Wednesday, April 30

A Ziploc Bag Full Of Chocolate Chip Cookies.

A Ziploc Bag Full Of Chocolate Chip Cookies.

Yesterday, as I was packing my lunch for work, I threw in a Ziploc bag full of chocolate chip cookies. I had purchased a tub of the soft, silver dollar-sized cookies from the market last week, and thought they would bridge the Hunger Gap between lunch and when I leave for the day. This gap is normally bridged by either a Twix or vending machine egg salad, both of which usually lead to me spending the better part of the afternoon on the toilet.

I have a tender tummy.

I'm typically a creature of habit when it comes to my meals, but I've been taking strides to not eat out for lunch so much, as it's bankrupting me and making me heart attack-y and chubby (I'm this close to having to buy Medium-sized shirts). I needed to find a way to spice up my lunchtime routine, and the Ziploc bag full of chocolate chip cookies would be a perfect tonic to my monotony.

As my workday trudged forth, I forgot all about the Ziploc bag. I was so bogged down with phone calls, meetings and paperwork, that it became a distant memory. So when 2:30pm rolled around, and I pulled open my desk drawer to look for a Sharpie, imagine my shock when I rediscovered the Ziploc bag full of chocolate chip cookies, shining like a white-collar beacon in my otherwise dreary day. My eyes lit up, and I leapt at the bag like Dobby the House Elf snatching a bag of gold coins. What a delightfully grand surprise!

As I sat there, shoveling the factory-made treats into my maw, I became intensely self-aware as to how funny the situation was. Here I was, at the relatively young age of 26, sitting in a cubicle at a State office, wearing tan khakis and a polo shirt, cramming cookies down my throat like they were the antidote to all of my abject misery and depression.

When I was six years old, it would have taken a Nintendo Entertainment System to instill this much joy in me. When I was 17, I'm quite certain that there was nothing on Earth that would have made me as happy as I was at this moment. Everything I've worked for, everything I've learned and all the strides I've made as a man and a member of the human race have boiled down to this; damn-near whizzing my pants at the forgotten prospect of eating a Ziploc bag full of chocolate chip cookies. As image-conscious as I normally am, it was probably one of the saddest revelations of my life.

I started laughing. Hard. After all, it was pretty hilarious, and it sure beat crying. I couldn't keep my mouth shut; crumbs and bits of chocolate chip were spilling down the front of my shirt. That only made me laugh harder. I started wheezing and snorting through my nose, eventually dropping the bag into the trash and busting into an all-out guffaw that attracted the attention of those around me. Tears welled up in my eyes and I took in the absurdity and triviality of the Human Experience.

In less than a minute, I had learned a powerful life lesson. I also had a mess to clean up.

Don't be embarrassed of what makes you happy. Even if it's just a Ziploc bag full of chocolate chip cookies, dig your fat ass in and enjoy the moment. It doesn't matter what you look like, it doesn't matter how much money you make and it doesn't matter what you thought this life was going to bring you, rest assured that this is all we have, and waiting for any other joy to arrive will be considered a waste when the last page is turned, I promise.

Happiness is a cookie. Happiness is getting five green lights in a row on your way to work. Take the time to admire the sadness in the realization that it's the honest truth, then allow yourself to enjoy it with every fiber of your being.

Let the crumbs fall down your shirt; you deserve it.

Squirmy puppies. When otherwise cool, collected people trip and/or stumble. Swedish Fish. Blowing and chasing bubbles. The movie "A League of Their Own" (I can't help it!). Playing frisbee. Really good pie crust...
Rescuing a philodendron from the curb that the neighbors were planning to throw away. Hedgehog bellies. Cat paws. Leaving the patio door open when it's raining. Snuggling on the couch during the Ultimate Fighter.
Two Harry Potter references in the span of 2 days (the other one was made by a friend of mine on my blog)...sweet.

And I brought homemade peanut butter cookies for the whole office today.

For me, the simple pleasures are things like hearing my son laugh. A kitty curled up on the book I'm trying to read. Swedish fish. Carrot cake. A walk to the lake in the evening to feed the ducks.
What is Swedish Fish and why do two people out of 3 find happiness in it?
Swedish fish is heaven in the form of a tiny, gummi, fish-shaped candy confection. I'm partial to the red ones. Luckily, they sell bags of just reds for people like me.
I don't know how you do it, but you always manage to post this type of thing right around the time I need to hear it the most.

