Monday, March 26

Seven Minutes In Heaven.

The CDP Is Far More Emo Than You.

1. "Hey, What's With The Title Of This Post?"

Beats me. In my teen years, I never had the opportunity to partake in a game of 'Seven Minutes In Heaven.' In fact, I would have to say that I never played a game that directly resulted in some sort of sexual activity for me. Spin The Bottle and Strip Poker aside, of course, but that really doesn't count. Those add up to nothing more than a foul tip in the Baseball game of Life.

When I was 14, I was invited by an 18-year-old to play her in a game of Strip Darts. I really liked this girl, and knew damn well that I was never going to get this kind of a chance again, but chickened out at the last minute. There I was, in her basement with what seemed to be the break of a lifetime, only to turn it down just like any typical 14 year old boy would eventually do. Just a brief scanning of the CDP Archives will remind you that the entire decade of the 90's was just a series of older women screwing with my head.

Back in Middle School, I was so terrified of the increasing realities of sex that I attempted to avoid them at all costs. My insecurities in myself were at a fever pitch, as were the insecurities of most every boy in the 7th grade, really. Around that time, I vaguely remember being playfully locked in a basement with my then-girlfriend during a party; the raving mob urging us on to make out or something. Instead of taking it like a champ, I responded by busting the door off at the hinges. Her dad showed up, got mad, and everyone had to leave.


I have no idea what prompted me to talk about this, but I thought it was interesting to mention. I'm sitting in the dark right now, listening to Asobi Seksu (beautiful and super-dreamy pop from NYC), and I guess I'm just feeling somberly reminiscent. Let's bust out of this funk, shall we? All of these stories are for another place and another time; preferably when I have enough ambition to start producing short films.

2. "Hey, What Did You Do This Weekend?"

On Friday, I had some friends over for a spirited Guitar Hero and Mario Kart competition. Beforehand, they had seen Zach Galifianakis perform downtown, which was fantastic, from what they had shared with me. They left at midnight, opting to walk home in the beautiful moonlight and fog. Spring has finally arrived to southeast Wisconsin, and we're plenty grateful.

The funny thing about Wisconsinites is that, at some point in late winter, we become completely defiant of the temperature and season. After being jerked around one too many times by Mother Nature, we collectively throw our winter coats into the backseat, and proclaim the start of spring. Sure, it may be just as cold as it was in January, but we get to the point where we just have to believe what we tell ourselves, so we don't chop our family up in the attic. It's a collective statewide temper tantrum, and I'm usually the first one to fall on my back and kick wildly into the air.

I also checked out 300 and Dead Silence. 300 was worth my time, and I got everything I expected out of it. Dead Silence was a wasted opportunity, and resembled an average episode of Tales From The Crypt at best. I wanted to be scared; it didn't even come close to happening.

I spent the rest of my time watching the most boring NCAA tournament ever, and contemplating the purchase of an 80GB Video iPod. It's going to become a reality next week, regardless of if I can afford it or not. As a somewhat-grown man, I'm allowed to make a completely unreasonable decision at an approximate rate of 2 per year. This is one of those occasions.

On Dateline NBC, Chris Hansen is leaving the child predators alone for a few weeks, in favor of tracking down proprietors of Nigerian e-mail scams. Dateline NBC, or the United States government for that matter, cannot legally arrest these people, but there's nothing that says they can't humiliate them on national television. It's good TV that's attempting to compete with American Idol, so check it out tomorrow if you get the chance.

3. "Hey, What Are You Listening To Right Now?"

Here are the last 10 albums I've listened to:

1. Mew - 'Frengers'
2. Asobi Seksu - 'Citrus'
3. Communique - 'Walk Into The Light'
4. Atari Teenage Riot - 'Burn, Berlin, Burn'
5. Arcade Fire - 'Neon Bible'
6. Bayside - 'Sirens & Condolences'
7. Death From Above 1979 - 'You're A Woman, I'm A Machine'
8. Cursive - 'The Ugly Organ'
9. Smashing Pumpkins - 'Rotten Apples'
10. Modest Mouse - 'We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank'

I cannot tell you how cool it is to see Johnny Marr in Modest Mouse. It should also be mentioned that 'Brianstorm,' the new track by the Arctic Monkeys, is absolutely tremendous; you can view the equally fantastic video HERE. Morrissey is coming to Milwaukee in May, and I will be in the front row, pushing women and children aside for the chance to snag one of his many silk shirts.

4. "Hey, What Are You Reading Right Now?"

Mick Foley - The Hardcore Diaries
Davy Rothbart - Found! (Volumes 1 & 2)
Russ Kick - The Disinformation Book Of Lists

5. "Hey, What's Up With This Hugo Cup Thing?"

We'll talk about this on Lost Friday.

6. "Hey, You Look Really Hot In That Picture! Did you know that?"

Yeah, I did. Thanks for bringing it up, however.

7. "Hey, I Love Your Page. Can I Interview You Or Something?"

Believe it or not, I've had this request show up in my inbox recently. If you want to interview or contact me in any way for your own blog, send an e-mail to I've actually been contemplating this idea myself, as there are a few influential bloggers out there that I really would like to chat with. I think it would be a neat idea for bloggers to cross over ideas and popularity, and in tune, give their readers something else to enjoy. For example, if I could snag an interview with Mr. Pork Tornado, that would not only be a neat post to read, it would also send lots of his loyal readers to my page, and vice versa. Everyone wins.

