(I'm still sick as hell and have an extremely limited amount of time in my office. Here's a CDP Classic from one year ago this week. Enjoy.)

Here now, the very first CDP Mad-Lib. Here’s how you can play along; it’s fun!

Make a list of answers to the following 20 questions. For example, if I ask you for a PLURAL NOUN, you’d say something like BLENDERS or GRAPEFRUITS. Do this for each of the 20 words I ask of you.

When you’re finished, plug your answers into the correct places in my following trademark rant. They’ll be in order, so it’s easy. Ready?

Write down the first thing that comes to your mind for the following:

1. PLURAL NOUN (I already used blenders and grapefruits, jerk.)
2. ADJECTIVE (Descriptive word, in case you were wondering.)
3. TOURIST ATTRACTION
4. HISTORICAL PERSON
5. PLURAL DRINK
6. PLURAL SNACK
7. WORST MOVIE EVER
8. ADJECTIVE (Make sure it’s different from your first adjective!)
9. MEDIA MEDIUM
10. DISEASE
11. CRIME-RIDDLED CITY
12. ANIMAL
13. VEHICLE BRAND
14. ANIMAL (Make it different from the first animal!)
15. BODY PART
16. COLOGNE
17. CELEBRITY YOU HATE
18. BODY PART (Make it different from the first body part!)
19. ARTICLE OF CLOTHING
20. GAY CELEBRITY

Now, take those 20 answers, and get ready to plug them into one of my numerous hilarious rants.

'Hilarious Trademark Rant'
By: The CDP.

So, here’s three reasons why I absolutely despise PLURAL NOUN.

1. They’re ADJECTIVE.

You can’t even go to the TOURIST ATTRACTION anymore without drowning in their bull rip. Why, me and FAMOUS PERSON were just discussing their annoyance over PLURAL DRINK and PLURAL SNACK. We came to the conclusion that we hate them more than WORST MOVIE EVER.

2. They think they’re so ADJECTIVE.

I’m sick of seeing them on the MEDIA MEDIUM all the time, rattling on about their DISEASE. Listen, I grew up in CRIME-RIDDLED CITY too, but I don’t go around blaming it for the time I hit that ANIMAL with my VEHICLE BRAND.

3. They smell like an ANIMAL’s BODY PART.

I shouldn't have to walk around with a can of COLOGNE just because I’m afraid they’ll show up reeking like CELEBRITY wiped their BODY PART on their ARTICLE OF CLOTHING. I swear to you, the next time I see them coming, I’ll run faster than GAY CELEBRITY to the Bravo channel.

Did it work for you? What were your words? Share the laughter and love in the comments section, and praise me for all the hard work I do for you.

So, I'm feeling pretty miserable right about now, regardless of how sexy I look in that photo.

I've decided to take the day off and re-publish one of the most popular CDP posts of all time, which just so happened was published a year ago this week.

It's a tale of High School romance and rejection, with a little bit of Old Spice thrown in for flavor. When I finally turn the CDP into a television series, I promise you that this essay will serve as the pilot episode. Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly give you...

March - 2006: "No Scents Whatsoever."

Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your Monday. Don't be afraid to share your tales of rejection with the CDP faithful.

Season 3 - Episode 10: "Tricia Tanaka Is Dead."

Another Lost Friday is upon us. We have much to discuss, and hoo-freaking-ray for that.

I was a little skeptical going into this week's episode, as I'm sure most of us were. At the end of the day, however, I quite enjoyed it, regardless of its complete lack of plot development or mythology. What 'Tricia Tanaka Is Dead' did correctly is remind us of why we watch this show in the first place; great characters that we want to see interacting and bouncing off of each other.

Or in this case, pop-starting a VW bus and drinking 30-year-old light beer.

We got to see people that we haven't seen in months (and in the case of Rousseau, almost a year). We got another much-needed Hurley episode and we almost- almost, reclaimed our faith in Lost.

Almost.

Hey, let's Thin & Meager it up!



Okay, here's the scoop this week, kids.

A friend of mine is staying at CDP Headquarters for a few days, and effectively sleeping in my office. This is making it understandably difficult to get in here for long periods of time and 'get my write on.' While next week will bring back the typical satire and ass-smackery you've grown to love and appreciate every Lost Friday, I'm going to have to punt on this week's episode.

Look on the bright side. There wasn't too much plot development this week, and if you need me to hold your hand through this one, chances are you haven't understood any of the other episodes, anyway.

