Friday, April 27

Lost Friday - "D.O.C."

Lost Friday - D.O.C.
Season 3 - Episode 18: "D.O.C."

Welcome to a very special Lost Friday. We have so much to discuss, I don't even have time to finish this sente

Today was 'Take Your Child To Work Day' at my office, which is almost as fun as 'Please Kick Me In The Schwanz With A Steel-Toed Boot Day.' I spent my afternoon cowering in fear and hiding all of my breakable toys, wondering what I did to deserve such punishment and sticky hands. I even ran to the store and bought a bunch of candy so they would stop asking me questions.

Boy, I had everything planned out. I had a 10 minute speech planned on the ins and outs of the Examination process. Ten minutes on everything they would ever need to know about taking a test. I was going to let them fill out their own Scantron sheets, print big stickers with their names on them; pretty much change their lives forever concerning the subject of examinations on a State level. I was going to be the one they remembered over the weekend and told all their school friends about. The cool one.

Instead, they screwed with my toys, took all my Fun-Size candy bars, chewed me up and spat me right the hell back out. When they left, I had to look down and see if they took my pants, too. The saddest thing was having to go back around my work area and throw away all the neat stuff I planned for them; stuff nobody would ever see. No; actually the saddest thing was being gang-raped by 13 children and having to smile the whole time. Connor tied my Slinky in a knot! They had my Lucky Cat and were waving it around over their heads! That thing cost me fifty bucks!

"I'm going to tell my Mom that you said you hated her," chimed one of the older girls. Seriously. I'm not even close to making that up.

Apart from that, I'm back in the gym again, and my muscles are all atrophied and sore. Every time I'm there, I'm forced to watch the personal trainer meticulously sculpt and preen his already chiseled frame. He's over there, squatting 900 pounds over a pit of flames, and I'm squirting out pee trying to benchpress a barbell with no weight on it. Not cool, buddy.

This week, I wanted to do something a little different than usual for Lost Friday. the episode itself was interesting and captivating enough, but some moments were more important than others. For those of you who want me to run down the hard-nosed facts, these Cliff's Notes should get you all caught up:

Do Not Look Directly Into The Roundhouse.

IN FLASHBACKS:
1. Jin's mom = Blackmailing whore.
2. Sun = Unfaithful; not sure who the baby daddy is.
3. Jin = Paying off Sun's debt through murder and Roundhouse kicks.

ON THE BEACH:
4. Jin = Sun's baby daddy.
5. Sun = Probably gunna die.
6. Juliet = Still evil. Hates Ben.

AT THE PARACHUTE SITE:
7. Mikhail = Not dead. Repairs woman's lung.
8. Jin = Really wants that satellite phone.
9. Parachutist = "Everyone on Flight 815 is dead."
10. Jin = Did I mention the Roundhouse kick?

Happy? Good; now let's talk about something else. Something wonderful. Something that could possibly go down in history as the Single Greatest Moment In The History Of Lost.

I'm referring, of course, to Jin's Roundhouse Kick.

The Roundhouse Is Not Your Friend.

Completely unnecessary and absolutely out of nowhere, Jin unloaded on Mikhail with the intensity of a Korean Chuck Norris, sending Patchie to the mat and scoring one for the dude with the unfaithful wife. It was over-the-top, pandering and possibly borderline racist, but it was also pure gold.

To fully appreciate and dissect this most wonderful moment, we need to delve into some history. What exactly is a Roundhouse Kick? Where did it come from? Did the word 'awesome' even exist before the Roundhouse Kick was invented? I need answers!

Slow down, fat ass. I'm getting there.

From Wikipedia: "A roundhouse kick (also known as a round kick or turning kick) is a kick in which the attacker swings his or her leg around in a semicircular motion, striking with the front of the leg or foot. This type of kick is utilized in many different martial arts and is popular in both non-contact and full-contact martial arts competitions. The kick has many variations based on stance, leg movement, striking surface, and the height of the kick."

In Popular Culture: "Possibly due to the move's combination of motion and power- the attacker spins fully around, which makes for a powerful-looking attack- it became a prerequisite feature in many fighting video games and a common 'finishing move' in martial arts sequences in film and television. The latter case is best exemplified in Walker: Texas Ranger, in which the lead character (played by Chuck Norris) almost always defeated the episode's villain with a reverse roundhouse kick, inevitably to the head, shown twice from different angles."

Now that you're all caught up with the most devastating and amazing Move in the History of Devastating and Amazing Moves, let's get into the particular kick in question: Jin's.

Mikhail accidentally walked into the scene in the jungle, as Jin, Hurley, Charlie & Desmond were all trying to figure out how to save the woman that fell out of the sky just minutes earlier. After trying to make a break for it (and amazingly not running into any trees with his horrible depth perception), Jin catches up with him and promptly hands him his ass on a platter.

