Tuesday, February 27

The Funniest Thing I've Ever Said.

The funniest thing I've ever seen.

When I was 10 years old, I was eating lunch with a group of friends at school.

They were conversing, wasting the afternoon by throwing lame jokes back and forth.

I spaced out for a few seconds, pausing to watch a girl that I fancied as she walked by.

During this space of no more than 5 seconds, a question was asked of me by my group of friends.

I wasn't listening to them, and had no idea what they had asked me.

When I turned back around to acknowledge them, they were all staring at me, waiting on what my answer would be.

Not caring enough to have them repeat the question, I improvised, shrugging my shoulders and saying "It depends."

I was met with no less than 3 straight minutes of uproarious laughter.

Milk squirted out of one guy's nose. Another guy fell off of his chair. Another guy was crying.

I maintained my deadpan demeanor, honestly unaware of what had just happened.

This only made them laugh harder.

I never asked what the question was, but it's probably best that I don't know.

And that was the funniest thing I've ever said.

I'm always at my funniest when it's unintentional, too. Makes me feel quite sad, really.

One word: overbese.
It's just a shame that I'll probably never be able to top the laugh that I got that day.

It just goes to show you that no matter how hard you try to make people laugh, they'll probably laugh the hardest when you trip and fall on your way out.

Overbese. Man, just reading that makes me laugh.
Or when you fall off of a ladder at Stan's house.
Exactly. You can never win.
Or when you provide false intel that spurs an invasion and costly occupation of a foreign country. gosh, I'll just add that to my list of life's little faux paus. Am I right people? Am I? What? I'm all alone on this one? Fine.

whaa wong
The laughs just never stop!!!
I like how all the major media outlets went out of their way this morning to let me know that Dick Cheney was okay.

That's the problem, though. He's not okay. Never was, never will be.

Bill Hicks has a bit about how we got into Operation Desert Storm as retaliation for Iraq attempting to assassinate George Bush. His theory was that we'd make Iraq look a lot more foolish if we just killed Bush ourselves and said "That's how it's supposed to be done."
I like how all the major media outlets went out of their way this morning to let me know that Dick Cheney was okay.

Did you listen to the way they said it? I thought I detected more than a little regret in their voices.
Heck yeah. It's been awhile since a news story had a happy ending.
I heard it on the radio this morning, and they were saying that "the military is very concerned that there is was a leak large enough to let Taliban intelligence know exactly where Dick Cheney was."

They are SURPRISED that Taliban intelligence is good? Where have these people BEEN?
You can choose is or was in post. Doesn't matter which.
Okay, I am having a "life riddle" all over again here...just ignore me if you know what's good for you.
You think faster than you can type. Good on you.

Bull; one of our soldiers tipped off the Taliban.


Because he wants to go home, that's why.
Good looking out!!

Me appreciate Velvet Teen reference. Me likey long time.
That 'Counting Backwards' track just kills me. It's sounds like U2 at their absolute best, only The Velvet Teen recorded it in a freaking bedroom. It's an incredibly beautiful song.

Judah lost his bass player; just saw that on Wikipedia.
Everyone can see that the girl in the news article is smoking a cigarette, right?

Yes, that woman is a trouble maker. She is the same one who sent a strongly worded letter of reproach to Jack Daniels saying the whiskey makes her breast milk taste "like goddam Kaluah"
Being from the South, I fail to see what's wrong with pregnant women smoking or drinking. Or wrestling, for that matter.
Ahh, stereotypes. Is there anything they can't do?
They can't drive.

No, wait, that's women.

I think you meant Asians.

(this has all gone too far!)
To be more specific, Asian women.

(we're not good people)
Asian women don't have to know how to drive, as far as I'm concerned.

Speaking of stereotypes, here's the main headline of this week's Onion:

Tim Hardaway: "Sorry, faggots."

With just two words, the Onion once again writes a joke that's funny on about 3 different levels. Unreal.
CDP, The Onion makes you and I look as funny as Bill O'Reilly and Fox News.

Keep in mind, I mean intentionally funny, not how hilarious O'Reilly and Fox News truly are to people with brain larger than squirrels.

Or is that tragic?
Tragedy is comedy.
whoah, my pet squirrel's mind just exploded.

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