Wednesday, March 5

The Dream Master Of Cheeseburger Ceremonies.

I'm smack in the middle of a terrible week, so I can't say that I have anything original for you today. However, please enjoy the above clip that I've mined from the YouTube vault; an advertisement for the Freddy Krueger 1-900 number. Watch it....if you dare!

But hey, if being frightened isn't your thing, you can always kick it old-skool and give MC Hammer a ring. I'm sure he could use the company.

After all of that chatting with MC Hammer and Freddy Krueger, it might be a good time to head on over to the Golden Arches for a late-night snack with our old friend, Mac Tonight.

My YouTube Channel is awesome, and I plan on sharing more of these with you in the future when I'm too apathetic and emo to write new jokes. Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day.

I had a 900 number back in the early 90's, too. I just talked about Mr. Big alot and my disdain for math drill-sheets.
Why does the the narrator in the Freddy Kreuger one sound eerily similar to Hulk Hogan in places?

"Dial now...if you dare, BROTHER!"
Damn, Maus beat me to it. I also think that was Terry Bollea.

The MC Hammer one...well, that's just sad.
I love Mac Tonight..

Interestingly enough Mac Tonight is played by Doug Jones who also plays Abe Sapien in "Hellboy", The Faun and the Pale Man in "Pan's Labyrinth", and The Silver Surfer in "Fantastic Four 2".
(+10 nerd cred)
Mac Tonight was awesome. It reminds me of a time where McDonalds commercials weren't utterly terrible and annoying trash. Their Saturday morning commercials were wonderful; it's no wonder kids equated a trip to McDonalds like a trip to Great America.
Yeah, going to McDonalds was seriously a treat. Although going to Hardee's in Oshkosh was better b/c they had a HUGE, dangerous playland that dwarfed every other playland in the Fox Cities.
Yeah, that slide was three stories high.

The day I get back on the meat wagon, I'm going to the nearest Hardee's and downing a Monster Burger.

No, make that 2.
Well, the day you get back on the meat wagon I think Hardee's will be out of business.
Getting back on the meat wagon?

That could be a new metaphor for "coming out of the closet".
Caveman's +10 nerd reference reminded me to tell you all some very sad news: Gary Gygax, co-creator of Dungeons & Dragons (and, consequently, thousands of nerds), just died. My inner chaotic neutral paladin is crying.
Getting back on the meat wagon?

That could be a new metaphor for "coming out of the closet".

A very, very dirty metaphor.
Gay Gygax has died!?

My mates are going to be in tears tomorrow. Quite a few of them are huge fans.
HATHERY/MAUS - These are all very true statements.

"Honey, we need a divorce."

"Why? What happened?"

"Well....I'm back on the meat wagon."

"Oh, dear...."

EMILY - Hey, don't feel too bad for Gary Gygax; he's been dead inside for decades now.

Saving Throw....DENIED!
That was pretty clever.

How's that working out for you, being clever?
More like, "What's it like being such an ass? Does it complete you as a person? Make you feel like a big man?"

My mood has been rotten as of late, I really am sorry.

To make up for it, I'm currently sitting alone in the Stickam Live Video Chat, looking haggard and playing terrible music.

Because I'm sick today, they should call it 'Sickam.'
Bets my day. I'm sitting in the library right now at my school about to vomit.

My school is in hypo-security mode because some asshole wrote on the wall of the boys locker room about how he wants to kill Mexicans and Blacks on Thursday so for the rest of the week my school is on super-freak-out mode.

I'm not listening to music, but if I was it would be Public Enemy, no doubt.
CDP - You got the crud too, eh? My son is home sick today with the flu (he's been battling it since Monday - he came home from a field trip with that nastiness). I'll have sick-watch tomorrow, I think.
Sorry about all of that rubbish, Cargirl. Why does one loudmouth racist have to ruin it for all of the kind and gentle racists? I'll never know.

Don't puke in the library, or they'll have to bust that pink sawdust-stuff out, and that'll just be embarrassing. I've been there.

Fight the powers that be!

MAUS - Indeed I do. I just feel.....worthless today.
CDP- Yeah, the pink sawdust isn't good.

I'm hella scared though. People are really on edge, and I heard from a dean that less than 40% of the school attended today. And on the wall it also said "remember Columbine" so, being in the library and all, I'm nervous and when i get nervous I shake and/or emit from my esophogas.
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I've been feeling dizzy and flemmy for the past two weeks.
That plus freezing rain for the next two days means I'm not good at all...
CARGIRL - Don't you worry, it'll be fine. Most actual shootings are preceded by a warning like that. It was just a jackass.

CAVEMAN - Spring has to show up and save us all, stat.
CDP - Awww, no, I was just quoting (badly) from Fight Club. It seemed appropriate, but I was in no way trying to call you an ass. I mean, maybe you are an ass, but that's not what I was saying just then.

I do hope your week starts to look up. Worse comes to worse, I recommend following this mantra.
Yeah, I thought Freddy sounded a little WWF there, more like Macho Man Randy Savage. But I'd gladly pay $2.00 the first minute to turn that mother out.
EMILY - I gotcha. I would have deserved it, though.

I don't own purple, but I'll be wearing a black armband for Brett Favre for the rest of the week. I'm also an idiot.

JEANNA - I'd pay $2.99 a minute NOW to call a Macho Man 900 number! I bet that guy has some stories that would make you puke.
Oh, the bawdy tales of wearing unitards with fringe and snapping into a Slim Jim to excess!
I'm nervous and when i get nervous I shake and/or emit from my esophogas.

When I get nervous, I have to poop really bad. True fact.
HATHERY- For some, it's vomit, and for others it's poop. I get it.
MAUS - My Macho Man impression is second to nobody except for Jay 'Black Machismo' Lethal. Oooh yeah!

HATHERY/CARGIRL - When I get nervous, I clean and straighten out things.
Back in Stickam, playing Tetris.
I'm at work. Working.

And occassionally checking in on this blog.
Emily - For what it's worth, I thoroughly enjoyed the Fight Club reference...

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