Thursday, May 29

Lost Thursday - 14 Blown Predictions Edition.

14 Blown Predictions.

As season 4 draws to a close, it's a good time to reflect on the vast, three year history of Lost episode recaps on the CDP. With Lost Friday/Monday about to ride off into the sunset for the final time, I thought it would be a good opportunity to showcase those moments where I blew it in the worst way.

A show like Lost lends itself to wild speculation and theorizing; we've all done it. And even though Lost Friday/Monday was, for the most part, a satirization of that week's episode, I still liked to pretend I was an insider and made predictions for the upcoming weeks. Because I like to poke fun at myself (and because I like to begin sentences with 'and' and 'because'), I'm taking this time to spotlight the 14 Worst Predictions in Lost Friday/Monday History. They're ranked in increasing order of complete and total ignorant insanity; a good time will be had by all.

Let's go.

Blown Prediction #14. "I think the island is shaped like an octagon."
Season 2: Episode 17

What Do You Have To Say For Yourself? - I thought that the Blast Door Map that Kelvin made outlined the island, which would have given it an octagonal shape. Seemed like a good theory at the time, although I now realize that when Sayid ventured off to map the island, he surely would have noticed all the straight lines and geometric angles.

Blown Prediction #13. "On the mythology front, something’s going on with Vincent. He’s always around before something weird or bad happens. It’s been speculated in the past that he’s the special one, and not Walt, and this could mean that he's working as a mole for the others."
Season 2: Episode 13

What Do You Have To Say For Yourself? - I so badly wanted Vincent to be more important than he actually was. Even though there's still time for a crazy Vincent revelation to pop up, it's beginning to look slim. Furthermore, isn't anyone else bummed that he wasn't one of the Oceanic 6?

Blown Prediction #12. "We will see Mr. Widmore, the man behind Widmore Construction. The rumor is that Widmore was contracted by Dharma to build the stations on the island."
– Season 2: Episode 19

What Do You Have To Say For Yourself? - Well, to be fair, his company might have been contracted to build the Dharma stations, but his overarching stake in the island was, at best, severely understated at this point.

Blown Prediction #11. "Desmond is apparently a great athlete or physical specimen. Ethan was the same way. Also notice that there are bunk beds in Desmond’s room. Perhaps he and Ethan lived together."
– Season 2: Episode 1

What Do You Have To Say For Yourself? - Today, the idea of Desmond and Ethan shaking up together in the Swan Hatch is hilarious. He's a pretty decent athlete, though, if he'd just lay off the whiskey.

Blown Prediction #10. "Ethan came into the camp unnoticed because he came up through the water. This must be where the entry and exit to the hatch is."
– Season 2: Episode 1

What Do You Have To Say For Yourself? - Remember when we all thought there was just one hatch on the island? Weren't those good times? After all that time speculating about a mythical, underwater hatch, we get to see it in the Season 3 finale for no more than 10 minutes, before it's more or less abandoned and discarded. A bit somber, if you ask me.

Blown Prediction #9. "Ana Lucia was on that plane to assist the Marshall in capturing Kate."
– Season 2: Episode 6

What Do You Have To Say For Yourself? - I didn't realize this, but just because you're a police officer in the state of California, that doesn't necessarily mean that you know every other cop in the state of California. Boy, was my face red!

Blown Prediction #8. "There are 6 Dharma Initiative hatches on the island, all designed to monitor and experiment on the 6 programs funded by the Hanso Foundation. The six hatches seem to be named after the 6 star systems in the constellation Apollo (remember the candy bar?), so if this is true, here are all six hatch names: Swan, Arrow, Crow, Goblet, Serpent Handler and Hunter."
– Season 2: Episode 7

What Do You Have To Say For Yourself? - This theory was akin to taking a crack on a Wheel Of Fortune puzzle with only one letter on the board. Although, I was a little bummed out to realize that there wasn't going to be a Dharma Station called 'The Serpent Handler.'

Blown Prediction #7. "Eko wasn't on Oceanic 815. He was one of the ministers on the Nigerian drug plane, and he's been on the island ever since, either on his own or as an Other."
– Season 2: Episode 7

What Do You Have To Say For Yourself? - Shortly after I brainstormed this brilliant and clearly well-thought-out theory, I saw a picture of Eko running around in the Ocean wreckage with the rest of the Flight 815 castaways. In retrospect, I should have just deleted this nonsense altogether. Also, the idea that Eko would still be walking around the island in a suit after all these years is, to put it mildly, retarded.

Blown Prediction #6. "Remember when Locke and Boone were searching for the beechcraft, and John's legs started to give out on him? Perhaps Locke was getting too far away from the hatch and its healing electromagnetic field, causing his legs to atrophy again."
– Season 2: Episode 18

What Do You Have To Say For Yourself? - Look, hindsight is 20/20, and this seemed like a good theory at the time. Looking back, I think that Locke's legs gave out on him because he was just very, very tired.

Blown Prediction #5. "The Others are disguising themselves because they might be recognized by castaways as people they knew before the crash. Considering that the plane crash was set up, there might be Others that were relatively close to some of the castaways beforehand."
– Season 2: Episode 15

What Do You Have To Say For Yourself? - There isn't a fake beard on this Earth that would keep me from recognizing someone I've already met. Furthermore, this would be a serious test of the audience's patience, to think that the castaways wouldn't be able to recognize someone just because they were donning a dirty shirt and a fake mustache. Ludicrous across the board, here.

