Tuesday, October 14

CDP Top 30 Of All-Time ('06-'08) - #17.

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#17 - "Evan Takes A Vacation."
(Originally Published January 5, 2007.)

(Note from the CDP: The following post was written entirely by Evan, the Official Spokesbaby of the CDP. Any expressed opinions are his own, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of the CDP. He merely wanted to discuss his recent vacation in an open and public forum.)

Evan Sez: Merry Christmas!

Happy New Year, bitches!

Man, the holidays stressed me out big time, yo. Adults was everywhere, gettin' all up in my business, pickin' me up and ticklin' me and s***. Is every Christmas like this?

Pshhh, anyway...

I needed to have a few weeks to myself, you know? Just to kick back in a hotel somewhere, let the concierge change my diaper every hour on the hour, and watch a little Nick Jr. on the hotel television.

"F*** this s***," I said. "I'm going to Vegas."

Evan Sez: Double Down!

The Vegas chicks were all up in my grill, probably because I was straight rocking my CDP t-shirt (available at the CDP webstore in all sizes and colors). The pit boss brought out a special stool for me and everything. I was suckin' back strained carrot martinis out of a baby Pimp Cup all damn night.

Evan Sez: You're Teh Gey!

I met these two fruit boots on the way back to my suite. They was all, "Vaht is a baby doing crawling avound in dee hallvay by himself?" I had just about enough of their crap, so I kicked they asses shortly after I posed for this picture.

They old as hell, and the dude on the left smelled like pickles.

Evan Sez: I Didn't Pack A Suit!

I got sick of the scene after my first day in Vegas, so I took a cab to the ocean. Peeps on the west coast get me, you know? They laid back; nobody more laid back than me, though.

Evan Sez: Pray For Me!

Wack-ass shark didn't scare me. I popped that fool right in the nose, and he scurried away like a little bitch. He'll think twice the next time he decides to screw with Evan.

Evan Sez: I Refuse To Bathe!

I only spent a day in Paris. Those fools smell worse than me, and I'm constantly crawling around with fresh crap in my pants. That s*** is inexcusable.

Evan Sez: I Don't Believe In Animal Rights!

Dat' bull didn't know what hit him. I used my CDP Throw Pillow (available at the CDP webstore) to knock that fool straight off his game. Five minutes later, I was parading his heart around like a bowling trophy. Vegetarians can suck it; they don't know me.

Evan Sez: I Might Die!

I straight-up told that elephant a joke about his mom, and dis' is him laughing his ass off. He was pretty cool, though.

Evan Sez: I'm Teh Drunk!

Now that I've discovered beer, I found out that I don't need to leave my house to take a vacation. I just get straight-up ripped every night.

Shut up; y'all don't know me.

-Evan.

Comments:
So is anyone getting mixes? In theory, theCDP may be getting mine today, depending on the delay that the "holiday" gave to the postal system. I'd be shocked if Reese got before Friday.
 
I'll be checking my PO Box tonight to see if I was lucky enough to get any mixes. Just got back from three days in Chicago, and I'm just sorting stuff out right now; like, never going back to Chicago, for example.
 
Do you know why Chicago is called "The Windy City"? Because it's politicians are liars.

Is it wrong for me to listen to the mix I sent out over and over?
 

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