1. "Hey, what are you watching tonight?"

7:00-8:00 - American Idol (FOX)
8:00-8:30 - Sons & Daughters (ABC)
8:30-9:00 - Sons & Daughters (ABC)
8:00-9:00 - House (FOX/TiVo)

Tonight, we get to see if Sons & Daughters can capture the Arrested Development-style of sitcom they're shooting for. No laugh track, documentary-style camera work and many ad-libbed lines place S&D squarely in the AD mold, but will they be as clever?

2. "Hey, what's on your mind today?"

First off, Streetlight Manifesto's re-working of the 1998 classic Keasbey Nights is finally out today. According to frontman Thomas Kalnoky, Victory Records wanted to re-release the album with perhaps some new cover art, but no change in recording. Kalnoky didn't like the idea of fans possibly spending money on essentially the same album with no changes, so Streetlight remade the album, knowing that Victory was going to re-release it regardless. So, if you like Keasbey Nights (still easily one of my top 10 favorite albums ever), pick up the re-release, and know that Streetlight put some elbow grease into it.

Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire comes out today as well. Don't tell the Missus, but there will be a copy waiting for her when she comes home from work today. I rule, pretty much.

According to a few online news sources, Darren Aronofsky will NOT be directing an episode of Lost this season. Due to scheduling conflicts (fiancee' Rachel Weisz is pregnant, yo), he's got other things to do. Maybe season three, perhaps.

Yanni got arrested, and that's always funny.

3. "Hey, what are you reading?"

Naked, by David Sedaris.

4. "Hey, what are the last 10 CD's you've listened to?"

Michigan: Sufjan Stevens
Broken Social Scene: Broken Social Scene
Irresistible Bliss: Soul Coughing
The End: Three 6 Mafia
With Love And Squalor: We Are Scientists
Blank Wave Arcade: The Faint
Keasbey Nights: Catch-22
In Case We Die: Architecture In Helsinki
Rock And Roll Part Three: Ozma
Greatest Hits: James Brown

5. "Hey, what else is going on this week?"

Nothing much. The house is spotless and the bills are paid, so we're just looking for things to do. I've been shopping around for a notebook so I can write even more than I do now, and my boss is on vacation, so I'm taking it easy around the office. I'll possibly be attending a ceremony at the Capitol Building today, in recognition of the $37,000+ I helped raise for charity. I'm pretty proud of that, it looks good on a resume, and I think they serve cake.

What's going on with you? Sound off in the comments section, and make your plans known.

The following post has once again been rated:

For violence, sexual content and dialogue. Strap in and stay still.

Loud Neighbor Update - Part V:
'A Call To Arms.'

Once upon a time, in a world much like our own, there stood a beaten man with his back against the wall. He had nowhere to turn, and nobody to trust but himself. When faced with a difficult decision, he was given one of two choices.

One, he could back down and live a life of quiet submission, dying heartbroken and alone.

Or two, he could make a stand and fight back.

Upon accepting his fate, he said something that has been quoted by historians for ages:

"I could have killed 'em all. I could kill you. In town, you're the law, out here it's me. Don't push it. Don't push it or I'll give you a war you won't believe. Let it go. Let it go.

That man was John J. Rambo, from the 1982 classic, First Blood.



I consider myself to be a lot like Rambo. He makes decent split-second decisions, lets his fists do the talking when he's too hung over to think, and has killed literally thousands of Viet Cong. Watching First Blood is like looking into a slightly less muscular mirror.

If you remember from PART ONE, PART TWO, PART THREE and yes, even PART FOUR of this never-ending saga, we have been in a 3-month long battle with our loud neighbors. If you're just tuning in, or are too lazy to take a look back, our neighbors have this habit of round-the-clock, headboard-banging, Tourette's syndrome sounding thrust sessions. It was entertaining for the first 14 seconds back in December, but it has escalated into an all-out war between apartments.

