Friday, December 14

How Do You Afford Your Rock & Roll Lifestyle?

Buttman. Will Buttman.
(Here we see Will Betheboy, enjoying his copy of 65 Poor Life Decisions.)

I've interrupted the increasingly boring Top 20 Albums of 2007 with some amazing recent press and acclaim for my debut book, 65 Poor Life Decisions. For those just tuning in, 65 Poor Life Decisions was published on November 30; a collection of the best humorous personal essays from the last four years of the CDP. It's lemon scented with failure and defeat, and it's funny as hell, too.

As seen in this monumental post, press and attention for the book has wildly exceeded my expectations and left me sold out of books (Never fear; I got a new batch in the mail today). After the initial wave of reviews, interviews, sales and kind words, I figured things would die down and get back to normal around here before the holidays. Not the case. In fact, things are busier now than ever, thanks to Madison Journalist Extraordinaire and friend, Nathan Comp.

Nathan recently gave 65 Poor Life Decisions a glowing and flattering review on Dane 101 yesterday, and I beg of you to click the link and check it out immediately. In addition to that, a photographer from Business Watch magazine will be stopping by Headquarters tonight to snap a few pictures of yours truly for an upcoming feature/interview, conducted by Mr. Comp himself. He is worthy of admiration and a beer, both of which he will receive from me the next time I see him (I'll direct everyone to the Business Watch interview the second it's published).

As a writer and potential recluse, I've been losing my mind over this photo thing. What should I wear? What is the message of the photo? Should I smile? Look serious and business-minded? Wear a tie in my own house? Hell, I wasn't even sure I was running a business until a few weeks ago. When the photographer asked me over the phone what exactly it is that I do, my mind blanked out. "Um...I write a humor blog," I stated, no doubt causing her to shake her head on the other line and wonder why she's wasting her time with me. It wasn't until the Missus came home and reminded me that I was indeed a real-life author that things became slightly clearer.

"That's right, I am an author," I said quietly. "I didn't know."

In either case, I got a haircut and dye job for the occasion. I hope Business Watch likes cinnamon brown Caesar cuts.

I'm A Favorite!
(Here we see the winner of the CDP's 'Jailbait of the Year' award, Cargirl.)

In addition to that wonderful bit of news, Cargirl from the Cargirl News Minute has proclaimed my blog one of her Favorite Things of 2007. Also, and I'm crossing my fingers on this one, I'm anticipating showing up somewhere on her Top 10 People of the Year list, which should be up sometime today. Keep an eye out for it, I'll throw a link up when I see it.

So, what are you waiting for? If you haven't purchased a copy of 65 Poor Life Decisions yet, you need to do so now so you can receive it before Christmas! You can order it online here, or you can order it directly through me here. My plan is to sell books like crazy right up until the end of the year, so help me make it happen.

Thank you. Sound off in the comments and enjoy your weekend. The conclusion of the Top 20 Albums Of 2007 arrives Monday.

(PS - Today is Blog Crush Day! Sound off in the comments and declare your Blog Crush to the CDP faithful!)

Comments:
Jailbait of the Year!

Congrats, Cargirl!

Oh yeah, and CDP - congrats on all the book business.
 
Cargirl had no competition whatsoever; she's quite simply the youngest person I talk to besides my 15-month-old nephew. I was going to call it the 'Chris Hansen Award,' but that really made it far less funny to me. In fact, I got a little scared. She might be pulling a sting on me...

Thanks for the props, JT. It's been a good few weeks.

By the way, Blogger seems to be acting funny today, so be patient with everything. If theCDP.net address isn't working, try the old-skool adress, communistdanceparty.blogspot.com.
 
Stupid blogger...looks like they're trying to throw their logo all over everything, and it's not working, so we're getting red x's instead. Jerks.

Seriously, though...buy a book. Or seven.
 
There were some people who expressed interest in doing mailorder before Christmas, and I'm doing my best to hold books for them, so if that's you, now's a good time to git-r-dun, so to speak.
 
CDP - do you prefer flavored shine (cinnamon,) or just plain old shine?
 
I've never drank moonshine, so I don't know for sure. That being said, I cannot say no to cinnamon. Spice it up!
 
