Thursday, February 15

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

Free to a good dumpster.

This is what I woke up to on Monday morning. A lone vacuum cleaner, standing halfway up my front door walk.

When I saw it that morning, it was on the heels of a major snowstorm, so it was almost buried under 8 inches of snow. I like that the groundskeepers shoveled and salted around the vacuum, just in case it turned out that I really wanted it to stay there for some reason.

Garbage day was Sunday, yet this vacuum cleaner was nowhere near the curb. Always quick to jump to conspiracies, I became convinced that someone was trying to screw with me.

Vacuum salesmen just don't try anymore.

What do you want from me, vacuum? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!!?

On the bright side, this has inspired me to write a short film about a paranoid guy who gets slowly driven insane by a vacuum cleaner that's stalking him. I, of course, will play the role of the wacky neighbor.

Sound off in the comments section and let me know what the hell is going on.

TOMORROW - LOST FRIDAY.

Comments:
There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'm I'm just going to come right out and say it. Of all the things to be stalked by in this crazy world, a vacuum is one of the worst. I'm not trying to belittle those people with toaster ovens following them, but please, this is a vacuum we're talking about and the man's got a cat to think about.
Luckily I have some advice passed on to me by a survivor of a viscious Bissel attack. He said:
1. Buy a bag of sawdust
2. Buy a bigger, more powerful vacuum (36 gallon shop vac)
The Shop vac will take care of your stand up problem, but you'll need to throw down some sawdust and the occasional bolt on the floor to keep the shop vac happy.
 
I'm torn by last night's Lost. On one hand, I'm happy that Charlie is supposed to die. On the other hand, how many times is his life going to be saved before they finally off him? Two episodes? Three? Ten?

There's only so much death-skirting I can take before it gets old.
 
Thanks for the advice, Blustacon. We're coping with this on a day-to-day basis, but we have hope for the future. I'm keeping my door locked and my carpets looking their off-whitest.

I'm a little torn by Lost, but I actually thought it was one of the trippiest flashback episodes they've ever done. It's not like we've really learned anything about Desmond's current condition, but the impending death of Charlie is an interesting little tidbit.
 
I, too, have know the terror of being stalked by mid-sized appliances. I once lived in terror for three months because a dorm-room refrigerator kept showing up on my porch late at night.

Seriously, if someone is screwing with you, you have to admire the creativity.
 
Without question. I would have never thought of this, unkempt neighbor or otherwise.
 
My dryer is going on the fritz, and I'm trying to decide whose driveway to leave it in. I think I'll step it up a notch and put something, like a disfigured doll, in there as well. That should make someone check their door and window locks each night.

Oh yeah, and I stole your phonetic alphabet usage for my own personal gain. Sorry about that.
 
Though we never received the "Best Comments of 2006" post (or at least I never read it), BluStaCon's comment MUST be on the 2007 short-list.
 
I woke up before the CDP, and I called him into the foyer. "Look out the window," I said. "Is that a vacuum on our walk???"

"Yes. Yes, I believe it is," the CdP responded.

I thought I was just hallucinating, as I had been deathly ill the last few days--I wasn't. It was a very odd morning for both of us.
 
I JUST FEEL THE NEED TO USE ALL CAPS TODAY AND SHARE SOME INFO. TODAY IS *INTERNATIONAL THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID DAY* AND IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME THEN I HATE YOU.

CARRY ON.
 
JT - I'm trying to find the best place to dump an old microwave. For now, it's gathering dust in my garage.

Moe - I agree, Blustacon's comment had me reeling. 2006 didn't get a "Best Comments" post, but there's always time for that in the future.

Hathery - Yes, it was a big morning for both of us.

Kenny - Today is "That's what she said" day?

Good, maybe it won't be as long and hard as all the others.






Waiting.....waiting.....
 
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!

(P.S. I found the picture..look on my blog)
 
I could post photos like that for 6 straight months on the CDP, and it would never get stale.

I'm working on Lost Friday as we speak, kiddies.

I'm so hungry, though. If I could just find something to nibble on for a few minutes...







Waiting....waiting...
 
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
 
Beautiful.
 

Post a Comment

<< Home