This is one of the many reasons I like Jin. Sure, he could have just knocked Mikhail out with a straight right hand, or even a spinning backfist if he was feeling frisky.

But no. Oh, hell's no.

Jin wanted to send this dude a message. Why? I have no idea. Maybe he was just in a pissy mood from standing out in the rain all day. He stepped back, thought about it for a second, and said to himself, "Nope, I think I'm just going to kick this turd's head clean off."

Make It A Roundhouse Night!

Thy will be done.

Personally, I rewound my DVR and watched it 4, maybe even 5 times. With a show like Lost that prides itself on logical explanations for out-of-this-world scenarios, I couldn't think of a single reason why Jin would unleash a move like that unless he just wanted to look awesome.

And he did. And so did his wife.

Of course, there are some negative connotations to what we've just witnessed. There's a chance; a good chance, that we may never seen anything as awesome on Lost ever again. Some experts say that they should have saved the Roundhouse kick until the Season Finale or maybe even the Series Finale. The experts say that the only way to outdo one Roundhouse kick is by having the entire cast do Roundhouse kicks at the same time. Clearly, this is an idea the producers have been kicking around for Sweeps, and I really can't blame them.

Also, there's the notion that Lost might have jumped the shark with this one amazing frame of action. I mean, in the past, this scene would be something I'd write about on here as a joke; something that never happened in the actual episode, but something I found funny nonetheless. Now that things are happening on the show that I would normally use to mock the show, I'm pretty sure the Lost universe is set to implode inside of itself. You cannot parody and satirize something that already has gotten to the point where it's satirizing itself.

Step Into The House Of Round.

Sure, to you it was just a Roundhouse kick. To me, it was the most important moment of the season.

Next week's episode is titled "The Brig." It will be Locke-centric and cover his last few days on the island, picking up right where we last left him with his Father. It will contain NO off-island flashbacks; a first for the show.

So yeah, after writing 17 of these things in a row, I'm kind of taking a mulligan. Thanks for understanding, kids. Have a good weekend.

-theCDP.

Season 3 Preview
Season 3 - Episode 1 Review
Season 3 - Episode 2 Review
Season 3 - Episode 3 Review
Season 3 - Episode 4 Review
Season 3 - Episode 5 Review
Season 3 - Episode 6 Review
Season 3 - Episode 7 Review
Season 3 - Episode 8 Review
Season 3 - Episode 9 Review
Season 3 - Episode 10 Review
Season 3 - Episode 11 Review
Season 3 - Episode 12 Review
Season 3 - Episode 13 Review
Season 3 - Episode 14 Review
Season 3 - Episode 15 Review
Season 3 - Episode 16 Review
Season 3 - Episode 17 Review

Comments:
WOW! The middle of a Blogger's Choice competition and you're taking a mulligan?? You must be carrying some serious brass buddy. Good thing you made up for most of it with this little gem: After trying to make a break for it (and amazingly not running into any trees with his horrible depth perception)

I still laugh when I think about that. I don't usually laugh at people with horrible eye wounds. The Islands mysterious healing powers can cure cancer, sterility, crushed spinal cords, and sucking chest wounds, but falls short of Mikhail's eye.

Wait, Mikhail? WTF? Now I can understand why he said "thank you " instead of "F*** you" when they tossed him in the microwave.

Kate's pregnant. No doubt about it. Juliette told us that when men come to the island they basically pee sperm. So I'd say Kate's little afternoon delights with Sawyer have sent her on her way to motherhood. EEW! just had a bad thought. Do you think Rose is pregnant too? I'm sure Bernard got more than an Apollo Bar when he got home ya know what I mean, ya know what I mean...gross

Abrupt Subject change:

Jin's roundhouse was (in my humble opinion) not just awesome, but wicked awesome. Positively evil. Mikhail was the one that found all the info on the castaways, he should have expected a little more from a ROK Soldier.
 
Yep BluStaCon, I simply couldn't do it this week. I've been seriously busy and exhausted, and needed a week to just write without a format.

Furthermore, I honestly thought the the Roundhouse Kick needed the brunt of my attention. I probably would have written this regardless of how much time I had to do it.

When I saw Mikhail, I thought the same thing everyone else was thinking; "Didn't I see that guy's head explode?"

Kate is totally pregnant. And probably burning like crazy when she pees. NEVER sleep with a con man. Of course, I could say the same exact thing for Sawyer. Their separate STDs have probably created some supervirus that's going to rise up and defeat the Smoke Monster.

I want to see Jin in the UFC.

The Office = Brilliant as always. Jim/Dwight making fun of each other was fantastic.
 
No wonder the Others are so uptight all the time. We're witnessing EXTREME FRUSTRATION. With the ultra-fertility coupled with death for the pregnant. Sex is a risky endeaver. Explains quite a lot. QUITE a lot.
 
