Monday, July 7Welcome To Devil's Lake. Go To Hell (Redux).
(I want to let everyone know that your favorite Blogger Boy is doing okay, but he has some things that he needs to work out right now. Until he gets his mind right, please enjoy this CDP Flashback Post from July 5, 2007. Thank you, and please take a moment to join the CDP Blog Network on Facebook.)
I may be stating the obvious here, but I've never been a huge fan of Independence Day. I don't like fireworks, I don't like going outside in July, and I'm merely tolerating America on a day-to-day basis. To me, it's just another paid holiday. But yesterday, me and the Missus (along with Ben & Sherry) headed out to Devil's Lake State Park for an afternoon of grilling, drinking and throwing pine cones at crows.
The drive through southern Wisconsin was beautiful as always, taking in incredible hillsides and other Ice Age artifacts along the way. True to idiotic form, however, I assumed that we were the only people brilliant enough to come up with the idea to spend our Fourth of July at Devil's Lake. We were wrong, but nonetheless found a nice tree to set up camp under.
Ben got things going on the grill.
When Vegetarians grill out, it's slightly different than when most normal people throw down. Hamburgers become veggie burgers, hot dogs become veggie dogs, and steak becomes sweet corn. For as healthy of an alternative as vegetarianism is, I was more than winded after only 30 seconds of tossing the football around. The fact that it was about a brazillion degrees didn't help any.
I did my best to stay hydrated by sucking down a massive batch of Bomb Pop that I whipped up just for this trip. It's a refreshing Summer drink that consists of grenadine, lemonade and about a quart of Blue UV. At least, the concoction that I mixed did. It gave me the strength I needed to play a strenuous game of Bocce ball and eat over 5 pounds of both potato and macaroni salad.
I didn't wear my commie shirt for any comedic effect on Independence Day, it was just a coincidence. Also, it wasn't a coincidence, and I'm only suggesting it was to cork the cryholes of those who don't think it's funny. It is funny, and you can kind of see my right nipple in that photo. I bought it at Urban Outfitters, so you can assume that it's incredibly thin and more than a little overpriced. But that's the price you pay for wanting to look like a douchebag.
As I slowly slipped into a coma, we did some people-watching, which included no less than an hour of a severely overweight woman attempting to fly a kite. By herself. Honestly, for over an hour. I then set my car alarm off from 20 yards away when a little girl rode her bike past it. I was trying to get her to actually fall off of the bike, but I was still pleased with the results.
After most of the alcohol had been drank and the food properly digested, we said goodbye to Devil's Lake and hit the nearest Go-Kart track. If there's one thing more fun than driving Go-Karts on the Fourth of July, it's doing it whilst partially hammered.
Just the four of us had the entire track to ourselves, which we tore up like nobody's business. For the sake of protecting their egos and social status, I will not tell you how badly I destroyed the other three contestants. Let's just say that I looked like Toad and Toadette rocking the Daisy Cruiser in Mirror Mode with the Pink Kart (if you got that reference, you're officially invited to my next Mario Kart party).
Just a reminder; today's post is brought to you by rocks.
Rocks. Nature's rock.
It's times like this that I feel very fortunate to live in Wisconsin. We have so many different formations and varying degrees of land here, that you get to take in a lot of the nation by never crossing state lines. It's not perfect, but damn, I've never once thought that Wisconsin wasn't anything short of awesome.
After a long day outside, we headed back to CDP Headquarters, where we realized that Ben had left his keys back at the campsite, almost an hour away. This happened because they got dropped onto the ground at some point by accident. We verified this by zooming in on one of our photos, CSI-style.
Have a look at this unassuming photo of our post-lunch mess. Everything seems innocent enough, but what's that metallic object buried in the grass?
We'd better zoom in for a closer look. Can we get a magnification on this?
Looks like someone's going to be sitting at my house tomorrow afternoon, waiting for their wife to get home from work. I sure hope I didn't throw my metal detector away.
So, Fourth of July week is drawing to a close, leaving me relatively unscathed. I got minimal sunburn, no hangovers to speak of and nothing but good stories to tell. I genuinely hope that your week has been as good as mine. If it hasn't, I guess I don't give a crap.
Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day.
Thursday, July 3Have A Seat On The Communication Couch.
Polysics, the greatest band in the world, have done it again. Here's the single off of their new, as-of-yet-unreleased-in-the-states-but-my-copy-is-being-delivered-from-Japan-as-we-speak album, titled We Ate The Machine. The song is called 'Rocket.'
