Wednesday, February 14

Three Years Of Poop.

Returning For Season 3.

The CDP is three years old this week.

It has survived three apartments, over 500 posts, one Presidential election, three spin-off blogs, four different templates, Aaron, over 250,000 hits and comments, Mutton Chop, four Wisconsin winters and one incompetent ass of an owner. How it's still standing is beyond me.

I started the CDP in February of 2004, just after graduating from college and just before getting a full-time job. I wanted to have an outlet for my essay writing, along with anything else that I thought my close friends and family would find interesting and humorous. As fate would have it, my close family and friends now represent less than 1% of total readers of the CDP.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to those who read every day, to those who read every week and for those who stop in every month or so. Thank you for every comment, every e-mail, every joke and every kind word. Thank you for donating money and buying CDP merch. Thank you for looking to the CDP for entertainment, humor and intelligent company. Thank you for letting me write every day and feel like I'm not wasting my time. Thank you for letting me into your homes, laptops and office cubicles. Thank you for linking me on your own blogs, and thank you for telling friends about me.

Thank you for taking time out of your day to check out what I have to say. It still baffles me, and I'm humbled.

I've received fan mail from England, Australia, Canada and New Zealand. I've met complete strangers that are fans of the CDP. When I almost gave up on Lost Friday last year, my inbox was flooded with people begging me to reconsider. People e-mail me just to tell me that an essay I wrote resonated with them. At least once a week, someone takes a moment of their time to let me know that something I wrote made them laugh out loud. I cannot tell you how great that makes me feel.

Sound off in the comments section and praise the CDP on Three Years of Outstanding Service. Bow deeply and be sure to let everyone know what your favorite CDP Moments are.

Thank you.

The Arcade Fire sucks.
I'm so glad there are people out there that appreciate a good 'call-back' joke, and know when to properly utilize it.


Thank you, Paste. You've been an integral cog in the evolution of the CDP.

Neon Bible comes out on March 6.
Congrats, I hope to make it as long as you have and still be able to churn out quality material as you continually do.
Thanks JT. So far, 2007 has been a lot of filler and no killer, but it's because I'm working on a lot of other projects. Things will get back to normal at some point, I'm sure of it.
Yes, Arcade Fire does suck.

Congrats on 3 years, babe!
Man...the things I put up with around here.

I couldn't have done it without you, Missus. Your support and positive attitudes about Blogging are what turned me on to this in the first place. Why, here's a snippet of one of your very first blog posts, in February of 2004:

"I create this in refutation of the Communist Dance Party blog. I retain the opinion that blogs are so three years ago, and that only losers like Ben Affleck create them these days. No matter what TechTv says, blogs are not cool."

You're a shining beacon that guides my heart home. Also, you're not getting any flowers tomorrow.
I figured as such.

I always like how you tell everyone that I've only bought you flowers like, 5 times in the last 7 years, but never mention the thousands of dollars in jewelry you've gotten instead.

I think flowers suck, so I buy you expensive jewelry instead. In tune, you tell everyone that I never buy you flowers.

I cannot win.
Hathery rules.
Fine, buy me some jewelry then.
Valentine's Day falls on a Wednesday.

I get paid on Thursday.

Conclusion: You get nothing on Wednesday.
Ah...Valentine's Day. Just on of the myriad holidays I have absolutely no obligation to observe.

Now Flag Day, that's another story. I have a longstanding tradition of drinking my face off on Flag Day.
Speaking of, have you ever watched the movie Face/Off? It's good, and I don't even like action movies.

Did you think that the backslash in there was unneccesary, too? I did, and I don't even like slashes--back or forward.
I've never understood the backslash in that title. Then again, I've never understood John Travolta.
Hollywood-style punctuation has always been a bit suspect in my book, as has spelling. Take Se7en. What? Why?
That doesn't even say "Seven" to me. That's so far from seven it's eight.

BTW, I don't even look at John Travolta (JT---hmmm, suspcious). I only have eyes for Nick Cage. That's why I call him Nick instead of Nicholas. I could understand him all night long. (If and only if you know what I'm saying.)
Me and the Missus disagree on this, but I really like Nick Cage as an actor. He's one of the few actors that I will see in the theaters based only on his merits, and not the film itself.

That being said, Ghost Rider is completely out of the question.

(Watch 8MM tonight.)
Nicholas Cage= not an actor, just some guy

Let it be known that the CDP is officially in my good graces for the rest 'o the year with his Valentine's gift.
I hope I'm not speaking out of turn, but I think Kenny meant to say that he only has snakeeyes for Nick Cage.

Travolta will never surpass what he achieved in the Look Who's Talking franchise, Battlefield Earth notwithstanding.
Yup, I really outdid myself with this year's Valentine's Day gift.

No, seriously, I outdid myself. I'll be selling plasma for months to pay this thing off.

Paste, I agree with you on Look Who's Talking thing, but I strongly believe that Travolta's performance was greatly assisted by Kirstie Alley.
Oh, and Kenny's all woman, by the way.

I doubt she'll be offended, though. I think I remember her saying that she likes the androgynous nature of the moniker.
Apologies to Ms. Kenny.

Yes, Kirstie and John... Their onscreen chemistry was palpable. Or poopable.

I thought of an idea for your marrying-people business. You should become known for this:

Rev. CDP: "If you love her so much why don't you marry her?"
Groom: "Yeah, OK."
Rev. CDP: "And if you love him so much, why don't you marry him?"
Bride: "Fine, whatever."
Rev CDP: "I now pronounce you man and wife!"
Paste, you have my word as a gentleman and an Internet Personality that I will try to work that into my next wedding somehow. The people who want to use me as a Reverend always have a sense of humor, so someone's bound to go along with it at some point.

I'm also thinking of working "I know you are, but what am I?" into the vows somehow.
Paste - I agree on John Travolta. Look Who's Talking Too? Pure genius. In addition to being what I consider to be the Citizen Caine of our generation, the play on words in the title, using "too" to also mean "two" was sheer brilliance.

Kenny - it should also be noted that I share initials with Justin Timberlake, and Josh Taylor who is a soap opera actor and also played the father on The Hogan Family. My identity, however, is an enigma, wrapped in a conundrum, drowining in cheap whiskey.

CDP/Kenny - If you like Nicholas Cage, I suggest Red Rock West if you've never seen it. One of my favorite movies of his.

CDP - If I ever get married again, I'm flying you to SC to perform the ceremony.
Fantastic. I'll be there with chaps on.

Because the Missus was nice enough to brag about her Valentine's Day gift, I too want to express that I was given a gift of sheer awesomeness by her, as well.

It was the According To Jim DVD box set.
3 cookies in no way compares to 95 diamonds.

But throw in the DVD set, and you got yourself a competition.
Yeah, but can you eat your diamonds? I think not.

I suppose you're right, but there would have to be some good stuff on those DVDs. Like unedited footage of Lee Harvey Oswald stealing the Jack Ruby.

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