Friday, May 18

Lost Friday - "Greatest Hits."

Lost Friday - Episode 21.
Season 3 - Episode 21: "Greatest Hits."

The second-to-last Lost Friday of the year is upon us. We have much to discuss; which is amazing, considering that this was a Charlie episode (rimshot).

I kid Charlie; I sort of miss the little Hobbit already. Oh wait, he didn't die? Damn.

I want to start off by reminding everyone that the CDP will devote ALL NEXT WEEK to Lost Friday in honor of the Season 3 Finale. We'll be recapping all of the Season 3 goodness all next week, so please stop in every day in preparation for the big send-off. We'll have the best photo captions of Season 3, an all-haiku Season 3 recap, and various other points of little to no interest to yourself. Stop in anyways, though. Maybe buy a t-shirt or something.

I'd be lying if I told you that this was an action-packed, soggy-panted episode, blasting us completely into the finale and continuing on a string of amazing episodes that started over a month ago. Nope, this wasn't even the best Charlie episode so far, let alone anything close to what we've grown accustomed to this May. That all being said, it was a reasonably good buffer leading into the Season 3 Finale, and a good way to set the stage for the bloodbath that's about to ensue.

Look! It says what you says!
(Sun follows along with the subtitles.)

Speaking of bloodbaths, the rumor mill states that no less than 4 featured characters (castaways, Hostiles or otherwise) are going to die during next week's 2-hour finale. Don't look at that as a spoiler, just look at it as something to look forward to. Also appreciate that I used the word 'look' three times in one sentence, and it still came out grammatically correct.

This week, we got a rundown of how the castaways plan to 'asplode the Hostiles, we finally got a look at the underwater DHARMA station, we're going to see a trek to the Radio Tower (something they should have done 89 days ago), and we saw a side of Charlie Pace that was even more emo and annoying than when he was still on the junk.

Meanwhile, John Locke slowly decomposes on a pile of rotten skeletons. Man, that's going to be one boring-ass flashback episode.

Strap in and prepare yourself for The Thick & Meaty!

The Thick And Meaty.

IN FLASHBACKS, YO:

Charlie, in preparation for his suicide mission, writes down the 5 happiest moments of his life. They recall the first time he heard Suck Shaft on the radio, the time he shut his domineering father up for good and drowned him, the time his junkie brother gave him a ring made entirely out of heroin, the time he saved a prostitute (Nadia) from paying her pimp his rightful 30% of the profits, and the time he met Claire and was subsequently blue-balled for 91 straight days by her.

Greatest Hits!

Smell...my...finger!
(Sayid gives Karl CPR directly to his spinal cord.)

IN REAL TIME, YO:

Jack treks the castaways into the middle of the jungle, so they can watch Rousseau blow up a tree (was it really necessary to explain how dynamite works?). According to Jack, when the Hostiles come to raid the camp, the castaways are going to dress the dynamite up like pregnant women to confuse them. When the hostiles hook the dynamite up to the ultrasound machine, ka-boom! After that, they're going to draw a huge EJECT button on the beach and blast themselves back onto the mainland.

Jack says, "We're gunna blow 'em all to hell." Then he takes a big bite out of a Pizza Hut 'Meat Lovers' pizza and mugs for the camera. I'm starting to think that the product placement is getting a little bit out of hand.

Naomi tells Charlie that a Drive Shaft 'Greatest Hits' album was released on the mainland to commemorate his death. It consists of 13 different versions of You All Everybody, including a mix by Timbaland and the Postal Service. It debuted at #198 on the Billboard Top 200, and gracefully bowed out a week later.

All this talk about remembering someone's death brings us to the Question Of The Week!

Question Of The Week.

How Will The CDP Be Remembered After Death?

A) $5 Best Buy gift card.

B) Flowery HTML banner.

C) Lifetime TiVo subscription for next-of-kin.

D) Family discovers the porn wing I've added onto the basement (thanks, Bill).

E) Christopher Cross performs 'Sailing' at funeral. I come back to life as zombie and kill Christopher Cross.

Of course, the correct answer is, "Huge rummage sale." Let's move along.

Sayid, after contemplating it since the goddamn Pilot Episode, thinks they should finally get around to the radio tower and disable the blocking frequency. Juliet says that the Looking Glass station is the source of the trouble, and doesn't know where it is....nope....not a clue.

She then mumbles something and starts walking in the completely opposite direction as Sayid. The walk turns into a saunter, then a jog and eventually a full-on sprint until she is no longer able to be seen. In the distance, a dog barks.

