Wednesday, October 25

Hump Day Top 10.

Morbidly Overbese.

1. You know, there comes a time in every child's life when he has to wear a humiliating costume in front of 1000 classmates. For me, this time came in the mid-80's. Please enjoy one of the worst days ever, with...

October 13, 2005 - "It's My Costume."

2. Make sure you check out Weird Al's MySpace Page. "Don't Download This Song" made me laugh far harder than it should have, and the first 20 seconds of "You're Pitiful" killed me (I always thought the beginning sounded strange, now I have validation from the Master). You can also find the music video for "White & Nerdy" on GooTube, which is well worth your time.

3. After taking a 2-year hiatus when the completion of "72 Hours" was through, yours truly will begin work on a brand-spanking-new screenplay before the end of the year. This newfound inspiration came at the hands of a one Mr. Benjamin, who's utterly insane purchase of a $5000 digital camera sparked my creative juices. Just like I did in 2004, I've made him a promise to deliver a shootable screenplay, and I never let down my friends. I just hope that this time I can come up with something that isn't ripped off by a major television network. Wish me luck.

4. Helpful hint from the CDP: If you submerge your computer modem in Coca-Cola and let it soak overnight, it will run zero times faster than if you had just left it alone in the first place, jerk.

5. Coming up next month on the CDP, the countdown to Sweeps Month begins, with gems like "The Worst Album Covers Of All Time - Part Deux" and the Autumn finale of Lost Friday. If you're new to the page in recent months, I'll remind you that Sweeps Month is a time out of the year where we strive to get as many hits as possible to the CDP. This is when we bust out all of the year-end lists, publicity stunts and 2006 recaps. This year, Sweeps Month will be in December, as it simply makes more sense that way. I'm telling you now so you don't forget.

Buy some merch.

6. At my office, we're in the midst of the "Partners In Giving" campaign, where all state agencies try to raise as much money as possible for charity. As you know, the CDP has done its part, donating at least $100 a year to various charities of importance (again, if there's a charity you feel strongly about, pitch it to the CDP; we're still deciding).

I was a co-chairman on the "Partners In Giving" committee last year, and one of my money-making proposals was a legitimate street fight between me and the head Chairman. I figured that if 100 people in the agency paid $10 to see it, we'd be assured a cool grand.

Imagine my surprise when I wasn't elected on the committee this year. It's their loss.

7. Speaking of the office, my fellow co-workers had a funeral for one of the industrial printers in our building. "Brutus" was an HP laser-printer that had been with the department longer than I have. The day that Brutus was scheduled to be carted away and replaced with a smaller and faster model, we gathered around him and said a few words.

I wrote a haiku, which was then scotch-taped to the side of the machine. It read:

You destroyed copies
And made our jobs difficult.
I'll miss you, Brutus.

Minutes later, a pre-typed message came shooting out of Brutus, wishing us all well and reassuring us that he was going to a better place. Cake was served.

I work in a weird-ass office.

8. This weekend, Mr. Benjamin and Mrs. Sherry are making the journey to CDP Headquarters for a lively bout of pumpkin slingshotting and corn maze navigating. If you remember from last year, this was a pretty big day for all of us.

9. Heroes and Studio 60 are the best new shows on TV right now. Tuesday's episode of Studio 60 was of the most intelligent and captivating things I've seen on television all year (which means it's bound to be cancelled). If you can find a way to catch up and get on board, it would be in your best interest to do so.

10. Lists that have 10 items instead of 9 seem more important in the eyes of a casual passerby.

See you on Lost Friday. Tally-Ho!

Comments:
I'm going to a corn maze on Sunday, but I don't think they have a pumpking slingshot. I feel ripped off already. Maybe I'll steal some corn to make up for it.
 
It's going to be 30 degrees in Madison the day we go gourd-shottin', so you'll probably have a much better time.
 
There are some great new shows this season. Unfortunately I think many of them will blast through the interesting conceptual ideas that landed them a contract and die a sorry death. Case in point, Jericho severely disappointed me last week. I mean, how many times are those damn kids going to be in trouble! If I were the teacher I'd hold classes in the middle of a corn field where nothing can run them off the road, seal them in mines, electrocute or light them on fire. Then again, the earth may open up and swallow them. damn kids.
 
I agree, Jericho has no shelf-life, and what little they have now is dead in the water. People aren't watching this show to see small-town folk put out fires, they want to know how many corpses there are. Period.

Yet, I can't stop watching.

Man, Heroes is good. I can't believe it's such a popular hit, because in my opinion, it's the weirdest damn show on TV. It also has its moments of ultra-violence, as well.
 
Tinker is SO FAT. I love it.
 
Does the corn maze cost anything? Our plans for the weekend are probably not going to happen, so it would be nice to have something to do. When are you guys going?
 
I think it's $8 or $9 a person, and we're going whenever (and only if) the weather's nice. I really want to go, but you can't pay me enough to stand in a cornfield when it's 25 degrees out.
 
StrongBad's "Trogdor Theme" is going to be one of the unlockable songs on Guitar Hero 2.

Also, Dethklok's "Thunderhorse" will be on there as well, for all you Adult Swim fans.

I'll be standing in line on November 7. That's a fact.
 
One last thing. I own the two most adorable cats on the planet.
 
No way, I do! Wait a minute...
 
We agreed that if we get divorced, you get Gabe and I get Tinker.

Clearly, we're not dividing the cats up based on weight. Otherwise, you'd get a whole Gabe and a quarter Tinker.

I'd be left with the scraps.
 
You'd still be happy, because I'm sure that you think even scraps of Tinker are better than Gabe. Why do you hate him so???
 
He's nothing but a residual haunt to me.
 

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