Why are all the names saying "Blogger" in front of it? Weird.

Mrs Hoss and I are bad people -- we haven't order yet. But we will. Soon.

I was looking forward to your top five. I didn't have to think too hard about my #1 album of the year, since I only bought one. I didn't actually buy it, if you know what I mean. That particular artist has enough money anyway so I don't feel guilty.
 
I haven't ordered my book yet. I tried adding it to my Christmas list but my husband refused to get any gifts via the internet this year. Actually...I don't think he's gotten any gifts for me at all yet. He doesn't even have my list. I think I see another frantic 10 pm Christmas Eve Walgreen's trip in his future. Which means there will probably be a box chocloate covered cherries under the tree for me on Christmas Day.

So I guess I'll buy the book myself (mope).
 
Blogger is being stupid; ignore the rexes.

I'm not trying to bully anyone into buying the book at all; I just want to make sure that everyone who wants a copy for Christmas can get one. Shipping takes forever this time of year, and I don't want to be responsible in any way for bumming someone out.

Hoss is a pirate! YAARRRRRR.

Maus, you deserve to buy something for yourself when you're almost assured a letdown on Christmas morning. With me and the Missus agreeing on not exchanging gifts, we've successfully avoided that hornet's nest for 8 years now.
 
The top 5 is on its way, don't worry. :) The CDP won't leave you hanging! Probably Monday, huh?
 
the Blogger thing is because it puts a Blogger logo in front of your name. When you click on it, it collapses that part of the thread. Unfortunately, it's malfunctioning at the moment (looks like Blogger added it to the comments last night)
 
Current Bloggers Choice Awards Standings (as of 12-14-07):

Best Blog About Stuff:
Ranked #4 out of 3339.

Best Humor Blog:
Ranked #4 out of 1575. (Damn The Sneeze!)

Best Pop Culture Blog:
Ranked #1 out of 1080.

'Blogitzer:'
Ranked #3 out of 765. (Damn Dooce!)
 
Top 5 is Monday.
 
Way to go on the blogger's choice! That's rad!!!
 
Stupid school got in the way of me finishing your book. I'm about 2/3 of the way through. However, I only have to answer 55 more questions of my 110 question Abnormal Psychology final and then I will have all sorts of time on my hands.

I will say this:

You=Funny
 
Bless you, Julia. I appreciate that.

Good luck with...Abnormal Psychology??? What in the hell is that about?
 
What happened to that one girl's ass in the picture?
 
I had to censor it to preserve what little family atmosphere this site once had.




penis
 
WEEN!!!! hahahahaha.
 
It's basically a class about how f-ed up people can be, so it's pretty much AWESOME.

The last subjects we studied were sexual disorders and addiction. I never thought I would spend so much time in a class discussing gender identity, fetishes, and cocaine.
 
Wow, that does sound like an interesting and amazingly cool class.

Me and the Missus are suckers for those 'true crime' stories on A&E or CourtTV. In fact, a friend of mine bought me a Serial Killer Encyclopedia for Christmas last year.
 
Yep, love the true crime shows...as long as here are no dramatic re-enactments. Hate that junk.
 
According to Will Betheboy (and many other sites), today is BLOG CRUSH DAY! Today is the day in which you reveal your Blog Crush to the world.

I don't wanna go first.
 
True crime is totally awesome, and is one of a handful of reasons why I'm sad we don't have cable. Also, I totally agree that those re-enactments are stupid. Just give me the gritty details people, without the bad acting!

There's a Criminology class that I really want to take that delves even more into some of the really messed up stuff, but they only have it during the day and thus I can't take it.
 
For years, I've tried to understand why people act the way they do, and now that I'm closer than ever, it scares me to think how easy it is for a regular person to snap.

Re-enactments are the reason I've never watched America's Most Wanted. Unsolved Mysteries got a free pass, because Robert Stack was the MAN.
 
Captain Obvious, we all know who YOUR Blog Crush is...
 
Yeah, well I still don't wanna go first.
 
My blog crush is Jesse Russell, because he seems absolutely sweet and wonderful.
 
But I know him in real life, so does that count?
 
It absolutely counts.

