Friday, July 13

I Can See Your Butthole.

I Can See Your Butthole!

Ladies and gentlemen, today I present to you a gift. A gift from me to you, free of charge and with no expectation of reciprocation.

Today, I will give you a new saying that you will grow to love and incorporate into your lexicon and circle of friends for years to come. A saying that, once it has become common fare on TV shows and film, you can always be reminded of where it all started.

It's a big day; I'm glad you're here.

We're no strangers to people who clearly don't listen to themselves talking. Day in and day out, we have to listen to these people ramble incessantly about things that they really have no expert opinion on. For our entire lives, we've had to politely nod and smile along with this drivel, pretending that what they were yapping about was being processed and agreed with by us. If only there was a way to get them to stop and think about how much of a douche they were...

No longer.

The next time a friend starts talking directly out of their ass, let them know that you know. Let them know that you're tired of their idiocy, and you're tired of pretending that you care.

Tell 'em you can see their butthole.

EXAMPLE #1:

Steve - "Why are you a vegetarian? Everyone knows that animals can't feel pain."

Bill - "Dude, I can see your butthole."

See? It's easy and fun! Here's another quick example:

EXAMPLE #2:

Steve - "Tiger Woods is an okay golfer, but his career will burn out fast."

Bill - "What?"

Steve - "I just mean that he's got maybe 1-2 more good years left, tops."

Bill - "Steve, I can see your butthole."

Are you starting to see proper usage? But hey, just like any good saying, you can get creative with it and make it your own!

EXAMPLE #3:

Steve - "So like I was saying, I think that President Bush should be on Mount Rushmore, because..."

Bill - "Hey, what's that down there?"

Steve - "What's what down where?"

Bill - "Oh, it's your butthole. I can see it."

Steve - "Burned again! Blast your impeccable timing and wit!"

Once you get good with it, you can start to really craft it into something special, but it's best to start at the beginning and throw it around your friends for good practice. I've been doing it for a few months now, and people are starting to say it when I'm not even around. It's going viral, and I think it can go nationwide by this time next year.

So, the next time that someone starts saying something stupid, don't try to see their side of things; see their butthole!

It has begun. Sound off in the comments section, and have a great weekend.

Comments:
I want to mention that I will be in the LIVE VIDEO CHAT ROOM (link in the sidebar) until 1pm Central today (THURSDAY).

If you have a few minutes, stop in and say hello. There's no video, but there will still be a (very) small chat going. Thanks!
 
CDP: "Friday, July 13
I Can See Your Butthole."

Moe Greene: "CDP, I can see your butthole."

CDP: "Why's that?"

Moe Greene: "It's Thursday, anus."
 
Exactly. It has begun!



I didn't want that Live Chat thing up for long, so I jumped the gun a tad. I write things in advance.
 
Nevertheless, I still saw your anus. I've been washing my eyes out with OxiClean and Orange Glo ever since.
 
Billy Mays can see your butthole.
 
Billy Mays is the Dean at Duke.
 
Billy Mays drinks Bomb Pop...with a little OxiClean mixed in.
 
I saw Billy Mays' butthole drinking a Bomb Pop at Duke.

Oh crap, I've uttered the forbidden sentance! AAAAAUGHHHH!!!





(CDP explodes)
 
With any luck, Sanjaya will take over for CDP.

OWN3D!
 
This comment has been removed by the author.
 
Nice. I may make another batch of Bomp Pop for the weekend. A friend is having a White Trash party, and I'm supposed to bring pigs in blankets and a drink of some sort.
 
I would gladly link to Sanjaya's blog. I don't think an Indian guy or gal has ever read my page, ever.

If you're out there, prove me wrong. Send pics, too.

JT, I love, absolutely LOVE theme parties, but none of my friends (read: none of the Missus' friends) would ever participate. I need to get a ton of loser friends that only show up for parties with free food, just so I could have someone to dress up in a toga with me and guzzle Bomb Pop.
 
