Friday, January 11

A Handful Of Win For The Loser.

1. I am featured in the 'Executive Profile' of the January 2008 issue of Business Watch Magazine, which documents Wisconsin business owners large and small. It's a great, somewhat straight-faced interview concerning how I've built my empire using nothing but free web tools (Blogger, Cafe Press, Lulu, etc). It also does a good job of convincing people that it was my intention all along to do so.

If you're in the Madison area, please pick up a copy almost anywhere, as pesky copyright laws prohibit me from simply posting the interview on the CDP. Also, please don't make fun of my picture, as I had just come home from work and decided to keep my sexy shirt and tie on. Besides, it makes me look like an Esquire-reading, self-important, discriminating, sellout butthole, which is exactly the type of person you want to be spending your time and money being entertained by.

Furthermore, I understand that I look like a low-grade wenis for reading my own book in the photograph, but hey, you're not the one in the magazine, now are you? I didn't think so; cork your bitchhole.

Man, what has become of me? I used to be so cool, then I decided to start following my stupid dreams.

2. For the sake of superstition and not fixing what isn't broken, the CDP will continue not to discuss the 2007-08 Green Bay Packers football season. Thank you for your understanding and participation in keeping your jinxing mouths shut. La-tee-dee, I cannot hear you.

3. I also want to mention that CDP Network alumnus Moe Greene has done the awesome by launching a Facebook group specifically for fans of the CDP! So when you get the chance, peek over at the sidebar and join the CDPeons Facebook Group. While you're at it, send a friend request my way, too; I'm ever so lonely. The CDPeons Group will be a good place to find out about CDP-related gatherings, news, announcements and whatnot that aren't always mentioned right here at HQ. Check it 'oot!

4. Each week, it seems as if the interviews I'm doing are getting bigger and bigger. Last week's Northwestern interview generated phone calls and e-mails from old friends, relatives, teachers and mortal enemies, all taking turns telling me how proud they were of me (thanks again to everyone; I feel truly humbled and grateful). It even went viral at my place of employment, essentially turning the entire office on to my secret double life. Here's hoping my writing career continues to expand, as I'm most certainly going to be asked to clean out my desk by the end of the day.

That being said, it all pales in comparison to the interview I'm about to do tonight (6pm, at an unknown Madison location that is being withheld for fear of riots). For the sake of not psyching myself out, the full details of the event will have to wait until Monday. Trust me, it's for the good of my anxiety and non-poop-filled pants. You'll get the scoop soon enough.

Kick It Old School.

5. This weekend will consist of a clean house, tons of playoff football and more than a few glasses of Jameson whiskey. I'll be taking time to digitally archive some of my old vinyl and cassettes, then cry for a few minutes at the realization that I'm almost 26 years old. Then it's off to the local multiplex for an I Am Legend/Juno double feature, and right back to Headquarters for Rock Band and French silk pie from the Market Street Diner.

Do I know how to live, or what?

Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your weekend. I'll bring more funny next week.

From left to right:

Green Day - Kerplunk!
The Queers - Move Back Home
Green Day - 1,039 Smoothed Out Slappy Hours
Operation Ivy - Energy

I used to enjoy Lookout! Records quite a bit growing up, and three of the covers were designed by the same artist, so it was the old skool/new skool combination of "I used to like these records a lot" and "They match really well on the wall."
That's a Drag The River album behind the turntable, next to a Descendents EP.

To the right of that is a 3-disk changer/cassette player with an Etch-A-Sketch, Wooly Willy, Silly Putty, Slinky and Japanese Pac-Man game on top of it.

To the right of that (directly behind me) is a 26-inch television with a DVD player, NES and Atari 2600 locked and loaded. I play Tetris when I take breaks from writing long essays or uploading music to iTunes.

To the right of that are a few guitars, a bass and a small Crate amp; just plug and play.

To the right of that (off camera) are two bookshelves jam-packed with literature and awesome toys. I'll give you a full video tour of Headquarters some day.
congratulations on looking the part of a card carrying corporate suit!

I like it!
That's a nice tie...
BLU - Thanks a lot; I'm still trying to find a way to get the Q&A out to as many people as possible. I almost feel as if I included the guitar photo as a way to somehow convince myself that I was still a punk.

I totally am; ties, millions of dollars or otherwise.

CAVEMAN - True story about that tie: I bought it at Express Men, and it cost me around $35.

When I officiated my Aunt & Uncle's wedding last year, I was going to wear that tie, but forgot to bring it with me. On a whim, we ran to JC Penneys at the local mall to buy a replacement, when we saw the EXACT SAME TIE on the rack for $4.

