Friday, November 10

Lost Friday - "I Do."

Lost Friday - I Do.
Season 3 - Episode 6: "I Do."

The final Lost Friday of the year is upon us; we have much to discuss.

Unless you're some kind of jerkass, you really couldn't ask for a better episode than this. In addition to a massive cliffhanger, we once again had the lives of several people up in the air, Ben Linus splayed open like a smoked salmon and Jack finally acting like a man again. If that wasn't good enough for you, it was all topped off with a wee dab of intercourse.

That, my friends, is TV-14 television at its finest. A little bit of D, a pinch of S, and a whole lot of L and V.

Kick A.

As you know, "I Do" was the last episode of Lost until February 7, 2007. For those who dislike counting, that's 12 weeks of lackluster programming and Taye Diggs, or whoever that black guy is in the mid-season replacement show. This is all quite unacceptable, yes, but the payoff will be worth it. Sixteen straight new episodes, right up to the Season Three Finale in mid-May. It's going to be a long winter, but with Global Warming, you'll barely notice it.

Please refrain from slitting your wrists just yet, it's time for the Thick & Meaty.

THE THICK & MEATY.
(Written by the CDP. Enjoyed by you.)

It days I'm special!
(Jack consults his Cap'n Crunch Treasure map for further advice.)

In flashbacks, we see Kate (Monica), fresh on the run after gone done exploding her abusive Stepfather. She's very much in love with a police officer named Kevin, who apparently isn't a very intuitive man of the law. I mean, what cop doesn't run a background check on their fiancee? Either way, Kevin and Kate are going to get married soon, as we see Kate naked for the second time in three weeks.

As an aside, Kate must really want to be captured by the law, wanting to marry a cop. Either that, or she's just a stone-dumb Canuck* that's attracted to trauma. I've known a few women like that; that's probably what it is. Let's move on.

*I'd apologize to my Canadian fans, but I doubt I have any. Besides, they don't read good.

Kate gives the Marshall a call and tells him to stop doing his job. He agrees, shuts his computer off and immediately goes home. Shortly thereafter, Kate, who makes good decisions at a rate that's about as poor as Michael, spills it to Kevin, drugs him and flees the scene. When Kevin comes to, he proceeds to bring all of his sports memorabilia back out of the basement and redecorates the house in his underwear.

Why haven't I gotten a raise?
(Meet Kevin: Cop of the Year.)

END OF SOMEWHAT UNNECESSARY AND PURELY SYMBOLIC FLASHBACK.

Back on the original island, Locke, Sayid and Desmond, along with pseudo-Boone and Shannon, hold a funeral for Mr. Eko. Locke recites the rap song I wrote for him last week, and Sayid breakdances briefly on some cardboard. This rekindles Locke's thoughts of destiny, which leads him back to Eko's Boom Stick. Eko, thinking ahead, carved a seemingly specific message for Locke, who gets all spooky-eyed as we fade out.

Easiest jobs ever.
(Nikki and Paulo combined have 3 more lines than I have on this show.)

END OF THAT.

On the Hydra island, Jack informs Ben that he's not going to perform surgery because he doesn't have any insurance. Ben insists that he has an HMO; Jack punches him in the face.

In the polar bear cages, Kate gets hauled off to work, while Sawyer takes the day off so he can get shot in the face by Pickett. Kate objects, so the execution is held off until after the hard labor. During this time, Alex runs out with a slingshot and nails a few Others in a flurry of pointy rocks. She informs Kate that they're going to kill Sawyer, just like they killed Alex's boyfriend; presumably Karl*. The Others, realizing that slingshots can't hurt anyone over the age of 10, takes her down and drags her off. Kate gets naked for some reason.

*Karl was the teen originally in the bear cage; featured for less than 8 seconds.

Juliet informs Kate that they plan on capping Sawyer unless she convinces Jack to do the surgery on Ben. That's 5 names in one sentence; please try to keep up with me.

Niner?
("Knock it off, Roy! You're like, 5 feet away from me!")

In an awkward meeting, Jack gets jealous over what Kate's willing to do for Sawyer and has a bit of a tantrum. Kate cries and takes her clothes off.

Upon returning to the cages, Kate brings Sawyer up to date and demands they make a break for it. Sawyer, knowing that there's no escape from Hydra Island, breaks the news to Kate and gets a little weepy. Kate comes over and gets naked, as we all try to pretend that what we're seeing is erotic. The camera pans over to a roaring fireplace, then mercifully fades to black.

I take a leak and proceed to eat Cheese Whiz directly from the can. You really didn't need to know that.

Kate and Sawyer proclaim their love for each other, which marks the first time that someone said something completely regretful immediately following sex. I'm glad it was captured on tape for posterity purposes. This is why men fall asleep instantly thereafter*; it's so they don't accidentally promise to buy a Tennis Bracelet or clean the garage.

