Thursday, March 5

No More Entertainment #2 - 10 Thoughts.



10 Random Thoughts While Drunkenly Watching A Cattle Auction For Two Straight Hours On RFD-TV.

1. If I were a professional wrestler, my finishing move would be called ‘The Undescended,’ which would be nothing more than a swift, running boot to the testicles.

2. Wouldn’t you be bummed out if the last surviving Beatle turns out to be Ringo? That would be like Adam Clayton being the last surviving member of U2.

3. One time as a kid, I walked into the Laundry Room, opened up the pantry and squirted Spray & Wash directly down my throat. Poison control was called, and I spent the next hour throwing up. To this day, I have absolutely no idea why I thought that was a good idea.

4. Do you think that Michael Jordan realizes how big of a jerk he’s portrayed to be in those Hanes commercials?

5. Two months ago, I had absolutely no idea what MarioKart Wii VR Points were. Now, they somehow hold enough power over me to actually change my mood.

6. Whenever I see a commercial for an Erectile Dysfunction pill, they always show an about-to-make-love couple interrupted by an unexpected visit or broken sink. What they don’t show you is the true reality of a man in that situation; now answering the door or pipewrenching the faucet with a raging, lost-cause erection.

7. I hate songs where the singer verbally informs both the listener and his band where the song is heading next (‘Take it to the bridge!’ ‘Play that bass, Tommy!’). If you’re listening to a song with verbal musical cues, you’re probably listening to something supremely embarrassing. The only exception to this rule is James Brown.

8. Coincidentally, I listen to James Brown records when I clean my house, because I need the motivation.

9. It’s simultaneously amazing and tragic that the bulk of my life’s work could fit on about three compact discs. In futuristic funerals, the next of kin will just pass around flash drives to everyone in attendance and say, "Here you go; this is every documented thing that Steve has ever done."

10. If you’ve ever vandalized a tombstone, you’re either a heartless bastard, or a petty thug that clearly isn’t afraid of ghosts.

Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day. Lost Friday arrives tomorrow, and don't forget to sign up for the CDP Worldwide Mix-Tape Trade #5!

Comments:
When I was a little kid I fed my younger sister a whole bottle of Flintstones vitamins (I was about 6 and she was around 3 or 4). My mother found us sitting on top of the washing machine, me with an empty bottle, and my sister with vitamin remnants smeared across her face. She called poison control, and even though everything was fine, I'm pretty sure I got in some serious trouble. I was probably just trying to turn my sister into a children's supplement-fueled mutant or something...although, considering the nature of our relationship, I may really have been trying to poison her.

I have a superstitous respect for cemetaries and graveyards, even though I don't really believe in ghosts. Defacing someone's marker or tomb is just outright disrespectful and ignorant.
 
I think I may have eaten a whole bunch of those Flinstones vitamins once, too.

I always think about the "unseen" in those commercials, with regard to #6.
 
MAUS - This raises an interesting question; is there such a thing as a 'lethal dose' of Flintstone's Vitamins? I wonder if you could really kill someone with nutrients.

HATHERY - Those commercials can say "Now you can be ready when the moment is right for you" as much as they want, but that dude is fixing the sink with an erection, no question about it.
 
Re: #9 - Damn, there goes my "no existential angst for one day" resolution. Thanks, CDP!
 
I have thought that about Ringo soooo many times.

I'm pretty sure the Flintstones vitamins are purposely made not to be lethal or terribly harmful in any way. I know a lot of people with similar stories about them. At least those taste good, though: my brother once decided to drink straight from the bottle of rubbing alcohol, if that makes you feel any better about your Spray & Wash incident.
 
I think I've read somewhere before that overdoses of certain nutrients can be fatal (or at least life-threatening), but I'm not sure about the exact vitamin/mineral combo or dosage.

Rubbing alcohol = Everclear

At least they smell the same to me, anyway.
 
I am in complete agreement with #7. The only exception I have to offer: toward the end of Mojo Nixon's classic "Tie My Pecker To My Leg," where he says "Everybody solo" and there are simultaneous guitar, piano, bass and drum solos. I laugh like an ass every time.
 
EMILY - Sorry aboot that.

MAUS/BERRY BEAR - Gah, they make rubbing alcohol poisonous for that exact reason!

WALLROCK - I've never heard it, but it sounds hilarious. Exception heartily approved.
 
If you don't got Mojo Nixon then your store could use some fixin'...
 
Woah, Smedley just told me that he's doing a Top 100 for his Mix-Tape. Whoever draws his name is in for a treat.
 
LOL at Number 1. I would be bummed too if Ringo Starr was the last one.

I'm working on my mixtape and it's coming along nicely. I have it in countdown form now and it works fine for me. I can't get a hold of 2 of the songs I'm planning on, so I might have to change a few songs.
 

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