He IS a sweetheart. Me, you, him and Bessie need to get together for dinner some night.
 
I want to, as well as with Julia and her boyfriend.
 
Indeed. There will be dinner dates and Rock Band abound at some point in January.
 
January is going to be so awesome.
 
If everything goes to plan, my January will be great. The holidays are over, the book blitz is done, I'm completely revamping the page, designing new merch and working on new projects.

Looking forward to it like mad.
 
2008...almost a decade into the new millenium. That's weird.
 
CDP, you name away...be graphic if you have to. Also, know that I have a blog crush on you in the gayest way possible. As Patton Oswaly would say..."gayer than eight guys blowing 9 guys...with an extra one to go in the ear."
 
When I think about 2000, it really does seem like a really long time ago, so I guess it feels right to me. I was a completely different person, living a completely different life.
 
"A hedgehog with a boner! Can we bring our kids?!"

Werewolves & Lollipops...expect to see that album in my Top 5 on Monday.
 
Okay, so the Slackmistress is my Blog Crush.

Not in a creepy way, mind you. More of an Elementary school way, like I'd throw dirt in her hair and run away, blushing and giggling because I wouldn't know how to properly compose myself; that sort of thing.

There. Everyone happy?

Cargirl is my 'Illegal Blog Crush.'
 
I am Shocked CDP, Shocked! I have a crush on her too but in a more ass touching sort of way.
 
I, too, am shocked.
 
As Patton Oswaly would say..."

Is that Patton Oswald's inbred uncle?
 
"Being married to Marge is like being married to my best friend...and she lets me touch her boobs." - Homer Simpson.

Just saw a bootlegged, brand-new Dark Knight trailer...my mind is officially blown. This is going to be absolutely amazing. Do a quick YouTube search before Warner Brothers takes them all down.
 
This is not a blatant ploy to get free swag and love from the CDP, but my blog crush is...the CDP!

Don't tell the missus.

Wait, are these comments public?

*scrambles to find out what she already knows*




Balls.
 
I'm all blushy now. If you ever see me in Madison, remind me that I owe you a CDP magnet/pin swag combo. You've earned it for putting your dignity so far on the line.

The Missus won't care, she's too busy swooning over Jesse. And can you blame her?
 
Blog Crush Day? Never knew there was such a thing. The more you know...

A new Dark Knight trailer!? And everyone's at lunch! What luck!

I go see The Golden Compass tomorrow (that's the plan, anyway). What I want to know is - should I even bother?
 
Beats me; I don't plan on seeing The Golden Compass. Hope you have fun, though.

The bootleg trailer is the new one they're airing before I Am Legend. It seriously looks great. Batman Begins was one of my favorite movies of the last several years, and Christopher Nolan is God to me, so yeah...I can't wait for July.

BLOG CRUSH! BLOG CRUSH!
 
Looks like it has already been yanked. It's got the copyright infrigment message.

maus = sad panda
 
"Cargirl had no competition whatsoever; she's quite simply the youngest person I talk to."

Youngest person you talk to! How old do you think I am exacly? Or are British people just not jailbait enough?

I read that Will Arnett (Gob) is voiceing the car itself, so I'm not going to miss it for the world.
 
Sorry, Maus.

Carrot Duff, I think you meant to say that Will Arnett is voicing KITT in the 'Knight Rider' remake. Either way, I'll be at the theater.

You know, you're right. I think you're the youngest person I converse with on a near-daily basis. She still has you trounced in the Jailbait category, however.

Then again, I guess I don't know what you look like...
 
CDP, your readers are making me feel old. Make them stop.
 
Cut it out, you damn kids! We're all in this together, here!
 
I feel so old.
 
Yeah, it's like I told CDP the other day...the chick who cuts my hair asked if I had ever considered dying my beard to hide the grey.
 
I can feel your pain all the way up here. That hurts, man.

It's the same situation every time I get my hair cut. The girl thinks I'm 19, I think she's 25, and it's always the other way around. The discovery is always awkward and disappointing.
 
Blogger is aware of these dead links, by the way. If their fixing them is a completely different story.
 
