Monday, March 31

I Bought A Freaking House.

I Bought A Freaking House.

My original plan for the month of April was to begin work on my second book.

Instead, me and the Missus went ahead and purchased our first condominium.

Needless to say, any serious work on the next book has been pushed to Summer.

Sound off in the comments section, give us some good advice and enjoy your day.

Can't wait for the housewarming bash! I'll bring the hookers and blow.


(ps. Where do I get hookers and blow?)
Dom you can get them on craiglist.

Congrats on the house and I leave you with this quote from the... actually you will probably know it.

"Here lies Walter Fielding. He bought a house, and it killed him. "
DOM - You can find hookers and blow in our old neighborhood! ZING!

Thanks for the kind words. Housewarming bash details to arrive in a month or two. April will be spent handling some closing business, and May will be reserved for the bulk of the moving. We get the keys on April 30, and want to be completely moved in by the third week in May. Tonight is the home inspection, which should go pretty smoothly.

KEVIN - Ahh, The Money Pit. Indeed.

We looked at the sagging market and the fact that we've been renting for 6 years, and went for it. Truth is, this place would have been completely out of our price range 3 years ago, but thanks to our country circling down the toilet, I'm able to make it happen! Thanks, Iraq War!
My advice: live in your new place for a few years before you do any major upgrades. You'll have a better appreciation of what might now be considered flaws, and you'll save yourself a bundle on "fixing" what was never wrong to begin with. And then, if you still hate it in a few years, you'll have a greater understanding of what you really need from the space. Just a suggestion.

And congratulations on buying a place. And conrats on buying a place that requires no yard upkeep. Believe me, it was a smart move. My damn yard has stolen my life!
Oh, and the first thing I would buy would be a gigantic wrought iron gothic style pot rack to hang over that kitchen island. Something that wouldn't look out of place in a 11th century English castle. It may not match the decor, but it'll look freaking awesome!
I was actually thinking of upgrading the whole house to the "11th century castle" decor. After I saw the basement in that house that was to become Bruce and I's love nest, I'm a bit partial to that style.
HATHERY - Yeah, it's a shame we didn't buy that one.

LOTT - Good advice. The only thing we're considering right now concerning long-term projects would be finishing the basement, and that indeed won't happen for a few years.

We were big on moving into a house that didn't need a lot of initial fixing, and this place seems to be tip-top. We'll know for sure after tonight's inspection.

I agree with the pot rack, even though the kitchen ceiling is a little too high to make it work, I believe. I love those things!

And yes, that is a photo of the new kitchen. Not our decorations, but you get the jist.

No yard upkeep was a no-brainer for us. We have absolutely no interest in gardening and mowing, and our deck will provide for grilling and outdoor entertaining.
The whole not having a yard thing is important to me. The last thing I want to do on a weekend is mow and weed when I could be doing important things like reordering my porn collection alphabetically.
Correct. I don't have kids, I'm outside approximately 18 minutes a year and I don't talk to neighbors. I'm the perfect neighbor, in fact.

If I can pay someone to take my garbage, shovel my walk and landscape the bushes, that's a check I'll write every single time.
I do NOT need to see Ryan mowing my lawn on a hot, summer day in cut-off shorts. No, siree.
When I was a ripped, glistening teenager, maybe. Nowadays? No chance.

I shall continue to walk to the mailbox nude, however.
There is something relaxing about yard work, but my lawn is too big. Mowing it alone takes 2 hours. And I have tons of big trees, which has now made autumn my unfavorite season. That said, seeing Little Hoss run around the back yard like a crazy little dwarf makes it all worth it.

Enough of my whining. Welcome to home ownership! More taxes! More upkeep! But it's worth it in the end. oh, and congrats on not getting a fixer-upper. That's no fun for your first home ownership experience.
The condo is only 4 years old, so hopefully there won't be much upkeep needed for a little while at least! We'll see what the home inspector says tonight. Maybe it's only being held up by twigs and mud.
Somehow, I don't buy the excuse of the previous owners moving out simply because they wanted 'something bigger.' I bet it's being crudely supported by rust and memories.

