Thursday, May 14

Lost Thursday - Season 5 Caption Edition.



In honor of Lost's Fifth Season finale taking place last night, we here at the CDP are devoting the entire week to our favorite Island-based Time Travel drama. Today, a whopping 50 of the best Lost Friday photo captions from Season 5. Enjoy.


("Okay John, let me bring you up to speed. When Ben went into the Orchid Station, he blew apart the vault that the Dharma Initiative used for time-traveling experiments, and descended into the core of the Island where he found this frozen donkey wheel that pretty much navigates this place through time and space. So anyway, he spun the wheel, warp-whistled himself to the Sahara Desert, and left this place stuttering across the Universe, with us along for the ride. At this point, you're going to be thrust fairly violently from one date to the next while Ben tries to round up all of your Oceanic 6 buddies for an Island reunion, including your future corpse. Still with me? Good, because Ethan, a guy that Charlie shot to death four months ago, just shot you in the leg and you're bleeding to death. The next time I see you, I won't have any idea who you are, so give me this compass and pray that I'm not in a killing mood. Tally-Ho!")


("Christ, I didn't get a word of that. Did he say something about a donkey? Why does my leg hurt?")


("Hello, I'm Neil. I'm annoying, overbearing and have never been featured on the show until this very moment, which means that I should have a flaming arrow piercing my chest cavity right...about...")


("WAAAAAAALLLLLLLLT!!!!")


("Um, Sun? I don't really know how to explain this Ultrasound, so I'm just going to show it to you. You haven't been making love with any pirate ships recently, have you?")


(Knowing Shih-Tzu owners, I get the feeling that this was one of the smaller shirts sold that day.)


("You're right, you're totally right; at this point, the fact that I'm still wearing a tie is smug and cocky at best.")


("Do you have any idea how drunk you were going back there?")


(Claire's best acting in four years.)


(It's stale, flat, canned and at least 30 years old, but it's still better than Old Style.)


("Shotgun.")
("No way, dude.")
("What do you mean? I called it first.")
("Doesn't matter. I've known him longer.")
("That means nothing regarding Shotgun Rules. I called it first, and that's final.")
("Jack, who gets shotgun?")
("It's not up to Jack! I called it first!")
("Why do we keep having this argument?")
("Because you keep being a jerk about it!")
("I really should have killed you back on the Island.")
("Ditto.")


("My name is Charlotte. I was born on this island and left with my mother when I was a kid. I became an anthropologist because I wanted to find this place again, and I think that Daniel may have traveled back in time here and rambled incessantly to me when I was a child. This is all the relevant information that my character has, so I can now die. Thank you for your time.")


("No Charlotte, please don't die. I still have so many things that I want to half-heartedly mumble in your general direction!")


(In The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, the answer to everything is 42. Well, on Lost, the answer to everything is Christian Shephard. "What's the capital of Spain?" "Christian Shephard.")


("WAAAAAALLLLLLLT!!!")


(If there was a complex, scientific nerve center underneath every Catholic church in America, the resulting Black Hole of Irony would disseminate every living being on the planet.)


(At least we know that Locke is going to have that delicious, Smokehouse flavor.)


("Look, dude. I bought all 78 of those seats, so I expect to be given all 78 of those meals.")


(This photograph marks the first and last time that Vodka and Shoe Polish will ever share the same rocks glass.)


(Why You Should Smoke After Every Meal - Page 60)
(Why Women Shouldn't Have Jobs - Page 48)
(Why Colored People Smell Funny - Page 88)
(Why Children Should Be Beaten After Every Meal - Page 61)



("With his HoverRound, John Locke is free to see the world!")


(Stephen Hawking's grocery list.)


("Hour 36 of listening to 'We Built This City' on a constant loop - Subject is delirious; practically begging for death.")


("JACK YOU DONT UNDERSTAND BEN LEFT AND SPUN THIS WHEEL AND SENT THE ISLAND THROUGH TIME AND EVERYONES IN TROUBLE AND EVERYONES GOT BLOODY NOSES AND I HAVE TO SAVE EVERYBODY BY BRINGING EVERYONE BACK SO I BROKE MY LEG AND SPUN THE WHEEL AND THEN WIDMORE GAVE ME A PASSPORT AND THE GUY FROM FRINGE TO DRIVE ME AROUND BUT THEN HE GOT SHOT TEN TIMES AND YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME!")


