Here are 5 points of interest to get you all caught up this week.



Super Bowl.

In all honesty, the game wasn't terribly exciting, but it was great that the Steelers pulled it off. It really couldn't have ended any better. Bettis and Cowher get their rings, and probably a trip to the Hall of Fame in the near future. The pre-game and halftime festivities were an abomination as always, but I think we've come to expect that in this post-nippular world.

It should be noted that the Missus correctly predicted every single playoff game this year. All 11 of them. I don't know what the odds are on something like that, but I'm going to keep her close by when March Madness rolls around.

What about the commercials? There were a few good ones. The 'fly defibrillator' spot was good, as were most of the Budweiser ads ('secret fridge' being the best). I also got a kick out of the Career Builder 'monkey' spot, along with the FedEx 'dinosaur' spot. In all, there were a smattering of laughs, but nothing that I'll really think is funny a week from now.

My favorite commercial of the night was by far the ABC spot for Lost. If you didn't see it, it was a collection of clips montaged with the Robert Palmer song 'Addicted to Love.' Only in the commercial, they changed it to 'Addicted to Lost.' It was so mind-nummingly awful that it came back around the other side, becoming so bad it was awesome. In fact, instead of the Steelers, this commercial wins my Commie Award for the week.



Check it out at ABC.com if you get the chance. There's a 3-minute version.

The worst commercials of the night? Well, have you ever seen a Pepsi Super Bowl ad that was good? Their new slogan for Diet Pepsi ('Brown N' Bubbly') sounds more like an intestinal condition than a good-tasting cola. Way to go, Pepsi. Your drink is now equated with feces, as if it wasn't already before.

Instead of watching 'Grey's Anatomy' afterwards, I simply went online to find out what a 'Code Black' was, and went to bed.

Weekend.



I had a really good weekend, and I hope that those who shared it with me had a good one, too. On Friday evening, I had a gathering at the CDP Headquarters, culminating with dinner and bowling. Thanks for coming out, we should do it again next year. After dropping about $175 in one day, I again realized why I only throw about two parties a year. I have bills to pay, and this lavish lifestyle needs to be rationed out to achieve proper standards of living.

On Saturday, there were still people at our house, so we went out for breakfast and spent the rest of the day trying very hard to stay awake. We pretty much did the same on Sunday.

Albums.



Here are the last 5 albums purchased by yours truly:

1. Broken Social Scene - Broken Social Scene
2. Animal Collective - Feels
3. We Are Scientists - With Love and Squalor
4. The Books - Lost and Safe
5. The Magic Numbers - The Magic Numbers

Crazylegs.

In 80 days, the Crazylegs Classic returns to Madison, Wisconsin. If you remember from last year, it was around this time I started whipping myself into runners form, accomplishing a big goal in running the race in under 46 minutes. Actually, running the race in itself was a huge goal for me, because I thought I was going to honestly drop dead.

Never one to learn an important lesson, I'm back for the attack, and my goal is simply to beat my previous time. It should be noted that since last year's race, I haven't ran a yard and I've probably put on about 5 pounds. However, the weather has been mild and I'm looking forward to getting out of the house and using my IPod again. I'll keep you posted.

Two-Year Vacation.

The CDP turns 2 on Sunday. In honor of this splendid feat, I am rewarding myself (and my readers) with a vacation. More on that later. Sound off in the comments section about how your weekend went.

This Friday, from 7-9pm central time, FOX will air what could be the last 4 episodes ever of Arrested Development. This 2-hour marathon will directly coincide with the Opening Ceremonies of the Winter Olympic Games on NBC, virtually guaranteeing a dismal turnout for the multiple-Emmy winning and groundbreaking comedy.

In preparation for the (presumed) Series Finale, I've rounded up the official FOX press release for the final 4 AD episodes:

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT - 2-HOUR SEASON FINALE

IT’S A FAMILY AFFAIR ON THE SPECIAL ALL-NEW TWO-HOUR SEASON FINALE OF “ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT,” FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, ON FOX!

#310- Faking It
#311- Family Ties
#312- Exit Strategy
#313- Harboring Resentment

Judge Reinhold, Justine Bateman and Jamie Kennedy make guest appearances in four back-to-back episodes. George Sr. hires a new attorney who asks the Bluths to participate in a mock trial to help prepare them for the real thing. The attorney gets actor Judge Reinhold, to preside over the mock case. Meanwhile, Buster fakes a coma to get out of testifying and George Michael and Maeby participate in a mock wedding to entertain hospital patients.