Where we last left off, the neighbors have promptly ignored not only a firm-but-fair letter from us, but also a letter from the leasing office. The Missus issued some tough love by banging on the wall and yelling some nights ago, but eventually, everything has since returned to its original volume and annoyance level. Showing compassion for the neighbors, and attributing most of the blame to faulty architecture and soundproof insulation, we compromised. For the next few nights, we slept with earplugs in and a running fan for cover noise. Some nights, we even slept in the living room. We've altered our lives for the sole purpose of not being jerks to our rude neighbors.

Idle no more.

Yesterday, the Missus talked to the leasing office for the second time concerning the noise. We wanted to go through them so everything's mature and on the up-and-up. Besides, fear of eviction is the only thing keeping us from turning their lives into a wide awake nightmare.

The leasing office left a message with the Missus, stating that-- get this...

The day after the leasing office left the letter with the neighbors, the girl called the office back, and told them she had no idea what we were talking about, and that they weren't making any noise whatsoever.


Say whaaat?

Oh, now you've done it.

They could have been big about it, shown some spine. They could have at least pleaded the fifth with the leasing office out of embarrassment, but you know, actually shut the hell up for fear of future embarrassment.

Instead of doing anything even resembling tact or class, they told the leasing office that we must be bat-crap crazy, or trying to purposely sabotage them for some reason, and they by no means plan on turning down the constant Spice Channel that is my bedroom wall.

Nice. I feel bad for them, really. They have no idea who they're living next door to.

We gave these people the benefit of the doubt for three months. We assumed they were newlyweds. We assumed they were trying to have a baby, and were choosing these ridiculous mating times because they were consulting some sort of chart for optimum fertility. We wrote a kind note where most would have threatened them. We slept in the living room where most would have banged on the wall until order was restored. We wore earplugs and slept with a God damn fan in the winter where most would have stormed over there and beat the crap out of both of them months ago.

I'm only telling you all of this should I be arrested and sent to trial. Anything that happens to the neighbors from this point forward will be hereby considered temporary insanity.

In fact, I'm the only thing standing between them and my wife's boot in both their asses. They should be thanking me constantly for my patience and resolve, and having unnecessarily loud sex in my name and honor. My wife wanted to settle this with a brutal double-murder weeks ago.

Again, I don't care what they do in their own home. They could be batter-dipping kittens over there for all I care, and I wouldn't say a peep, provided it didn't disturb my day-to-day life. It's when the activities invade my space where I start to get cranky. You should understand by now that I don't get cranky often, but when I do, brother, it's all over.


"What'cha gunna do, brother, when the CDP--"


"Aaaugh! It's Racky! I mean Rombo! PLEASE HELP!"

I equate this noise to a fight or a loud party. It's noise, it's loud, and I can't sleep with it. Done and done. Me and the Missus are constantly respectful of our neighbors. When we have a party, we make sure the noise level stays decent late at night. When our fighting gets out of hand and the police are called, we request that they keep their sirens off. When we enjoy each others' company, we do so in a closet on the second floor that's been specially lined with egg-crate foam by yours truly. We don't bother people in the hallway, we don't show up to apartment-wide events. We're the perfect neighbors.

Until you cross us, that is. So, what should we do?

Obviously, the Missus wants swift and bloody Rambo-style justice. I, however, believe that psychological warfare is our strong suit. Nobody can top me and the Missus when we're working together to drive someone slowly and completely insane. Considering that's exactly what the neighbors are doing to us, it's due time we put a stop to this amateur hour, and show them how the pros do it.

The trick with psychological warfare is to keep the enemy on their toes, 24 hours a day. They have been using this tactic on us since the beginning, constantly leaving us to wonder when the other shoe's going to drop. When we can hear them, we wonder when it's going to stop. When we can't hear them, we wonder when it's going to start. It's kind of horrible, and I really think they need to experience that.

So, submitted for your approval, the complete Loud Neighbor Battle Plan, sponsored by Billy Beer.