(The first TiVo was significantly more complicated than present day.)


(This guy is the Anti-Sullenberger. I mean, this guy crashes more planes than the Luftwaffe. But seriously, folks.)


(Internet porn in 1977 was lacking at best.)


("Dad, drop us off at the end of the street. I don't want my friends at the dance to see you.")


(Not Pictured: The eight dudes standing behind Hurley.)


("...And then the grasshopper says, "you have a drink named Steve?" LOLOLOLOL!!!1!")


("Here's breakfast, guys. I ate most of it on the way over here, but there's plenty of fruit left.")


("Hmm...I think I'll shoot a child in the heart today.")


(Hey, you know what they say. 'If this van's a-flaming, don't bother trying to drive it, because it's on fire, you dumbass.')


("WRENCHES!")


("I'm never gonna WHARRGRRBL dance again, guilty feet have BLARGHALABA got no rhythm, thought it's easy GAAAAHHHHRB to pretend, I know you're GOLOLOLGGGH not a fool!!!")


(Walgreens: Voted 'The Best Place To Abandon Your Child' for the twentieth year in a row.)


(Wait a minute...where have I seen this before...)


(Man, just when I think I have this show figured out.)


(Hurley: The Thing That Only Eats Hippies.)


("God...why did I have to steal such a loser of a kid?")


("If I don't have a home pregnancy test and a Bacon Wave in my hands in less than three seconds, you will rue the day I entered this Walgreens, sir.")


(I've gotta say, Ben's tube top is not working for him at all.)


(Richard Alpert and a young Ben Linus re-create the famous Titanic scene, with extremely uncomfortable results for the viewing audience.)


(Action Linus! Slab Bulkhead! Fridge Largemeat! Punt Speedchunk! Butch Deadlift! Bold Bigflank! Splint Chesthair! Flint Ironstag! Bolt VanderHuge! Thick McRunFast! Blast Hardcheese! Buff Drinklots! Trunk Slamchest! Fist Rockbone! Stump Beefknob! Smash Lampjaw! Punch Rockgroin! Buck Plankchest! Stump Chunkman! Rip Steakface! Slate Slabrock! Crud Bonemeal! Rip Slagcheek! Punch Sideiron! Gristle McThornBody! Slake Fistcrunch! Buff Hardback! Blast Thickneck! Crunch Buttsteak! Slab Squatthrust! Lump Beefbroth! Touch Rustrod! Reef Blastbody! Big McLargeHuge! Smoke Manmuscle! Pete Punchbeef! Pack Blowfist! Roll Fizzlebeef!)


("Okay guys, here's the scoop. When we get into the Temple, we're looking for the Lost Hat Of Napoleon. I've been told that it's located in the Shrine of the Silver Monkey, but it's protected by two, maybe three different Temple Guards. We only have ond-and-a-half Pendants of Life, so if one of us makes it to the Throne of the Pretender, you can grab the other half there. We only have three minutes, or we can kiss that trip to Space Camp goodbye, and I'm not leaving here with nothing but a goddamn savings bond. Silver Snakes ahoy!")


(The Sex Offender Registry clearly listed the ramifications of drunkenly hanging out on the playground, but Roger wasn't having any of it.)


(Juliet and Sawyer typically frittered away their evenings by throwing Cheetos into each other's mouths.)


("This isn't to share, dude; this is just my lunchbox.")


("I need to make sure that my son is okay, so he can brutally murder me in 20 years!")


(If you're glad that Sayid's back, say 'HOOOO!!!')

There you have it. Tomorrow, we'll wrap everything up with the final Lost Friday of the year. Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day.

Comments:
"...And then the grasshopper says, "you have a drink named Steve?" LOLOLOLOL!!!1!"

And with a boom, that's a wrap on Season 5.
 
There are so many winners, but "WRENCHES!" just destroys me every time.
 
"Stephen Hawking's grocery list."

ha ha haha ha ha hahaha ha. It's funny because it's true.
 

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