So, there you go. I'm an idiot with no consumer sense, and I have two identical silk ties.

I have about 7 other ones, but this one goes with the most stuff. I have a super-thin black one that I used to wear when I was in my band, but it just makes me look like a new-wave fruit nowadays.
First off: for the good of my anxiety and non-poop-filled pants. You'll get the scoop soon enough.

I don't think any of us want the scoop on that. Just sayin'.

Second off: oh Lookout! Records, I used to love them, too. I remember when my good friend/guitarist in my first (punk) band introduced me to Op Ivy. My young mind was officially blown.
I own two ties: a green one, and one with Spiderman on it.
Nothing says casual like a superhero that has senses that "tingle".
We have albums in frames, except my husband desn't want the album art in there he wanted to put the albums themselves in. We had them next to our Wurlitzer before we started renovating.

You know what I think would be really funny? A video of you interviewing yourself about your book.
EMILY - I can promise you a poop-free scoop.

We own quite a few Lookout! releases on vinyl; I was just rocking out to MTX last week. They also look good framed on the wall.

CAVEMAN - Rad. I once wore a Mickey Mouse tie to school when I was too young to know better, and almost got laughed out of the building.

MAUS - Just the album itself in the frame? How outside-the-box!

For weeks, I was thinking THE EXACT SAME THING concerning a self-interview. Consider me back on the horse to make it a reality.
For the record (haha), ALL of those framed records are mine, and the third record is actually 39/Smooth, as the 1039 Smoothed Out Slappy Hours was the compilation on CD & cassette of 39/Smooth LP, Slappy EP, & 1000 Hours EP (all of which I have)
She's right, it is 39/Smooth. I blew it; I'm a poseur.
About the northwestern article...Who was that teacher?

I took today off to wait for my book.
TAMMY - I mailed the book out yesterday, so I think you might be a little disappointed today. Saturday's probably going to be the magic day for you.

That was Mrs. Wilusz, my Speech teacher (also my Oral/Interpersonal communication teacher my senior year, I believe). That was so amazingly nice of her to do; even the fact that she remembered me was incredible. I owe her a nice card.
For the record (haha), ALL of those framed records are mine, and the third record is actually 39/Smooth, as the 1039 Smoothed Out Slappy Hours was the compilation on CD & cassette of 39/Smooth LP, Slappy EP, & 1000 Hours EP (all of which I have)

Consider my mind newly blown. I had no idea it was a compilation of a bunch of older records. I'm gonna go cry in the corner now.
Yup, it's true:

Tracks 1–10 are from 39/Smooth (1990).
Tracks 11–14 are from the Slappy EP (1990).
Tracks 15–18 are from the 1,000 Hours EP (1989).
Track 19 is from The Big One compilation (1989).

Now you know. I won't tell anyone.
It also explains the album title a little more.
The EP's are great to have because they have really funny pictures with Billie's hair all curly and fro-ish. Plus, Slappy has a WONDERFUL write-up on the insert about driving around the old ice-cream truck and touring. It's very nostalgic.
Hell yeah; gives you more perspective to what they were doing at the time. I liked all the little cartoons and scribbled messages that were all over most Lookout! releases.

Lookout! today? Not so much.
Juno is an absolutely amazing movie. love it!
That's what people keep telling me; I'm practically being led by the arm into the theater on a daily basis by friends and co-workers. I've been assured that I will enjoy it, which always concerns me to a certain extent.

I'll make it happen, if only to see Jason Bateman and Michael Cera on the same screen again. On Arrested Development, they more or less perfectly represented the teenage and adult versions of me.
Congrats on all the interviews. I'll be pulling for the Chargers this weekend, as I pulled them out of the hat for our work bowl pool.

Stupid hat.
The games are going to be amazing, in that I honestly think that anyone can win or lose this weekend. I can't wait.

The cool thing I was supposed to do tonight got cancelled and rescheduled for Wednesday night, so you'll have to wait a little longer for the scoop.
A couple of additional random observations...

I think that if there *were* a song called "Skull Gravy" it would be sung to the tune of "Rock Lobster". That's how it wants to take shape in my head, anyway.

Also, CDP, in addition to yourself interviewing...yourself, you could do a video of your cats interviewing you about the book. Complete with lolcat syntax and grammar.
Also, CDP, in addition to yourself interviewing...yourself, you could do a video of your cats interviewing you about the book. Complete with lolcat syntax and grammar.

