Wednesday, December 5

Superficial Jackasses, Meet Your New Leader.

Suck it hard, so and so.

During a lunch break at the office yesterday afternoon, I clicked on the 2008 Bloggers Choice Awards page to see how things were shaking up. The CDP fared pretty well for itself in the 2007 contest, finishing in the Top 15 for the categories of 'Best Blog About Stuff,' 'Best Pop Culture Blog' and 'Best Humor Blog.' I was extremely happy with the showing; it sent a lot of extra traffic my way and made me realize that yes, my blog was resonating with people across the nation.

However, I was well aware of my limits. I'll never rake in a million hits a day with my funny stories, pop culture references and daily observations. I'll never be able to topple Wil Wheaton (hey, who would want to?) and Perez Hilton (despite his inherent lack of everything) in their specific categories, nor would the CDP ever rise through the ranks to become a household name, like PostSecret or I Can Has Cheezburger. I understood that going in, and it doesn't bother me one bit. My goal with the Bloggers Choice Awards has always been to rub elbows with big shots, get some additional traffic and see where I fit in.

That being said, my half-chewed vegetable panini tumbled directly out of my slack-jawed mouth upon seeing this pop up on my computer screen:

Suck It Hard, Perez.

That's the CDP, my personal blog, currently sitting at #1 atop the Bloggers Choice Awards in the 'Best Pop Culture Blog' category. #1 out of over 1100 nominated blogs, mind you.

Well, I'll be damned.

Yes, yes, I understand. The 2008 contest has barely gotten underway. Yes, I will tumble back to the bottom by the end of the week. Yes, I will eventually lose the award to someone who blogs for a living. I get that entirely. My blog barely covers pop culture anymore.

However, today I will rejoice and celebrate my three seconds of Internet Immortality. For nobody will ever take this fleeting instant away from me. The one moment that I was briefly recognized as the Greatest Pop Culture Blogger in the World.

Current Bloggers Choice Awards Standings For 12/04/07:
Best Pop Culture Blog - Ranked #1 out of 1153.
Best Humor Blog - Ranked #5 out of 1557.
Best Blog About Stuff - Ranked #4 out of 3276.
'The Blogitzer' (Best Writing Ability) - Ranked #3 out of 756.

To vote for me in all four categories, visit the links at the bottom of the sidebar. Thanks for all you've done already. If you only have one nice deed in you for the day, I'd really rather you purchase my book.

Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your Hump Day.

Mission Accomplished!
But for a moment, I was king.

(That should be the title of my next book.)
I enjoy apples too...
but alas I am a lowly commoner.
Being proclaimed the #1 Pop Culture blogger in the nation is a little bit like going out with a friend's mom. It's sort of cool, but you don't really want everyone to know that you're proud of it.
Perez Hilton. Barf! I can't believe that crap is so popular. Good job though. I hope you stay near the top.
Doesn't Perez have people that, like, work for him? He has a whole staff, including PR folks. And you have, well, you and Hathery. Be proud!

Another scary site is Ain't It Cool News. Yes, they get nice scoops on TV and Movies, but they are nothing but fan boys. And their site sucks. I think they need their HTML privileges revoked.
I voted for you in all 3 categories and I'll put up a mention on Dane101 later today.
Well, CDP does have his CDPeons...but we don't really work.

On another note, I'd like to wish everyone a Happy End of Prohibition. Everyone should go have a drink tonight except for Cargirl.

Cargirl - drinking is bad, mmmkay?
True. Many of the CDPeons seem to have jobs to go to...such as myself...but does there seem to be any actual work taking place? *ponders*

In honor of the end of prohibition I had one of the worst drinks I've ever tasted in my life last night at a bar in a very fancy theater. I'd never had a Cosmopolitan before, but for some reason I don't think it is supposed to taste like rubbing alcohol. Can anyone confirm for me that this bartender did not know how to prepare one of the most prominantly advertised drinks on her display of pitifully limited selections?
MAUS- sounds like a bad bartender. That's a pretty straight forward drink to make, like beer.