Thanks, man.
Swedish Fish are essentially just carnuba wax and sugar, but I'm convinced they put some sort of addictive drug in there, too. G'damn those things are good.

I've already admitted that I have a problem, so that's step one, at least.
Do they have gelatin in them? Most gummi candies have gelatin, so we can't eat them. If they don't, I'll be chomping at the bit to try these Swedish fisheroos.
EMILY/MAUS/HATHERY - Thanks for sharing; this was a cool thing to wake up to this morning.

JT - No problem, man. Sometimes, even the most cynical of us need to step back and just remember why we're here. It always seems the the posts I hammer out in 5 minutes are the ones that people seem to resonate with; I think it's gone viral at my office this morning, too.

Chocolate malted milk. Mario Kart. Playing the drums. Unexpected hugs from people that you really wanted to hug. When someone makes me genuinely laugh. CDP Comments.
Looking at the swedish fish product info I see no mention of gelatin in the ingredients, so I think they *might* be vegetarian friendly.
HATHERY - No gelatin! Get chompin'. :)

Ooo, more items for my list: making music, riding my bike, dark chocolate from Gail Ambrosius, lilac trees, strawberry picking, and essays by Ryan Zeinert.
sour candy, old cartoons, playing the trombone (haven't in a while), movies (in general), rain, apple picking, a good discussion, sitting outside on a cool summer day, going out to the coast, most pizzas, free writing
(This comes to us from Chris Conley via the Saves The Day website, once again stating something that I couldn't have said better myself.)

I like elephants. They have been shown to have a high level of self-awareness, as they are one of only four known species to be able to recognize themselves in a mirror. The other three species are human, apes, and bottlenose dolphins. That's some good company. Elephants have true emotions. They have graveyards. Elephants can remember their loved ones who pass away, and they have been known to exhibit signs of grief. I saw a Discovery Channel show about elephants a couple years ago, and they were saying that certain populations of elephants drink a naturally occurring fermented liquid which is secreted from a plant in their natural habitat. So, in other words, they drink off the pain sometimes. Perhaps that's not their best trait, but it shows awareness of the pain of life, losing loved ones in this unbearable impermanent reality. And that means we're friends, both trying to keep our heads up in this gift of life, which is so very confusing sometimes. I love you, elephants!
Cake, cycling, South Park, my lucky Calvins, special fried rice, GTA, making people laugh, my Ibanez, listening to music, writing a really good essay in an English lesson, Lost, pointless interweb surfing, appreciation.
This video clip, too.

I love everyone's lists. You're filling my day with joy. :)
puffins, when people do something unexpected, sleeping in, the office, settlers of catan, star wars, finding a penny, star gazing, smelling flowers, musicals, cheese.

and for all of you that have never had swedish fish: go out and buy some right now and become addicted!!
Beer. More beer. additional beer. Gambling. Winning money while gambling. Food that is terrible for me.

Apparently all of my joys come from my worst vices.
Every now and again, it's good to have a big, cyber-Cuddle Party. Thanks for opening my eyes, Ziploc bag full of chocolate chip cookies.

I just got back from the Title office, and we're the official owners of our first home. We have a lot of work ahead of us this month, but we're ready for the challenge. More news to arrive as it develops, yo.
I'm a homeowner. HUZZAH!
Congrats, man. Now you get to start spending money on big, powerful tools that you'll never use.
I suggest a jack hammer...
I've got one.
I'm going to get a nail gun, and hang unnecessary things on the walls.

Like the cats.
I'm taking the hedgie and the cats and making for the attic crawl-space...
I'm building a fort in the attic, on top of the insulation and 2x4's. Don't be surprised if I fall through the bathroom celing one day.
Has King of the Hill taught you nothing? An attic is no place for a secret hideout.
Indeed, it is itchy..
I'm always reminded of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, where Clark gets locked in the attic and falls through the celing.
Now that new episodes of Lost are on the same night as new episodes of Earl, The Office and 30 Rock, I can officially proclaim Thursday night to be the Best Night of the Week.

For a few more weeks, tops.
I thought the same thing about Christmas Vacation, but I was trying to comment and stream something at the same time.
The internet blew up.

I can distantly remember "A little help from my friends" via Joe Crocker, a old family film, and Chevy falling through the ceiling on to some bunk beds.

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