Friday, October 24CDP Top 30 Of All-Time ('06-'08) - #7.
#7 - "Free MySpace Poetry."
(Originally Published October 9, 2006.)
Are you a sensitive boy or girl on MySpace? Are you pining for that perfect piece of poetry or prose that will perpetuate your pathetic pomposity? Do you want to appear emotional and deep, but just don't have the effort and creativity?
Look no further!
We here at the CDP have composed Free MySpace Poetry just for you! Simply choose the piece that best represents your suffering, lifeless and eternally tortured soul; then copy, paste and watch the friend requests roll in!
Example #1 - Four-Line Sonnet (ABCB):
My heart cries so loudly,
From the tower, I shall fall,
And wait for my sweet Prince(ss),
To suck the tears from my eyeball.
Example #2 - Haiku (5-7-5):
Never say goodbye
To the girl (boy) you hold so dear
Just kill them instead.
Example #3 - Limerick (AABBA):
My soul is a flawed creation,
When it's padded with pink insulation
That makes my skin itch,
And I cry like a bitch
When my TiVo records the wrong station.
Example #4 - Rubaiyat (AABA):
Tonight I'll slit my wrists in two;
Anything to prove that my love is true.
But I suppose I should just begin
By simply saying hello to you.
(Fact: MySpace is owned by the Fox Network.)
Example #5 - Cinquain (ABABB):
The moon was as full as my tummy
When we left the Chinese place.
The Egg Foo Yung was yummy,
Even though I despise their race.
(I need a pointed hood to hide my face.)
Example #6 - Terza rima (ABA BCB...):
I'm sporting gorgeous Emo hair;
Admiring my reflection in the mirror.
Why is life so unfair?
Why has God put me here?
With my expensive clothes and credit cards?
Everyone thinks I'm a queer.
Example #7 - Ottava Rima (ABAB AB CC):
You have to take those photos down
From your gallery on Flickr.
Your Elementary School graduation gown
Is making my heart beat quicker.
Your profile says that you live in my town,
And now I'm feeling a bit sicker.
Please don't let me end up on Dateline.
No, please don't let me end up on Dateline.
(Fact: 35-54 year olds make up 41% of MySpace users.)
Example #8 - Rondelet (A4b8A4a8b8b8A4):
When I'm with Mom
She buys me things I can't afford.
When I'm with Mom
Not Communist like Vietnam.
A hat, some gum, a new skateboard
I'll tell you, sir, I'm never bored
When I'm with Mom.
Example #9 - Petrarchan Sonnet (A8BBA8 A8BBA8 C8DE C8DE):
This girl's been on my mind again.
Last name Portman, first name Natalie;
Cooler than a million Mortal Kombat fatalities,
But I can't use cheat codes to win.
She rules over my heart again.
Like a sovereign principality.
Ying to my Yang in this duality.
Sieze me like eminent domain.
I saw her on the bus today.
I said "I loved you in The Professional,"
"For a twelve year old, you looked quite well."
She blasted me with pepper spray.
And I headed over to the confessional
Because Catholic boys go straight to hell.
Example #10 - Shakespearean Sonnet (ABAB CDCD EFEF GG):
When the world comes crashing from above,
I'll meet my maker, face to face.
He'll ask me how I lived and loved,
And I'll reply, "On MySpace."
I'll tell Him how I stayed indoors,
Adding friends and searching names.
Taking photographs of liquor stores,
With my tears just out of frame.
"MySpace is no more than spam!" He'll exclaim.
Brushing the black hairs from my eye.
"In all My creation, I've never seen something so lame."
"I'll see to it that Tom's friends all die."
I understand now, why He was so stern with me.
From now on, I'll only visit the CDP.
(Fact: He who dies with the most friend requests...still dies.)
Feel free to use as many of these as you want; I'll leave it up to you if you want to credit theCDP.net or not. I'm just here to help.
This post is, by far, one of the most favorite things I've ever written that nobody else seems to give a poop about.
"Nobody steals from Creed Bratton. The last person to steal from me disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton."
I've been returning for a few weeks now, after turning 26 and randomly reading your post on why turning 26 sucks. I nearly lost it here at work; always dangerous. The album cover post also almost had me keeling over right in my little cubicle. Love it. All hail the CDP.
Thank you, dear; don't be a stranger! Once October is over, the new content will return, and (hopefully) the regular commenting frenzies.<< Home