1. The next time we hear them over there, moaning and slapping about like an echo chamber haunted by the ghosts of cavemen, a second letter from us will be written and sent. The tone will be considerably more harsh than the previous one, specifically informing them what their actions have done to our side of the wall. In the letter, they will be informed that we know about the conversation they had with the leasing office, where they claimed that they had "no idea what we were talking about."

This may or may not spear a response letter from the neighbors, who at this point are probably tired of the explicit letters being stuffed in their door on a weekly basis. If this were to happen, the letter will be scanned and posted here on the CDP for public view. Let's move on.

2. Upon sending the letter, a recorder will be set up in our bedroom for the next few nights. Me and the Missus will spend these nights camping out on the living room floor, roasting Smores in front of the fireplace and downing bottles of Pinot, laughing heartily at their upcoming demise.

3. After compiling a few nights of said moaning and slapping, a copy of the tape will be sent to the neighbors and the leasing office with an accompanying letter. Samples will be posted on the CDP for a nominal fee, along with their names, phone numbers and photos I've snapped of them entering and leaving the apartment.

4. Enjoy the chaos. Watch laughing from balcony as U-Haul truck backs up to their door. Sip a Mimosa in boxer shorts and sleep for 8 days.

Failing all this, Plan B is simply to inform the neighbors they are now being recorded, and should really have no problem with this if they have "no idea what we're talking about." In this scenario, no recorder will be set up, but the neighbors will think there is, and that should be more than enough to silence them. The mere thought of being recorded while intimate would cause most folks to shut down faster than a Vespa with a gas tank full of Go-Gurt. In reality, that lack of sexual shame is the only edge that Scott Stapp has over me.

In short, I can't wait for them to make noise again. Thank you, John Rambo.

What do you think? Sound off in the comments section, and prepare for battle.

The latest Commie Award goes to Natalie Portman. More specifically, for her SNL Digital Short, which can be viewed right here. Forget ' 'Lazy Sunday,' this left me wiping tears from my eyes. The rest of the episode was pretty good, too. Her ripping on the Star Wars crowd in the monologue was especially hilarious.



Spend Monday with me in the comments section.

(Edit: Video link has been changed, and is now functional.)

Season 2 - Episode 15 - "Maternity Leave."



After a week off, another Lost Friday is upon us. We have much to discuss.

Wow. This episode was huge. Maybe not huge in that it answered any serious questions, but huge in that it once again took the show to another level. You thought you knew what was up? Not anymore. So just sit down and shut your loser yap, because we're all tired of your attitude.

I think Lost prides itself on being the TV show with the most "What the f***!" moments per episode. "Maternity Leave" did not disappoint in this regard. I needed a shot of NyQuil with a Paint Thinner chaser just to get to sleep afterwards. When writing gives you a migraine, you know it's good, unless you're watching According to Jim or something like that.


("Shhhh! According To Jim is on, and it's hard enough to keep up as is.")

When a show like Lost does something really well, and then somehow gets better at it, that's just insane. However, that's exactly what we saw on Wednesday. Whenever the writers pull back the curtain a bit to reveal some more answers (in this case, what happened to Claire when she was kidnapped by Ethan), they have this way of creating a ton of new questions. At this stage of the game, for Lost to come through with something even trippier and bizarre than anything we've seen so far, that's truly saying something amazing. You may not know it, but there were some things that went down in this episode that have massive ramifications. I'll tell you about those later.

Okay, enough ass-smooching. It's Skinny time, courtesy of Wikipedia.

'The Skinny'
Sponsored by Pepsi Free.



Aaron is sick with a rash and fever, and Claire sets off in the night to find Jack for help. Locke intercedes and goes in her stead while she remains behind at camp. While Locke is gone, Rousseau appears and tells Claire that Aaron is "infected." Claire has a sudden flashback where she remembers being injected with a needle while still pregnant. Kate sends Rousseau away, but Claire is now convinced that something is seriously wrong with Aaron.