I'm looking forward to the home inspection. It's as if Simon Cowell showed up and told you everything that was wrong with the biggest purchase of your life.
It's going to be fun to discover the real reason they moved out. I'm really hoping for a poltergeist.
If they would have put 'slight poltergeist activity' in the description, I would have bought it without thinking twice.
Congratulations, I hope it's not on an indian burial ground or a pet cemetary.
...or a small, unassuming town in Maine with a dark, supernatural secret. Caveman, how does Bangor feel about being the focus of every Stephen King book ever written?

Much like our current place, it's in a cul-de-sac-y, Burbs-esque neighborhood that I'm addicted to for some reason. I just love living in these sterile, planned communities.
I just love living in these sterile, planned communities.

You're a freak. A FREAK!!!

But congratulations on the condo ownership. Big step, big responsibility, but I suspect it's quite nice to own and not rent. Ah, someday! Keep us posted on the housewarming bash. I'm already planning out what ridiculous shenanigans I can get up to to help properly break in your new place. ;)

Good news! I was horribly ill all weekend, and this afforded me the opportunity to finish season 3 of Lost. Already getting my hands on what of season 4 has yet aired, so I'll be all ready to rock for the pub quiz. Hoo-ah!
Good for you, Emily! What is your take on the series so far? Have you been checking out Lost Fridays/Mondays of yore?

I was once concerned to the point of nausea over this home owenership thing, but now I'm giddy about it. I just want to move in and get down to the business of getting down.

Pants will be optional for this housewarming party, of course.

As far as the planned community thing goes, I think I like the theory that I might be the coolest person on my street, which doesn't happen very often for me. Also, it never hurts when the 17 year old gymnast next door practices her routine in the yard all Summer, as was the case for me last year. We did a lot of grilling on the porch that year.

Aaaaaaand I'm arrested.
Kevin, How does one order porn alphabetically? By sex act? By company that distributes it? By fetish category? By marquee actress name?

Um, I'm, uh, just wondering, is all. It's not like I have a huge, hopelessly mismanaged pile of porn in, say, the closet, under, for instance, my sweaters that I'd like better access to or anything. I'm just wondering, is all.
CDP - I've read your season 3 recap (which was quite entertaining), but that's all I've had the time/energy for just yet. I'm still processing and committing to memory everything that I can. That was one heck of a finale, though. Lookin' forward to s4.

P.S. Why does Kate look so plasticine in the future?
LOTT - That's a good question. Alphabetical by title would be worthless. Personally, I'd sort by fetish category. Only makes sense.

Let's move on.

EMILY - The Season 3 recaps are all you really need. My Season 2 stuff was scattershot, from what I can remember.

Kate looks spackled with vasoline in the future because she's ugly.
Lott- I switch it up every few months... I used to go by title, then I went by category but my bukkake section dwarfed rest of the categories... I think I am going to rate them and categorize them now.

Blue movie= 4 knuckle shuffles (or something like that)
"Satan is good. Satan in my friend. I want to kill. Everyone."

Mrs Hoss and I discovered a really neat neighborhood with well-maintained 100 year old homes. We were buying something from Craiglist and was able to go inside a home where they are gutting a lot of the stuff out and restoring it. Throughout the clutter, it was beautiful. If you have the time and money, doing a project like that would be fun. But only if you had the $$$$ to pay someone to do most of the work!
KEVIN - At least you're motivated.

HOSS - My favorite comedy of all-time.

We toured a historic home a few years ago, and yeah, had we the $100,000 to fully restore the place, it would have been absolutely beautiful.

It was a Federal-style home with a maid's staircase, two kitchens and whatnot. Doors that led into entirely new wings of the endless house. It was like one of those dreams where the house just keeps opening up into new areas; incredible.
CDP- Since Stephen King had directly and indirectly contributed close to 16+ million dollars to the city of Bangor I think they're fine with it.

