Thursday, July 23

Rimshot Thursday III.



(NOTE: While authorities continue to search for missing author Ryan J. Zeinert, the CDP will be publishing previously unreleased and 'lost' content from his vast archives in his absence. The following contest was found on a flash drive Mr. Zeinert had left behind; it also contained a love letter from your mother.)

Today is Rimshot Thursday, which means that I'd like you to come up with as many punchlines as possible for the following line and post them in the comments section:

"Wow, if cigarettes were any more hazardous to your health…"

Here are a few to get you started:

"...Mickey Rourke would probably be eating them."

"...McDonalds would be blending them into their milkshakes."
"....We may have to finally stop letting people smoke them around kids."
(Hey, they can't all be funny, right?)

Have fun, be creative and enjoy your day.

Wednesday, July 22

No More Entertainment #11 - Top 20 Sega Genesis Games.



(NOTE: While authorities continue to search for missing author Ryan J. Zeinert, the CDP will be publishing previously unreleased and 'lost' content from his vast archives in his absence. The following list was found on a flash drive Mr. Zeinert had left behind; it also contained a detailed list of every Mortal Kombat fatality in existence, a logged message board thread comparing and contrasting who would win in a fight to death between Mario and Sonic, and a video clip of Zeinert screaming 'SEGA!' into a camera for approximately 8-10 hours.)

In the past, we here at the CDP have counted down our favorite NES games of all-time, as well as our favorite Atari 2600 games of all-time (Part 1 here, Part 2 here). So it's due time that we move into the 16-Bit Era and introduce our favorite games for the Sega Genesis as well.

Before any fanboys and gamer dorks have an aneurysm or nerdgasm over some countdown atrocity I'm certain to commit along the way, understand that this is my own personal list based on Sega Genesis games that I've been fortunate enough to play and own over the last 18 years, and by no means is a complete document of well-researched Sega history. Please enjoy.


(#16: Golden Axe)

20. Jurassic Park
19. Evander Holyfield's "Real Deal" Boxing
18. PGA Tour Golf
17. Earthworm Jim
16. Golden Axe


(#15: Zombies Ate My Neighbors)

15. Zombies Ate My Neighbors
14. Road Rash
13. Super Smash TV
12. Sonic & Knuckles
11. Ghouls 'N Ghosts


(#9: Splatterhouse 2)

10. NHL ‘95
9. Splatterhouse 2
8. Phantasy Star IV
7. Sonic The Hedgehog
6. Pit-Fighter


5. NBA Jam


4. Madden NFL '95


3. Street Fighter II: Special Champion Edition


2. Mortal Kombat (I & II)


1. Streets of Rage 2

Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day.

Tuesday, July 21

No More Entertainment #10 - Top 20 Super NES Games.



(NOTE: While authorities continue to search for missing author Ryan J. Zeinert, the CDP will be publishing previously unreleased and 'lost' content from his vast archives in his absence. The following list was found on a flash drive Mr. Zeinert had left behind; it also contained several cheat codes for the NES game Metal Gear, a rare Super Mario Bros. 3 map showing the location of a fourth Warp Whistle, and a Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! code that allows the player to go back in time and prevent Tyson from completely failing at life.)

In the past, we here at the CDP have counted down our favorite NES games of all-time, as well as our favorite Atari 2600 games of all-time (Part 1 here, Part 2 here). So it's due time that we move into the 16-Bit Era and introduce our favorite games for the Super Nintendo as well.

Before any fanboys and gamer dorks have an aneurysm or nerdgasm over some countdown atrocity I'm certain to commit along the way, understand that this is my own personal list based on Super Nintendo games that I've been fortunate enough to play and own over the last 18 years, and by no means is a complete document of well-researched Nintendo history. Please enjoy.


(#16: Super Punch-Out!!)

20. Super Bomberman
19. Star Fox
18. Lemmings
17. Ninja Gaiden Trilogy
16. Super Punch-Out!!


(#12: F-Zero)

15. Mega Man X
14. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles In Time
13. SimCity
12. F-Zero
11. Chrono Trigger


(#9: Super Metroid)

10. Super Castlevania IV
9. Super Metroid
8. Street Fighter II: Turbo
7. Donkey Kong Country
6. Super Mario All-Stars


5. Mega Man 7


4
. Final Fantasy III


3. Super Mario Kart


2. Super Mario World


1. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past

Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day.

Monday, July 20

The Communist Search Party (Part III).


(In this anonymously-submitted photograph, it has been speculated that the background figure is Zeinert.)

Since being initially reported missing at the beginning of July, popular blogger and humorist Ryan J. Zeinert may have once again been accidentally photographed within the Nature Preserve surrounding his Sun Prairie estate, where he is believed to be currently hiding.

A local hiker, taking a candid photograph of his daughter Sunday afternoon, snapped the above image, which unbeknownst to him at the time, contained a mysterious humanoid figure in the background. After careful scrutiny and analysis, photograph experts at Kodak have verified that the image is genuine.

It has not yet been concluded that the image is indeed of Zeinert, but he has been known in the past to wear a spacesuit outside of the house in moments of extreme duress and/or intoxication. In a recent interview by Zeinert's wife, she has verified that his spacesuit is missing from CDP World Headquarters.

"He's...such a goddamn idiot," she remarked, burying her head in her hands and sobbing lightly.

If any additional news surfaces, it will posted here immediately. In Zeinert's absence, the CDP continues to run 'lost' and archival essays. As always, if you have any footage or news to report, please send them to communistdance@yahoo.com.