Jack assures Claire that Aaron is fine and the fever will soon break, but Claire is still unsure. She talks to Libby, who helps her recall memories from the two weeks when she had been captured by Ethan Rom. Claire remembers what resembles a doctor's office, and Ethan giving her injections. She also remembers Ethan talking to an older, clean-shaven man - the same man that led Walt's kidnapping and ended the hunting party to rescue Michael - only without the beard and wild hair. She enlists Kate to help her find Rousseau and find the vaccine she remembered from her memories, hoping it will help Aaron.


(Fat slobs Claire and Libby work together to drop a few pounds.)

Rousseau takes Claire and Kate back into the jungle, to a place where Rousseau said she found Claire the night Claire returned to camp two weeks after her abduction. Claire wants Rousseau to take her to the room with the vaccine, but Rousseau pleads ignorance. Claire notices a stump in the jungle that triggers another memory: of Ethan Rom talking to her about leaving the baby with his group, while she returns to camp. Rom also mentions that Claire does have a choice in the matter.

Investigating further, the three women find a concealed bunker with the Dharma logo on it. Inside, the lights are out and the bunker appears to be abandoned. Claire finds rooms familiar to her memories, while Kate investigates another part of the bunker. Kate discovers a set of lockers with tattered clothes inside. There is also a box containing a makeup kit and a fake beard.


("But I don't want to be in The Hills Have Eyes!")

Claire locates the refrigerator where she remembered the vaccine being stored: it is now empty. She has a flashback of a young teenaged girl who rescues her from the bunker, telling Claire that the other members of her group plan to take the baby and kill Claire. Rousseau tells Claire that she is not the only one who didn't find what she was looking for.

Back in the jungle Claire has one final flashback where she remembers that Rousseau aided her escape, and was not part of the group that kidnapped her. She asks Rousseau about the baby that the Others took from her sixteen years ago, and then describes the teenaged girl who rescued her. Rousseau warns Claire that if Aaron is infected, she knows what she'll have to do. Claire and Kate return to camp, where Aaron's fever has been broken.


(Rousseau briefly considers killing Claire, just so she doesn't get rusty.)

Meanwhile, Jack and Locke are trying to decide what to do about their new prisoner, Henry Gale. Locke gives Henry a copy of the Fyodor Dostoevsky novel The Brothers Karamazov. He tells Jack that Ernest Hemingway always felt that he was in the shadow of Dostoevsky, who Hemingway thought was the greatest writer of all time.


("Until the Dharma toilet paper guy shows up, this is all we got.")

Mr. Eko visits the bunker during this time and figures out what is going on. He asks Jack to let him visit with the prisoner, alone, and Jack agrees after Eko implies that he will tell the the rest of the camp otherwise. Eko tells Henry about the two men he killed when they tried to abduct him from his camp. Henry asks why Eko is telling him, and Eko replies that he had to tell someone. Eko then cuts two knots out of his beard and leaves.


(For three seconds, Mr. Eko freaks the hell out of 35 million people.)

Locke brings dinner to Henry, who strikes up a conversation about Hemingway and Dostoevsky. Henry has heard the earlier talk about the authors through the thin walls. Henry asks Locke who he relates to more, but Locke doesn't have an answer. He then asks Locke why he lets Jack call the shots, but Locke insists that he and Jack make decisions together. Locke locks up Henry and returns to the bunker's kitchen, where he appears to lose his temper by sweeping dishes off the counter.

Henry is then shown in the safe with a smile on his face upon hearing Locke lose his temper.

Thanks, Wikipedia. You always know just what to say. Numbers, please!

'The Numbers'
Sponsored by Trapper Keeper.



4- This instantly struck me as one of the most important parts of the episode. When Claire is in the nursery that Dharma created for Aaron, we see a mobile made up of miniature Oceanic planes. Not only that, but the song the mobile plays is "Catch A Falling Star," which is the song that Claire wanted the adopted parents to sing to Aaron.


(I hope they hung on to the crib; they're so expensive nowadays.)

To me, this means several things, one of which is that Dharma was responsible for the plane crash. You may have speculated this the whole time, but this is pretty much proof positive.

