Monday, January 14

Girls Just Wanoo Have Fun.

#5 Humor Blogger In The Nation.

On Saturday, I celebrated the Green Bay Packers advancing to the NFC Championships by destroying two bottles of Chardonnay with a couple friends and singing karaoke until the wee hours of the evening (Singstar Rock, Pop & Amped; ask for it by name). While most Wisconsinites were content in sucking down beer and brats, we kept it far classier and refined, although we all look the same passed out on the kitchen floor, I'm quite certain.

On Sunday, the entire nation was shocked by two things:

1. The realization that Lambeau Field would host the NFC Championships (God damn!)
2. The worst list of Golden Globe winners in recorded history.

While I won't bust on the Golden Globes too much, I will say that Billy Bush and Nancy O'Dell are the embodiment of Pop Culture dimness; an entire genre of blank, talentless faces that make a living on the success and creativity of others. How freaking disgusting and sad it must be to wake up and know that you bring nothing to the table of life but your ability to read from a prompter and hold a microphone in the general direction of someone who actually did something worthwhile with their life.

Best run-on ever. Seriously though, screw the pop culture press. I'm through with them in the worst way. Furthermore, did network television poop in the cereal of all the Golden Globes voting members? If were part of the Big 4, you were almost guaranteed not to win a thing.

Unless, of course, you were Tina Fey.

Wanty McWantwant.

Congrats, Tina. Just call me Wanty McWantwant. Let's move on.

More importantly, I won't have to once again watch my idol, Brett Favre, travel to Dallas and lose the NFC Championships. The only thing standing between the epic Favre/Brady Superbowl matchup is a banged-up Chargers offense and a Giants team that's running on so much heart that there's already a Disney movie in production about their season. Peyton Manning is playing the role of Eli, because hey, he won't have much to do for the next few weeks.

At the beginning of the season, I thought that seeing Green Bay in the playoffs would have been an amazing accomplishment. Now, I know it's their destiny. They will defeat perfection, cementing Brett Favre as the greatest quarterback ever to play the game of football. Mark it.

I'm working on lots of new things this week. Check it 'oot!

1. I'm compiling a Season 3 Lost recap, along with a Season 4 preview.
2. I'm preparing for a HUGE interview on Wednesday night; I'll give you the scoop when I can.
3. I'm considering throwing myself a birthday party, and you're all invited. More info soon.
4. Prepare for the CDP Nationwide Mix-Tape Exchange #2! It's coming in February!

Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day. American Gladiators is on tonight, which means that Crush is on tonight, which means that I'll be staying home tonight.

Comments:
Tina Fey is God.
 
Tina Fey and Brett Favre should get together and create the most perfect human being ever assembled.

Nah, forget it. Not even Brett Favre is cool enough to get with Tina. I wouldn't allow it.
 
Brett Favre cheated on his wife. Pass it on.
 
That was highly unnecessary.

My head is pounding today. I have things I want to get done, and it just isn't happening. My breakfast is Vitamin Water and ibuprofen.
 
Well he DID!

Sorry bout your ouch-head.
 
I'm out of it today. Can't concentrate, can't pay attention to anything for more than a minute, can't type coherently. I really wanted to knock out a bunch of important things today, but they might have to wait until Tuesday.

On a positive note, my flu is gone and I can breathe through my nose again.
 
Wow, how inconsequential was the GG last night? More proof that award shows exist for the pagentry, not that we thought it was for anything else.

T. O. don't be sad
This tony and Jessica
Is a passing fad

wait a few more weeks
When the new season begins
he'll be yours again

 
Jessica Simpson is the most hated woman is Texas today.
 
Nice, Blu. For as terrible as the winners list was overall, I wish that all award shows were like that. No frills, no musical acts, no Billy Crystal and no death montages. Just quick and dirty.

The Golden Globes were
About as interesting
As an enema.


What did I tell you about Jessica Simpson? If you touch her with your wiener, your career is over. She's cursed. She's left more destruction and heartbreak in her wake than Hurricane Katrina and Marion Barber* combined.



*I hate the Cowboys, but man, Marion is insane. He looked like Earl Campbell out there.
 
I don't know what I'm looking forward to more, Lost or Lost Monday.

Last season I was so excited by your Lost recap I'd print it out and read it in the bathroom.

Wait. That sounds pervy, right? Not what I meant at all.
 
Thanks, Lott! I'm looking forward to another season of total blogosphere domination in the Lost arena, if only for 8 episodes.
 
Mmm...delicious Tina Fey content. Thanks for that.

Y'know, I'm not really into any one particular football team (I didn't grow up in Wisconsin, so I have neither a deep love of or simmering hatred for the Packers), but I admit that I'm happy to see GB doing so well. That game on Saturday was one of the more spectacular pro sporting events I've seen in a long time.

P.S. This writer's strike just gets more and more depressing. Kudos to them for holding out, though, and damn the man!
 
Tina Fey reminds me that you can be a brilliantly talented, yet surprisingly well-adjusted celebrity at the same time. It's a mere bonus that she's easy on the eyes.

Saturday's game was incredible. The snow kept on coming, Green Bay dug themselves out of the quickest 14-0 deficit I've ever seen, and essentially blew Seattle out of the water. The fact that they get the Giants at home next week is jaw-droppingly awesome for Packer fans like myself. Nobody imagined this during the preseason. Nobody.