*I'm not one of those guys. My garage is spotless and the Missus is diamond-encrusted.

Much better.
(This is the best Kate's looked all episode.)

In the shark cage, Jack hears Alex's voice on the intercom, telling him to try the door. It's unlocked, so he heads off in search of television and guns. He finds Ben's control room, and observes Kate and Sawyer basking in the afterglow. This upsets him a bit, causing his gears to turn and eventually agreeing to do the surgery on Ben. His only demand is to get off the island, and possibly get his hands on the uncut surveillance tape of Kate and Sawyer.

Ben agrees, and offers to make popcorn.

During the operation, Jack slices open Ben's kidney on purpose, giving him about an hour to live. He starts barking demands, unknowingly saving Sawyer from execution. He tells Kate via-walkie-talkie to head for the hills, not knowing that they're on a different island. Kate refuses to leave without Saywer, and everyone's looking confused and sweaty as we smash cut to black.

Kate gets naked.

END OF MINI-SEASON.

Good stuff, really. Let's break it down, like Hasselhoff on the Berlin Wall.

THE NUMBERS.
(Because people are more apt to read things when presented in list form.)

What a brain-teaser!
(A vase, or two faces?)

4 - Kate is the sex symbol of the island? Fur realz? Now I see why they had to throw Vikki and Pablo* into the mix. They needed some woman, any woman to make us think that Kate was cuter by comparison. Oh, and keep her away from Sun at all times. That would ruin the illusion.

Well, I'm not buying it. Here's a photo, though.

*This is how little I care about Nikki and Paulo.

8 - Why didn't Desmond see Eko's death coming? Apparently, he's a racist clairvoyant.

15 - I like how when a character dies on Lost, their corpse always shows up next week for the funeral. It's like a free paycheck!

16 - It would appear that Ben and Juliet adopted Alex as their own when they stole her from Rousseau back in the day. Nothing funny there; just thought I'd let you know.

Um...let's see. I need a joke, here. Something to end this bit on a funny note. Think, man. Think!

Poop!

Whew; dodged a bullet, there.

It's only $15 a month!
(If Ben got TiVo, he wouldn't have to do this.)

23 - "Shepard wasn't even on Jacob's list." Who's Jacob, and why/how did he make the list? The rumors are circulating that Jacob might be the mythical "Him." Hell, he might not even live on the island. He might even be me; I'm not sure at this point.

42 - The last 15 minutes of this show was about as good as TV drama gets. It was spectacular, and you should probably watch it again if you can. In actuality, you should watch it every week for the next 12 weeks. It's all we have.

It's all we have.

THE PREVIEW.
(......)

HELLLLLLLLP!
("WAAAAAAAALLLLT!!!")

You see, here's the thing. Lost Friday will return in February with a Complete Season Three Recap, getting us all set up for the remainder of the year. The CDP, however, isn't going anywhere. In December, you can expect to see Best Of 2006 lists for just about everything, the CDP Year In Review, the very first CDP Podcast, merch giveaways and much more.

Sound off in the comments section, or send an e-mail to communistdance@yahoo.com. To quell your Lost fix, head on over to The Coconut Internet and say hello. If you want to donate or purchase CDP merch, the links are on top. Every other Lost Friday for the season is listed below. Thanks for reading, we'll see you Monday.

MONDAY:
Tonight's Special Is The "I Kill You Now."

Season 3 Preview
Season 3 - Episode 1 Review
Season 3 - Episode 2 Review
Season 3 - Episode 3 Review
Season 3 - Episode 4 Review
Season 3 - Episode 5 Review

Comments:
I will never tire of "Waaaaaaallllt!" jokes, for real.

I think I'm about done with Studio 60.

Future Dwight = hilarious.

So the NBC Office is taking a nod from the BBC office, and the Stamford branch is closing abd being absorbed by Scranton... except Michael is still in charge, that's a different dynamic. I had been looking forward to Michael being a subordinate to Josh.
 
That might still happen; Michael taking orders from Josh. I like the idea that Jim and his girl pal might both be going to Scranton at some point.

Future Dwight was hilarious. I also liked how everyone was upset that they didn't get fired.

The one scene that absolutely killed me for some reason was when Dwight and Michael were several hours into their stakeout, and Dwight was sucking from that bottle of Powerade.

"Here, replenish your fluids."
 
Oh, Studio 60 seems to be on the ropes right now. I still think it's one of the best-written shows on television, but I also watch professional wrestling, so...you know.
 
Studio 60 has the potential to be a great show if it could lay off the Christians and flyover-country hicks just for a little bit. The dialogue and characters are great (and one of the reasons I'm hanging on so far), but Sorkin's got such an obvious axe to grind, it gets sort of boring and a little irritating.

