Cancel your plans.

It's back.

This previous Sunday, I made a point to watch every commercial aired on CBS from 4:30 to 9:30pm. It was my hope that this year would reward me with several hilarious and instantly-classic 30-second ad spots, the likes of which we haven't seen in almost a decade.

It really didn't. I wasn't surprised.

Still, I pushed onward and selected my 5 favorite commercials from the pack. I graded each spot based on a scientific formula consisting of the following parameters:

1. No K-Fed (don't bring his commercial up).
2. No erection pills or pharmaceutical medications.
3. No talking animals, or animals of any kind.

Here then, the Top 5 Super Bowl Commercials of 2007. Each ad is only 30 seconds long, so take the time to check them all out.

#5 - Bud Light - "Hitcher."



Like it or not, Budweiser is always the largest Super Bowl sponsor, boasting the first commercial of the year, every year. I preferred this one over their "rock, paper, scissors" and "fist bump" ads simply because I thought it had more depth and humor. Which reminds me, where were all the terrible Pepsi ads this year?

#4 - Snickers - "Kiss."



I don't think I've ever seen a commercial that showed two members of the same sex kissing, comical or otherwise. Shock factor aside, the idea that you can negate an accidentally 'gay' moment by doing something heroically stupid and 'manly' will always make guys laugh.

#3 - Emerald Nuts - "Goulet."



I remember all of the Emerald ads from last year, and they must have the same agency producing their 2007 ads. Pure surrealist comedy here; considerably funnier if you actually know who Robert Goulet is.

#2 - Combos - "Mom."



This is really how a humorous commercial should be made. Give the viewer an out-of-the-ordinary situation that grabs their attention. Play it completely straight until the final, narrated punch line. It's Commercial Humor 101, and it's still funny even after you know how it ends.

#1 - Garmin - "Take On The World."



This commercial completely caught me by surprise, and it's absolutely wonderful. Every year, a previously unknown company splurges on a 30-second Super Bowl ad, and just nails it. I've watched this ad at least a handful of times now, and it's head-shakingly perfect in its satire of Japanese commercials and culture (as viewed through the eyes of an American). Brilliant.

There you have it. Sound off in the comments section, and let me know if any links are dead.

Last week, I gave mad props and respek' to Arcade Fire for performing a free show at a Canadian High School. This week, we see Arcade Fire doing what has now become common place at their mind-blowing live shows.

As an encore, Win Butler and company head out to the lobby of the venue to lead the audience in an impromptu version of 'Wake Up.' Other nights have shown Arcade Fire taking their encore onto the streets of whatever city they happen to be in, stopping traffic and causing general blissful mayhem.

Neon Bible, the band's second full-length, will be released in the States on March 6. Until then, watch this clip and get all choked up. Enjoy your Monday.

TUESDAY - THE TOP 5 SUPER BOWL COMMERCIALS.

Today, yours truly hits the quarter-century mark.

If you worked where I work, you'd be enjoying complimentary bagels with assorted cream cheeses, on me. Just one of the many perks of knowing the CDP as a casual acquaintance.

Please direct all well-wishes and ass-kissery to the comments section. I deserve it.

Please send all private messages and erotic photos to communistdance@yahoo.com. Again, I deserve it.

I took Friday off, my folks are visiting Saturday and the Super Bowl is Sunday. This means that we'll talk again on Monday.