No kidding. I still can't believe that Dharma doesn't make condoms. I guess during the 70's, it wasn't really an issue.

Ranch Dressing and Wine, on the other hand...

"Lord, beer me strength."
 
Ah, the repercussions of unprotected island-sex.

If the roundhouse kick didn't make Lost jump the shark, then the hidden lever that reveals a secret medical room sure did.
 
Oh God, yes. That was insanely thrown together.

The rumor now is that Dharma staged the entire crash. I wouldn't put it past them; they're clearly pulling things out of their poop chutes at this point.

Just one more season. Please, just one more season. Don't ruin one of the greatest TV dramas of all-time.
 
How can you stage a plane crash?
 
Dude, I have no idea. How can you run through the jungle with one eye? How can an island make people more fertile? How can I still care?

This happens to me towards the end of every season. I get burned out, start hating the show and proclaim that I'm never doing Lost Friday again.

If I win the Hugo Cup, I'm totally retiring.
 
Children, bees, and dogs can smell fear, you know. You got pwned by munchkins.

I guess if you visit Portland, you won't help wrangle 25 3- and 4-year-olds with me and the wife for Sunday School then? Fine, then. I'm withholding my awe-inspiring roundhouse kick from you...
 
I'd do anything to visit Portland, including Child-Wrangling.

In lieu of travel time, however, an animated GIF of the Roundhouse will suffice.
 
Just so you know, Blogger keeps posting the same roundhouse picture over, and over, and over again.

There's no way in hell you'd post it that way, right? Right. Obviously.

I feel that there's nothing more that the writers can do that will blow my mind like this show once was able to do. I'm too apathetic to care if it jumped the shark.

I was hoping the helicopter lady would die so that we wouldn't go through another episode where we're told who she is and what she's doing there, EVEN THOUGH SHE SAID THAT THE DAMN PLANE CRASHED AND THERE WERE NO SURVIVORS!

See what you did? You got me all worked up and now I need a beer. A BFB.
 
See? I feel you right now. I tried really hard to care about the 'no survivors' bombshell at the end of last week, but I was unable to recreate the excitement I felt, say, two years ago. It's just not there.

Lost is the best drama on TV, but you tend to be the hardest on the things you love the most. If that's the case, I'm two steps from beating this show like a red-headed stepchild.

Parachute Girl will die before we get any real answers; I'm sure of it. Either that, or Locke will blow her up somehow. He does that with everything that's important.

When Lost suffers, Lost Friday suffers, and I don't like that one bit.
 
I wish Hurley would have punched parachute girl in the face to make her stop talking in different languages.
 
I wish someone would've said "Hey, you can fly a helicopter, speak in Spanish, Italian and probably numerous other languages, and you don't know English?"

Sorry, I'm not buying it. She is another Other.

From another mother?
 
From another lover...brother.
 
No haikus?

No Break it Down?


I feel so...empty.

Well, at least I can take comfort in knowing there's someone out there who can appreciate an awesome round house kick as much as I do. Epic.
 
Bears. Beets. Battlestar Gallactica.
 
Sorry F&N, I just wasn't feeling it this week. I never want to phone anything in on the CDP, so I just wanted to be up-front with the fact that I wanted to write 5 pages on the awesomeness factor of a Roundhouse Kick.

See? You appreciate that, right?

Man, Creed mentioning that he used to be homeless had me reeling. On the other side of the subtlety scale, Dwight's rant about barnyard sex was fantastic.

I think this week's episode of The Office was amazingly unassuming, but had all the factors of one of the best episodes ever. The acting was just amazing by the entire cast; brilliance all around.

If Creed ever does a Roundhouse Kick, I'll just shut the CDP down forever. There's no topping that.
 
I don't know...this episode of the Office was maybe a little too outlandish for me in some ways. It was funny, but I prefer it when the humor is more subtle. I feel it's lost some of that since Jim went to the other office and came back.
 
That's the problem with a show like this. They need to know when to draw the line between engaging storylines and simply turning the cast into walking quote-machines.

The Simpsons didn't understand this.
 
Nope. Hopefully the Office will understand the idea of wrapping things up before it gets totally out of hand, though.
 
I'm going to pretend I didn't read that.

Any talk of The Office not lasting another five years gives me the shakes.
 
I actually like the wackiness now, as long as they keep doing it well. They also still have some subtle hilarious moments, like the awkwardness of Kevin and Oscar trying to do the high five thing after Angela apologized. I think if they ever lose moments like that, they're a goner. You have one day.
 
whoever drew that picture got it exactly right.
 
Lord, beer me strength.
 
I certainly agree that The Office is hitting its stride and in a really great place right now. I also think (hope) they're smart enough to find a way to keep it so.

Hey, beer me that disc.
 

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