Okay kids, I'm done for today. Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your Monday.

What 18 year old girl would have wanted to play strip darts with you??? You were, at most, 65 pounds. I reckon she might have been teasing you, darling.

My first kiss came from a game of spin the bottle. How sad is that???

I'll interview you. We'll arrange the details. I'll drudge up all the tasty gossip, and give the readers what they want to hear.
"The entire decade of the 90's was just a series of older women screwing with my head."

...I figured out long ago that she might have been teasing me. I've accepted this.

That interview is a good idea. You can ask all the tough questions and publish it on your blog. What a scoop!
I don't really want to interview you, I was just kidding. I already know all the answers!!!

She was teasing you. You were a tiny, tiny little man.
I also would love to get the chane to speak with Dusty. He and I traded emails briefly when I firststarted Spork Nation.
I'm gunna make it happen, JT.
I'd like to trade emails with his cat.
You know it.

Can we get a ping-pong table? Or, at the very least, can we ask if someone wants to give us one?
Why do you want one? I would never want to play it with you.
Never mind. They're selling some halfway-decent pool tables at Dick's Sporting Goods for under $400.

We will look at said tables tonight.
CDP laying down the law about the table.

Hathery - I'll never WANT to play with you.

CDP - Fantastic! WE'RE looking for one TONIGHT .

Subtle but stern. If only I had this much power in my den.
The key is to let him THINK he has power in this relationship. Keeps him happy, you know? (We're not getting a pool table.)
Oh, without question, the Missus will ultimately decide if I'm getting any sort of game table; pool, ping-pong or otherwise.

But seriously, a brand new $400 pool table? Who turns that sort of thing down? Even if the table sucks, at least it's something.
We're not getting a pool table.
It's a waste of space. If you want to play pool, we'll go to a pool establishment and play. All it will do in our house is gather dust and eventually have things heaped on it.
If you really want a pool table. Buy it for one of your close friends. That way you have a pool table and still have a dining room.
Or we could just eat dinner on the pool table.

I shouldn't have said we're really not getting one.
I know I've mentioned the new house I was buying - we finally closed yesterday. The best part about buying it with another single guy friend?

We've decided we don't need a dining room- it's now a game room, complete with beer-pong table and mini-fridge to hold beer, so that we don't have to walk all 25 feet into the kitchen for beer.
This is why straight guys should be allowed to marry each other.
Our girlfriends hate that we've started referring to each other as domestic life partners.

It doesn't help that the people who moved out left a cross with two wedding bands stuck to it hanging in the kitchen. We've decided to leave it up.
Wow. It was obviously a very meaningful relationship to them...haha.
Okay, we're going to need a picture of that.
When my DLP (Domestic Life Partner) gets back from DC on Saturday, I'll have a picture taken with us in front of it.

It will bring a tear of joy to your eye.
I'm feverishly rubbing my hands in anticipation.

For the last few days (and for the next 2 weeks, at least) I've been uploading every CD I have into iTunes. Each album takes about 5 minutes, and I have almost 1700 albums, so you do the math.

It's one of the most tedious things I've ever done, but it will all be worth it when I can put my entire library onto my iPod with the touch of a button.
I broke out my flip-flops today, so winter is officially over in Minneapolis, too, whether it wants to be, or not.

Of course I didn't even think about wearing them yesterday when it was 80°F and sunny out. That would just have been silly of me.
Ask the CDP when he'll be busting his flip flops out.

I'm enjoying reheated Jerk Tofu for lunch, mon.
Loading CDs into iTunes does suck, but the payoff is very much worth it, until you leave the iPod at home and have to listen to terribly terrible FM radio.
IMS - We just turned the central air on at CDP Headquarters, giving me my first good-night's sleep in forever.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Minneapolis is a fantastic city. You can read about our last trip there to see Arcade Fire HERE.

HATHERY - Me and flip-flops don't mix. Enjoy your Jerk Tofu; I'll be the jerk enjoying macaroni.

JT - Hopefully, I'll be done uploading before Spring is over.
I just enjoyed a Clementine Orange. That was also delightful.
A couple notes:

1) I hope y'all have been to the Pool Barn.

2) I'm pretty sure I've only played "7 Minutes in Heaven" once.

3)I'm listening to a mix CD that my
BFF sent me today. It's awesome. Plus she sent me Lily Allen, which I like. Plus, she included a pack of mojito-flavored Orbit gum.

Um, let's have a CDP party (was that last "party" redundant?) at the Pool Barn.
Can you play pool at the Pool Barn, or do you just buy stuff there? I've never been, but I'm excited at either prospect.
The Pool Barn is that huge red barn that is just before the 90/94 overpass on 151S headed into Madison. Usually, there are lots of pick-up trucks in the parking lot. They have cheap pool tables, beer, and a glow-in-the-dark room next to their "killer" jukebox. At least, I hope it's still that way, as it's been approx. 5 years since my last (only) trip there.

I'm convinced this needs to happen.
Well, hell yeah!

I thought they were just a retailer of pool tables. I didn't realize that they were the gatekeepers to some sort of wonderful billiards experience.

It's on, Kenny. You know my number.
Is that where they sell Antiques and cheese?
I think it's just attached to that place, yeah.
If I had the extra cash, I would fly up to accompany you to the Pool Barn. However, I do not, so I insist on pictures.
Seven Minutes in The Pool Barn

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