Friday, July 18

Because There's Nothing Manlier Than Anal Bleeding.

This Gore's For You.

(NOTE: I got home late last night, so I didn't have enough time to put up the photo tour of the all-new CDP Headquarters. Therefore, it shall run on Monday. Until then, please enjoy this flashback post from July of 2007, and to a lesser extent, your weekend. The Dark Knight poster giveaway will run until Tuesday night, so get keep those entries coming. You can submit your taglines in this comments section, as we received a brain-melting 215 comments in the previous one (a new CDP record); in just two short days, no less. If you need me, I'll be in line to see The Dark Knight. Cheers, friends.)

'I Can See Your...Nevermind.'
Originally Posted July 20, 2007.


I love the Running Of The Bulls. Sure, it's inhumane, humiliating and completely out-of-touch with modern reality, but it's all worth it for the inevitable goring that takes place each and every year. In some circumstances (like the one pictured above), the bull gets lucky and snags two people at the same time. On rare occasions, he'll even manage to hook up an American guy.

And, in the rarest occasion of all (as pictured below), he'll gore two American guys at the same time, straight up the butthole. Sometimes, even tearing their pants off in the process. Hoo-boy!

I Can See Your Butthole.

This, my friends, is the greatest thing that can ever happen in the life of a bull. No matter what, the bull knows that he's about to suffer an exceedingly cruel fate at the hands of a fruity dance-school dropout; the best thing he can do is destroy a few anuses on his way out. In a delightfully ironic twist of fate, the men attempting to appear macho and manly end up crying in a back alley, bleeding profusely from the asshole. It's one of the main reasons I still believe in God.

So, here's to you, Guy Who Runs With The Bulls! You wanted to prove something to yourself and any potential mates that might have been watching, but all you really proved was that you fail at life.

Fail.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again; never stop messing with bulls, guys. Ever. Be a man; let your prolapsed rectum spill free into the streets of Pamplona.

Have a great weekend, and sound off in the comments section.

MONDAY: CDP Headquarters - The Photo Tour.
WEDNESDAY: The Dark Knight Poster Giveaway Winners Are Revealed.

Comments:
"The CDP: Because there's nothing manlier than anal bleeding."
 
That definitely gives new meaning to "up the butt". Well, actually, it is probably the same meaning, but it works on a deeper level for me now.
 
Yeah, you ain't kidding.
 
That bull managed to scoop up TWO buttholes! Way to go, bull.
 
That bull had a very good day.
 
The unreal, 100% universal acclaim for The Dark Knight continues:

"If all I wrote in my review was 'Best Comic Book Film Ever,' I think everyone would be satisfied, and no complaints would be made about the content or quality of my writing. In truth, that could very well be what the world has received with The Dark Knight. It is/was the most anticipated blockbuster of the year, surviving buzz and gossip for months, even years, and it has surpassed all expectations. From top to bottom, all facets of this production are masterful. At this point, I think even Tim Burton would bow down to Director Christopher Nolan. He has crafted a shining diamond of an accomplishment that this generation will not soon forget."
 
I might be able to convince my husband to put up the money to go see this in the theatre. (He usually says, "Eh. It'll be out on DVD. Get it from the library.)
 
Good luck seeing it this weekend. I had to buy my tickets three weeks ago.

I've found that few things annoy me more than a cheapskate. No need to be frivolous with your cash or anything, but hearing someone hem and haw for 10 minutes over a purchase of less than $20 makes me want to kill everyone.
 
Oh...we are not going to try this weekend. I have grad parties to attend (still!) and work to do on the house. We will probably wait until the hype dies down.
 
The hype will never die down, you hear me? Never! The Dark Knight will hit Titanic-esque levels, with crowds selling out the theaters for months at a time! Months!

Of course, I haven't seen the film yet, and there's a good chance I might hate it. Hmmm...I've given myself a lot to think about.
 
One of my students saw the film at midnight last night. I asked if it was awesome, and he said it was VERY awesome. His only complaint was that it was 2 hours and 45 minutes long. I would bring a pillow to sit on, especially if you have had a bull's horn up your butt recently.
 
