Monday, October 9

Free MySpace Poetry.

Free MySpace Poetry!

Are you a sensitive boy or girl on MySpace? Are you pining for that perfect piece of poetry or prose that will perpetuate your pathetic pomposity? Do you want to appear emotional and deep, but just don't have the effort and creativity?

Look no further!

We here at the CDP have composed Free MySpace Poetry just for you! Simply choose the piece that best represents your suffering, lifeless and eternally tortured soul; then copy, paste and watch the friend requests roll in!

Beginner Section.

BEGINNER SECTION.

Example #1 - Four-Line Sonnet (ABCB):

My heart cries so loudly,
From the tower, I shall fall,
And wait for my sweet Prince(ss),
To suck the tears from my eyeball.


Example #2 - Haiku (5-7-5):

Never say goodbye
To the girl (boy) you hold so dear
Just kill them instead.


Example #3 - Limerick (AABBA):

My soul is a flawed creation,
When it's padded with pink insulation
That makes my skin itch,
And I cry like a bitch
When my TiVo records the wrong station.


Example #4 - Rubaiyat (AABA):

Tonight I'll slit my wrists in two;
Anything to prove that my love is true.
But I suppose I should just begin
By simply saying hello to you.


(Fact: MySpace is owned by the Fox Network.)

Intermediate Section.

INTERMEDIATE SECTION.

Example #5 - Cinquain (ABABB):

The moon was as full as my tummy
When we left the Chinese place.
The Egg Foo Yung was yummy,
Even though I despise their race.
(I need a pointed hood to hide my face.)

Example #6 - Terza rima (ABA BCB...):

I'm sporting gorgeous Emo hair;
Admiring my reflection in the mirror.
Why is life so unfair?

Why has God put me here?
With my expensive clothes and credit cards?
Everyone thinks I'm a queer.

Example #7 - Ottava Rima (ABAB AB CC):

You have to take those photos down
From your gallery on Flickr.
Your Elementary School graduation gown
Is making my heart beat quicker.


Your profile says that you live in my town,
And now I'm feeling a bit sicker.

Please don't let me end up on Dateline.
No, please don't let me end up on Dateline.


(Fact: 35-54 year olds make up 41% of MySpace users.)

Yep, that was me.

ADVANCED SECTION.

Example #8 - Rondelet (A4b8A4a8b8b8A4):

When I'm with Mom
She buys me things I can't afford.
When I'm with Mom
Not Communist like Vietnam.
A hat, some gum, a new skateboard
I'll tell you, sir, I'm never bored
When I'm with Mom.

Example #9 - Petrarchan Sonnet (A8BBA8 A8BBA8 C8DE C8DE):

This girl's been on my mind again.
Last name Portman, first name Natalie;
Cooler than a million Mortal Kombat fatalities,
But I can't use cheat codes to win.

She rules over my heart again.
Like a sovereign principality.
Ying to my Yang in this duality.
Sieze me like eminent domain.


I saw her on the bus today.
I said "I loved you in The Professional,"
"For a twelve year old, you looked quite well."

She blasted me with pepper spray.
And I headed over to the confessional

Because Catholic boys go straight to hell.

Example #10 - Shakespearean Sonnet (ABAB CDCD EFEF GG):

When the world comes crashing from above,
I'll meet my maker, face to face.
He'll ask me how I lived and loved,
And I'll reply, "On MySpace."

I'll tell Him how I stayed indoors,
Adding friends and searching names.
Taking photographs of liquor stores,
With my tears just out of frame.


"MySpace is no more than spam!" He'll exclaim.
Brushing the black hairs from my eye.
"In all My creation, I've never seen something so lame."
"I'll see to it that Tom's friends all die."

I understand now, why He was so stern with me.
From now on, I'll only visit the CDP.

(Fact: He who dies with the most friend requests...still dies.)

Feel free to use as many of these as you want; I'll leave it up to you if you want to credit theCDP.net or not. I'm just here to help.

WEDNESDAY: LINK PARTY!
FRIDAY: LOST FRIDAY - EPISODE 2.

Comments:
This is why I married you.
 
I thought you married me because I was rich. What the H?
 
This is very good and very funny, although I think some people will not be able to get past the greatness of it!
 
FACT: The CDP used to have a MySpace account until I called him out on it.
 
Yeah. You know, sometimes satire is just too good to be appreciated. For example, will anyone notice that I included my own photo in the post as a tongue-in-cheek reminder of how we follow trends?

Probably not. I suffer for my art.
 
Oh, I saw it.
 
I need to start writing poetry again; it's very rewarding. I used to write at least one poem a day, which again tells you what kind of person I am.

I'm the Tony Danza of the A-B stanza.
 
My friend Scotty and I were going to make t-shirts with your current tag line on it...here's the design I threw together: emo lawn
 
See? You know it's funny. Make sure to create a magnet out of it as well; I would buy it in a heartbeat.
 
Mrs. CDP has a MySpace account, but only because I am too awesome to be criticized.
 
That, and the fact that you do things for the sole purpose of driving me stark, raving mad.

MySpace accounts, having friends outside of me, wearing dresses; I really let you get away with murder.
 
I know...I'm really quite the rogue wife.
 
I never said it wasn't funny. It's just you're lumping all "emo kid" stereotypes with MySpace, and that's just not accurate. There's a lot of them, sure, but if your facts are correct you'd be more accurate in equating MySpace with creepy middle-aged men.
 
Agreed, but what would creepy, middle-aged men want with poetry? I'm appealing to a demographic, here.

I did do a few pedophile poems, though. I couple goth ones, too.
 
"A" couple goth ones, too.
 
Fair enough.
 
Well done. You can never go wrong with a picture of a liquor store though.
 
See, what did I tell you!
 
I have more liquor store photos than a Zagat's guide to Camden.

Zing!
 
Very nice display of meter-fu...I must wear a bowtie next time. It may help me look erudite.

raif
 
I've been meaning to place a dress code on this page, but then I wouldn't be allowed to post. I find that my best writing takes place when I'm pantsless.
 
The urge to make a joke about wearing nothing but a bowtie is nearly overwhelming.

Good thing I'm very strong, otherwise I'd blurt it right out.
 
A bowtie that spins and makes that hilarious noise.
 
I also write better sans pants. Actually, I do my best work sans pants and drinking. Unfrotunately, that type of thing is frowned upon in corporate America.
 
Fascists.
 
However, JT, if you were sans pants, wearing a wife-beater, and drinking, then you would be wearing the official, standard issue uniform of the honorable state of South Carolina. It's true. CDP, you watch COPS, you can back me up on this one.

I need to write more
haiku is fun and easy
much like my sister

Well, I don't actually have a sister, but if I did, I'm sure she'd be fun and easy - or at least easy. And she'd still be my parent's favorite.
 
I can back Godot on this one. Those Gamecocks know how to dress!

That haiku was hilarious.
 

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