Friday, May 16

Survivors Will Be Shot Again.

Five Dollar Footlongs.

Just a reminder that Lost Monday returns next week.

You know, for as much as people say that I've been slacking this year, I need to point out that I've only missed two Lost Mondays this season (Episodes 8 & 11). The latter was due to my move into the new CDP Headquarters, and the first absence was...you know what? I don't remember why I went deadbeat that week; perhaps I just wanted to get some sleep on a Sunday night for a change. Not to mention those awesome Pop Crunch Lost recaps I wrote, which netted me literally dozens of dollars in royalties.

Speaking of which, the move has been going splendidly, thanks in part to proper planning and a lot of hard work by the Missus and yours truly. So far, the biggest casualty of the move was when I dropped a photo scanner on my ankle and gashed it open pretty good. This scanner is at least 14 years old, one of the first home photo scanners ever made, if you believe what the Missus has to say. All I know is that it's a good 15 pounds and needed to be stuffed in the basement, under a pile of Bobby Vinton records and a microwave we no longer need.

I wanted to just throw the irrelevant relic away (the scanner, not Chevy Chase), but the Missus assured me that it was cool and valuable enough to warrant a temporary stay in the basement. I decided (quite poorly, in retrospect) to set said scanner atop a pile of lighter cardboard boxes and carry everything down the steps in one fell swoop. True to form, it was no less than 20 seconds later that I found myself rolling around on the basement floor, quite convinced that my ankle was broken.

Approximately five steps from the floor, I pivoted my heel, sending my oversized load off-balance. The scanner started to shift off of the cardboard boxes, causing me to rotate hard and promptly lose everything I had been holding onto. For a fraction of a second, everything was cartwheeling through the air in slow-motion, and I knew that I only had the reaction time to save one of them.

Furthermore, I was also out of shape enough to know that I probably wouldn't be able to save anything.

I knew that if the scanner hit the basement floor and exploded with microchips, wires and failure, the Missus would think I did it on purpose as a way to dispose of it forever. I couldn't give her the satisfaction of having something unnecessary and wrong to hold over my head, so at the last second, I stuck my leg out to break the scanner's fall. My theory was that the scanner would bounce off of my shoe and gently rest at the foot of the stairs.

In reality, this massive piece of recent nostalgia dropped five feet through the air, hit its terminal velocity, struck me corner-first in the ankle, and then shattered into a million pieces on the basement floor. I took a step and dropped to one knee, due in part to survey the damage and mostly because it hurt like hell and I was crying. The scanner, remarkably, was fixable. My ankle, however, is a current shade of yellow, blue and green that forms a bulge in my left sock.

So goes the moving process. If there's anything positive to come of this, it's that it has been a long time since I got to write an essay about injuring myself.

Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your weekend.


(NOTE: I recently did an interview with the Capital Times concerning my take on Facebook Status Updates, and you can check it out right here!)


Currently Listening To: Zoinks! - Stranger Anxiety
Currently Reading:
Chuck Klosterman - IV
Currently Watching:
Lost
Currently Playing:
Mariokart Wii

Comments:
Rough luck...
Wait. I like Chevy Chase (the good Chevy Chase)
Not rough luck. I take it back.
---
Guess who is going to see the only US leg of Bob Dylan's most recent tour on Saturday?
Wait there is more...
Guess who's hometown is the only US leg of Bob Dylan's most recent tour?

Oh yea, Caveman.
It almost makes up for the years of disappointment.
 
I liked Chevy Chase, too. Then I realized that he was an incredibly self-absorbed asshole. Therefore, I officially recognize the 'old' and 'new' Chevy Chase as two separate people, for the sake of still being able to enjoy his movies. It works well for me.

Dylan is just playing a single show in Maine? Wow, you won the folk lottery, dude. Have fun; I hope that he doesn't finally up and die on stage in front of you.
 
My cousin Hesston saw Bob Dylan once a few years ago. All he had to say was that he looked very, very old and there was a lot of pot smoking.
 
I think that nowadays, you see Bob Dylan just so you can say that you saw Bob Dylan. I mean, the man is 66 years old, but I've been under the impression that he's been in his mid-90's for the past 25 years.
 
Is that...Evangeline Lily eating a sub sandwich? If so, wouldn't that make it, like, the crown jewel in the CDP's spank bank collection? And then, why am I look at it it?

I'll be in my bunk....
 
Also, "why am I look at it it?" is my new catchphrase. Take note.
 
Not to get too weird or anything, but there were about 100 stills of Evangeline Lilly eating that sub sandwich, and I looked at about 98 of them. I've seen a lot of her photoshoots, but this is probably the sexiest she's ever looked to me.

I just wish I knew the context behind the Kimmel interview that led to this unbridled act of raw passion and food-based sexuality.

Why am I look at it it? Because it it's there, that's why why.
 
Oh my goodness, I take back everything mean I've ever said about Evangeline Lilly:

This interview is absolutely adorable.

I always seem to forget how much I dig this girl when she's interviewed. She seems so awesomely Canadian, and if it wasn't such a delusional thought, she's one of those women that a normal dude might actually have a shot with (Dominic Mongahan, for example).

Whenever the established, top-tier Lost actors get interviewed (Matthew Fox, Harold Perrineau, Terry O'Quinn, Naveen Andrews), they come off as overly-serious and more than a little asshole-ish.

Whenever the rest of the cast (Josh Holloway, Yunjin Kim, Jorge Garcia, Evangeline Lilly) gets interviewed, they're the funniest bunch of spazzes you've ever seen. Josh Holloway is a freaking hilarious nerd of a man.
 
Did you watch The Office last night?
 
We have not yet viewed The Office. We will possibly see it tonight or tomorrow night.
 
Watching a pretty girl shove a whole sandwich in her maw is pretty good stuff.
 
This is an adorable interview, but I freaked out halfway through when I thought there were severe thunderstorms about to pound down on my head.
 
HATHERY - I want to marry you all over again.

EMILY - More importantly, where in the hell was this interview taped? That surrounding thunderstorm map didn't look like anything in this hemisphere.

Evangeline is a fairly standard Canadian girl. They like to drink, giggle and hit stuff with their car. Which reminds me, when are we going back to Toronto?
 
Haha - you just opened things up for me to make a loaded joke about Lost cast sandwiches. My vote: a Naveen Andrews/Josh Holloway combo, extra spicy. I know some of the ladies will be all Nestor Carbonell/Matthew Fox and whatever, but that seems a little bland.

I think Evangeline Lilly is adorable (and my husband would, ah..."launch his longboat in her fjord", as the kids would say), but she needs to stop messing with her face. She had her teeth fixed and did something to her lips that bothers me.
 
MAUS - That's hilarious, because Evie talks about both her lips and teeth in that interview.

A Sayid/Sawyer sandwich would be memorable; I'd assume the Missus would go for the Richard/Jin combo, and I wouldn't blame her.

Heh-heh...'fjord.'

My sandwich pick would have to be Sun and Achara, only because I happen to be in an Asian mood right now. It changes day-to-day; somedays I'd like to be with Claire, but only because of her accent.

Perhaps I've given this a little too much thought.
 
Well, I'm about to skip town for the week. Can y'all keep an eye on my blog while I'm gone? I'm afraid it might get in with a bad crowd, and I'll come home to find the place littered with clove butts and empty bottles of Bartles & James.

Thanks, you're a live saver.
 
I know I'd put Richard in my sandwich, but I waiver who the other half would be.
 

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