Monday, October 22

With Tired Eyes And Tired Minds, We Slept.

Please Don't Make Me Wait Any Longer For This.

In my hand, I hold a SanDisk 'Cruzer Micro' 2GB Flash Drive.

On that flash drive, The CDP Book is waiting. Resting. Preparing to be unleashed on an unsuspecting (albeit patient and deserving) public.

Editing has been completed. Post-production and formatting are nearing the end. The cover is being designed as we speak. An online promotional onslaught is forthcoming.

What started out in May with over 1800 pages of material has been condensed into 70 of the most memorable essays in CDP history. 300 pages of goodness, humor and hard work from the past 4 years, that you will soon hold in your hands.

The reason you bookmark this site, the reason you laugh out loud, the reason you spend your time here and the reason you're a fan is all contained within those 300 pages.

It is my first book, and like everything else I've done from a creative standpoint in the last 10 years, I'm handling each and every aspect of it on my own. I'd have it no other way.

This book is for you. The readers and friends that I've made since 2004. This is for everyone that wanted me to write a book, and everyone that didn't want me to write a book.

Bloggers aren't supposed to release books. People say it's two completely different mediums. People say that Bloggers don't make good authors. People say that it's a lesser form of art.

What do I say to that? What should every CDP reader in the nation (and around the world) say to that?

I can see your butthole.










Please sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day. By the end of the month, I should have the answers to every question you want to know about the upcoming release. Thank you.

Comments:
I also wanted to mention that my name is the CDP, and I'm a member of the Red Sox Nation.
 
Is the name "The CDP Book" or are you picking something else?

And how can you not get excited for the Rockies just a little bit? They have had an amazing postseason.

And one more crazy thing: There are more US World of Warcraft players then there are US farmers. Sad, really, but it puts things into perspective.
 
The CDP Book is a working title. It will not be the official title of the book.

And yeah, I'm totally excited about the Rockies. What they've done over the past month has been absolutely amazing. Winning the play-in game alone was rad; winning 21 of 22 is unheard of. I just have to bank on the Red Sox pooping all over the party. It's strange to have the Sox in a position to crush someone else's dreams for once, as opposed to the other way around every year.

LEEEEEEEROY.....JEEEEEENNNNKINSSSS!
 
Congrats, I'm sure being this close has to be somewhat of a relief.
 
Yeah, we're getting a lot closer now. Just the fact that editing is over makes me extremely happy. It's as if the project went from 20% completed to 80% completed in a span of ten minutes.

Good God almighty, editing sucks a boatload of asshole and gravy.
 
Are you sure that's gravy??





That was gross. And I'm sorry.
 
EEEEEEEEEEEW! Double eeew.
 
Yeah, it's a good thing I put the word 'and' in between those two terms. If anything, it allows it to be 2% less filthy.

Funny, though.

Jonathan Papelbon is my new homeboy.

Jonathan Papelbon is my new homeboy.
 
Yeah, I wrote it twice. Jealous?
 
I'm guessing it won't be released in the U.K.

I'll have to get it shipped then...woe is me!

And are you planning on mentioning your particualy 'loyal' fans?

XD
 
You'll be able to purchase it online, Carrot Duff. I'll do what I can to make sure International shipping is included.

And yes, the CDP fans get thanked. By name. No doubt about it.
 
I'm thinking it's going to be "released" worldwide.
 
You beat me to it :)
 
When you don't have distributors, you can release a book wherever the hell you want. That's the beauty of DIY.

I wish I were dead.
 
Distributors are for suckers.
 
No doubt. Besides, I wouldn't want businessmen potentially ruining what has been the most unrewarding and tedious six months of my entire life.

But hey, there's a lot to be happy about. The book's almost done, the Red Sox are in the World Series, I'm going to see Polysics (The Greatest Band In The World) tonight, and Architecture In Helsinki tomorrow. My wife still loves me, she has a rad new haircut, Guitar Hero 3 comes out on Sunday and I have tomorrow off of work.

I really should keep my whining to a minimum.
 
I personally think you should set up some type of pyramid scheme "distributorship," such as AmWay.

I'll do the seminars, explaining how people can make themselves independantly wealthy by selling The CDP Book to friends, family, coworkers, and drunk strangers.
 
Hmmm, you have given me much to think about with this scheme...

and yes. I do have a rad new haircut.
 
"So...we're just selling CDP Books?"

"No...you're selling opportunity!"

"I'm outta here."
 
When you sell the CDP book, you're selling laughs. Can't nobody put a price on that.

I'm eating toasted pumpkin seeds...mmm...
 
I'm selling laughs, loves and a lifetime of buttholes.

All of which are better than pumpkin seeds.
 
So hard Sherry and I try to do nice things for you boys, and so little thanks we get.
 
It was my idea to carve the damn things, under no circumstances was I about to digest the innards.

I also want to apologize on the poor quality of my carving skills.
 
The cyclops gourd is awesome, if you ask me. I don't know why you're so set on breaking it.
 
Will there be a Glengarry Glenross style CDP book sales contest? where the loser gets fired from the family? That would be sad and awesome at the same time.
 
It'll be just me and the Missus selling books, so...yes. We will do that. You either move product, or you're out on your ass.

Let me do some quick math here. In order to get out of credit card debt, I need to sell 800 books. Considering that my friends, co-workers and family will account for around 30 books right off the bat, we're almost halfway there.

Of course, I'll have to subtract the 20 books I bought for promotional purposes, which means I've sold a net of at least 10 books.

We're getting there.
 
Special Like me
 
I can't name it that; there's already a children's book by that name. And it's not a good idea to mock the mentally challenged on the cover of your debut novel.

There are two titles currently in the running, and I'll make that decision sometime next week. It's literally the last thing on the schedule as far as the book goes.
 
We all cry for "Special Like Me."
 
That's what my custom jacket for your book is going to say, and you can't stop me.
 
My custom book is going to say "Ben is an infant, and makes the CDP go alone to the Polysics concert"
 
My custom jacket will read "Of Blogs and Buttholes: A CDP Retrospective"
 
I'm back from the show, and it's only 10pm. I left after Polysics (who went on first), because Young Love (who went on second) was so terrible I couldn't freaking stand it.

Full report to follow soon. Polysics were worth the over $70 I ended up spending.
 
My custom jacket will feature a nude Cindy Crawford with the CDP's head Photoshopped on. I'll cry myself to sleep evernight while staring at it.
 
That's soo weird JT. Mine will have Cindy Crawford's head on the CDP's body.
 
oh btw. I just recovered from the catatonic episode I suffered after Game 7.

TITLE TOWN!!


too soon?

Seriously, did anyone else get a run down on Brady's numbers Sunday? Tom Terriffic is my homeboy.

Suck it Satan Manning.
 
JT- Funny, my custom jacket will look the same way. Great minds, my good man, great minds...

BLUSTACON- Tom Brady is redonkulous. Seriously. I don't know how Manning and Brady would do if they were on a lesser team (see: Favre's stats for the last 10 years), but I'm loving watching the Pats/Colts this year. They're just so freaking good. Honestly, I don't see anything stopping New England from winning 15 games this season.
 
See Ben, you infant? You could have gone. Stupid infant.
 
I am a stupid infant, but the other editor was 45 minutes late this morning and there is no way I could have gotten the extra editing done while sleeping in my edit bay.
 
Hey! I have one of the SanDisk Cruzer thumbdrive, too, except mine's only 1GB.

I wonder if mine has a book in it.
 
This would have been so much easier had it been pre-loaded with a book of essays written by an alternative-dimension CDP.
 
I'm working on an epic new post that should be up in a few hours. Stay tuned.
 

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