Back at the office, Michael discovers he may have a long-lost sister named Nellie Bluth. In an effort to get to the bottom of things, Michael tracks Nellie down and hires her as a consultant for The Bluth Co. Unfortunately, Michael discovers Nellie’s hands-on approach is more than he bargained for.

Meanwhile, Gob goes to Iraq to perform his Christian magic act on the USO tour and ends up incarcerated. Michael learns George Sr. sent Gob to Iraq to burn down the model home he built there, so Michael and Buster fly to Iraq to spring Gob from prison. The Bluth brothers head to the model home, where they make a discovery that could end the family’s legal troubles forever.
Back in Orange County, Lucille decides to throw a yacht party to celebrate. The Bluths gather aboard the Queen Mary for a trip that ends up being far from smooth sailing.

What do YOU think about AD? Sound off in the comments section, and I'll return with more photos and proper formatting shortly. The Pittsburgh Steelers rule.

Another Lost Friday is upon us-

You know what? Not really. In the spirit of reruns, laziness and prior engagements, Lost Friday is taking the week off. It already took the day off of work and has a house to clean; it has guests coming over tonight. Besides, who wants to talk about a Season One episode at length again?

Okay, I would, but that's beside the point.

Next week's NEW episode is entitled 'The Long Con,' it will be Sawyer-centric and WILL be accompanied by an all-new Lost Friday. Scout's honor. Until then, there's plenty of good stuff on this page to keep you warm in the meantime. Everything I wrote in January was gold; I suggest you catch up.

The CDP will return on Monday with everything you need to know about the upcoming TWO-HOUR ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT SERIES(?) FINALE.

As always, here are links to every last Lost Friday in existence. E-mail me at communistdance@yahoo.com with any questions or death threats. Enjoy the Superbowl; go Pittsburgh.

SEASON TWO - EPISODE 12 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 11 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 10 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 5
SEASON TWO - RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 4
SEASON TWO - RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 3
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 9 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 8 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 7 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 6 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 2
SEASON TWO - RERUN EDITION
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 5 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 4 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 3 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 1 REVIEW
SEASON TWO PREVIEW

Today's post is more of a 'Post Loaf,' consisting of real post parts, but not necessarily considered an actual post. Enjoy.

Upcoming Southern Wisconsin Concerts.

02/11 - Nine Inch Nails - The Rave - Milwaukee
02/14 - Less Than Jake - The Rave Milwaukee
02/16 - Motion City Soundtrack - The Rave - Milwaukee
02/17 - Andrew Bird - High Noon Saloon - Madison
02/22 - New Pornographers/Matt Pond PA - Barrymore Theater - Madison
03/02 - The Fray - The Rave - Milwaukee
03/03 - Opeth - The Rave - Milwaukee
03/04 - Nada Surf - The Annex - Madison
03/09 - Smoking Popes (REUNION!) - Miramar Theater - Milwaukee
03/11 - No Use For A Name - The Rave - Milwaukee
03/28 - Reliant K - Barrymore Theater - Madison
04/14 - Low - High Noon Saloon - Madison
04/21 - Minus The Bear - Miramar Theater - Milwaukee
05/04 - Pretty Girls Make Graves - Mad Planet - Milwaukee

SPORN!

Here'e something that's been bothering me lately. I got an e-mail the other day entitled ‘School Girl Fantasies Gone Bad.’ That sentence makes no sense whatsoever. Think about it, break it down. ‘School Girl Fantasies.’ What do school girls fantisize about? Getting good grades? Ty Pennington? Hair care products? Now throw in ‘gone bad,’ and things make even less sense. What would describe a school girl fantasy gone bad? In my mind, I picture a school girl getting an ‘F,’ and finding out that Extreme Makeover: Home Edition got cancelled. This is the only logical conclusion.

The e-mail would have made slightly more sense if it was titled ‘Your School Girl Fantasies Gone Bad,’ but it’s still all wrong. Why would I want my school girl fantasies to go bad? If I wanted them to go bad, that’s what I’d fantisize about. Besides, most of my fantasies involve me and a bunch of school girls playing Boggle, so I guess it could ‘go bad’ if instead of Boggle, they berated me and told me I needed to stop watching so much TV. In my opinion, this is way too much thought for a porn spam e-mail (or SPORN!, as I like to call it).

