Thursday, June 15

Air, Earth, Water & Fire.

Feed and pet the deer!

You know, there comes a time in every man's life when he just has to slow down and feed the deer.

Feed and pet the deer!

The Wisconsin Dells Deer Park is a great place to repay your debts to the animal kingdom, specifically animals of the deer variety. It's like a purification ritual; we go once a year, and this time we brought my mom and sister.

Feed and pet the deer!

Please consider this an apology for all the times I ate venison and shot at you as a child. Sorry, buddy.

Feed and pet the deer!

The reason these deer are so tame is because the owners pump soft-rock radio throughout the park. Seriously, it's Peter Cetera round-the-clock at the Deer Park.

Feed and pet the deer!

They sell boxes of crackers for a dollar each to feed to the deer. They were Keebler Rye Crisp crackers, so I made sure to help myself to a bite or two as well.

Feed and pet the deer!

Apart from the deer, they also house Elk, Caribou, Emu(s), Bison, Zebu and Lemurs. One of the lemurs stole my watch and sold it off a minute later. Jerk.

You have found the secret message! What will you win?

It was the best day ever.

The quest for the golden putter.

It should also be noted that I went mini-golfing as well, shooting a perfect par 41 for the course. That's an average of 2.27 strokes per hole, which I assume is pretty good.

Take that, woman who raised me!

Then I destroyed my mom at a game of air-hockey. I rocked so hard, the puck had a vapor trail behind it. Check it out:

I'm so dope, the puck gets blisters.

Sound off in the comments section and let me know what you were up to while I was feeding the deer. CDP Post #400 is right around the corner, so pick out your best party hat.

Looks tasty. I'm gonna go heat up some venison.
Please see the previous post for my thoughts on weens like you.

Their horns were so velvety soft...
It should be noted that the last time I ate venison (about 15 years ago), I got horribly poisoned and threw up 15 times. I don't know what process you have to run venison through to make sure your stomach doesn't explode, but please remember to do so before you munch.
Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot the deer in the leg, had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?
You forgot to put the picture up of Alissa cleaning the deer poop off her shoe.

It was a really nice day, chasing wizards and all. Thank you for taking us.
I've been trying to remember that Office quote for months now. It was one of the best Michael lines ever, just the notion that Michael has no idea what agony he brings into the lives of others. Brilliant.

Yes, stepping in random droppings is the dark side of the Deer Park, but I take the good with the bad. We'll do it again sometime.
Are you advertising Rey Mysterio for free? He ought to be paying you for that. Or at the very least, bullying you into doing it.
Rey totally made me put that ad up. He was all, "I'm a Lucha Libre. I'm deceptively small and lightning-fast. I almost broke my neck last week."

Then he gave me a West Coast Pop from the top rope and put me through a press table. It ruled.

I'm waiting patiently for the night when Rey wrestles your Leprachaun friend; or at least starts a tag-team with him.
Weird, the link previewed fine, it should say "Office transcripts," not "12:01pm."
Well, now you've done it.
Elk, Caribou, Emu(s), Bison, Zebu and Lemurs.



In other news, when you don't wear your glasses we look nothing alike.
Yeah, I also dyed my hair brown. I was sick of having to live up to your achievements just because I kind of looked like you. It was stifling me.

Nothing tastes better than a simmered Zebu.

I just wanted to say that because I've never used that sentence before.
Ok, I'm gonna try this html crap again.

Crap. It previews just great.
Well, I know how I'll be wasting away my afternoon at work. Thanks for the link.
"Simmered Zebu" is the greatest phrase I've ever heard. I am officially stealing that. I don't know for what yet, but I'm tucking it away for future use.

And I love sentences that have never been used before. Sometimes I play that game in my head, because I'm a boring loner. My favorite sentence I've ever typed that has never been used ever before was, "Excuse me, Mr. Affleck, I believe you have my flan."
"Hey! The Archbishop ran off with my fudge suitcase!"
Wow...was the internets broken there for like a half day?

Anyway, the tough part of the "never-been-said-before" sentence is that it has to be plausable in some sort of context. Anyone can string together a bunch of non-sensical words, but to legitimately be in a situation where it makes total sense to say, "I'm sorry I threw a banana peel in your eyeball" is truly special. And yes, that just happened to me this past week. And again, I'm sorry, honey.
Yeah, there were publishing problems. I was notably upset.

"Don't remind me about the John Devner incident again, he promised to mail back the photos."
I think I'll have to make a post about this next week.
I agree, there is nothing special about stringing together randow words. That's why I hate when you make those stupid grossoid post titles, Ryan, that are like "Gum stamper loogie pants" and such.
Oh, and Rey Mysterio forced Ryan to put up that banner in lieu of Rey beating me severely for the rumors I've been spreading about the sexually ambiguous nature of the London and Kendrick tag-team. I hypothesize that Mysterio must be somehow involved in their torrid affairs...
I also noted in your pictures in this post that you always made the same craning neck stretch whenever the deer did it. It's like a weird Pavlov thing, except you weren't the beast being rewarded.
"Gum stamper loogie pants."'s on.

I made that motion when I was feeding the deer in the hopes they would mimic me and pose for the camera (they did). People always do that for animals and babies, for some reason.

I wasn't rewarded? Dude, I hugged a deer! That was my Christmas.
Everytime CDP hugs a deer, an angel gets his wings.

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