Thursday, December 14

The CDP's Christmas List.

In case you were looking to buy me something this year, here are 15 suggestions. This list will also come in handy if you happen to have a hipster asshole in your family that wears a size Small and hates the outdoors.

Gifts have been organized by price. Tally-ho!

Nintendo Wii - $748.25

This is the best used price I could find online, so don't wait! They'll just get more expensive! After seeing how large and cumbersome the PS3 is, my next-gen console mind is made up. I swear to God, the PS3 is the size of an Atari 2600, only the 2600 actually had cool games.

Electronic Drum Kit.
Hart Dynamics Prodigy Electronic Drum Set - $500

Living in an attached townhome, I can't just go into the basement and drum away like I used to. Even with the attached silencers, it's still loud and not the least bit gratifying. I'd learn to play the guitar, but that's like eating dog food when you could have lobster. Vegan lobster.

80GB iPod.
80GB Black Video iPod - $350

This iPod has a larger capacity than my last computer, and could very well store 30,000 tracks. After some quick math, I've determined that accounts for almost every worthwhile song in my CD collection. If someone doesn't buy this for me, I'll buy it myself the day after Christmas.

The Prisoner.
The Prisoner - Complete Series Megaset - $130

Why this DVD collection hasn't decreased in price is beyond me, but it seems worth it. The Prisoner is #1 on my list of television shows I've never watched but absolutely have to at some point. Besides, I needed another excuse to sit in front of my television for weeks on end.

OBEY Savage Posse Gang Jacket - $120

If this jacket doesn't help my transition from emotional cute 'boy' to a serious, badass 'man,' then nothing will. Furthermore, I find it ironic that I've given several hundreds of dollars to a company that so opposes brand stereotypes that they can't help but create tons of merch.

Kids In The Hall.
The Kids In The Hall Megaset - $119

When it comes to sketch comedy, The Kids In The Hall rival even Monty Python when it comes to the art of deconstructing the one-act comedy piece. Still fringe after all these years, Kids In The Hall is, in the CDP's opinion, one of the funniest shows of all-time.

Calvin & Hobbes.
The Complete Calvin & Hobbes - $100

True, I have every Calvin & Hobbes book ever published, but there's still something all-encompassing about getting the complete treasury. Nobody has encapsulated the warmth, humor, intelligence and beauty of the comic strip better than Bill Watterson.

Rhodium-Plated Top & Bottom Grill - $92

When I wear my grill,
I know I'm better than you.
Because my teeth shine.

Wrestlemania: The Complete Anthology (Volume III) - $70

I'm watching every WrestleMania in reverse order from XXII, so this is the next logical step in my progression. Even though the WWE is nowhere near the peak of their late 90's popularity, you can always count on being entertained by the biggest Pay-Per-View of the year.

Serial Experiments Lain - Signature Series Box Set - $40

Lain is the only Anime that the CDP has ever cared about. Impossible to understand after just one viewing, Lain was in the forefront of online, hacker and cyberpunk culture. Now, while that all doesn't interest me too much, the series itself is addictive and surreal, as you'd assume.
Trivial Pursuit.
Trivial Pursuit: Totally 80's - $40

Every year, Trivial Pursuit comes out with a game that I want more than the previous one. Everyone who grew up in the 80's should have an 80's trivia game somewhere in the house, and nobody does it better than the Pursuit folk. Not sure if this is a DVD game, but who cares?

Swiss Army.
Swiss Army Cologne - $35

Someday, when the Internet develops 'Scent Technology,' you'll all realize just how amazing I smell at all hours of the day. However, when this Internet breakthrough does occur, you might want to stop visiting certain sites. "Ain't It Cool News" instantly comes to mind.

Arrested Development.
Arrested Development - Season 3 DVD - $30

Folks, when it comes to situation comedies of the last decade, it gets no better than Arrested Development. This final season sticks it to FOX, the fans and the state of popular television in general, leading to some of the best satire ever seen on the small screen. Brilliant stuff.

I Walked On The Moon.
Brian Regan - I Walked On The Moon - $20

I would get a Brian Regan CD, but he's a comedian that works better under a visual medium. Unlike a Demetri Martin or Steven Wright, Brian works the entire stage, adopting a high-energy, 100% clean-yet gaspingly funny act that could get a laugh out of absolutely anyone.