Fire Bad! Burns Hurt!

Another thing on my mind. I was leafing through the law library at my place of employment, and I saw a book entitled ‘Fire Protection Handbook.’ This book was hardcover and about 1000 pages thick. Honestly, how long can you talk about water? Do we really need 1000 pages on how to put out a fire? The only way this makes sense to me is if the book were actually made of water, or the book could be used to beat the flames into submission. Maybe the font is really huge; I didn't bother to check.

This reminds me of when I was watching the training video for my Theater Usher job. They were talking about how you needed to be careful when tending to the popcorn machine, and their mantra was 'Burns hurt!' over and over again. I later went on to make thousands of bags of popcorn at the Hardware Store, and only burned myself about a dozen times. I'm no fool.

Tax & Spend.

The Missus did our taxes this week, and we sort of got shafted. We were planning on getting enough money to take care of almost all of our standing debt, but instead got just enough to zero out our credit card balance. This is great news, and will save me hundreds a month, but was essentially half of what we expected.

The culprit? We made just enough money this year to be thrown into the rock-bottom of a higher tax bracket, slamming us with with same sorts of rates that those who make six-figures get. Hooray for having a nice job! Thanks to Uncle Sam, we have to hold off on the new car until Christmas. This truly angers me.

Unionized.

I watched the State of the Union speech on Tuesday. Like many of you, I was screaming at the television with a beer in my hand for the better part of an hour, cringing and cursing the majority of the 2004 voting public. Of course, since then, George's approval rating had dropped down to a dismal 42% (which is an F, if you happen to be keeping score at home, much like a school girl fantasy gone bad), so I feel a little vindicated, if not completely terrified.

Since Tuesday, I've read over the transcripts a time or two, and besides the usual lies and outright stupidity of the cut-n-paste speech, two things really stuck out in my head. They are probably the same two things that stuck in your head, as well.

#1 - "It is said that prior to the attacks of September the 11th, our government failed to connect the dots of the conspiracy. We now know that two of the hijackers in the United States placed telephone calls to al Qaeda operatives overseas. But we did not know about their plans until it was too late. So to prevent another attack-based on authority given to me by the Constitution and by statute- I have authorized a terrorist surveillance program to aggressively pursue the international communications of suspected al Qaeda operatives and affiliates to and from America. Previous Presidents have used the same constitutional authority I have, and federal courts have approved the use of that authority. Appropriate members of Congress have been kept informed. The terrorist surveillance program has helped prevent terrorist attacks. It remains essential to the security of America. If there are people inside our country who are talking* with al Qaeda, we want to know about it, because we will not sit back and wait to be hit again."

This is fear-mongering, plain and simple. He just got through talking about how the 'enemy' uses these very same tactics to get what they want in the Middle East. It upsets me that they thought I wouldn't know when I was being completely manipulated, especially when they laid it on so thick.

*Pronounced "talkin'" by W.

#2 - "A hopeful society has institutions of science and medicine that do not cut ethical corners, and that recognize the matchless value of every life. Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research: human cloning in all its forms, creating or implanting embryos for experiments, creating human-animal hybrids, and buying, selling, or patenting human embryos. Human life is a gift from our Creator- and that gift should never be discarded, devalued or put up for sale."

Wait, what did he just say? Did he just say something about human-animal hybrids? Was he supposed to say that? I didn't even think about that until now, and it sounds exceedingly rad. Something tells me that the public could have lived a long and healthy live without ever hearing that statement.

What a weirdo.

Supergame!

Steelers win! Steelers win! Steelers win!

Tomorrow, Lost Friday takes you for a ride in his Trans Am, and gets a little grabby. Come on back.

(EDIT: No Lost Friday tomorrow. Sorry, kids.)

(Nice speech last night; you really looked in control, the way you were begging for people to take you seriously and all. I feel safer already.)

Today is my 24th birthday.

On the first day of February in 1982, I was born in Neenah, Wisconsin, to a mother of an undetermined age and ethnicity. I was raised by this mother, along with an equally mysterious father, for the remainder of the 80's. The 90's were marked by classes and schooling of an educational nature, along with general guidance, trend-setting haircuts and drum lessons. The rest is cloudy history, I've been told.