Way to spoil the running time for everyone...sheesh.

I'm excited to see it in the IMAX, mainly because I'm sure it will be the first IMAX experience for a lot of kids, and they might throw up all over themselves.
 
Harry Potter: The IMAX Experience.

Here's a CDP Classic from way back in January of 2006. It's worth your time on the eve of such a monumental IMAX moment.
 
The only complaint I've heard is from nerdlingers who don't think it's comic-y enough...that it's too dark.
 
I've made a point to read the most scathing reviews, and yeah, some people just think that movies should be made exactly the way they would have written them. There was similar flak when Cloverfield came out. You either get it or you don't, kids.

A superhero movie that exists in reality and is for adults is the only way you can get me to watch a superhero movie. Kids suck.
 
So you're saying it's better than Daredevil and better than Catwoman? As Gob Bluth would say "Come on".
 
'Ka-chok! Ka-chok! Ka-chok!'

'Has anyone in this family ever actually seen a chicken?'
 
Sorry...I assumed the run time was common knowledge, especially considering these things are posted throughout the entire Internet. No money for you.
 
You know...your tagline should be: "I've made a huge mistake"
 
Damn, Will; it works on so many levels. I've truly created a monster.
 
Y'know, some chode-head was reviewing The Dark Knight on NPR yesterday, and getting all defensive about taking flak for his negative opinion of it. I haven't even seen the movie, but I already know his criticisms are crap: "too dark" and that Ledger's joker was too much of a psychopath.

Umm...the Joker is a psychopath.
 
Anyone who says a movie is 'too dark' is an idiot. It's pure personal preference to someone elses' artistic vision. It's freaking Batman, for Christ's sake. It couldn't possibly be 'too dark.'

That's what I loved so much about Batman Begins; the sheer, bleak and constant hopelessness that existed throughout the entire film. The fact that Nolan gave these other-worldly-yet-very-human characters this real-life world to play around in is great; exactly what a live-action representation of a comic book should be.

Psssh...'too dark.' 'Too psychopathic.' What a turd. I heard Wall-E is still in theaters; he might get a kick out of that film. Had this guy seen any of Nolan's films before The Dark Knight, he would have been well aware of the dude's style and imagery.

GAaaaaaaAAhAhHhHHHhhhhh. That got me all wound up.
 
"The CDP - Wound up over pop culture since 2004."

"The CDP - Can do magical things, Trumpy!"
 
All this Dark Knight talk truly warms the cockles of my heart :)

$137M weekend gross is my guess.
 
I'm throwing $180M into the pool.
 
Late to the party, but CDP - you are totally right. It couldn't possibly be too dark. That's what Batman comics are all about. Too bad Warner Bros. only has DC Comics (aka Batman and Superman).

If anything, as a comic book nerd, Ironman annoyed me for being too light. He's a philandering, asshole alcoholic for crying out loud...

I honestly have not been so excited for a movie in a long while - and I have to wait until Tuesday! Nothing in my life will seem fulfilling until that point.

After that, my life will be empty until Punisher in December. I live a very small life.
 
We're talking nationwide, right? In that case, I'll split the difference and say $140M, putting it at #2 of all-time. However, if it does manage to dethrone Spider-Man 3, I'd be the happiest clam on the beach.

I remember watching the DVD commentary of Following, which is a zero-budget film that Christopher Nolan made back in the pre-Memento days, and being so amazed and humbled at what he accomplished with nothing.

Today, Nolan released what will probably amount to a billion-dollar film. Wow.

EMILY - "Trumpy, you can do stupid things!"
 
KATE - Your nerdiness makes you cuter by the second. I, too haven't been this excited about the premiere of a film since...geez...probably Pulp Fiction in 1994. And even then, I didn't see it opening night.

As a public service, I'll try not to get all Dark Knight boner-y on here Monday morning. I don't want to ruin it for anyone; as if I haven't already hyped the poop straight out of it.
 