The white ones are the most tender.
(This show is rated TV-14 for graphic bunny violence.)

Desmond, who loves nothing more than to poop all over Charlie's party, tells him about his latest future flash. In order for Claire and Aaron to be saved, Charlie needs to sacrifice himself in the Looking Glass. In a TV show chock-full of McGuffins and Red Herrings, it's pretty safe to say that Desmond has absolutely no idea what he's talking about, and this storyline will vanish come Season 4.

Elsewhere, Jin grills Sun about Juliet's tape recording. Sun explains to Jin that the baby is healthy and she was able to see it on ultrasound. She then tells him that he's a sterile fisherman's son and she cheated on him with a cue-ball back at home. Jin roundhouse kicks Sun so hard that the show starts over from the beginning.

Hey, look! It's Karl! And he's got something important to say! What's that you say, Karl? The Others are coming? Tonight, instead of tomorrow? Gosh, we'd really like to believe you, Karl; if only there were some way that you could give us a flashback to your camp, say, 6 hours ago, that would be really great! You can? You will? Thanks, Karl! That's a good boy!

In flashbacks, Ben wants to attack the castaways now! Richard applies his guyliner with great vigor.

MOCK PLEASE.
(Ice. Queen.)

Jack takes the majority of the castaways to the radio tower. Bernard, Jin and Sayid hang around the camp with the artillery. Desmond and Charlie head out in search of the Looking Glass. Locke grumbles and attempts to hold his small intestine in. Eko, Boone, Shannon, Ana Lucia, the Marshall and Libby continue to draw flies.

On the boat, Desmond and Charlie reach the Looking Glass, where they exchange some parting words and a brief, but passionate, kiss. Desmond offers to trade places with Charlie, who responds by nearly killing him with the oar. Isn't it nice how on television, everyone gets knocked out exactly when they're supposed to, for exactly as long as they're supposed to? What if that oar shot would have killed Desmond? What if he whiffed and missed Desmond by a mile? How would you save face after that?

"Juss swingin' at a wee gnat, mate."

OARWN3D!
(0ARWN3D!)

Charlie descends into the Looking Glass and pops up to discover that it has not been flooded. Two women with guns bear down on him, the Hobbit pees the pool, and we smash-cut to black.

Not bad. Not bad at all. The stage has been set, the plan is in motion, and it'll only be less than a week until we get to see how they'll screw it up yet again. I mean, shooting tents full of explosives? It seems almost foolproof!

The more that I think about it, the more I think they adopted this plan because it just seemed the most awesome. I mean, what's more awesome than firing a shot into a tent full of dynamite, subsequently vaporizing a bunch of bad guys in the process? Is there anything more awesome?

5 Awesome Things.

5 Awesome Things...Better Than Detonating A Tent Full Of Dynamite.

1) Not being tried as an adult.

2) John McCrea, the lead singer for Cake.

3) That one dream I had with Selma Hayek and the World's Largest Hoagie.

4) Winning the Money In The Bank ladder match at Wrestlemania.

5) Detonating two tents full of dynamite.

Step back and shield your eyes, it's time to Break It Down!

Break It Down!

4- Can you believe that Charlie's going to die before getting to sleep with Claire? I mean, can you honestly believe it? I dislike Charlie and all, but he put a lot of cultivation into that one-sided relationship, and I feel pretty bad for the guy right about now. He went from two girls a night in Finland, to three months of fetching water and changing cloth diapers for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON*. This is all the more reason why Claire is completely worthless on the island and should die next week. Not because she won't sleep with Charlie, mind you; just that she doesn't do anything for anybody.

And don't start that crap about Aaron; that baby is made of a crude plastic, and you all know it.

(*Okay, so maybe he loves her. Even still.)

8- Bernard and Rose made their first appearance together all season. To me, that says one (or both) of them ain't making it to Season 4. It was also nice to see Vincent for a tenth of a second, as well. I'm still hoping for a Vincent flashback episode, documenting his last 90 days on the island. I'd expect to see him peeing on lots of trees and licking himself, but that would ruin the plot of the next Locke episode.

Such funny jokes. I ran out of material in 2004.

For the two of you who don't know what an explosion looks like.
(This is what happens when you let George W. Bush make toast.)

15- If Naomi is telling the truth, and everyone in the world thinks that Flight 815 was recovered with no survivors, isn't it safe to assume that Michael and Walt never made it back home? Could they actually still be out in the ocean? I mean, if they did somehow make it back to the mainland, they surely would have told someone, right? Right?

WAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLT!

16- It's good to see Jack making decisions, regardless of if the majority of the castaways agree with them or not. This actually hits home for me, as I find myself in a similar situation almost every day of my life. Whenever I'm with my Wife and a group of friends, and the time comes for us to get out of the house and actually do something, I always get every eyeball in the house focused on me.

Apparently, nobody I know is capable of making a decision, and I'm always left to plan the itinerary for the evening. It's gotten to the point where they're actually calling me 'Alpha Male.' Not because I am, mind you (I'm 5'9" and 156lbs.), but simply because they're too lazy and indecisive to determine where they want to order their freaking pizza, and I absolutely cannot stand wasting time on meaningless crap like that. I'd rather focus on recapping TV shows and playing Super Paper Mario until 3am.

As you would assume, every decision I make is incorrect and frowned upon, even though they left the entire decision making process up to me. I can never win with these people, honestly. I'm through deciding things; from now on, decisions are going to make themselves.

Up to a D-cup, I see.
("We have to un-jam that radio tower, dude. I have to vote for Jordin!")

23- I can't believe Melinda got kicked off of American Idol. If Blake (wiggida-wiggida-wickie-wackie-boom-boom-tsss) Lewis beats Jordin (I'm Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC, and I'd like to have a word with you) Sparks, I just might have to jump through my television and beat-box his skull to malt powder.

42- You know what Season 4 needs? Two words: Zombie Eko.

Yeah, this is what happens when you get an uneventful episode. Sorry, kids.

Spoiler nerds, duck and cover! Here comes The Preview!

Through The Looking Glass.
(Sorry my desk wasn't clean when this photo was taken; this place is a MESS!)

Season 3 - Episode 22/23: "Through The Looking Glass."

I need to be completely honest with you here, so please listen up. While compiling information for this week's Lost Friday, I kind-of-sort-of accidentally spoiled myself concerning the finale. For those of you who wish to be completely spoiled, the information is out there and accurate. I won't go over it here, but I wanted to be up-front about it, because I normally write The Preview from a purely speculative basis. Because I pretty much know what's going to happen, I can't really do that this week.

Here's what I'm willing tell you, and don't worry, I'm not going to seriously spoil you. If you really, really, really want to know (you don't), send me an e-mail or something. And away we go.

Not crazy.
("Liam, be honest. You got bit by that zombie, didn't you?")

4- It's going to be awesome. The Castaways and the Others are going to have a war, and people are going to die. You'll be satisfied in that regard, I promise.

8- We'll see what's going on with Locke, and we'll see someone show up with him that you won't be expecting.

15- At the end of Season 1, we got a twist that changed the dynamic of the entire show. At the end of Season 2, we got more of the same. This season, we're probably going to get the biggest twist in the history of the show. It's something we've never seen before, it will start billions of discussion threads, and offer insight as to how the remaining 3 seasons will play out. Believe me, you're going to geek the hell out at the end of this one; it's seriously going to change the game. Just reading it made me go, "Ruh-roh...this is going to mess some people up."

16- Hurley's going to do something awesome. One of the most awesomest things he's ever done.

I'm a dead man!
(Charlie looks so pathetic in this photo that I can't even make fun of him.)

23- Every time the last few episodes of the season roll around, I start to think to myself, "I wonder how the castaways are going to screw it up this time." At the end of this episode, I seriously doubt you're going to feel that way. In fact, it seems that the Castaways are getting smarter and smarter with each passing episode.

42- Even though I went and ruined something that I had been looking forward to for months, there's no way I'll enjoy this episode any less. It's going to be that interesting. Jack is going to have his best episode ever.

Well, there you have it. Another Lost Friday in the books. Remember that Lost Friday will expand to ALL NEXT WEEK in honor of the Season 3 Finale, so be sure to stop by the CDP every day next week for more details about the end of Season 3. As always, start the conversation in the comments section and send all erotic photography to communistdance@yahoo.com. Once you're done giving me advice on avoiding the paparazzi, head on over to The Coconut Internet and say hello.

Here are links to every Lost Friday this season. Thanks for reading; we'll see you on Lost Monday.

-theCDP.

FIVE!
("FINGERS!")

