Wednesday, June 13

More Like, "House On The Crock!"

The House On The Rock.

Last weekend, we headed out to the House On The Rock for about the hundredth time in my life. As usual, the visit proved to be both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time; much like a visit to Six Flags or downtown Milwaukee.

Here then, a few photographs.

Don't Look Me In The Eye.

Check it out, I have a suntan! I tell you, the Wisconsin summers will really bronze a guy up. Also, I'm a serial killer.

From Here To Infinity.

Me and Ben take in the view of the 'Infinity Room.' The room is essentially a massive jut out from the actual house that's suspended hundreds of feet over the forests with little to no supports. There's a glass floor, and the damn thing shakes when you walk on it. It's seriously just one jumping fat kid away from crumbling and careening into the lush greenery below.

Wisconsin Is The Prettiest State In Wisconsin.

It's worth it for the view, however. We both changed our pants and gingerly continued on our way.

The Streets Of Yesterday.

No tourist trap is complete without some housewife in a Hawaiian shirt. I politely asked her to leave the 'Streets Of Yesterday' shortly after this photo was taken. I really don't need that.

See You In Your Nightmares!

Death loomed quietly overhead. I secretly wished it would take me with him.

I've Never Been More Terrified.

Here then, the very definition of fear. That poor clown had to stand next to my doughy, white ass while I attempted to make funny faces. In a related note, we kept checking our rearview mirrors on the ride home to make sure he wasn't following us.

I Have No Idea.

And who can forget.....this!

The House On The Rock is pretty much a collection of junk, crudely thrown together to represent something mysterious and grand. When you finally reach this giant, swirling room full of contraptions and utter crap, you begin to get in on the joke and marvel at the genius of it all.

Still though, for $26 a ticket, the joke's not really all that funny afterward.

See You Later, Losers!

I forgot to mention that slices of pizza are $5. You can't keep me away from this place! I want to go through again! Could I possibly look like a bigger douchebag in this photo? Could I?

Why Won't This House Just End Already?

Animatronic mannequins playing pneumatically-powered instruments? Just try not to completely freak out when you find yourself surrounded by hundreds of them at a time. Poor Ben was tripping out like you wouldn't believe. I thought he might have accidentally ingested some Clorox before stepping into the damn place.

Not Or Not?

Come here, baby. The CDP's gunna make it all better.

I really should have put a censored bar over my Junk area, but I like to keep it real. Also, notice that I always represent by rocking the Chucks.

This Was My Nickname In Middle School.

After the House, a trip to the Firm Worm was in order. I needed bait and a good laugh.

Big Sweetie! BIG SWEETIE!

Upon arrive back to headquarters, we found that Gabe had gone and purchased himself a massive designer Cat Tree. What a bastard.

Sound off in the comments section, and tell me to get back to work on my book.

Wow...I want to go to the House on the Rock now.

Also, that is the biggest cat tree I have seen in my life. Tigers could use it.
Geez, sorry the photos were so big. I need to remember that no matter what I re-size them to on the Mac, they're still ridiculously huge on the PC.

The House On The Rock needs to be visited by everyone at least once. There are many photos online that show the place more accurately and with 100% less CDP.

When that Cat Tree showed up on my doorstep a couple weeks ago, I honestly thought there was a Russian bride inside of the box.
Forgoing CDP in a quest for accuracy seems like a terrible idea.
Yeah, just stick with me and I'll tell you what to think.

TV good! Fire bad!
The cat tree is almost 6 feet tall. It makes Gabe feel all high and mighty to Gaze down on us from atop the monolithic thing.

What say you all to the new header?
Also you stubbornly refuse to link my new blog out of spite for me?
The header is temporary, until I can come up with something more Bad-Ass. Furthermore, I'm not even supposed to be working on the CDP at all, so I've already allowed myself too many creative liberties today.

My book is collecting dust. DUST!

I'll link your new blog; I thought you wanted to keep it a sweecret.
No! The secret is out! OUT I tell you!
This should make you feel good:
Hey! If you two can't play nice, I'm going to have to separate you!
Aw, shucks. That did make me feel good.

It's a shame she spent so much time looking at the 2004 stuff, though. Furthermore, it's a shame she spent time looking at the most recent, "Leave me alone, I'm writing a book" stuff, too. Either way, I'm really glad she enjoyed it and gave me a stellar review. Don't be a stranger to the CDP, yo!

What's with all of this positive appreciation recently? I kind of figured that when I put the page on auto-pilot for the Summer, everyone would just leave and find alternative ways to entertain themselves; opting to catch back up with me once I started being funny again.

Instead, people are commenting like crazy, the traffic hasn't slowed down too much and I keep hearing people tell me how excited they are about the book. Say whaaaaah?

Something's up, and I intend to find 'oot.
For me, the reason for commenting is simple. I figure, once this book starts to sell, I'll be on the short list of CDPeons that'll be thanked SOMEWHERE in the book. Not to mention, some of my quotes may be dropped, too. Up to no good? Not necessarily. Creepy Jerk? You bet.
Beh-heh-heh-heh. It all makes sense now.

Starting with the House On The Rock post, I will be pretty much getting back to the business of getting down on the CDP. I took my expected 2 week vacation, and I'm ready to start easing back into things, while giving ample time to this Godforsaken book.
Good. The suspense has been killing me! :)
I'm beginning to think that the not-so-subtle hilarity of calling your bait shop "The Firm Worm" has been lost on some of you...come on!!! THE FIRM WORM!!!
Erection jokes make my wife laugh.
That's what she said.
P.S. Nice new header.

Also, check out the YouTube link on the top of this blog if you want.
I am scared to check out YouTube links w/out first knowing what they are... it could be like monkey porn or something.
"The House On The Rock is pretty much a collection of junk, crudely thrown together to represent something mysterious and grand" "The CPD"

Oh Isthmus...when will you learn. Not only won't you hire the CDP to write for your stupid paper, you won't even spell his name right.
As I was walking through the mall the other day, I once again became intensely aware of my dream to some day be a talent scout for Lane Bryant or Torrid catalogs.

The dream of being an author pales in comparison; I even contemplated pretending I was gay just for the chance to work at one of their locations.
I'm on the front page, and this is what they do to me?

Turned down for a job twice, yet linked and mentioned too many times to count. Say what?

Die in a fire, Isthmus., for you lurkers.
I can e-mail Kristian to have him fix it, if you want. He's the dude who does that for the Isthmus. He used to be with Dane101, but the Isthmus bought him when Dane101 would sell them Dane101.

Otherwise, I kind of like that error. The PCD. Nice ring to it.
*when Dane101 WOULDN'T sell them Dane101.

Sorry for the error.
If you have that much stroke over at Isthmus, you probably should just get them to hire me in some capacity. I take up little space and eat old newspapers.

Don't die in a fire, Isthmus. I really love you guys.
I have no stoke. I can't even get them to pick WiSUC events on their choices of the week preview section. I do, however, have an e-mail address or two and some compatriots there.

You make me smile.
You know what makes me smile?

Drunk unicorns.
And that.
I smiled at a drunk unicorn once.

It was not pretty.
Stupid Isthmus...they don't know what they're missing.
Thanks, hun.
before i moved to wisconsin i visited the house on the rock. it was the ONE thing that made me want to move here. the ONE thing.

.. ok fine i'm lying
It's not that I don't like it, it's just that I've been there way too many times. I go, like, twice a year, which isn't really good for a novelty attraction.

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