Was it just me, or were there a few jabs at the Writer's Guild last night? There's was a whole lot of, "thanks to the writers, you don't get a full show tonight." I could have been sensitive, but it seemed as if they were trying to sway disappointed viewers to the thinking that the writers were to blame for crappy content.

Other way around, dude. This is an early glimpse into a writerless world. YOU NEED THEM. You need me, too, but I'm not a Guild member yet.
 
I just think it's cool to say your in a Guild. If people ask where you're going, you can say: "Guild business" and then go to the dark, rock hewn meeting place to set the price of suger or some such thing.
 
The writers would get more respect if they dropped "guild" from their union name. What medieval wording is that? They have to be, like, all writerly and such with their olde timey wordliness.

Plus, it makes me think of lollipops.
 
I like to think of Writer's Guild meetings as being similar to to the Stonemasons - shrouded in mystery and ancient rites. Sometimes I wonder, though, if activities aren't more inclined to resemble frat hazing, like having to swallow a live goldfish and paddlings all around.
 
Say what you want about updating the image of the Guild, but I'll tell you this for certain.

There will be no doing away with paddlings.

I shall hear none of it.
 
I dunno, this is a writer's guild we're talking about here, so I'm guessing there's less mystery and ancient rites and more staged readings of Mamet and cut-throat Scrabble games.
 
....and paddlin'.
 
Yes, and paddlin'. Us writers are nothing if not kinky as hell.
 
I'm in the Hedgehog Welfare Society--card-carrying member. I am shrouded in mystery.
 
Scrabble first, then paddlin'. Then more Scrabble, then Rock Band, and back to the paddlin'.

Members of the Hedgehog Welfare Society are shrouded in quilly, adorable mystery. I must say, we got lucky with Laika. Most hogs are real jerks, it seems.
 
Scrabble-to-the-Death sounds like a good time, actually.

Scrabble first, then paddlin'. Then more Scrabble, then Rock Band, and back to the paddlin'

Did we get lost and end up at the nerdy bizarro-world version of Castle Anthrax?
 
Maus busts out the Python reference. +1 for you.

Well, that settles it. I'm throwing a huge Game Night at my house. Nothing but Rock Band/Guitar Hero, Scrabble, Karaoke and Apples to Apples all night.

I'll make it happen.
 
I just read that Clay Aiken is going to be portraying brave, brave Sir Robin in Spamalot. And that until he got cast in the musical he thought that Monty Python was a person. HOW is this possible? Has he been living under a rock his whole life?

I would like to beat Clay Aiken over the head. With a halibut.
 
Wow, just when I thought I couldn't hate that brittle little fruitball any more...

You know I'll be watching American Idol come Tuesday, though.
 
brittle little fruit skittle piddles when he diddles his middle
 
What, you LIKE Clay Aiken! You've ALWAYS liked Clay Aiken!
 
HaHa. Busted. Claiken lover.

Anyway, I'm still reading your book, but I just noticed that... I AM LISTED IN THE BACK!! Holy Crap. I can't believe it. You seriously rock hardcore. Thanks man!

And thank you for the full hi-res of Tina Fey in today's entry. Is that photoshopped or is she really that smokin hott?

And thanks for a LOST Season 3 recap. I'm sure I don't remember half of what was going on. I'll need to catch up.

Ok, I'm off to watch Crush.. I mean American Gladiators!
 
Holy crap! And Helga goes flying!

...I mean, I'm not watching AG. Way too lowbrow for me. Really. Ahem.
 
Head on up to your pulpit brother, because lookng to baptise you is: TITAN"




I don't care who wrote it. It was an awesome line.

So happy to see that screeching lunatic Venus on the chopping block.
 
My husband's boss convinced him to tune in to the show. It really was far more entertaining than I expected. I loved it when Helllllga went zooming away into the pool. But my favorite part was when my son said "What? Andy, again?!"...obviously we were not rooting for Andy.
 
HATHERY - I just preferred him over Ruben was all.

DOMSAR - You deserved a thank you; I tried to throw in a shout-out to everyone in the CDP Network. No problem; did I underline you like I've been trying to remember to do with everyone?

Yes, Tina Fey is just that rad. Her sense of humor and brilliance cross her over to 'smoking hot' territory.

The Season 3 recap should be starting pretty soon. I was going to start today, but I got sidetracked.

Crush is still pretty much undefeated.

EMILY - Hellga took a nasty bellyflop. It really looked like it hurt.

I mean, if I were actually watching it, of course. Which I'm not.

BLU - Our ordained Reverend might run away with this thing!

MAUS - You've been converted!
 
I think Wolf is my favorite gladiator - mostly because he told someone he was going to eat them yesterday.
 
I liked that dude before I even heard him talk. Before the first season is over, I fully expect him to digest a contestant at some point.
 
I still contend that Wolf is probably the offspring of Dog the Bounty Hunter and Ted Nugent.

Which makes him awesome.
 
One time, Wolf walked into a McDonalds and ordered a Big Mac, but it was still breakfast, so they wouldn't serve it to him. He roundhouse kicked the place so hard that it turned into a Wendy's.
 
I smell a meme coming on...

Also, no one beats Crush. In anything. Ever.
 
Being a massive MMA fan, I was admiring her takedown skills during Powerball. I was all, 'Single-leg takedown! Shoot the knees!'
 

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