@CDP: Whoa - liking comics makes me a nerd again? I totally thought that was in the "cool column" for the moment.

No seriously, a quarter of our only closet is filled with comic books. My boy and I have issues (wakka wakka).
 
Oh man, puns too? You're killin' me, here.

If the death of the 1990's taught me anything, it's that Nerds are cool.

Oh, that, and PM Dawn had some terrible songs.
 
@CDP: I don't know anything about PM Dawn, but "Red Dawn" is still about the worst movie I've ever seen.

Sans the epic snot bubble from Patrick Swayze.
 
Also Jeniffer Gray's one line: "What you said...was wrong."
 
Dear theCDP,
I'd Die Without You.
Much love,
PM Dawn
 
Sans the epic snot bubble from Patrick Swayze.

I was gonna give you crap for teasing a guy with cancer, but DANG. This guy deserves to have his snot-bubble pointed out: "Swayze's doctor has confirmed the actor has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, but insists he's not as close to death as reports suggest. Swayze has admitted to have smoked up to three packs of cigarettes per day, which can be a cause of pancreatic cancer. Swayze was reported to still be smoking, even after receiving chemotherapy"
 
The last time I was this excited about a movie, it was either Sex and the City or 21. Batman is way cooler than 21, but I don't think anything is cooler than Kim Cattrall.
 
but I don't think anything is cooler than Kim Cattrall.

I can never tell if people are being sarcastic or not over the internet.
 
I'm never sarcastic.
 
I'm never sarcastic.

See, are you being sarcastic? I can't tell! Well played.
 
Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the Devil; for which reason I have long since as good as renounced it.
 
See, are you being sarcastic? I can't tell!

You kind of set your self up there, Hathery. I was only being half sarcastic about the Kim Cattrall thing. As far as the whole "I'm never sarcastic".
 
I think Esperanto is the language of the Devil, and I have long since renounced it.
 
This comment has been removed by the author.
 
Hi, I like to stop typing mmid-sentence. Nevermind.
 
Hey, I wasn't going to be the one to say it. haha.
 
Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm at work right now and typing responses in between phone calls, and thoughts don't really carry though four or five phone calls.
 
I'm typing responses in between docketing reports.

Do you ask people if they smell what Barack is cooking?
 
HATHERY - Smoking during chemo to combat the cancer that he might have gotten from smoking. Wow.

Screw the snot-bubble; I'll make fun of Swayze for being an idiot.

CARGIRL/EMILY/HATHERY - I'd like to think that people can tell when I'm being sarcastic or not in my writing, but just to be sure, I like to either lay it on extra-thick, or not use it at all.

Deadpan is the new sarcasm, and I just slept with your mom.
 
The craziest thing about the 'Do you smell what Barack is cooking?' thing, is that Barack Obama sounds exactly like the Rock. Their voices are uncanny.
 
Deadpan is the new sarcasm, and I just slept with your mom.

Don't say things like that. Makes me sad and a little barfy.
 
The craziest thing about the 'Do you smell what Barack is cooking?' thing, is that Barack Obama sounds exactly like the Rock.

Maybe the Rock could run as VP--that would bring some flavor to the White House.
 
This comment has been removed by the author.
 
So would Baby Spice.
 
Hathery - you mean flava
 
Yes, flava! :)

I don't think Baby Spice can run on the ticket, she's not an American citizen.
 
"The Dark Knight" too dark?
They should read= "Tales of the Multiverse: Batman - Vampire"

...That'll shut them up.
(contains the single most disturbing panel in a comic I've ever seen)

----

TheCDP - Putting the bop in the bop she bop she bop since 2004.
(Swears no involvement in putting the ram in the ram a-lama ding dong.)

----
The running of the bulls is actually (at least originally) less of a show and more of bringing the bulls to market by potentially killing a few farm hands. A Spanish bull (as explained to me) won't move unless it has a target to aim for.
Cavedad was stationed in Spain decades before I was born. He was lucky enough to see the last leg of "the running" in a small town just south Pamplona. He says there was booze EVERYWHERE!
 