Blown Prediction #4. "Ana Lucia didn't kill Shannon. Rousseau is still on a killing spree that started when she waxed her entire "sick" crew. She fears this infection, and has been spying on the Castaways for quite a while now. The "sickness" has something to do with hearing the voices all around you in the jungle. Sayid and Shannon both have it, and this is why Sayid was able to see Walt along with Shannon. So, Rousseau knows that Shannon is infected and kills her. When we resume this story, we'll see Rousseau with a gunshot wound, feet from the carnage. Mark my words."
– Season 2: Episode 6

What Do You Have To Say For Yourself? - The obsession surrounding Season 2 of Lost lent itself quite well to not trusting anything that the writers and producers clearly lay out for us. Even though we saw Ana shoot Shannon, a bizarre edit made it look shady enough to speculate over for a week. Nowadays, I haven't the energy to dig this deep for a conspiracy.

Blown Prediction #3. "Taking the nature of the Others into consideration, can it be possible that Henry Gale is an Alex-type prisoner? What I mean is, could Henry have been someone kidnapped by the Others at an earlier age and raised to follow their teachings and experiments?"
– Season 2: Episode 16

What Do You Have To Say For Yourself? - Knowing what we know now, this theory is absolutely hilarious. Henry Gale went on to become Benjamin Linus, Alex went on to be Benjamin's kidnapped daughter, and Ben himself exterminated the entire Dharma Initiative as a child, with the help of Richard and the Hostiles. I actually think I got 30 things wrong with this prediction.

Blown Prediction #2. "Dharma was responsible for the plane crash; it was all set up ahead of time. The psychic in Australia was in on it, convincing Claire to board flight 815. Dharma was aware that Aaron was special as soon as he was conceived. They wanted this baby so bad, and their power was so far-reaching, that they essentially did everything up to this point for the sole purpose of getting this baby."
– Season 2: Episode 15

What Do You Have To Say For Yourself? - True, the Others wanted Aaron, but they didn't suck a plane out of the sky for that sole purpose. When we found out that Desmond accidentally crashed Flight 815, the seemingly random nature of the show blended seamlessly with the meticulous and structured nature of the plotline. Also, I've wasted my life.

#1. "Vincent will be a bigger part of season two, even getting a flashback episode of his own. He will be partly responsible for locating Walt once he returns, and an important tool in getting inside Walt's mind."
– Season 2 Preview

What Do You Have To Say For Yourself? - Jesus. That's what I have to say for myself.

Hey, the Lost Season 4 Finale is on tonight! Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day.

Comments:
I don't check theCDP for a couple of days, and when I do, what do I get? Lostmania!!! And picture captions, which are always my favorite. You made my day :)
Also, who doesn't desperately want Vincent to play a vital role in this show? I know I do. The finale will be his flashback, I can feel it.
 
I suppose there's still time for Vincent to vindicate me, but chances are slim. Today feels like Christmas Eve; I can't wait for this finale, regardless of how wonky it appears to be.

Do they still say 'wonky' over there, Caitlin?
 
They like to say "wonky" in the HP books, so it must be said over there... :)

Come on Vincent flashback finale!!!
 
Stupid Vincent.
 
I personally think that Vincent is the smartest animal on that island.
 
Maybe, but Sawyer is close. GRRRR!







/What am I doing?
 
Oh, Sawyer is a sexy beast, on that we can agree...
 
I've said it before, but I'll say it again.

With nothing decent on TV this summer except American Gladiators and pay-per-view porn, I may just go out and rent Seasons 2-4 on DVD to catch up and rejoin the madness in Season 5.
 
Or I just may go outside.
 
Fight the temptation to go outside. It's not worth it.
 
Mmmmm....American Gladiator porn....
 
Crush and Helga wrestle while Wolf howls magnificently and then jumps into the fray. This followed shortly by Rocket scrambling up a rock wall in less time than it takes to pry Crush out of that corset, and then also dives into the middle of writhing, freshly oiled, spandex-clad flesh.

That about right?




(yeesh, I think I need a shower)
 
About the Vincent flashback idea. Did you ever see the LOST: Missing Pieces web stuff they did between seasons 3 and 4? You might like the last one that they did.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ui0N3qAC1I
 
ADAM - Thanks for that awesome webisode; I had completely forgotten about that!

EMILY - Throw Jet into the fray, and you have yourself a date......I think we both need to settle down for our own health and well-being.
 
JT- All episodes are currently free on abc.com!

MAUS- Completely off-topic, but I was browsing my local Borders recently, and I came across a book called Maus, about a Jewish mouse trying to fight for truth and justice regarding his parents, who were prosecuted in the Holocaust. I thought of you, for some reason.
 
I haven't heard anyone say 'wonky'... but it's entirely possible it's still used. I've heard people say 'knackered' and 'wanker' though.
 
CDP - you're just hearing of MAUS now? I'm shocked.
 
WILL - That was Cargirl that posted the Maus comment; I am a major admirer of Maus and Art Spiegelman (Cargirl, read Maus and Maus II if you can!). I actually wrote a huge report on it back in hike school.

CAITLIN - Wanker. That will never not rule.
 
In that case I retract my shock.
 
Cargirl - one of my (eleventymillion) nicknames is 'mouse', and the German word is maus.
 

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