This needs to be done. For reference, please see "Cat News."
My cat Gabe is the Barbara Walters of cat journalists. He'd be all:


I'll start throwing around more ideas for the self-interview. I had a draft of it, but it might have gotten baleeted.
BAWAAAAAH? Reschedule???
U gies R Funnee. I jist LOL'd at all dees.

(I'm obviously not fluenty in lolcat.)
I was quite impressed that you got in the classy Northwestern. I showed up at my parents' house on Monday because I was working from Oshkosh for the week and the paper was just sitting there so I started reading it. Then I was like, "Hey, I know that guy!" Good times, good times.
I'm also advocating hand puppets. Although that's probably been done to death (Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, anyone?)...
HATHERY - Yup. Wednesday night.


Nice profile pic, by the by.

JULIA - Thanks for noticing. It's been a fun couple months, for sure. My hope is that I'm not washed up just yet.

MAUS - Hand puppets is a really good idea.....

Finger puppets, then? Stick-people puppet theater? Am I seriously taking this too far now?

Why do shows featuring puppets not do well in prime time broadcast line ups? I was probably one of five people on the face of the planet who watched TV Fun House - and actually found it funny. Of course, I also liked Greg the Bunny. So I think I *may* have a bit of a fetish. Or something.
I'm pretty sure you were the *only* one who liked Greg the Bunny :) hehe.
Why Kenny, your profile picture is ravishing!!!!
Hey, MST3K ran for 10 seasons! And it was a two hour long puppet show!

Speaking of which, I sent Mike Nelson a copy of my book, and he e-mailed me back with his thanks. It was one of the coolest experiences so far due to this book, and I keep my personal copy of 65 Poor Life Decisions right next to his books on my shelf.
No love for Count Blah? Tough crowd.

Could MST3K have lasted 10 seasons if it were say...a guy and two puppets talking about refrigerator repair? The genius was in the riffing. It could have been three guys just cracking jokes at horrible B movies. I originally tuned in for the riffing, but I stayed for the puppets.
And you got a response from Mike Nelson?? THAT is worthy of my burning envy, right there.
You can't go wrong with finger puppets.

Unless they are finger puppets of doom.
Damn finger puppets of doom.

Stealing my women.

"Stealing my women" made me laugh, because it was borderline gibberish. I think it's funny when people say stuff like that; I don't really know why.

Come for the riffing, stay for the puppets. Indeed.

I've met Mike Nelson 3 times, but the fact that he's reading my book just makes me feel extremely lucky and fortunate. He's brilliantly hilarious, and if you pick up his essay book, Mind Over Matters, you'll be reading something that's like 65 Poor Life Decisions times a million. He has influenced me in ways I cannot accurately describe.
I thik Finger Puppets of Doom is that new JJ Abrams movie, right?
Wouldn't that be great? I mean, I'm already going, but I'd go twice if he pulled a swerve like that.
There's been so much hype over that film, I don't think anyone's going to happy with it.

And that's all I have to say about that.
I would only consider going to see Cloverfield if it turns out to be a Gamera movie. Sorry if I offend, and I honestly like Godzilla as much as anyone, but c'mon, after all...Gamera is really neat. Gamera is full of meat.
*Hangs self over language assessment*
Carrot Duff - I vote we quest against the Finger Puppets of Doom.

I've been spending too much time playing RPGs...
If Cloverfield turns out to be Gamera, I'd proclaim JJ Abrams to be the Best Person Ever, Ever.

Truth is, Abrams came up with the idea when he was in a toy store in Japan with his young daughter. He was looking at all the Godzirra and Gamera stuff, and basically said "We need a new monster." So, that's what he did.

What a guy.

I should also mention (quietly, so the Gods of Karma don't hear), that the Packers and Patriots are 1 game away from each other. could be your Packers aganst my Chargers...

The only reson that they are currently "my" team is that I drew them in the work Super Bowl Pool, but for $150, I would even pull for the Yankees*

*no I wouldn't.
I hear you. The Bolts have an honest-to-goodness chance of taking down the perfect Pats.

God help the Giants, who have to travel to Lambeau for the NFC Championships. Man, what an absolutely amazing weekend. My voice is shot and I'm down two bottles of wine.
Wait, wait...are the Chargers now being called "the Bolts"? That is going to be so immensely confusing to me, since to me, referring to the "Bolts" means you're talking about hockey (Tampa Bay Lightning), not football.
SportsCenter nerds call the Chargers the 'bolts,' yeah. Nobody said we had to do it on here, though.

I just wanted to belong.

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