I'm lucky that I have light colored hair(and I still have most of it!) so that any gray I might have doesn't really show. That keeps me looking young.

The wheezing, on the other hand, makes me feel quite a bit older.
 
That reminds me of an Onion headline this week:

"Arby's Beef 'n Cheddar Melt Wildly Coughed Into Handful Of Napkins"
 
Also, I'm currently watching Lost season 3 on ABC.com, you know, to catch back up before next season.

RAZZLE DAZZLE! I completely forgot that Nikki portrayed Corvette, the "Pride of St. Paul".

And now, she's dead.

Hooray!
 
I've been looking into Season 4 news, and both compromises don't look too good for the fans.

Because of the strike, they only have 8 of 16 episodes completed. ABC wants to start airing them in February and stop at the 8-episode point until the strike ends. The creators of the show state that they have lobbied for a continuous season, and don't want to break the show in half.

So, we'll either get half a season in February, or we'll get a full season in 2009.

As a fan of viewing things the way the creators wanted them to be viewed, I honestly can wait until 2009.

Irritable Male, after every episode don't forget to read my Lost Friday recaps. They're delicious.
 
Funny, they don't want to split the season up, but they have no problem with going almost 9 months between the end of season 3 and the start of season 4. Ha!

I know all about your Lost Fridays, sir. That's how I got here in the first place, I think through a Fark link.
 
I'm quite well known throughout my school for having a small grey patch on the back of my head. Next to the gingerness, this really does look pretty disturbing/groovy, but my friends tell me it's gradually shrinking down to nothingness.

You don't know what I look like? Well I'll be sure to put up a picture on my stunningly popular blog some time.
 
Boner.
.
.
.
.
Where did Caveman go?
 
I couldn't tell you. He's elusive.

Carrot - Were you struck by lightning? That's how Dr. Forrester from MST3K got his gray patch.

IMS - CDP+LOST+FARK=WIN
 
14 YR OLD BRITISH BOY+RED HAIR+GRAY SPOT= MUST SEE!
 
Between the CDP's Cargirl jail bait comment and the Hathery's desire to see a 14 year old boy I'm starting to think that parents in the CDP neighborhood tell the kids not to trick or treat at their place.
 
Being struck by lightning sounds like something I would remember.

If your really desperate, I'll put some pictures up right now.
 
DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!

And no...we don't get many trick or treaters at our place. Last year, we got one, and Ryan was so excited he gave the whole bowl of candy to her.
 
This comment has been removed by the author.
 
Bloody hell! Stupid blogger...first it said I couldn't post. Now it posts twice. Make up your ruddy mind!!!

Haha...British speak.
 
Yeah, it's like I told CDP the other day...the chick who cuts my hair asked if I had ever considered dying my beard to hide the grey.


I think JT should do some commercials with Keith Hernandez
 
"No play for mister gray!"
 
Done and done!

Hathery - British speak is a bit more like.

"Oh you ****ing piece of **** ****** ******** *******! Go **** yourself! Nothing is this ****ing house is worth a pile of ****! I have acually ****ed better quality technology than this ****-based ****!"
 
Dude, you look like you mean business!
 
I don't acually ever wear that hat. Just when I'm rocking out infront of my mirror on an air guitar.

It took me about 10 minutes to get a picture of my grey patch. I think I took about 100, then just picked the best one.

It's still terrible.
 
AWWWW!!!!! Carrot Duff= cute
 
Tell that to all the girlfriends I haven't had.

Nah, I'm honestly not bothered.
 
Dammit, I'm out busy living my rock and roll lifestyle and I miss out on declarations of blogcrushiness!

It's okay, though, since you and Hathery and the Midwest version o' me-n-Will. Although I'm from tehe Chicago 'burbs. So I could be the Midwest version of me. But I think Hathery is doing a swell job.

Will wanted the Buttman mag on the outside of the book, but I had to convince him this way was funnier. Also, this is not the only copy of Buttman that we own ('we' since I got half of his stuff when we got married.)
 
I'm glad the air has been cleared. I feel free now.

I never took Will for a butt man. Personally, I'm a neck man. Give me a short haircut and an exposed neck, and I'll probably be happy with you. I'm not difficult to please.
 

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