Also, never order a mojito unless your in Miami.
CDP- I knew those 32 email addresss'would come in handy.
Maus - Blu is correct. It was either a terrible bartender, or you accidentall ordered an isopropyl cosmo. Rookie mistake.
I'll opt for terrible bartender. And it was an $8 drink. No wonder almost everyone else was ordering beer! Lesson learned.

I forgot to say WAY TO GO on the Blogger rankings, by the way.

Perez Hilton is just another example of how far being a talentless attention whore with no discernable skills in anything except pandering to the lowest common denominator and wasting oxygen can actually get you in America. So please never mention that site again. Please. :(
If my employer would give me work, maybe then I would actually do it. I'm expecting a job offer today for a new (old) job so you may be seeing less of me around here. That actually makes me kind of sad.

I did vote though, since I have all sorts of time on my hands.
You have a "Postal Information" only email you need to read.

The CDP must actually be working today, he's been quiet.
SHANE - Thanks so much for the votes and Dane 101 plug! I plan to milk that #1 screenshot for all it's worth today.

HOSS - You're absolutely right about AICN. The scoops are cool, but I've never seen the site not broken in some facet. It's sort of a shame.

Also, the Missus is a one-woman PR machine. These major company-pwned blogs like TMZ and whatnot don't scare me; I've got a wife!

JT - Sure, the CDPeons work! You helped me promote the book more than I thought was possible. What was once a cult following will eventually snowball into a tipping point that should encapsulate the blogosphere sometime around August. Or not.

BLUSTACON - Hey, nobody ever said you couldn't do that. I'll take 1 person voting 100 times just the same as 100 people voting once. As a rule, I'm not supposed to encourage that, know.

MAUS - Thanks! The trick now is to play it cool for 11 more months and hope that nobody else notices that I'm winning.

Perez will officially be referred to as 'He who shall not be named.'

JULIA - Thanks for voting! I'll miss you if you disappear for too long; don't you go forgetting about me!

TAMMAZAZZ - I'm on it. I'm also busy.
Sooo...Perez is Lord Voldemort? Makes sense - they're both equally repugnant inside and out.
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I'll still be reading, just not commenting nearly as much.

I was going to write some diatribe on 'He who shall not be named', but I'll refrain from doing so. Just know, he makes me very, very angry.
Something is wrong...the Bloggers choice people seem to have forgotten to include me.
I'd say that's an insult to Lord Voldermort...

I'd rather read a blog about dark magic, and murding British kids than some berk's view of celebritys.

But who wouldn't!?
JULIA - Heard and understood. I'm still really, really sorry about Friday night, by the way.

WILL I think I saw your blog in the 'Best Official Fansite' category, under "Joel, William."

BURN! Missus, gimme a high five!

Seriously, you can nominate your site (and Nina's). MAKE IT HAPPEN!

CARROT - Berk. Such funny talk.
Ohhh, a Billy Joel reference. I set you up there.

In more important news, it's the best day of the year at Be the Boy: Binky The Christmas Midget Day
BURN! Missus, gimme a high five!

Down low? Too slow!
That story is worth everyone's time. Seriously, I don't really know what else to say.

JT - Wow, I forgot to mention the End of Prohibition. Carrot should remind us of how stupid it is to have the legal American drinking age be 21.
Perez is Lord Voldemort? Makes sense - they're both equally repugnant inside and out.

Well, "He Who Must Not Be Named" goes back to Sauron in the Lord of the Rings. but Sauron is evil, cunning, and not quite all powerful. Voldemort is evil and cunning and has a strong hatred against the Potters.

CDP's "He Who Shall Not Be Named" is stupid and, er, well, that's about it.
Uh I sense a LoTR v. HP debate coming on? NERD ALERT!
CDP - Yup, in honor of teh holiday, I put up some pics of the new beer pong table.
Well, I'll be damned.
So is it kind of like the Bozo the Clown show, in that you have to get the Ping Pong ball into the cups?
In terms of total alcohol consumption, it was exactly like the Bozo the Clown show.
Someone drink a Tahitian Sunset in my honor.
That sounds delicious.