I"m really hoping this butthole seeing catches on. It's a great phrase, really.
 
It's one of my better ideas. I was drunk at the time, though.
 
CDP, picture this:

I've been growing a beard for a couple of weeks, which I am going to shave into either a fu manchu, or some other variation on creepy facial hair.

Camoflage trucker hat, sleeveless white tshirt, stained all to hell, and short, tight blue shorts like baseball coaches used to wear when we were little.

Oh yeah - and steel-toed work boots.

Damn, I can't wait.
 
Must. Have. Pics.

What I wanted to do was a Gutter Punk party, where we all pretty much dress like we did in 2000.
 
I can't believe you're not holding the chat tonight. I'm dumbfounded. Flabbergasted. And to use my phavorite phrase of late, you really shit the bed on that one.

As far as theme parties, Fri/13, and being so cool that you're actually a loser, I'm attending a Zombie birthday party tonight. We're grilling out, and you have 3 guesses as to what's gonna be on that Weber.
 
*tomorrow night. Tonight I had planned on chatting, but I guess I'm going to have to find something else to do with this crappy day instead.
 
I'll try to remember to get pics of us before we leave the house to go to the party, since our party pictures turn out blurry.

I'll post them on Monday, as I'm trying to catch up and keep Spork Nation updated more regularly.
 
"I've been growing a beard for a couple of weeks, which I am going to shave into either a fu manchu, or some other variation on creepy facial hair.

Camoflage trucker hat, sleeveless white tshirt, stained all to hell, and short, tight blue shorts like baseball coaches used to wear when we were little."


In other words, you're going as one of two things...

1) Larry the Cable Guy
B) The second to last guy I'd want showering with me in prison.
 
Kenny, the chat was scheduled for NEXT Thursday anyway; there wouldn't be a chat tonight even if it was still on. Sorry 'bout that, though; I think podcasting might be a better creative outlet for me. I'll still do chats in the future, though.

A Friday the 13th Zombie Party with brains on the grill? Madison rules, although I still haven't been able to participate in a Zombie Lurch yet.

Git-R-Dun!
 
No video chat? CDP, I can totally see your butthole.
 
Yeah, I pulled the plug next week because I don't have time to write material and I'm way too busy. We'll do it again very soon, just not this soon.

I'm still in the chat rooms all the time informally; I always try to let everyone know whenever I'm in there.
 
This comment has been removed by the author.
 
You swore at us all, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU???
 
Courtesy of Kenny on facebook:

WHAT: All Simpsons Mad Pub Quiz of Awesomeness

Tagline: "My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star."

Host: MadPubQuiz of Awesomeness

Type: Other - Carnival

Time and Place Date: Thursday,

July 26, 2007

Time: 9:00pm - 11:00pm

Location: Old Fashioned

Street: 23 N. Pinckney Street

City/Town: Madison, WI
View Map

Contact Info Phone: 608.469.4805

Email: jesse.russell@gmail.com

Description
The quiz that started it all returns on the eve of the Simpsons film. Dane101, with help from Triple M and the Old Fashioned, present the All-Simpsons MadPubQuiz of Awesomeness!!!

More prizes. More drink specials. More of Mr. Burns' Old-Fashioned, Good-Time, Extra-Chewy Cookies. And more multi part questions to make your head spin.

This time we are taking over the Old Fashioned on Capitol Square starting at 9 p.m. Register now!Woo-Hoo!!
 
I'm in.

I'll dedicate my win to the CDPeons.
 
Debbie just told me that out of the 10 people who were supposed to interview, only 4 actually did...
 
Holy crap, that's great.

Or, they might do it all over again. Urgh.
 
If there are only 4 people who interviewed and I don't get it, I am officially lame.
 
Nah, it's all good. Do work, son! DO WORK!
 
If I subbed in bunghole would that be too reminiscent of "Beevis and Butthead"?
 
We occasionally substitute "bunghole" for "butthole" to keep things fresh.
 

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