Walk Into The Light.
Communique - Walk Into The Light EP - $6

I could easily buy this myself, but I'm too lazy to do the mailorder thing anymore. I'm an instant-gratification guy; if I have to wait a week for an album to arrive in my mailbox, I simply won't buy it; instead opting for whatever second-rate album I can grab at Best Buy.

Best Buy.
Gift Cards For The Following 10 Locations (Any Price):

Barnes & Noble - Who doesn't want to spend $20 on a CD?
Best Buy - If Best Buy didn't exist, I could have retired years ago.
Borders - Just like Barnes & Noble, only with more magazines!
The Buckle - Where the CDP goes when he wants $100 pre-torn jeans.
Exclusive Company - Wisconsin's best indie record store. A WI hipster tradition.
Express - Where the CDP goes when he wants to look gay.
Godiva - Because I happen to like truffles. Jealous?
Marcus Theatres - Why does it cost $50 for two people to see a movie?
Olive Garden - Unlimited soup, salad and breadsticks? It's not even my birthday!
Target - Where the CDP buys pretty much everything he truly needs.

Get buying!


I'm guessing you have some sort of auto-post going on, or I've encountered a tear in the space-time continuum, because I saw your Wednesday post yesterday and I'm reading the Thursday post on Wednesday.

Also, I had no idea they had come out with the complete Calvin and Hobbes treasury. I know what I'm buying with any cash I get.

If I had the dispensable income, I would buy you the grill in a heartbeat.
$748.25 for a Wii???!!!

Jesus, in Cali we can pick up those suckers everywhere... Let me know if you need a Wii, I'll send you one... for $700.00!!!

Muuwwwhahahahahahaha.... *evil Grin*

Didn't know people were paying that out there...
You know how Wisconsin is, Jessica. We're so far behind on trends that we've just started to shave our names into the back of our heads. The whole 'Vanilla Ice' thing should be just around the corner.

Calvin & Hobbes + Grillz = A Very Merry Christmas.

Man, I'm going to be a sad little boy on December 25.
We played a small set out last night, and it went over well.. unexpectedly got a review from Fox Valley Jams, who was quite pleased with us. The only suggestion was that the bass player and I try to move around and work the crowd a little more, but being my first time on stage, I had no idea what I was doing.

We're doing a show Saturday in Oshkosh at the Reptile Palace. Stop on by if you're in the area.
RJ, I can teach you all about how to work the stage like a rock star. Just thrust your wang at everything and stick your tongue out a lot. There will be panties flying everywhere.
Just thrust your wang at everything and stick your tongue out a lot.

That's the exact same method I employ for selling office supplies.
That's the only way I'll buy!
Yeah, now that I'm no longer a rock star, I have to use those moves for other circumstances than merely rocking out. Other uses include:

*Ordering toast at Wafflehouse.
*Asking for directions.
*Changing the litter box.
*Light dusting.
Don't forget directing traffic.
JT, did you get your CDP goods yet?
Not yet, but I know the holidays slow down the mail. It may be waiting on me when I get home today.

If so, expect drunken pictures of me rocking the goods over the weekend.
'Tis the season.
Directing traffic, you say... by sheer coincidence... nevermind.

I just got a deal on a new wireless system because the person at Guitar Center saw us play on Tuesday, and liked us. Almost half off on it. So yes, I will surely be moving around a little more. If I see you in the audience, I will direct my "wang-thrust" away, so as to not make your head explode and/or steal the wife.
She's a mark for crap like that. It's how we met.
I think I saw that Wrestlemania DVD set at preplayed when I was there today... want me to doublecheck and price it for you?
If you happen to remember, give it a look-see. Thanks.

I would just buy the Ultimate Collection, but I already bought Volume 4 on its own. Now I have to get them all separately.

Your little friend is making quite a name for himself on Smackdown. I think I saw him on the poster for the next Pay-Per-View.
You saw my little friend on a pay per view poster for something called "Smackdown"? I knew I never should have made that video...

This just went in a bad direction.

To be fair, the name of the PPV is "Armageddon," but your point is still well-taken.

Heh-heh....weiner jokes.

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