Monday, February 12

God Hates The Mars Corporation.

Last week, I posted my 5 Favorite Super Bowl Commercials. One of these happened to be a Snickers commercial that portrayed two men kissing by accident, and then attempting to negate the happening by each committing a 'manly' act. In the case of this commercial, the two men proceeded to pull out large chunks of their chest hair, screaming in agony until the clip fades out.

I laughed. You laughed. The commercial made almost all of the 'Funniest Super Bowl Ad' polls this year (if you haven't already seen the clip, it can be viewed by following the above link).

The current news is that the commercial has now been pulled from television due to increasing complaints about it being 'homophobic.' The argument is that the ad portrayed homosexuals in a negative and unappealing light, and made the act of homosexual affection seem unnatural and frowned upon.

You know what I say? Lighten up, ya' fruits.

This commercial wasn't meant to portray homosexuality in a negative light; in fact, there weren't any homosexuals anywhere near the commercial. This ad was meant to show that blue-collar, Middle American, beer-drinking, Super Bowl loving men are idiots.

Guys love commercials that show themselves in a dumbed-down light. They love beer commercials where they act like neanderthals and throw rocks at each other. They love TV shows that portray their wives as beautiful, intelligent and patient princesses that shake their heads in disgust at their behavior. They like to be shown as fools that stumble head-first into good luck; they like to be shown as people who act like they are firmly in control of their lives, but know damn well that their Significant Others are running the show.

In short, men like to be made fun of.

The folks at GLAAD don't understand humor, I guess. Where most intelligent people see two guys making fools out of themselves for accidentally kissing, GLADD sees two homophobic Republicans demonstrating their hatred towards the fags and dykes of the world.

Listen, folks. I'm a Liberal. I'm a Democrat. I'm disgusted that we're still treating homosexuals as second-class citizens in 2007, and I'm disgusted that the State of Wisconsin voted down an amendment to institutionalize civil unions in homosexual partnerships. Furthermore, as an ordained Reverend, I will start marrying homosexual couples the day it finally becomes legal in my state. Don't you dare misconstrue my comments on a damn Snickers commercial for a homophobic rant. The problem here is that some people just don't get jokes when they see them.

Would it have been funnier if the two characters in the commercial were brother and sister? Of course not. This commercial was funny because two 'manly' auto mechanics were so enamored and taken by the alluring majesty of a Snickers bar, that they started gnawing at it from both ends whilst under the hood of a Mustang, Lady & The Tramp-style, until their lips met.

Upon realizing that their 'manly' exterior had been tainted at the hands of said candy bar, they took turns one-upping each other to prove their dominance and testosterone-fueled nature (again, by ripping out their chest hair). By the end of the commercial, you're laughing at these two fools, because what their doing is ridiculous, and you know it.

(I also want to mention that alternate endings of the commercial were made available on the Snickers web site, along with certain NFL players reactions to the ad. While the majority of the complaints were geared towards these alternate endings and NFL player comments, it ultimately culminated with the pulling of the original ad from the airwaves.

I have not seen these alternate endings or player comments, but agree with GLAAD that they should be pulled from the page if they were indeed seen as out of line or degrading. I'm sure they were. Again though, the commercial that 140 million people saw on Super Bowl Sunday was completely separate from these clips, and should be judged as so. Don't send me e-mails saying that I was misinformed.)

I know for a fact that most homosexuals had absolutely no problem with this commercial, and saw it for exactly what it was. I also know that the Oh! Network was running a Will & Grace marathon during the Super Bowl, so none of them probably even saw the damn thing.


Every now and again, a representative from PETA will do or say something stupid. In fact, almost everything PETA does and says is stupid from a marketing standpoint, and it makes most rational and non-insane vegetarians (like myself) look like asses. My assumption is that GLAAD is essentially doing the same thing concerning this matter, and the bulk of those who agree with their overall message are feeling pretty embarrassed right now.

Sound off in the comments section and completely misconstrue what I was trying to say. Call me a homophobe, call me a gay-sympathizer, call me a 'typical man.' Oh, and if you're anti-gay, tell me that I'm going straight to hell for not protesting their heathen beliefs.

Whatever you do, don't let yourself in on the joke.

(Private Hate Mail can also be sent to It will then be made public.)

I agree w/ you honey buns!
The rule around CDP Headquarters is "If it's funny, you're not in trouble."
You know, I comment on your posts even when I've already read them...
And I appreciate that, honey.
It's organizations like GLAAD, PETA, and the NAACP that just fuel the fire further for (how's that for alliteration???) ignorant assholes.

If they didn't take themselves so damn seriously and whine everytime they imagined someone slighting them, they would be looked upon more favorably, and in turn, so would the people that they like to claim to represent.

As spoken by a Southern Liberal (somewhat of a rarity in SC)
Amen, brother.

That reminds me. I just watched a clip on YouTube where a group of people drove through the deep south with phrases like "NASCAR Sucks" and "Hillary For President" spraypainted onto their cars.

The pulled into a gas station and instantly started to get harassed by the locals. In keeping with the true stereotype of the South, the manager of the gas station warned these people that she was going to call up "The Boys."

Sure enough, less than a minute later, here comes this pickup truck with 6 dudes in the back, and they start throwing rocks at our merry gang of pranksters. They tried to skid off, but their car stalled and needed to be jumped whilst under attack.

It was the funniest (and saddest) thing I'd seen all day. Look for it.
My favorite "man as neanderthal" commercial is the Burger King one where they sing the "I am man, hear me roar..." The thing I like is that they took it to ridiculous levels, with the mob of guys tossing the minivan off the bridge, etc... I'm sure a vegetarian (or vegeterrorist as I like to call them) might view the commercial differently.
^ FYI, I'm paste. I hate that blogger and gmail got all mixed up.
The CDP laughs at that BK commercial every time he sees it.
You know, I comment on your posts even when I've already read them...

Hathery | 3:37 PM

And I appreciate that, honey.

The CDP. | 3:38 PM

I think you missed the intent behind that exchange...
Welcome back, Paste!

I find the BK commercial hilarious for the same reasons that you do. It supports my examples perfectly, and shows that most men who want to be portrayed as 'manly' see the humor in it all. The manly guys that want to be taken seriously...well, they have their own problems to deal with.

The best part of the commercial is when that guy gets punched in the gut for absolutely no reason. What a manly thing to do! The Burger King people need to hang onto their current ad agency.

So, Paste... we here at the CDP have been referring to you as 'Paste' for over two years now. Now that you've changed your screen name to Jonathan, it presents a dilemma. Do we continue to call you Paste, or embrace the new man?

Hathery, I still don't know what you're talking about.

Heh-heh. One day, one of us will infiltrate the Oscar Mayer headquarters with 5 pounds of celery strapped to our waist.

They won't have a prayer.
Thanks for the welcome back. It's been a busy year thus far, thus limiting my comments. I read, but if I make a comment, I'll go back and look for responses every five minutes.

I sign in with my blogger account, but it pulls the display name from Gmail I think. I'll see if I can figure it out. I want to be paste, is that so wrong?
Testing, testing, one, two, three, check, check, check your wallet, check, this is mic number one, isn't this a lot of fun
Whew, we dodged a bullet on this one. Things were going to get all awkward.

"I read, but if I make a comment, I'll go back and look for responses every five minutes."

Welcome to my world. I'm only working about 8 minutes a day, now.

Finally, the world seems at peace again.

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