To fully satisfy your Polysics fix, here are links to a handful of unreal videos and a couple of Polysics-themed CDP essays. Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your Fourth of July weekend; the CDP will return on Monday, July 7.
Black Out, Fall Out
Electric Surfin' Go-Go
I My Me Mine (Live)
'Polysics Play Milwaukee; CDP Rants On Music' - 09/21/07
'Grumble, Alone, Grumble, Polysics' - 10/24/07
Wednesday, July 2"Put That In Your Blog, Barbecue Boy!"
Chapter 1 - 'Ladies Night.'
I want to send out a sincere thanks and gentle kiss on the neck to the 26,000 of you that visited the CDP in the month of June. This was a new record for theCDP.net, and I'm extremely appreciative and terrified. If I were lucky enough to meet all of you in person, I'd assuredly run the other way, certain that a full-scale zombie attack was imminent. I might even shoot a few of you in the head.
Apart from that, if just a small portion of you were to subscribe to my feed, join my Facebook group and say hello in the comments section, I'd be a happy and visibly semi-erect man. Thanks in advance.
Moving on, I also think that we've officially reached the gender tipping point here, with women triumphantly outnumbering men in terms of traffic and overall communication with yours truly. I credit this statistic mostly to my sensitivity, approachability, Pac-Man memorabilia collection and alluring musk.
Furthermore, I've taken a passing glance at the lion's share of my female fanbase, and I've got to say that the CDP, without question, has the most attractive and intelligent audience in the entire Blogosphere. Proverbial horn-rimmed glasses and pixie cuts as far as the eye can see. Thanks for spending time with me, even though you're probably only doing it as a joke to crack your friends up. I've been there a time or two; just try to let me down easy at the bowling alley, and driving me home would be nice, too.
Chapter 2 - 'Lump Sum.'
This week, I received some extra cash from my place of employment after finally settling on a budget, approved backpay and long-overdue raises. Where is the money going, you might ask? Well:
1. $39.90 to renew the CDP domain for another two (2) years, virtually guaranteeing that you can depend on theCDP.net for all of your entertainment needs until at least July of 2010. After that, all bets are off, and I'm selling to the highest bidder. The concept of the CDP becoming a hardcore porn site after I relinquish ownership is too funny not to pass up.
2. $200.90 on two (2) new tires. As you many recall, you need to have decent tires if you want to properly minimize your death potential behind the wheel of an automobile. Imagine that.
3. $87.00 for six (6) tickets to The Dark Knight's IMAX premiere on Friday, July 18. I don't think I recall ever being so excited for the release of a film. Leave it to Christoper Nolan to create something brilliant where there was once the rubble and faded glory of the Batman franchise. What few reviews I've seen so far proclaim the film as nothing short of perfect.
4. $37.00 for one (1) bottle of Jameson 1780 12-Year Whiskey. Dee-lish. I've noticed that, unlike every other digestible liquid on Earth, there are no Nutrition Facts on liquor bottles. Hell, a snifter of Maker's Mark might be bursting at the seams with vitamins, for all we know.
5. $50.00 for two (2) months worth of 'casual day stickers' at the office. I'll pay top-dollar for the privilege of throwing my khakis into the closet for the remainder of the Summer, and what's more, all the money goes towards the office barbecue. You literally cannot go wrong.
6. The remainder goes towards paying off the bar I purchased when we moved into the all-new CDP Headquarters, and probably a mini-fridge to compliment it. Walking to the kitchen to retrieve materials that will be walked over to the bar for preparation seems a bit counterproductive, and I'm all about efficiency when it comes to hosting a party and mainlining poison into my esophagus.
Money spent; disaster averted.
Chapter 3 - 'Pink Sweater.'
FACT: A pink sweater will instantly make any woman appear more attractive, no exceptions. Alternative theories will not be explored, and all anti-pink sweater criticism will be ignored.
Chapter 4 - 'Link Party.'
Here's what's going on around the horn in the CDP Network.
1. Pointless Banter is giving away concert tickets.
2. Jesse Russell remembers the Dead Milkmen.
3. The Lost Albatross fights for James Madison Park.
4. Nicole Hilbelink gets bit by a dog. Seven times.
5. Be The Boy celebrates Crappy House Day.
6. The Slackmistress continues her Nerd Crush competition.
7. Vintage Caveman recalls his Nerd Crush.
8. Bruce Dierbeck gets gored by a deer. Almost.
9. Reese cleans up her apartment.
10. Pork Tornado gets engaged.
Cut it. Print it. Run with it. I'm outta here. Enjoy your day.