Hot off the presses!:

The new Batman movie, "The Dark Knight," grossed a record $18.5 million from midnight preview screenings ahead of its official opening on Friday, according to box office tracking service Media By Numbers.

That tally includes receipts from 12:01 a.m. Friday showings only in 3,040 North American theaters -- 3 a.m. and 6 a.m. screenings were not counted -- and shatters the preview record of $16.9 million set by "Star Wars: Episode III -- Revenge of the Sith" in 2005, Media By Numbers said.

The film's robust performance in advance screenings bolstered projections that "Dark Knight" was headed for an opening weekend of $100 million or more in the United States and Canada.

Suck it, Star Wars!
 
@Caveman: I wish all taglines had "ding-dong" in them.

@CDP: The real question is, where will they have to go from here to keep this level of interest?

I, for one, think there will definitely be a combo Batman/Superman movie in the next 10 years.
 
"The CDP - We she-bop pop culture."

or

"The CDP - She-bopping pop culture since 2004."
 
The Suits are happy with the $18M! The Minions are hoping for a comp day in the future...we will definitely have champagne on Monday!

Thanks all y'all for seeing it, talking about it, planning to see it ~ yay!
 
@reese
I just got "Gotham Knight" in the mail yesterday.
I'm 5 minutes into it, and it is so visually stunning I think I'm crying...
 
The Dark Knight is perfect.
 
I showed my students the pictures from the bull up the butt, and they were a mixture of horrified and highly amused. I wish I could have recorded their reactions.

One of them said, "Is that blood?"

Remember, this is summer school.

CDP-I am glad to hear you had a very fulfilling movie-going experience. :)
 
I'm just curious as to how you worked the goring pictures into your cirriculum, or if you just busted them out for the heck of it.

Sounds like a great class. :)
 
DARK KNIGHT BREAKS SINGLE-DAY BOX OFFICE RECORD.

Batman's joust with the Joker has set another box office record.

"The Dark Knight" set a one-day box office record with $66.4 million on opening day, Warner Bros. head of distribution Dan Fellman said Saturday.

The movie's Friday haul surpassed the previous record of $59.8 million set last year by "Spider-Man 3." "The Dark Knight" might break the opening-weekend record of $151.1 million, also held by "Spider-Man 3."

"I think they're in jeopardy," Fellman said of the "Spider-Man 3" records.

"The Dark Knight" began with a record $18.5 million from midnight screenings, topping the previous high of $16.9 million for "Star Wars: Episode III: The Revenge of the Sith."


If you're keeping track at home, that's two all-time box office records broken in two days. Can't wait to see the total weekend numbers.
 
The CDP ~ Because it's what I do.

I'm going to France now.

Catch you on the flip-side.

Peace.
 
I love how people in Europe can be like, "I'm taking a day trip to Switzerland, bye!" The US is so stinkin' big it's a chore to get out of here. You Europeans with your tiny little countries have it made.
 
It's like if I said "I'm going to New Hampshire"

Except that New Hampshire is terrible....
 
Is it? I always thought those little tiny states looked cute.
 
It's not the size that matters, but what you do with it.

CDP: Where size doesn't matter. Much.
 
The CDP - It's not the size of boat, it's the motion of the ocean.

...or something like that.
 
The CDP: "I was in the pool! I was in the pool!"
 
I've got mine, I think:

Vintage Caveman: Like New Hampshire, if New Hampshire wasn't terrible....
 
EMILY-I just busted the photos out. I do what I want. Damn the man.

"theCDP: It's almost like having real friends."

Though I think I read something similar somewhere up there...I am a little slow. Paint fumes from painting under the basement stairs. Sucks to home ownership!
 
$155.34M
 
Yeesh. If I made a movie that made, like, 1% of that, I'd probably be set for life.
 
Biggest opening weekend ever.
 
Ever!

Thanks for seeing *my* movie!
 
CDP: Making fun of everything.
CDP: Because nothing is sacred.
CDP: Because the outdoors suck.
CDP: Better than a whole barrel of Batmans
 

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