It was all set up ahead of time. The psychic in Australia was in on it, convincing her to board flight 815. Dharma was aware that Aaron was special as soon as he was conceived, for God's sake. They wanted this baby so bad, and their power was so far-reaching, that they essentially did EVERYTHING up to this point for the sole purpose of getting this baby. The nursery was tailor-made for a baby boy; and what is it about Aaron that's so special?


("I'm special!")

That's just eerie. Seriously, that's really messed up, considering they were going to cut Aaron out of Claire and leave her to die.

The flashback scenes were amazing, Aronofsky-style, fluorescent cuts that were so surreal as to not be actually happening. The Muzak that was playing in the exam room with Claire and Ethan was a sick, darkly funny touch, along with the fact that Claire's hair was perfectly curled and manicured. Ethan was keeping her sedated with whatever 'sour' liquid was in his Dharma-issued canteen, and was almost remorseful in the fact that Claire was about to be gutted like a trout.


(No HMO? No problem!)

Speaking of Ethan's canteen, it contains the same logo as was seen on the shark in "Adrift." This symbol doesn't fit the pattern of Apollo-themed hatch logos, but could be a standard logo for supplies and the like. There's also online nerd talk of an underwater hatch, which would explain why we keep seeing Walt and the Others soaking wet. That's all speculation, however, so don't quote me.

It should also be noted that this was the first episode that contained no pre-crash flashbacks. "The Other 48 Days" started a few seconds before the crash, so don't correct me.

8- The costumes. Oh my, the costumes. We also found out tonight that the Others are nothing more than clean-cut scholars and scientists, nothing more or less. They would have the castaways believe that they are living off of the land, but we (the audience) have known this to be bunk for some time now. Shortly before Kate found Zeke's disguise, we got to see him in all of his smooth-cheeked glory, berating Ethan during Claire's exam.


("You seen my pirate beanie?")

So, why are they Others doing that? The most believable theory is also the most logical. The Others can't conduct experiments wearing suits and ties without drawing some unwanted attention. They appear far more bloodthirsty and savage when they look as if they have been living hard, when in fact they are a fully-functional and stocked outfit. They keep their hatches hidden and their supplies a secret. They simply don't want their test subjects to know they are part of an experiment.

Another theory is that they are disguising themselves because they might be recognized by castaways as people they knew before the crash. Considering that the plane crash was set up, there might be Others that were relatively close to some of the castaways beforehand. People like Claire's psychic, for one(?). These people know how to set things up; this has been an experiment from the start.

Most importantly, why does Dharma manufacture their own theatrical glue?


(Perhaps Dharma started out as an improv comedy troupe during WWII.)

15- When Claire, Kate and Rousseau go back to the medical hatch, they find it in shambles, when just a month ago it was in perfect shape. Lights are broken, things were ransacked and knocked over by people who obviously left in a big hurry. Hell, they even left their costumes behind!

Why? Well, one of two reasons, I suppose.

One, once they realized that Aaron was out of their reaches, they scrapped the experiment and moved onto something else. We saw Zeke wearing the costume just days ago, so they're all obviously still on the island. I don't believe this theory, as if Aaron was truly this important, they would have taken him back by now.


(They're Desmond approved!)

Here's what I think happened. In the last episode, Locke enters the hatch numbers just before a (supposed) full-scale meltdown. We saw the symbols of 4 of the 5 other hatches, including the medical hatch. My theory is that even though Locke entered the numbers before the Swan hatch could get rocked, perhaps it sent out enough of an initial blast to scare the medical hatch occupants elsewhere. The medical hatch looks like an earthquake hit it, and the timing fits perfectly, so take from that what you will. I think that instance had everything to do with why that hatch was abandoned.


(Can someone get this guy a new shirt? Anyone?)

16- Eko showed up again this episode, delighting us with a truly creepy scene. I especially like the look on Henry's face when Eko shows up to talk to him. I hope Dharma stocks boxer shorts in bulk.

