posts there, I felt like we were at a dinner party and the hosts started going at each other whilst all of the guests awkwardly poked at their mashed potatoes acting like they couldn't hear them...

It's almost as though you've been to one of our dinner parties before!!!
 
It's almost as though you've been to one of our dinner parties before!!!

I stopped coming because CDP's neck rubs started making me feel uncomfortable. Plus, if that's what he calls shiatsu, he's sadly, sadly mistaken.
 
I get touchy when I play host. I'm taking steps to work on that. Small, non-existant steps.
 

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