Thursday, June 29

Tin Roof Rusted.

I'm working on a lot of things right now, including the heavily-anticipated Post #400 (which will arrive in a couple weeks). To tide you over in the meantime, here are the last 20 Wikipedia articles I've read in my never-ending quest to become the most brilliantest man in the world. I try to take in about 50 new articles a week, concerning anything and everything interesting that I may or may not know about. Check out a few of them for yourself; you might learn something:

Yoko Ono
Simpsons Neologisms
Waverly Hills Sanatorium
Synaesthesia
Asperger Syndrome
Thomas Pynchon
Salman Rushdie
J.D. Salinger
Jandek
The Shaggs
Azaria Chamberlain Disappearance
Passive Aggressive
Taos Hum
Ball Lightning
Warren Buffett
Philip Taylor Kramer
Beatles Butcher Cover
The Misfits
Spontaneous Human Combustion
Francis Bacon

What are you Wiki-ing? Sound off in the comments section and let us know.

I had a dream the other night that I was walking alone through a crowded mall. The overhead speakers were blasting the song "Love Shack" by The B-52's, and everyone was dancing and singing to beat the band. Everywhere I looked, customers and patrons were shaking their asses while pushing strollers, sucking down Orange Julius' and carrying armloads of bags. It appeared as if they were all having a great time.

Just then, a young man pushing a stroller whizzed past me. He was a white-gangsta' wannabe, wearing impossibly baggy clothing, rocking a sideways baseball cap and sporting a huge medallion. He was also singing loudly and moving to "Love Shack," all while violently wrenching around the stroller, which was carrying a newborn baby.

I was concerned for the infant, so I confronted the man. "Dude, be careful!" I said. "You've got a baby in there!"

The man stopped his song and dance, looked up and grabbed me by the collar. I could tell he was pretty angry as he pushed me up against the window of a Barnes & Noble.

Looking right into my eyes with all the seriousness and emotion in the world, he said:

"She's sixteen years old."

He then jerked my collar free and let me go. I woke up seconds later.


I've chosen to have myself voluntarily committed. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Comments:
Oh, oh baby dreams.
 
Not really. She was sixteen.
 
Yeah, it had more to do with mall culture than anything. I've been fuming about it since I went there last week.

If we could have a 16-year old baby, that would rule. We could skip over all the parenting and kick 'em right out of the house.
 
That was my thinking when I left the post. You having a 16 year old baby would be perfect for you since you are not a big fan of babies.
 
I'd still have to teach them how to drive though. Sheesh, must I do everything for them?
 
For the record, Francis Bacon rules.
 
Correct.
 

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