Most birthday historians and scholars refer to the 24th birthday as the most important birthday that one will ever celebrate, should he or she be fortunate enough to live this long. Remember, most of these studies were done in the 1700's, when living to the age of 24 was a luxury reserved for only slave owners and pirates. I truly feel honored to rub elbows with such royalty.

Most people will tell you that turning 24 years of age offers you nothing extra in the game of life. Of course, we all know that turning 16 gives you the privileges of driving a vehicle, the age of 17 offers you the joys of R-rated films, and the 18th birthday introduces you to the wonderful world of cigarettes, strip clubs, voting, and the legal acquiring of legal pornography (some states may vary). Many cultures look to the age of 18 as the turning point into adulthood; weather that be becoming an upstanding citizen in the community, or an alcoholic with embarrassing social skills, reeking of stale Pall Malls and scotch. That's up to the specific individual.

By the time you turn 21, your senses have been so overloaded with stimuli that you hardly remember you still have more freedom to be handed. From your 21st year until your departure from this earth, you are free to drive, drink, smoke, vote and watch pornography with a stripper, all at the same time. While I have not experienced all of these joys in one fell swoop, most of my friends will tell you that it's far more interesting in theory. These are trusted individuals, and I will take their word for it.


("When in Wisconsin, be sure to visit beautiful Las Vegas!")

However, there is a long-forgotten right of passage for those turning 24 years of age. This goes back to those previously mentioned slave owner days, and has been pushed down into the depths of American law for centuries. Politicians and religious leaders want it to be banished, but it is protected by the Constitution. Hardly anyone knows about it, but I am going to share it with you today, for most of my readers are under 24 years of age, and will be able to relish in the fruits of my discovery someday. I will quote directly from the amendment:

At any point during your 24th year of existence (expiring exactly 365 days after the 24th anniversary of your birth), you are legally allowed to murder one person of your choosing.

That's all it says, but it's there, deep in the fine print. I've taken the liberty of changing all the f's back to s's, to accompany modern English practices.

After doing some brief homework over a bottle of Jameson whiskey and Mr. Pibb on the rocks, I saw that this practice was frequently used and respected for most of the 18th century. It was considered a right of passage for such long-standing royalty. Eventually, the law was ignored for wartime purposes, and never re-introduced into regular American functionality. It's like the legal version of the NFL dropkick.

That being said, it's still very legal, and it's still waiting for me to use. Never one to shy away from a chance to become a flavor-of-the-month phenomenon, I fully intend on cashing in.

After some additional legwork, I found out that the murder had to be committed by the person who was 24 years of age, or else it would be considered just an everyday murder, and therefore null and void (and prosecutable by imprisonment or death, if necessary). The method of murder wasn't explicitly drawn out, but a gun, noose or guillotine was the considered the most favorable execution style. Always a sucker for the classics, I'm going with the traditional Decapitation Machine when I decide to blow out the candles on my centuries-old gift from the colonials.


(Just take an already cool picture, paste the CDP logo over it, and presto! An even cooler picture!)

Quite honestly, the only decision I have left is the subject in question. This inquiry has been putting me at a moral crossroads for a few days now. Should I choose to kill someone who is hated and despised the world over? Someone who's death would make the world a better place for my children? (names withheld under fear of the Patriot Act) Or should I kill someone who's specifically making my life miserable, like that weiner bag boy at the Pick-N-Save, or one of those neighbors that keep me up with their loud sexual activities. This was a true noggin-scratcher; a decision I would have never been able to comprehend at the age of 18.

After many long nights of deliberation and consulting with trusted friends and neighbors, I still can't decide who I want to kill. Luckily for me, I have all year to make this decision.

Perhaps I will choose you, the very reader of this post. I ask you, what have you done to upset me so? Don't you appreciate all the things that I do for you? Countless hours of free entertainment, up to 6 days a week, with limited filler? I ask for nothing in return but a kind word and harmless comment section banter, and yet you betray me. I will not forget this.

So, who would you kill? Sound off in the comments section, or it just might be you.

Oh, and wish me a happy birthday, too.

Additional note from the CDP:

The correct guesser in the 'CDP-Fact or Crap?' contest was Paste, who correctly predicted that all 10 facts were true. Of course, there were only like, 2 people that played, but it's a mighty feat nonetheless.