When I was a kid, my parents couldn't afford Hawaiian Punch, so we drank Tahitian Treat instead. I can't find it anywhere, nowadays.
I loved Tahitian Treat. That stuff was so sweet, I swear I could feel it rotting my teeth the instant I took a drink.

Seriously, don't feel bad about Friday. I am holding you to that Rock Band invite though. I will probably badly embarrass myself because I apparently have no hand-eye coordination. It will be great fun.
CDP- The FDA had Tahitian Treat pulled from the shelves 4 years ago.

When I was a kid I wanted a giant Tootsie Roll full of candy so bad.

HATHERY- There is no debate, Tolkien wrote an epic, Rowling wrote a bedtime story. If anyone thinks HP popularity and cultural impact makes up for it please go back to watching TMZ and Perez Hilton.
There is no debate, Tolkien wrote an epic, Rowling wrote a bedtime story. If anyone thinks HP popularity and cultural impact makes up for it please go back to watching TMZ and Perez Hilton.

Agreed. While I enjoyed Harry Potter, it was nowhere near as in-depth as LOTR and the accompanying Middle Earth literature. I mean, Tolkein made up entire written languages.

As for Beer Pong (I know, radical subject shift,) I'll post rules (both normal rules as well as our "house" rules, when I finish the post on the construction of the table.
Oh yeah - CDP, the money is in the mail.
If you read your kids HP at bedtime, I seriously fear for your children's psyches.

And yeah, JK Rowling doesn't create her own universe or languages either...I forgot that Hogwarts, muggles, and the like all existed before she came along. PWEEP.
JULIA - I will keep you in the loop the next time I hit the High Noon or throw a little gathering, no doubt. Rock Band for the PS2 comes out on the 18th!

JT - Looking forward to the rules and the money; not necessarily in that order, of course.

BLU/HATHERY - You know that feeling you get when you see a live grenade roll between your feet? That's how I feel right now concerning this upcoming discussion. For the record, I want absolutely nothing to do with it.
You know that feeling you get when you see a live grenade roll between your feet? That's how I feel right now concerning this upcoming discussion. For the record, I want absolutely nothing to do with it.

My feeling exactly. However, wehn I get home from work later, a bit tipsy, I may partake.
HATHERY- Are you talking about the books or the movies? (please say movies)
Oh Tahitian treat. I used to call that stuff orgasm in a can when I was an immature little high school dork. They had it in the sofa machine at school, and apparently those are banned these days, and I drank one almost every day. Now that I think about that I'm kind of grossed out. My teeth survived somehow.
Sofa machine? Whoops.
Sofa king cool machine. :)

I'm glad others remember Tahitian Treat. Maybe we weren't as poor as I thought we were. I'm sure I wouldn't be able to drink it today if I stumbled upon a case.
The references to Sauron as "He Who Shall Not Be Named" slipped my mind in favor of the more recent HP reference (I'm glancing over my shoulder at my tattered, almost 20 year old copies of the Ring trilogy...well, two of them are that old the third fell apart and had to be replaced with a copy with the movie cover *tear*)

Tolkien created enduring literary masterpieces and Rowling wrote some books that were fun to read and have a big following but may or may not stand the test of time. What is there to debate?
I'm going to be playing skee ball until this blows over.
I'll join you. Just promise that you'll buy a fake moustache with the redemption tickets.
MAUS- I totally agree.

HATHERY- I can see your butthole.
I'll grab a Pay Day from the vending machine, and I'll meet you guys at the pinball machine.
I don't think the Missus has a problem admitting LOTR is one of the greatest literary epics in history. I think she has a problem with people who don't respect the world that JK Rowling created.

But, you know what? I said I wasn't gettin' involved.
Right on, CDP.

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