Friday, August 15

I'll Keep The Door Unlocked, Miss Tilerotex.



This is the first time I've ever received a piece of Spam e-mail that I sort of wished were real. Enjoy.

TO: communistdance@yahoo.com
FROM: Miss Tilerotex


Honey,

I want to come to your country to stay with you, honey. Please don't be surprise, my parents were died by food poison and my uncle sent me out from his house, he is wicked man I hate him and I can never stay with him anymore.

If you promised to send me letter of invitation and you will not cheat me when I come to stay with you, I promised you will never regret having me, my late father has with his bank 5MUS$. I was his only daughter living next of kin, my uncle is wicked that's why I refused to give him my inheritance and he send me out from his house.


I am 18 years old from small country Burkina Faso, I want to be a nurse when I come to your country, the bank remittance director said I am too small to handle such money that I should look for foreign partner to stand for me for easy transfer and investment purposes, that is why I am seeking for your help if you wish.

Pals, honey. Tell me about you? And I want to see your picture, how you look like?

Kiss, From,
Miss Tilerotex


Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your weekend.

Comments:
I want to come to your country and stay with you, honey.
 
Pals, honey.
 
Will you chain her to your radiator, too? :)
 
Shawn Johnson will have to sidle down to make room, but hey, she's a gymnast; that's what she does best.

By the by, I'm trying to go all day without hearing the results from the women's all-around last night, so if you could kindly refrain from spoilers, I'd feel slightly better for falling asleep at 10:45 last night.
 
Skeptical Cat rules.
 
My bunnies give me that look a lot.
 
Wow, those 12 year old nigerian boys sure can write a tearjerker. Who can resist an 18 yo heiress orphaned by food poisoning and turned out of house by a wicked Uncle!

Holy Crap! I think we just found the next Disney movie!!!!!
 
Best western African scam letter ever anymore.
 
I love the name!

Ms. Tilerotex

Ms. Ciscomer

Ms. Kohlerodadendrum

Ms. Dellhusker

Ms. Ibmintelinside

Ms. Mobiloffshore
 
The funniest part about this -- some people actually fall for it.

If you haven't watched the gymnastics, then can we talk about swimming and The Machine That Is Michael Phelps?
 
Back in the pre-internet days my father would get the Nigerian scam letters sent to his business Par Avion on nicely typed stationery, and he would always give them to me. I had a nice little collection by the time I was 14, but then the scam switched over to the internet and the artistry of the scam really dropped off. Plus it was always a bit of an honor to think that someone somewhere took the time to print up and mail a personalized letter to some small town in Wisconsin. Mass emails just don't have the same personal touch.
 
BLU - Totally. I think that Disney movies are probably the only American export some of these people have a fair knowledge of, and they're constantly under the assumption that those things happen every day in the USA.

Or not, but I'd like to believe that.

Miss Mobiloffshore is my favorite.

KENNY - I know, right? It was the first one in about 5 years that I read all the way through.

WALLROCK - Pre-Faxlore is so much cooler than modern-day spamming, and I like the fact that it's been going on for so long.

Remember when Dateline sent Chris Hansen overseas to track these guys down? That one dude just dropped everything and took off running down the street; it was hilarious.

HOSS - Michael Phelps is God. Watching this guy sweep the Olympics (and break world records while doing so) has been one of the most amazing sports achievements I've ever seen. The dude is just incredible.
 
I almost spoiled the results on your Facebook; glad I checked this before I went ahead with it.
 
I generally could care less about the Olympics, but watching the swimming was been great. It's not just Phelp's -- the USA really dominating the swimming events this time.

The highlight has been when Phelps and Co. beat the smack-talking French in the 4x100 Relay. And it wasn't Phelps that enabled that victory -- Jason Lezak swam his heart out, along with the other guys. You already talked about it this week, but I just wanted to re-iterate that again. It's probably the greatest moment in the Olympics thus far.
 
This is really the only event that I want to see 'live,' as it were. The last two Phelps phinals, too.
 
HOSS - Absolutely; the men's relay was amazing. I'm not much for patriotism, but Lezak running down the French was about as cool as it gets. The best part is that there's still one more relay to go, and it could potentially win Phelps his 8th medal in Bejing. Big time stuff.
 
If it would have been any other country, it wouldn't have been as cool. Even if they were talking smack. But it's the f'ing French! You should always make every opportunity to humiliate the stuck-up French.
 
The more amazing thing is that Lezak ran down Alain Bernard, who is a serious swimming machine and a double-medal winner at the Games so far (1 gold, 1 silver). That accomplishment alone is timeless.
 
Two words: Alexandre Despatie
 
He was shown for approximately 8 seconds before he peed down his leg and finished fifth.

Maybe he'll do better in the solo competition.
 
If there were a gold medal for sexy French-Canadians, he'd sweep the competition.
 
That would be a jam-packed competition, though, you have to admit.

Georges St. Pierre would bust in and beat the tar out of everyone.
 
Did someone just say sexy French-Canadians?

OOoh la la...
 
I'll agree with the ladies on this one; French-Canadians are probably the most attractive specific group of guys based entirely on their geographical location.
 
French Canadiens are messed up.
 
If by messed up you mean SEXXXY, then yes. Yes they are.
 
...I'm half French-Canadian
 
I rest my case.
 
I just can't believe that Phelps eats 12,000 calories a day. Unbelievable.

And I also decided that gymnasts must have really bad knee problems when they grow up.
 
Phelps burns all of his calories in the pool; he's been instructed to eat everything he possibly can each day. He claims that he's never been able to break 200 pounds, no matter how hard he tries. The man ain't right.

Caitlin, you've been so patient concerning me sending out your book, and I really appreciate it. It's going out today, I promise.
 
Before 8/8/08, I always thought that the cutest thing on Earth were puppies or kittens in a basket, rolling all over each other and nipping at my fingers. But in a post-Beijing-Olympics world, I have realized that it is really Shawn Johnson in the presence of a camera. She can make wrapping herself in athletic tape seem absolutely adorable.
 
Little known fact: Shawn Johnson is a basket of kittens that decided to get together to fight intergalactic space crime...like Voltron.
 
Shawn Johnson is very close to stealing my heart, much like Carly Patterson did at the Athens games in 2004. I think it has to do with how she nonchalantly does back and front flips as she's walking around the waiting area. That's just...wow.

Me and the Missus lived next to a young gymnast last year. For the bulk of the Summer, she did complicated routines in her front yard, and I spent most of that time attempting to ignore her. It was a long Summer.
 
18...isn't she a little old for you?
 
She's 16, so it's still okay.

(shakes head)
 
I has Insomnia.
 
I'm 24, so he makes exceptions sometimes.
 
You were 16 when we started dating, however. And I was the tender age of 22.
 
HATHERY - We all make exceptions: I once went on a date with a 17-year-old.
 

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