That Powerade scene was perfectly played, nice and subtle. I also liked Michael's disappointment in Bowling for Columbine's misleading title.
 
Like last week, I agree with you concerning Sorkin's massive class-divide between Hollywood and the rest of the nation. That being said, I'm looking forward to seeing John Goodman again. In my opinion, he's always been a severely underrated TV and film actor.

"No! He won't say that. He'll be intimidated."
 
If Josh is going to Staples, and Stamford is going to Scranton, AND Jim is still being offered the "#2" job, what will happen to Dwight's role in Scranton (assuming Michael will still be #1)???

How's that for a run-on question on a Friday morning?
 
I was thinking about that. Jim being the new Dwight would be a funny twist.

Quick Lost thought for you:

Even though you knew that Sawyer wasn't going to be executed by Pickett, were you still emotionally involved in the scene?

I consider Kate and Sawyer to be two of the lesser actors on this show, but the depth of that scene was absolutely amazing, as far as I was concerned. They sold it, and I was leaning towards the TV for about 10 minutes.
 
Future Dwight is one of the best things I've ever seen.
 
Studio 60 is still my favorite "new show".

Very rarely is there a show I actually look forward to watching, and Studio 60 is one. Then again, I look forward to Smackdown each week too. So you really needn't listen to what either the CDP or I have to say.
 
Credibility = Shot in the ass.

Don't listen to her, people. Please value what I have to say.
 
Looks like Studio 60 got the nod for a full season from NBC.

Show me that farm with Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up all over the place... Show me that farm.
 
I'm actually quite surprised; I thought Studio 60 was on the way 'oot. Well, more Bradley Whitford for us to love, I guess.

Hilarious. I also liked when Michael was breaking the news to the staff, and he started biting his lower lip to keep from crying; he looked like Jerri Blank from Strangers With Candy.
 
I was thinking that exact thing about Strangers With Candy when he made that face... He had a lot of good facial expressions in this episode.
 
My alter-ego, Ryan, was acting especially like myself last night. When he remarked that he had just ordered 1000 business cards with his work address on them, it was as if my doppelganger was on the TV.
 
I wanna see Dwight and Andy mixing it up.
 
Which of the Others, if any, do you think are siding with Juliet? I wonder if any of them know Juliet's plan. Obviously, keeping Ben alive still holds sway with most of them, if Jack can use that to get them to release Kate and Sawyer.
 
Another good Lost Friday. You were farked again, but it hasn't been greenlighted. It needs a better slogan than the one it was submitted with.

How did the Madison comedy competition go? Will we be hearing that in a story for this coming week?
 
Thank you, random Fark submitter! Try harder next time!

Obviously, Jack doesn't trust Juliet or Ben, and I'm not too sure myself. She seems like she might have a shred of compassion, but they both clearly have power over most of the Others. If I had to kill one of them, I'd kill Juliet, specifically because Ben would have more answers for me. That being said, I think he's more dangerous.

The stand-up thing went quite well. I don't know when I'll get around to writing the essay, mainly because it went too well to warrant a humorous story. I met some nice people, heard some good jokes, handed out some CDP buttons and hereby own title to "The Funniest Blog In Madison," even though I (secretly) don't live there.

I'll be back to judge the Finals in December, so that rules.

In its place, I'll be posting an essay on Monday about why I could never be a waiter. It's funnier than the title would have you believe, I promise.
 
Do you ever read waiterrant.net?
 
I was a lousy waitress too. I wonder if it was for the same reason. Can't wait to see!
 
I'll give WaiterRant a look-see.

Oh, I've never been a waiter; mainly because I know better. It would be only a matter of time before someone was killed.

And by 'someone,' I mean 'whomever I killed.'
 
This Lost had me fully involved for sure. This season's M.O. has been to kind of lay low for 40 minutes and then start feeding juicy scraps before the final Smash Cut. I looked up about five times this episode completely surprised it wasn't 9:55 yet.

Going by Julliet's reactions this week I am beginning to suspect her little slide show was a ploy to get behind Jack's defenses. These people are masters of psychological manipulation, I don't think Jack is out of the trap yet.

When Jack was making his secret little incision on Ben I couldn't help but laugh. It reminded me of A Christmas Story when the father was sneaking a slice off the turkey.

Okay, we know Karl's name even though he was on screen for all of 8 seconds, but we still haven't been properly introduced to KFed and Brit, I mean Paolo and Nikki.

Here's a little known fact for this week. Almost the entire former cast of Rosanne made it on TV within five days of each other. If anyone spotted Becky or DJ let me know.
 
The picture of Ben in front of the tvs is exactly how I pictured CDP headquarters.
 
That is pretty much the look of CDP Headquarters, only my TV's are older.

One of my favorite parts of the holiday season is being able to watch A Christmas Story 2 or 3 times.

"Don't touch that turkey! It's not cooked; you'll get worms."
 

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