Monday, April 14

Gabelstapler Fahrer.

Look, you know me.

You know that I wouldn't put a nine-minute clip on here unless I knew without a shred of uncertainty that it would be nine of the most well-spent moments of your week.

Four words: Instructional. German. Forklift. Safety.

You think you know what you're getting into. You think you understand. You do not. Unless you've already seen it (it's quite popular), you have absolutely no idea what you're in for.

Be patient. Don't cop out or fast-forward. Allow yourself these nine minutes to remind you exactly why the Internet exists. I can almost guarantee that you'll be thanking me later.

Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day.

I remember this! It cracked me up. Then I never found it again. Thanks!
Little known fact: I was, at one time, a licensed fork lift operator. I've actually been driving fork lifts since I was about 12.

Also, Klaus did not check the tires for any defects before he started on the first day. Klaus = fail before he even causes the other problems.

Those wacky Germans!
That was...incredible. That Klaus is just a one-man carnage machine. Now I'll just go get some coffee and my Monday will be off to the best start possible. Wunderbar!!
I've got to get this off my chest: I hate YouTube. I hate watching clips on YouTube. When Ryan asks me into the office to watching something on YouTube, I absolutely cringe.

The only things I enjoy watching on YouTube are cute clips of cats and hedgehogs.

There. I've finally said it.
DOMSAR - Woot!

JT - I somehow got the feeling that you were one of those guys that knew how to drive anything. A 12-year-old forklift operator sounds like a wacky sitcom waiting to happen.

MAUS - Mmm-hmm, I knew you'd dig it. My jaw just kept dropping and dropping...glad I could brighten your Monday with some pure carnage.
You know what would've made it *slightly* better? If Klaus's co-workers came back as zombies, shuffling through the warehouse moaning "Gehirnnnnneeee". What that has to do with forklift safety, I don't know. But decaptation by forklift can now be added to my list of ways to dispatch a zombie.
The amazing thing is that I'm almost 100% certain that this is an actual German instructional video. If you think your sense of humor is dark, Germany will always find a way to top you.
Once your country has seen some of the darkest days in history, I think it really takes a toll on your sense of humor. Pre WWI, I bet Germans were like the Japanese, thinking colorful hats and round things are funny.
Yeah, but by that regard, the Japanese experienced some pretty awful WWII tragedy, and they sell used panties in vending machines.

Which reminds me, we need to visit Japan soon.
CDP - It's true, I do have a fiar bit of experience with assorted types of heavy equipment. It comes from growing up on a farm, mostly.

I can just see my 12-year-old self driving around on a forklift being accompanied by the Benny Hill music. It would be a sitcom to rival the classics, like Cavemen.
Hell, I grew up on a farm, too, and I can't even drive a stick-shift. Hats off, 12-year-old JT.

I'd watch that sitcom, only if you were wearing a cowboy hat.
This will probably surprise you, but I have never owned a cowboy hat.
And see, I didn't grow up on a farm, but I did own a cowboy hat. But I just like hats, OK?
JT would look awesome in one of those huge, oversized, novelty cowboy hats.

Emily would look awesome in a beret.
And they should both be riding mechanical bulls and dueling with giant foam pirate swords? Or...something. I just channeled a Primus video. I'm scaring myself.
It's German Surrealist Day here at the CDP!
If you need me, I'll be taking my grilled cheese sandwich for a walk.
No one, and I mean NO ONE, looks better in a beret than me.
HATHERY - I don't doubt that, and as I have no desire to start wearing berets, the distinction will remain yours.

Now, back to the German surrealism.
That clip made me as happy as a little girl.
Ich hiester funny.
Just had a bit of a surreal experience to share with you; no word on if it was German in nature, however.

There was a State Board meeting here at the office today, and one of the board members (a suited and sharp business-type in his 40's or 50's) took the time to venture over to my side of the office to introduce himself and tell me how big of a 65 Poor Life Decisions fan he was.

He told me that he got the book a few months ago, and had been reading it during his many business flights across the nation. He claimed I had a "warm, readable and hilarious voice," and questioned me about my next book and future projects.

Overall, it was an extremely awesome experience, and proof that you can never tell where your fans are going to come from.
That's very cool.
That's awesome!! I wonder where he got your book from?
Hooray for random fans! That's excellent.
There must be something wrong with me because I giggled like a little girl while watching this.
Which is, of course, frightening because I got my fork lift license last summer when I worked in a factory.
MAUS/HATHERY/EMILY - Thanks! That doesn't happen to me very often, so I find it pretty memorable when it occurs.

CAVEMAN - There's nothing wrong with you; this clip is one of the most brilliant things I've seen since Look Around You.
That's brilliant! Ask for a raise!
2 things:

1. I finally finished my taxes.
2. I saw Jake Gyllenhall today. He's filming a movie here, and was just wandering down the street.

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