It's not all Bangor though. All his stories (in Maine) are mostly spread out over 5 places: Bangor, Portland, Lewiston, Castle Rock, and Salem's Lot (the latter 2 are non existant). I live in Lewiston.
Holy shit, congrats.

I'm in the searching and pre-qualifying process now. What a pain in the ass.

Nice kitchen :)
CAVEMAN - That's true. I recall hearing about the baseball diamond he funded. What a neat guy. I also wonder what it feels like to read a King novel that takes place in your city.

MORGAN - Thanks! The kitchen is almost too homey for my style. I might have to redecorate it with a lot of black paint, glitter and skulls.

The pre-qualification/bank stuff is, without question, the most annoying and painful part of the process. That's when you have to really sit down and determine what you can afford without starving to death. Once that's over, it's significantly easier.
King also wrote From a Buick 8, which takes place in Western PA, where I'm from originally. And his most recent book is set in a fictional Florida town (King and his wife have spent a lot of time here, too).

Congrats on the house. I suppose condos are great for people who aren't into yard work - it can be a pain in the ass, especially in the heart of a tropical summer, and maintaining a pool is even more of a hassle - but condos too often remind me of glorified apartments. By the looks of it, though, you've got a nice place. That's a pretty spacious kitchen.
KATE - Thanks!

MAUS - Thanks much. Some condos are better than others; we got pretty lucky.
CDP - Congratulations on your condo. You prefer to not talk to neighbors, yet your house is attached to them. It makes me laugh, like two people keeping their backs to each other because they prefer to be alone. I guess if you moved CDP headquarters to an isolated cabin in the hills I would be worried.

CAVEMAN - Here I thought you were at Orono or something. Lewiston isn't that bad. (relatively)
BLU - It's not that I actively avoid neighbors (they can expect a plate of cookies on moving day, actually), I just prefer to not be bothered by one of those 'neighbor-types' that comes over for the football game, drinks my beer and grills on my driveway. I'm not really that sort of guy.

If I could move Headquarters to the middle of nowhere, you know I would. We just came to the conclusion early in the house hunt that the increased hassles of a yard weren't necessary for our happiness. Although we have a backyard that's pretty isolated and dandy.
If we could have a stand-alone condo, that would be ideal, but there aren't too many of those around here...

There are lots of condos in madison that are glorified apartments, because that's exactly what they are. They're apartment conversions. The owners realized they could make more money by selling them off and not having to worry about tenants mucking things up, so they just sold off the apartments as condos. I would NEVER want to live in one of those.

Our condo is a "four-plex", as it were.
Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! I'm not a homeowner, but my boyfriend is, and I do contribute to his mortgage so I'm like a partial homeowner without any legal privileges. Oh wait, basically I'm just his roommate.

If I had my way, we would live in a condo just because we are not the kind of people who like (or remember) to do all that "routine maintenance" crap that you have to do with a house. Shoveling? Boo! Mowing? Boo! Raking? Boo! Landscaping? Boo! I am happy to have my little garden in the backyard though. That's about the only good thing.
First of all, congrats! I bought my first house at 26 and owned it for three years. I'm back to renting until I determine which city I really want to live in.

Which leads me to the following question --

Where is this 11th century castle-esque house with an awesome basement that you speak of?! I mean, it really is my dream to build an actual moat around a house of mine some day.

This sounds like it could be my next venture into home ownership.
JULIA - Thanks! I totally agree with you. Your boyfriend looked like a pretty badass guy, judging by my staring at the back of his head all night. I didn't want to get too chatty with you, because I thought he was going to crush my windpipe with his thumbs.

BRUCE - Thanks! I think the Missus can shoot us a link to that crazy torture chamber basement we saw a month ago. It was by no means awesome, but required viewing, nonetheless.
Sorry I'm late to the party, man. Congrats!
Thanks, JT!

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