Season 3 Preview
Season 3 - Episode 1 Review
Season 3 - Episode 2 Review
Season 3 - Episode 3 Review
Season 3 - Episode 4 Review
Season 3 - Episode 5 Review
Season 3 - Episode 6 Review
Season 3 - Episode 7 Review
Season 3 - Episode 8 Review
Season 3 - Episode 9 Review
Season 3 - Episode 10 Review
Season 3 - Episode 11 Review
Season 3 - Episode 12 Review
Season 3 - Episode 13 Review
Season 3 - Episode 14 Review
Season 3 - Episode 15 Review
Season 3 - Episode 16 Review
Season 3 - Episode 17 Review
Season 3 - Episode 18 Review
Season 3 - Episode 19 Review
Season 3 - Episode 20 Review

NEXT - LOST MONDAY:
THE BEST CAPTIONS OF SEASON 3.

Comments:
Oh man, I'm so torn. Do I want the spoiler, or go into next week's episode blissfully aloof?

ACK!
 
Although I stumbled upon the spoiler, I'm honestly anticipating the finale just as much as before. If I were to advise you, however, it would be to just go in and watch the episode spoiler-free. It'll be all the more awesome.

Seriously. Man.....wow.

Yeah, don't spoil yourself.
 
When did that graphic bunny violence occur? I don't remember that.
 
I think the graphic bunny violence is foreshadowing. Rousseau's daughter is into boiling bunnies and before long, will go all Glenn Close-crazy when her boyfriend stops paying attention to her.

You think Ben's bad ... you ain't seen nuthin' yet!
 
Thanks for not spoiling. The finale, I mean. But I'm I'm also glad that you personally are not spoiling.

I shamefully confess that I was actually hoping Charlie wouldn't die. All season I've wanted him to die, but this episode he ceased being a pathetic loser and became a tragic hero--well, as heroic as he can. I imagine that if he does get off the island he's muff diving a mound of heroin Tony Montana style. And writing the top five monents of his life in marker when he's planning a diving trip is just stupid.

Whatever happened to the almost plotline that Claire's baby was the anti-Christ or whatever? And just for the record, I think that if Claire had an upper lip she'd be beautiful.

Did anyone notice a passing resemblance of the brunette Fem Bot in the Looking Glass to Sawyer's girlfriend who later befriended Kate? And did you know that brunet describes a male with brown hair?
 
HATHERY- Alex was cooking up the rabbit to give to Alex to eat. Alex has been banninated from the Hostiles camp.

BRUCE- Glenn Close should pop up on the island during Sweeps and show these folks how a real crazy woman should act. Either her or Faye Dunaway.

LOTT- I remain as fresh as the day I left my sealed container.

Yeah, Charlie sort of redeemed himself this week, which is a shame for me, because I wanted him gone with no remorse. He did come off like a hero, although you'd think that "Quitting the smack" would have made his Top 5 list.

We might see more stuff with Aaron, if my theory is correct that Jacob is actually that guy who gave Claire the psychic reading in Australia.

I've officially gone off the rails.
 
Hmmm....let's see. Did anyone see The Ultimate Fighter last night? The Office? I want to see Creed's blog.
 
I saw them! :)
 
It's been kind of quiet today. I fell asleep in my office.
 
I wanted to fall asleep in mine, but then I had to attend a probate conference...la te da!
 
The messy desk picture made me laugh on the outside and gave me a reason to live.
 
Yeah, sorry about that. I'm normally a neat-freak, but you know how things are this time of year.
 
I think Desmond knew everything, he knew that Charlie would knock him out, and that people would be down there, and that he'd have to go save the day again ...
although, why would he tell Charlie then? Wouldn't he just go? Or did he need someone so he could have the element of surprise?
 
I knew I had heard that DriveShaft song before! When I was a kid there was a song that went:

pean-uuuut peanut butter... and jelly!

They totally ripped that off.

I know I said this somewhere before, but it bears repeating. Michael and WAAALT! are somewhere on that labor camp island. Ben gave Michael a very specific heading from the Dharma pier.

That scene with Charlie and the two women was an absolutely fabulous reverse foreshadow can there be such a thing? Lit-nerds help me out here). I can't wait to see him get the crap kicked out of him next week.

Juxtaposition is a very dominant theme with Lost. Ben cradles a little bunny one week and Alex is butchering one the next. Pretty cool.
 
Ben just hates bunnies. Remember the one he "killed" to show Sawyer how his heart would explode if his heart rate got too high? He simply does not like bunnies.
 
It was because when Ben was a kid, that bunny cheated on him. He's had a vendetta ever since; typical serial-bunny-killer mentality.

Lost contains more themes and back-and-forth intellectual baggage than anything else on television this side of Nova. It should come with an instruction manual.
 

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