So Eko, presuming this person to be an other, conducts a confessional of sorts, letting Henry know that he's sorry, and is on the path to righteousness. Symbolically and biblically, people grow beards to mourn, and Eko grew those two antennae-looking things as a reminder of the men he killed. Cutting them off was symbolic of being forgiven and moving on.


("Hello, my name is Henry Soggypants.")

Personally, I thought he was going to slit his own throat, and I got really nervous. I also think he's building a church in the jungle. I'm also an idiot.

23- Henry's an Other. You know it, I know it, the American People know it. It was gut-wrenching watching him start to turn the screws in Locke's head, messing with his mind and causing more tension in the Jack/Locke power struggle. His grin in the armory after hearing Locke throw his tantrum was all I needed to see. This guy is bad-freaking-news. Expect to see him drive a wedge further between Jack and Locke, and work his psychological magic.


(Nobody eats all the bundt cake before John gets a piece. Nobody.)

Will Rousseau be reunited with Alex? Sure.

42- When Ethan is talking to Zeke outside of the examination room, he says "Do you know what he'll do if he finds out?" Who is 'he?' Hanso? Beats me, but they're obviously taking orders from some important and frightening person.

'The Preview'
Sponsored by Hypercolor.



Suckily enough, this is the last new Lost episode for at least two weeks, as they feel the need to take yet another break from the action. The first rerun will be "Whatever The Case May Be" on March 8, followed by "House Of The Rising Sun" on March 15.

We saw some hints of things to come in the previews, such as Sun asking Sawyer for a pregnancy test (Damn you, Jin! I should be playing that role, and you know it!), and Henry talking about locating his balloon. The Henry situation will probably come out into the open, causing a huge uproar and leading to some unforeseen surprise. I'd expect nothing less.

You know the drill by now. Here's the index of CDP Lost Fridays, ranked in increasing order of awesomeness. Tell your friends and trusted older relatives about us. Also, send me money for a new laptop. Send any donations or hatemail to communistdance@yahoo.com, and please drop us a line in the comments section. If you have any rants or questions, they'll be answered and dissected there.

SEASON TWO - EPISODE 14 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 13 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 6
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 12 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 11 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 10 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 5
SEASON TWO - RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 4
SEASON TWO - RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 3
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 9 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 8 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 7 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 6 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 2
SEASON TWO - RERUN EDITION
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 5 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 4 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 3 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 1 REVIEW
SEASON TWO PREVIEW

Most people aren't smart. We all know that. If you don't know that, then you're not smart.

Smart, smart, smart-ity smart-smart. Smarty, smarty smattie-smittie. Shimma-shamma whoppa-doo.

The following news story comes to us from Lexington, Kentucky:

A Letcher County woman suffered a horrible injury early Thursday when her arm was severed in a car crash on the Mountain Parkway in Clark County.

Jacqueline Dotson and her six-year-old daughter had to be cut out of their vehicle after the accident in which Dotson veered into the median and over-corrected, rolling her truck over the guardrail and landing upside down after flipping several times.

Several people stopped to help, and it turns out, the good samaritans may very well have saved Dotson's life. Sheila Vice, a nurse's aide, and an off-duty EMT from another county stopped to help, and put a tourniquet on Dotson's arm to stop the bleeding. Her arm was found near the accident still clutching a cell phone.

Both were flown to hospitals, and Dotson is listed in serious condition. Her daughter is not in the hospital, and sheriff's officials say they believe she's going to be fine.

Wow, Karma works. The innocent daughter is 100% fine, and the woman on the cell phone loses her fat, stupid American dialing arm. Hey, one more truck flip, and this could have been a Darwin Award. I know it's a bit harsh, but if something like this causes even one person to stop using cell phones while driving, then it's totally worth it...for me.

That's my moment of Zen for the day. What's yours? Sound off in the comments section, and wax poetic about the shallow end of the gene pool. Lost Friday returns tomorrow to cleanse you of your sins, and boy is it worth the wait.

But wait, there's more!

CDP poster Jessica is currently displaying an ad she's working on that bears a striking resemblence to yours truly. If you blow the photo up, the illusion sort of fades, so don't.