You can get a nice and sterile recap here. I will, however, Break It Down for you.



4 - Sawyer was absolutely rife with insults this week. Examples include:

"International House Of Pancakes," "Jumbotron" and "Snuffy," in reference to Hurley.

"Jiminy Cricket," "Munchkin" and "Oliver Twist" in reference to Charlie.

He also refers to Roger as "Skeletor," exclaims that Jin is "Hooked on phonics," and goes on to explain to him the three things that all women need to hear. Add that to a Little House on the Prairie reference, and you've got some good stuff, here. I also liked Hurley stating that the Dharma Beer was older than Rocky III, maybe even Rocky II.

8 - When Hurley's father came back into his life, Hurley said "I'm not going anywhere with you." Those were the exact same words that Waaaaaaalt! said to Michael when he returned to his life. I just wanted you to know that I pay more attention to the show than you do.

15 - Like I was saying before, good characters make an average show a great show. In this episode, all we really saw was Hurley attempting to reclaim a little bit of faith in himself and the island. That was all we needed, however, as I found myself far more interested and captivated than last week.

My standing theory is that any episode without Locke and Sayid sucks. Even one line is better than nothing, and we got that this week. And Sun, too! What have I done to deserve such a bonus! Shouldn't she look at least a little bit pregnant by now?

16 - I can't wait for the flashback episode where they show the island in the 70's, during the peak of the Dharma Initiative. It had better happen at some point. Actually, the cast should just do a 70's throwback show, with wigs and everything. Or a musical. That always seems to bring in the raving idiots during Sweeps.

23 - Roger's head getting wedged and snapping off was about the funniest thing I've seen all week. It was the nonchalant attitude of Jin and Hurley that made it so humorous. Also, the surprise reaction by Sawyer (who was flat-out awesome this week) was gold.

42 - Claire was parading around the fakest looking baby in the history of Fake Television Babies. Watch it again, and laugh your ass off at the sight of this rigid, plastic monstrosity. It was like a miniature Courtney Love, with maybe a few more moving parts.

Enough of this, let's look ahead to next week. Tiny Spoilers Ahoy!



4 - Next week's episode is titled "Enter 77." It will be Sayid-centric. Expect torture and tank-tops abound.

8 - The official preview from ABC reads: "Locke, Sayid and Kate investigate a strange structure and its mysterious inhabitant. Meanwhile, Sawyer competes in a ping-pong competition to get back his belongings."

Seriously. That's what it says.

15 - Producer Carlton Cuse sez: "The connection between the Others and Dharma gets revealed in Episode 11. We will be visiting another Dharma station soon. The map becomes less important, because when they visit this new station, they'll be getting some new information that helps them understand where the Dharma people lived and where their stations are."

That sounds promising. This truly looks to be a good old-fashioned mythology episode, which we really need right now.

16 - Again, this should be a good one. Sayid, Locke and Kate find the Dharma Flame Station, and also run into out eye-patched friend from a few episodes ago. Expect a new Dr. Marvin Candle video, and more hatch-like goodness.

23 - Concerning the flashbacks, Damon Lindleof sez: "We learn about Sayid's time in Paris and find out what happens to a torturer when he's forced to answer for past sins."

Thanks, Damon. You're an inspiration to our entire organization.

42 - While this doesn't have anything to do with this episode in particular, I'll have you know that the next several episodes of Lost look to be extremely promising as far as the overall vernacular of the show. Here are just a few of the topics they'll be covering over the next couple months:

Locke's paralyzation.
The return of Shannon and Boone.
A Nikki and Paulo episode that may actually turn them into fan favorites.
Is Claire Jack's sister?
Another Juliet episode that picks up right where the last one left off.
The inevitable death of Charlie.

Rad.

Well, there you have it; another Lost Friday in the can. Sound off in the comments section, or write to me at communistdance@yahoo.com. Also, don't forget to check out The Coconut Internet along the way. As always, here are links to every Lost Friday this season. They'll tell you what you want to hear, and spoon you while you sleep.

Season 3 Preview
Season 3 - Episode 1 Review
Season 3 - Episode 2 Review
Season 3 - Episode 3 Review
Season 3 - Episode 4 Review
Season 3 - Episode 5 Review
Season 3 - Episode 6 Review
Season 3 - Episode 7 Review
Season 3 - Episode 8 Review
Season 3 - Episode 9 Review